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Romantic

Angst, Fluff

This is a from my Tumblr! @natashasnoodle.

---

For most of your life, you had found yourself hiding behind a mask. Not one made of rubber or plastic, not even a mental one, but one made of various beauty products that lined the shelves of pharmacies and cosmetic shops. Having been a rather insecure person from a young age, you had gone with what most other kids your age had picked up: testing out make-up for fun and becoming an 'adult'. Whatever the hell that meant.

It wasn't even something that you were really into as a passion like some of your friends were, who when you had sleepovers with would always want to practice doing cool designs, or making themselves look like characters, sometimes even special effects make-up. But you just weren't into it as a way of entertainment or a silly thing to do when bored.

After a while for you it became survival. With how people in the media were being presented, giving many young girls a false sense of reality and plummeting self-esteem, you found that plastering on that extra layer of your face became a need, not just a want.

The looks that you gave yourself never went overboard, it all looked rather natural, to the point where some people couldn't even tell that you wore it. That was mission achieved in your books. The worst part of the day was when you had to take it off, which you never did in front of anyone else, not trusting them to make comments on what you really looked like, which in actual fact wasn't far off from how you presented yourself. It was just an unfortunate fact that your view of yourself was skewed thanks to beauty standards, something that you were not alone in, a whole generation of young people were being fed lies on the daily.

Every time you removed the layer of paint that acted as your shield against the world, you were reminded that your pores were too big, your acne too noticeable, the dark circles of your under-eye far too dark, and the natural blemishes of your face too red.

For many years you carried on like this, taking the extra time every morning to do the same routine over and over again, not having anyone in your life to ease your worries and remind you just how beautiful you really are. Until you met Natasha.

Natasha... the woman who had become your rock in life. Vividly, you remember her concern when you had become anxious when sleeping in the same room for the first time together. She invited you to take your makeup off with her in her small ensuite, thinking that the situation would be cute and rather romantic.

Instead, it had caused you to feel like the air around you suddenly had no oxygen, her concerned gaze settling on you only worsening the fact.

You felt small and weak, Natasha was ethereal. She was a goddess, and you were... well you were you, and you felt as though you couldn't compare. Getting lost in your own head you hadn't even noticed the way she had gotten so suddenly close to you and how her hand reached out to gently brush your arm. What should have been a gesture that calmed you once again seemed to push you over the edge, not that it was Natasha's fault. When the brain has entered a fight or flight survival mode any little thing can set it off, which is why it's so scary.

As tears began to brim your waterline, Natasha's concerned gaze only intensified, making you feel like you were shrinking. Feeling embarrassed, you tore your eyes away from the only ones that could usually make you feel safe. Tearing your eyes away from her broke you in more ways than you could imagine, making your bottom lib wobble ever so slightly.

You didn't understand why you couldn't just look at her.

Nat's heart followed suit with yours as she guided you to sit on the closed toilet seat. You were always so happy and bubbly, you were her bright light, a beacon that guided her back home - guided her back to you. But at that moment you were dimming.

"My love", Nat spoke softly, failing to gain your attention as she crouched down next to you, instead gently pressing the pads of her fingers underneath your chin to tilt your gaze back to her.

When your gazes met again you could see her eyes shining brightly, a smile on her face at being able to see you again, "Hi". You tried your best to conjure up a small smile in return, God knows she deserved one for how patient and gentle she was being with you, even though she didn't know the reason for your breakdown.

She didn't need to know though, she would be there with you for whatever you needed, even if she didn't know what you needed quite yet.

That night was spent with her comforting you and making you feel the best you had felt in a long time. Your confidence was still nowhere near high enough to be able to conquer going out with a bare face, but with Natasha staring at you with eyes full of pure love, you were able to remove the mask.

Now you knew that there was no need to be afraid of being you in front of Natasha.

Ever.

She peppered your face with kisses after she had seen the true you for the first time, telling you how beautiful you were. How lucky she was to have you.

For the first time, you allowed yourself to believe her as you wrapped your arms around her waist, muttering a string of thank yous.

---

Months went on and the confidence you had around Natasha only continued to ascend, along with how comfortable she made you. So much so that one day after waking up in her arms again, you followed her to the kitchen of the compound to get breakfast without even thinking about putting on a layer of makeup first.

It hadn't even been noticed until you neared the kitchen and heard the many voices from your teammates and family. Though this morning, you couldn't find it in you to care. How could you when you were walking hand in hand with your anchor?

You walked into the kitchen with Natasha with your head held high and a bright smile on your face as you greeted everyone. That smile soon got wiped off of your face.

"Woah Y/n, you look exhausted today, did Nat really wear you out that much last night?", Tony joked with a smirk. Of course, it was Tony.

The skin of your face turned beet red as you felt embarrassment flood through you, first and foremost from the comment about you, but secondly from the innuendo. Your heart plummeted to the depths of the deepest ocean when everyone in the kitchen laughed heartily at the joke, not realising the impact it had on you. But what really hit the nail on the head was when you heard the familiar laugh of your girlfriend coming from next to you.

That one stung.

Swallowing dryly, your lips twitched upwards slightly, trying to join in on the joke, but your heart refused to let you. The laughter caused by your family trying to embarrass both you and Natasha soon died down, and Nat let go of you to head over to the coffee pot, promptly pulling two mugs out of the cupboard to have your morning coffees.

But when Natasha turned to ask you which flavour of syrup you wanted in your drink that morning, she was met facing an empty space where you had been standing. "Where'd Y/n go?", she turned to face the people at the table who shrugged, you had slipped out of the room expertly.

Worry spread through Nat, it was very out of character for you to make an exit without making it known to her, especially in the mornings. Before breakfast, you were incredibly clingy, which she absolutely adored.

Without thinking, she sped towards your shared room and hastily opened the door, sighing with relief when she saw that you were in there. She tried not to jump to conclusions, but when it came to your safety she always did without fail.

The sigh of relief soon turned to her breath hitching in her throat when she properly took notice of your demeanour. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of a floor-length mirror, hugging your body tightly as you stared at the mirror, the corners of your lips tugged down - a similarity that you shared with her sister whenever you were upset.

"Sweetheart?", she approached and reached a hand out to touch your shoulder, but stopped abruptly when you flinched slightly. For the first time ever, she really didn't know what to do. You had never flinched away from her before. But in the time that she was trying to figure it out, you found the courage to talk.

"You laughed", she heard you say with no emotion in your voice, not matching your solemn expression at all.

"What?".

Sighing you tilted your chin up to meet her eyes that were boring into you in the mirror, her face looking slightly pale as her own anxiety increased. "Tony said that I look exhausted, and you laughed". Her face dropped at your again emotionless explanation, and she hurriedly bent down to be level with you as it all clicked in her head.

"Hey, hey, look at me please", she pleaded gently, and when you complied she cupped your cheeks with her hands, seeing the pained expression in your eyes that you were failing to hide made her curse herself. "I promise I wasn't laughing at you, none of us were", she wanted you to believe her because it was true, but you seemed to want to interrupt in defiance. "No, I promise, we were just laughing at the joke, I was just laughing at the joke", she interrupted before you could.

You wanted so hard to believe her, you really did, but it was the one time you had gone out bare-faced, it couldn't have been a coincidence. "You're so beautiful, I promise you, you really are. I'm so sorry for making you feel otherwise", she whispered with cracks in her voice and sat down properly before tugging you onto her lap and giving you a tight hug that deprived you of oxygen.

You hugged back just as tight.