Amber

I woke to the light of dawn hitting my eyes, and I instantly recognized that I was lying on the ground and remembered what had happened.

It seemed unbelievable, but my fur-covered grey paws in the dirt in front of me showed me the truth.

Devon was still sleeping beside me, his breathing deep and even, and normally I would not have bothered him, but I was so confused. "Devon? Wake up, please."

I nudged him with my paw, and he opened one golden eye to look at me. "Amber? Love? How are you feeling?"

"I feel like I'm a wolf! How is this even possible?" I was getting hysterical.

"Well, I'd say that's because you're a werewolf." His voice was calm and reassuring and it had no effect on me.

"And you're sure your bite can't infect humans?" I wasn't joking this time. I was trying to come to terms with the situation.

"Yes. I'm not a vampire."

"Vampire bites don't infect humans either. It's blood transmitted, not saliva or venom." Why was I even correcting something like that at a time like this?

"You must have been a werewolf all along, there's no better explanation, although we can ask Doc if you want." He rubbed his muzzle against mine comfortingly.

"But I've always been weak, Devon. Weaker than werewolves, even weaker than hunters. I'm the last person who should be a werewolf."

"Maybe the way they abused you suppressed your wolf. But I can feel her now, she's definitely there. You're a werewolf, beautiful."

I didn't know why I was so upset. I had yearned for running with him this way in my dreams, but it meant I was something fundamentally different than who I had always believed I was. I had been Amber, the human raised by hunters, but now I was Amber, the suppressed werewolf. Had the hunters known? Had that been why they had treated me so cruelly? Surely not, or they would have simply killed me on sight. If they resented wasting resources on a pathetic human, how much more would they have hated wasting them on a filthy werewolf?

"Could a witch have suppressed my wolf?"

"Not that I know of, but we could ask someone about that."

And then an even more horrible thought struck me. "How am I going to shift back?" I whimpered at even the thought of repeating that experience. The mere idea of going through that torture again was terrifying. It was worse than anything else I had been through.

"It won't be so bad next time, I promise."

"How do you know that?" I wanted to believe him, but my raised hackles said otherwise.

"The first shift is always the hardest for everyone."

"There's a lot of room for it to be better but still horrible," I said, the pain still fresh and burning in my memory. "How do the children do this?"

"It's easier when someone starts younger, and you didn't know your wolf the way the rest of us did when we first shifted."

"Maybe I'll just stay like this."

"I'll really miss your human body if you do," he said cajolingly. "Would you try, for me?"

I lifted my head to glower at him. "Fine. Maybe I could try this body out first though?" Anything to put of the inevitable a bit longer.

He perked up at my suggestion. "Where do you want to go?"

I pushed myself to my four paws. It almost felt like crawling, but far more efficient and natural. I moved my legs experimentally, and found the movement to be intuitive. This wasn't so bad. I could probably come to like this, if only I could skip the shift. Because it wasn't worth that.

"Try to let your wolf have control," he suggested.

I remembered that little flicker of something I had discovered in my mind and tried to let the animal have the reins, but she didn't seem interested in coming forward. "I don't know how. I don't think she wants to. Or maybe she doesn't know how either."

He rubbed against me affectionately. "Poor little wolf."

—————

Running through the forest on swift wolf legs was a new and thrilling experience, at least in the moments when I could forget the horror of shifting that was ahead of me. Devon stayed by my side like a guard, keeping pace with my speed, and together we ran down the well packed trails of the forest. It was an odd perspective, everything looked taller, and the earthy scents of plants and rot were more pungent, and the sounds of bird songs, skittering animals, and the wind winding through the trees rang loudly in my ears.

Eventually I couldn't find excuses to put it off any longer. We returned to the pack house and Sarah let me inside, gaping at me. "I can't believe you're a werewolf, I had no idea. You smelled exactly like a human. You still do—at least when you don't smell like Devon—but there's the faintest hint of something else now, too."

I ignored the weird comment about my scent. "I can't believe it either." But now the truth was staring me in the face.

We trotted up the stairs. Devon shifted back to human and opened the door to our room, letting me in. I was glad I wouldn't be struggling to shift into my naked human form in front of anyone else.

I tried to convince my wolf to help me, but I couldn't figure her out. After a half hour of frustrating attempts I managed a slightly less painful ten-minute shift.

I lay on the floor, sweating and moaning, and Devon picked me up and put me to bed. "I'm never doing that again," I told him.

"I'd never force you, baby...but you might not be able to avoid it on the next full moon. But between now and then, we can try to bring out your wolf. That should make it easier."

It was still hard to believe that the slightest wisp of foreign emotion in my mind was truly my wolf, but I had shifted and I didn't know any witchcraft, so what else could be believed?

—————

The next day, Devon was set to leave to infiltrate the hunter's location, and I dreaded his departure. Although our short time together had been largely my fault, it still felt like I had only just found him, and I was feeling especially clingy and needy thanks to that new near-consciousness in the back of my mind. It made me want to do any number of weird things, like rub my scent all over my mate so everyone else would know to stay away from him or face my wrath.

While Devon had been worried and sympathetic to my feelings, I could tell deep down he was delighted that I had a wolf after all. I was glad he was happy, but coming to accept that my identity was not what I had always believed was world-shattering. After a life of believing I was an ordinary human, suddenly I was not.

And I wanted Devon to stay and comfort me while I figured things out, because he was the only person who really soothed that new piece of me. "I wish you didn't have to go," I said, trying not to sound petulant.

"I promise I'll come back to you as soon as I can. But Silvia is my sister, and Arthur and Megan are my pack, and I need to be on hand to lead the troops once we get them out of there."

"I understand all that. It's just I—or maybe my wolf—is really needy right now."

"I need you too, beautiful. Don't doubt that. But if everything goes right over the next couple of days..."

"Just promise you'll be careful, Devon."

"I promise. And you promise not to do anything reckless either."

"I never do anything reckless."

"Leaving the safety of the pack for months, befriending a random vampire..." he said with a light smirk, as if he were making a really good point "and that was before you had an active wolf influencing you."

"I was perfectly safe the whole time I was gone and I befriended a vampire during the day in a public place. Don't be such an anti-vampire bigot."

"Don't worry, the vampire has grown on me. He's quite fearless and dedicated to finding Megan—although he won't admit it. He and Kain are going to infiltrate along with a couple other vampires—"

"He makes me nervous, Devon."

"Who? Kain? Why? I can assure you he's a werewolf."

"Even a werewolf could stab you in the back."

"Goldhollow said he's one of the Denizens most gifted members. He's an asset. And he's being well paid."

"He moves like a hunter."

Devon took a step forward and pulled me close. "It will be fine, you'll see."

I snuggled in closer to his body and desperately hoped that he was right.