Warning: Mention of self harm and suicide in this chapter. Will put a warning where it begins and ends.

Y/n's POV

I was on a walk with Peter and Wanda in the park. MJ and Ned had gone home earlier that morning after some waffles and orange juice. Pietro was doing, whatever he does during the day.

The other's still hadn't come back from their respective places. I was missing Nat terribly but I knew that she would be safe. It was just an undercover recon mission, no action. Plus she was with Cap, who would never put her in danger if he could help it. She was more than capable of handling herself but Steve didn't like risking anyone's life.

"You need to stop doing that." Wanda's voice dragged me from my thoughts.

"Doing what?" I asked with a slight smile.

"Worrying about your precious girlfriend." She teased me.

"Nat will be fine, y/n. She is The Black Widow." Peter reassured me.

"I know. I know, but I still worry about her." I said a little defensively.

"Which is understandable. But c'mon enjoy this time without her because I know for a fact that when she gets back you are not going to leave her alone." Wanda smirked at me.

"You might be right." I grinned sheepishly.

"C'mon then!" Peter took my hand and pulled me towards a little kiosk and ordered 3 hotdogs and a stick of candy floss. I pulled out £15 and payed our server for the food.

Wanda pointed out the top of a carousel to me and Peter. We decided to head over there and spend the day at the fair. There were so many rides and we didn't know where to start but seeing as we had all day we decided to start at the top and work our way down, leaving water rides for last if we wanted to go on any. Once we had eaten our food and had a drink we took a look around.

Peter gasped in surprise and led us both over to a merry- go- round. I looked at him with one eyebrow raised. "What?" He laughed in protest.

"How old are you Spidey?" I giggled as he got on a pegasus's saddle.

"Not much younger than you." He retorted. "It'll be fun!" He told us. We both sighed and chose a dragon to ride.

The ride whirled us around, faster and faster. Forcing me to wrap my hands around the dragons neck to hold on. "WOOOOOO!" Peter yelled, both his hands in the air.

"ARE YOU CRAZY?" I yelled at him

Wanda laughed at me and raised both her hands in the air too, using her powers to subtly stabilise her and Peter. "C'mon, don't be a spoil sport." She pouted at me mockingly.

I rolled my eyes at her but raised my arms tentatively for a second before grabbing the dragons mane again. They laughed at me and the ride slowed down. I got off and almost fell over immediately. I staggered over to the railing. "Never....again." I said slowing my breathing.

"Oooh! What about this one?" Wanda asked looking up. I followed her eye line and grinned.

"Much more my thing." I said as I headed over there, leaving them to catch up.

Peter looked nervous and I laughed at him. "Your Spiderman. Hight's are supposed to be your thing."

"Yeah well I am in control when I am swinging and I don't have my suit on." He said as he eyed the ride.

"Okay, well you don't have to come on but if you don't can you take a picture?" I asked him.

"Yeah sure, I'll do the instead." He took my phone and watched as me and Wanda waited in the small line as many were too scared to approach the ride.

Me and Wanda strapped ourselves in and looked at each other nervously as we began to rise higher and higher into the air. I held onto the ropes at the sides as we began to swing round and round. A growing sense of dread had crept into my stomach but I shook it off as I whooped and yelled into the air. Wanda's knuckles had turned white from holding her seat so tight and her eyes were screwed shut. "One your eyes Wanda! It's scarier with them shut." I yelled to her across the gap. She opened her eyes and grasped her seat even tighter.

"Your crazy!!!" She screamed at me as I waved my arms in the air.

"Probably!" I grinned back before waving at Peter. "Babe! I'm going to take you to a theme park when you get back!" I told the camera that he was holding. "It'll be so much fun!"

The ride slowed down and my hair settled again, looking thoroughly windswept.

"Woo!" I yelled getting rid of some excess adrenaline.

"How can you like that and not a merry-go-round?" Peter asked me.

"Scarier. So more fun." I said as I caught my breath again.

"Okay, well let's play some games and take a break." Wanda suggested. We agreed and walked over to a shooting game.

"Shoot all the targets and win a bear of your choice." The young lady behind the counter told us as we looked in.

"How much?" I asked her.

"£3.00 a turn." She said chewing her gum.

"I'll have a go." I said handing over £3.00.

"No one ever wins." She told me as she took my money.

"Well I'm not 'no one'" I grinned at her as I took the play gun in my hands. The targets came up, slowly at first and I shot them with ease. They got faster and faster and by level 7 the lady was looking impressed.

"Make it past 12 and I might just give you that toy for free anyway." She told me. I grinned and focused as more and more birds came flying up. Some at the bottom and some at the top, I made sure not to shoot the swans or else I would lose. My training made this pretty easy and soon I had completed all the levels successfully and gotten the highest high score. The lady looked at me impressed. "Here choose 2." She indicated at the shelf behind her.

I picked out two that I wanted. One big bear for Morgan and one big dog for Nat.

I took them from the lady and handed one to Peter to carry. We took another stroll around the fairground before we decided to head back. Peter had won some small keychains which he was going give to Thor and Tony. Wanda won a cute scarf and a big hamper of chocolates and wine. All in all we had done pretty good and honestly, I hadn't thought about Nat that much. I still missed her but today was a good distraction.

We got back to the compound and put the stuff down in the main room. Pietro had ordered us all some Chinese which he had played out on the table. We thanked him and sat down to eat. Pietro laughed at Peter not wanting to go on the tall ride and absolutely pissed himself laughing at me not liking the merry-go-round.

"You have fought aliens from space, and that is what bothers you?" He said giggling at me.

"Yeah all right shut up!" I threw a napkin at his head playfully.

Afterwards the others opted for watching a movie which I politely declined and said I was going to go to bed. They said goodnight and waved me goodbye as I headed upstairs, taking the two huge plushies with me.

Warning!

I went to Nat's room, where I had been sleeping the past two or three days and took a quick shower. The lines on my arms had faded almost completely and I ran a finger over them. It surprised me that I missed the cuts. I liked the comfort they brought me and I felt an urge to replace them. I looked around and cursed as Nat has taken most of her stuff with her. I made my way to my own room and took out a blade that I used only for cutting and took it back into her room. I sat down on her bed and ran the blade over my skin harshly. Drawing beads of blood against the cold metal. It stung and hurt me but honestly I felt good. I knew that it was wrong and bad but in that moment, nothing else mattered. I kept dragging it across my arm creating quite deep cuts but stopped when I heard someones footsteps coming towards me. I pulled my sleeves down and hid the blade under the pillow as someone knocked on my door.

"Come in." I called out. The door opened and Morgan ran in, hugging me tightly as she sat on my lap. "Hello princess, what are you doing here?" I asked her as I held her tightly.

"Daddy said I should go say hello to you because you might be sad." She told me.

"Ah, well your daddy would be correct." I said smiling at her.

"Why are you sad?" She looked up at me.

I sighed before replying. "Well you know Nat?" She nodded at me. "Well I care about her a lot, and she isn't here right now. I miss her."

"She'll be back soon. She didn't want to leave." Morgan said pulling back from the hug.

"I know. Thank you little stark." I said booping her nose with my forefinger.

"What is that?" She asked pointing at my arm.

"Hmm." I looked down and saw some of the blood and seeped through and stained my sleeves. "Shit!" I jumped up and ran to the bathroom, pulling my sleeves up to see the damage.

"Shit." Morgan said behind me.

"No, no no no. We do not use that word. Only me and your father can, we coined it." I told her trying to smile.

"My brother had those." She said pointing at my arm.

"I didn't know you had a brother." I said sitting her down on the bathtub as I cleaned my arm.

"He died. My mum said he was very brave and he was fighting a battle. She said that if I ever saw anyone with the same battle wounds as him, to give them a massive hug." Morgan stood up and hugged me tightly around my waist.

I felt my eyes filling with tears a little. "Well, your mummy is very wise. Always listen to her, won't you?" I asked.

Morgan nodded. "Can I ask you a question?" She said shyly.

"Of course you can, what's wrong?" I asked her concerned.

"How did you get those lines?" She looked at me.

"Oh well, these ones are for a few reasons. Either someone is mean to me and one appears or I am mean to myself. Sometimes I tell myself that I am not pretty enough, or I don't train enough. Or sometimes I just feel really sad and this helps me." I told her gently.

"My mum said people were mean to my brother and that's how he got his." Morgan looked a sad so I held her, stroking her hair as she held onto me tight.

"Your brother was very strong." I murmured against her head. "But you can't tell anyone about this okay, not even your mum. Wanda and Peter know but they might get upset." I told her. "Do you understand?"

"Yeah. Can you read me a bedtime story?" She asked me.

"Of course, but I have a present for you." I smiled at her.

"What is it!" She asked excited.

"Give me a minute to clean my arm and then I will show you, okay?" Morgan nodded and sat on Nat's bed as she waited for me. I smiled to myself and sorted my arm out, cleaning it and putting a light gauze over the red area. "All done." I said holding my hand out to the little girl. She took it quickly and followed me as I led her out and down to my room.

Warning ends.

"Here." I placed the huge bear in front of her and she immediately jumped onto it, hugging it tightly. "You like it?" I laughed a little.

"Love it!" She smiled widely at me.

"Good, now c'mon let's get you to bed." I held her hand and put the bear under my other arm as I took her to her room.

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Hey guys, it's been a minute since I updated but here you go x

Here is your reminder to;

Go on a walk or some form of exercise today, it is actually good for you.

Go and get a glass of water, we all know you need to drink more.

Please try and eat at least one meal today. It can be tricky, trust me I know, but just try.

Finally I need you to know that you are doing really well. Like actually doing really well, keep going. You got this. Plus you have come to far to back out now x

I love you all x