Devon

The vampire was getting on my wolf's last nerve, but I would never dare complain. I didn't want to do anything that might alienate her from me, and it was clear that in the time we had been separate she had come to rely on the bloodsucker for support, and I wouldn't take that away from her just because of my own selfish emotions.

For about the millionth time since Amber had returned I wished I had not given up on waiting for her. If I just had held on a little longer, our reunion would have been so much different.

Sarah was right. I should have trusted in my mate more. The fact that she hadn't left me for good immediately after that debacle was nearly a miracle that I was not going to take it for granted.

Even though I knew all that, my wolf was on a thin leash. He was calmer, on some level, but that didn't take the edge off his desperation to bind her to us as much as possible. He was already pushing to touch her, and mark her, and anything else she would let us get away with. The discordance between my two halves felt like it would tear me apart, and my instinctual desires only made my guilt over my actions that much more biting.

The situation was a disaster. My weakness had been on full display when Amber had returned, and I hated that she had seen me like that. And most of all I hated that I had hurt her. The expression on her face when she realized I had been with someone else had been like a spear through my heart. I could never forgive myself for that.

And then the pain in her eyes when I tried to end everything...

But now somehow, against all odds, I had her, and I was terrified I'd send her running again.

Which meant I had to play nice with the bloodsucker. It was difficult, because my wolf was furiously jealous of his closeness to Amber. It didn't matter that their relationship seemed to be platonic, most especially on Amber's end, my wolf wasn't that rational. Even if their relationship hadn't been, I'd have no room to complain, but I was still relieved at that fact.

Among the multitude of reasons I wished I had not resumed my arrangement with Megan, was if I had not, she would certainly be here and doing everything in her power to draw the vampire's attention to herself. Instead, I didn't know where Megan was, and my cousin was also somewhere unknown in the pack lands, absolutely refusing to speak to me. I deserved her anger, so I didn't push Sarah. She'd forgive me when—and only when—she was good and ready to.

One of the tricks to being an alpha was to learn when it was wise not to throw weight around, and this was one of those times. Sure, I could force her to be reasonable, but it would only rebound later with her resentment.

My mate and the vampire were talking again while he ate breakfast—apparently bloodsuckers ate normal food, too—and I tried to keep my wolf's temper in check. Having the vampire sitting with us and taking the bulk of Amber's attention had not been what I had been hoping when I had quickly given my assistant instructions and hurried back to her.

I listened with only half an ear while they talked about various things and tried to think of the most diplomatic way to ditch the third wheel. Maybe I could show her what I did, and she'd be interested enough in my work to stay and watch me get everything in order?

I wasn't stupid enough to hope for that. Especially after what she had seen at my office.

I cursed myself again. I was sure Megan was somewhere cursing herself just as much as I was. I'd have to have the office remodelled. Or switch rooms, I could make do with a smaller one. We could convert the space into storage or something.

Or maybe Amber would agree to move into our own house eventually. Whatever she wanted would be fine.

My mind was all over the place, trying to run from my self-created problems. My ideas reeked of cowardice.

Oliver walked into the dining room. His mood was annoyingly cheerful as he greeted my mate and the vampire, and then me as an afterthought. "So, what are your plans today?" he asked my mate.

"I'm not sure," Amber said, smiling at him. She seemed so at ease with my brother, but still wary of me. I shouldn't be jealous of him, but my wolf growled. I kept it in and my face straight.

"I could take them for a tour and entertain them today, if you can spare me?" he offered.

I wanted to refuse, mostly because she was still smiling at him, but that wouldn't be right. I forced down the animalistic feelings and answered, "Yes, I'm sure I can manage fine. A lot of what needs to be done while I'm gone involves the delta anyways, and he can catch you up to speed on that later. Just be there in the afternoon."

Oliver smiled at the other two. "Would you like a tour, Dan? I'm sure Amber could give you one, but she doesn't know the pack like I do yet."

Dan looked at my mate and my wolf grew more agitated. I kept my muscles relaxed and the scowl off my face. "Would you like to go look around? I haven't seen the workings of a pack in a long time, but if you don't want to...?"

"I wouldn't mind. It was a while since Alpha Devon showed me around when I was here before, and I was so nervous back then I probably didn't remember much."

She did seem less afraid than before and I tried not to fixate on how time away from me had helped her so much.

We parted ways, and my wolf fought me hard to follow her. I turned away and forced myself to my office instead. I had work to get done if I wanted to leave my pack fully prepared while I was gone, especially after I'd neglected it for so long.

—————

After a long day, I ate supper with my mate and the other high ranking members of the pack, and our vampire guest. Sarah had finally showed herself, but my stubborn cousin had decided to pretend that I wasn't there, carrying on conversations with everyone but me. It didn't upset me, but her hostility made Amber uncomfortable.

I couldn't force my way through the block she had put up between us in our mind link—at least not without a risk of hurting her—so I spoke to my brother instead. "Oliver, please point out to our dear cousin that her anger towards me is upsetting Amber. I don't care if she talks to me, but..."

"Of course."

A moment later, Sarah's voice broke into my mind for the first time since she had left with my mate. "Is that an order, Alpha?" Her voice was all attitude. Under the circumstances I ignored it.

"Does it need to be an order? If you care about my mate enough that you're angry on her behalf, shouldn't you care that you're making her feel uncomfortable?"

"Fine, but I'm still pissed off at you. How could you have been such an idiot?"

Maybe I owed her a better explanation since I had sabotaged her volunteer mission of watching over Amber, but not here at dinner through the mind link. She didn't understand the despair of having a mate leave, and I hoped she never would. Amber's departure had turned my formerly more manageable wolf insecure and volatile. It was on me to handle my wild half, but it had been difficult.

That side of me was, at least, soothed when she unquestioningly returned to my—hopeful our—apartment that night. She was still wary and hesitant, but at least she was there

If that was all she would ever give me, it would be enough.