Amber

I woke up not knowing where I was with the sun shining in the window. It took me a second before everything from the previous day came rushing back. Returning to the pack, finding that he had tried to move on without me, deciding to stay...

It had been a decision, maybe made under duress, but deep down, maybe I had been planning to stay even before I'd gotten back. Had I really come back just to see if I wanted him? After months of dreams, and feeling like a part of me was missing.

I would never like the way the bond compelled me, but I had chosen not to sever it, and that had been a choice. A choice I had made, and a choice I wanted to hide from.

But I couldn't hide in here all day. I had to face him, and everyone else, too. I wondered if his pack was angry with me for everything that he went through while I was gone. I tiptoed to the door, wondering if he was already awake. If he was, would he be waiting for me, or would he have gone off to get work done?

I went into the bathroom, and tried to make myself look as good as I could with the limited things I had to work with. I wondered where my suitcase was, but it wasn't in my room. I'd never before cared that much how I looked except to avoid censure, but now it was different. I didn't want to look bad. Once there was nothing more I could think to do, I pushed open the door, and crept down the hall.

The alpha was already awake and in the small kitchen with the coffee machine running, and my approach did not go unnoticed. He turned around and smiled at me, but there was a tentative edge to the expression. He wasn't sure of himself. That made two of us.

"Good morning," I ventured, flicking my gaze to meet his. His smile grew.

"Good morning," he agreed. There was a moment of awkward silence between us, and then he asked, "Are you hungry?"

It was an excellent way to break the tension. "A little bit."

"I don't usually eat here, so there's not much. Just cereal. We could go to the dining room instead if you want."

"Here's fine."

"Oh, and your things are here." The suitcase Sarah had lent me and bag were sitting by the door. "I didn't want to wake you when they brought them."

"Thanks. I managed fine."

He broke our awkward interaction by turning to the cupboards and listing the three breakfast options available. I didn't care, so I just picked at random, and before long I was sitting at the table across from the alpha.

I needed something to break the silence between us. "Did you sleep okay?"

"Better than in a long time," he said.

I nodded. I'd had the same experience. Again we lapsed into quiet broken only by our spoons clinking on our bowls. I watched him through sneaky glances in his direction. He was tense and still looked more tired and drawn than when I'd known him before, although a good night's sleep had at least taken the edge off.

But he was still different, probably his guilt eating at him. I felt guilty, too, when I looked at the way my absence had worn him down. It wasn't just his fault.

"You don't have to feel bad about everything, Devon."

He inhaled, maybe because I had used just his name, but he had wanted me to before, hadn't he? I hoped I hadn't stepped out of line.

"I mean, Alpha Devon."

"No, don't, Devon is fine."

"All right then, if you're sure. Anyway, I caused a lot of the problems between us, too, by leaving, and because I am what I am."

"What you are?"

"Not a werewolf, for one. Things would have been a lot easier if I were one, right? I would have been expecting this, and we would have had more in common from the beginning?"

"Maybe, but I wouldn't trade you."

He sounded sincere and his assurance brought unexpected comfort. "While I was gone I had some dreams that I was a wolf, running through the forest with you. It was nice."

He sighed. "It would be, but I'd rather have human you than any other werewolf."

I let his words sink in. It felt better to be here with him, too, than searching for normalcy in the human world. "Let's start from scratch."

"What do you mean?"

"We put everything behind us, as much as we can. I don't blame you for what happened, you don't blame me for leaving, and we just go forward and see what where this connection leads us." I paused. "I don't think I can fight whatever this is anymore, so I'll stop trying, because being back with you, right here, feels right."

"I want to do that."

I nodded. I'd run out of cereal, so I got up. "I should shower and get dressed." Without waiting for permission, I grabbed my bag and rushed into the bathroom.

It didn't take me long to get ready out of habit, and I wondered if he would still be out there when I was done. He probably had a lot of important stuff to do, so I was surprised when I came out and he was still there, also ready to start his day. He was freshly shaved and dressed in a shirt and slacks, and he smiled when he saw me.

"I've got a couple of things I need to do, so I should get down to my office," he said, faltering a bit as the word conjured memories of yesterday's disaster.

Before he could say more, I quickly added, "And I should go find Dan and Sarah." Then I winced as I remembered the contention between the cousins. It was hard not to think about it since it was so fresh.

He walked me downstairs, and then we split off.

Dan was easy to find, because he was sitting in the private dining area, apparently deep in thought. I smiled as I took the seat next to him. "How're you?"

"Not too bad. Nice beds here. But more importantly, how are you doing? Yesterday was a lot more dramatic than we had anticipated, wasn't it?"

"That's true."

"I'm surprised we stayed, honestly."

I exhaled, and hoped I wouldn't come across as a total pushover. I'd made my decision because I thought it was right for me, even if Dan thought I was unwise. "He really believed it was over between us, so he was trying to move on. I'd never admitted I had feelings...I'd even lied that I didn't have any, so I understand how he thought that. Now it's over between them...again."

"So I hear. She assures me it's over."

"Are you going to give her a chance?" I asked. Dan was always so self-assured and calmly amused, probably because he'd dealt with most situations before, so seeing him conflicted about anything was a strange novelty.

"I honestly don't know. The way I first saw her is burned in my mind, and I'd never expected that I might possibly end up with a werewolf. I figured eventually I'd find a human who fit, turn them into a vampire, and pseudo-live happily ever after. Not a werewolf, though. Vampires and werewolves are like oil and water."

I shrugged. I could still picture the two of them coming out of Devon's office the previous night. The memory burned painfully...but I was going to let that go in time. He wouldn't have done that if I had stayed. "If it's anything for a vampire like it is for a human, it won't let you go so easily. I tried to ignore it and it didn't work that well."

"It might be like that for me, it might not. I was human once, after all. But I'm not anymore, so I don't know. All I know is I'm angry, at her and at your mate. I don't even know how much of my anger is on your behalf. I know some is, but at least some is jealousy, but that's ridiculous, since she's nothing to me. And still..."

"I know how you feel," I agreed. "Where is she right now, anyway?" I didn't really want to see her, even though I really couldn't reasonably blame her for what Devon had done.

"I told her I wanted space to think, so she left. I don't know where."

If I hadn't still been jealous of her relationship with my mate, I probably would have felt sorry for her. I didn't have it in me to put aside my feelings yet, though, although maybe I could some time, far in the future. "Well, if you need a semi-neutral third party to talk to..."

He laughed grimly. "Neither of us are semi-neutral anymore. I want to drain your mate dry. Don't worry, I won't act on it, werewolves taste awful, and the queen would have my head on a stake for messing with her precious diplomacy. Plus I'm guessing you're not Megan's biggest fan either."

I couldn't help the little chuckle that escaped me. "You could say that." I kind of irrationally wanted to claw Megan's eyes out for touching Devon, but I wasn't sure how Dan would feel about that idea.

"So, my point, no one's neutral."

He was right.

He paused. "Even Sarah's not neutral. She might have been on Team Alpha before, but now she's on Team Burn-the-Alpha. That werewolf has a temper, let me tell you. Remind me never to get on her bad side."

"Yeah, I noticed that," I agreed. I hadn't heard everything the two of them said to each other, but I had heard enough. I didn't want to talk about the last night anymore, so I changed the topic. "The alpha and I are going to try to start fresh."

"Try? Will you have a way out if it doesn't go well?"

I paused. It was a real risk. I had witnessed his struggle when it came to letting me leave. "I think he would, in the end, but I don't think that's going to be a problem. It's hard not to put everything I experienced before him onto him, but if I've learned anything since I got free of the hunters, it's the world isn't exactly what they made it look like. You're not a psychotic murder the way hunters portrayed vampires. Werewolves aren't the near mindless beasts they claim."

He frowned. "That's true. Of course, don't forget that there are vampires who are as bad as the hunters described them, so don't just assume the goodness of vampires. We're as varied as the humans we were made from."

"I know, but I mean, in what hunter's world would a human be able to sit in a werewolf pack house with a vampire?"

"I'm certain it doesn't hurt that you're the mate of the guy who owns the pack house."

"I don't own the pack house," Devon said as he entered the room.

"Oh?" Dan raised an eyebrow.

"I run the pack that owns the pack house."

"Close enough. You own the owners."

Devon frowned. "I lead the owners."

Dan apparently realized that he had pushed Devon far enough for now and backed off. I was glad, because I didn't want to have to fight Devon to keep Dan in my life. He'd become such a huge part of it I did not want to lose him.

I didn't want to lose either of them.