Amber

"Fine. I'll do it."

He was shaking with the exertion of holding back the wolf inside him. He looked as exhausted as I felt, and everything in me cried to make it better, to soothe his pain.

"No, don't!" I didn't know what I wanted, but it wasn't this! Some deep part of me was desperate at the idea he might reject me.

"What choice is there? Sarah's right."

"No."

"You don't care, and I can't be the one who traps you again."

"I—"

"I, Alpha Devon Wilson, of—"

I panicked and rushed forward towards him and grabbed his arm. My fingers burned where I touched him. He looked down at me and misery and confusion were clear in his eyes. I tried to find the right words. "I don't want you to reject me. Don't do it. I do care, okay?"

"You..."

"I was lying." Maybe to myself as much as to him.

He closed his eyes as he inhaled a ragged breath. "This is your last chance to run. I'm not sure I'll be able to make myself let you if you don't go now."

I released his arm and stepped back. "I still need to leave. I left things unfinished. But...I'll come back, if you want."

He swallowed and raked his hand through his hair again. "Can I at least send guards?"

I nodded. I was done fighting this thing. "Or...you could come? If you have time."

He opened his eyes again. They were still swirling, a mix of gold and grey. He was tense. "Are you sure?"

I definitely wasn't sure, but I'd chosen my direction when I stopped him from the rejection, and the unacknowledged part of me that had been longing to go back to him since the moment I left was satisfied. "Yes. But I need time."

"I can...try. My wolf is unstable."

I nodded. "Will he...hurt me?"

He shook his head. "I won't let him mark you against your will and he'd never be tempted to harm you in any other way."

"I'll trust you."

"Can I...?"

I didn't know what he was asking exactly, but I nodded anyway. He moved closer and his arms were around me, and he buried his face in my neck. He was so warm, it felt good, and familiar even though we had never been that close. "I thought I'd lost you again," he whispered.

"Well, you never actually had me to begin with," I whispered back. His shoulders shook with grim humour. Tears formed at the corners of my eyes and I wasn't even sure why. "Are you going to come with me?"

"I'll make it work," he promised. "Will you at least stay until you were originally planning to leave?"

I looked to my friends to figure out what they thought of the idea, only to find that the two of us were completely alone. Even Dan had cleared out. "Probably."

"Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me."

"I do have to," he argued, pulling away from me at last. I instantly missed the heat of him. "Sarah isn't speaking to me, but Oliver says that she says they'll stay for the time they planned. Do you want your old room, or would that be bad memories, or would you...?"

"Would I what?"

He paused, as if deciding whether to answer. "I shouldn't even ask after... Would you stay next to me?"

I wanted to, but... "Are you sure?" I asked, my throat suddenly dry. I didn't know how wolves worked, but I wasn't ready for marking or mating or anything like that right away.

"My wolf would be more content with you closer. I'd sleep better, for the first time since..."

The sleep part sounded so good. With a start, I realized that I had never slept better than when I had been here with the pack before, at least after I'd understood he wasn't likely to hurt me. With the hunters, I had always had to be on guard. In the human world, my sleep had been restless, even when he wasn't directly haunting my dreams. The alpha looked deeply tired, worse than I felt. "Okay."

"Where's your bag?" he asked.

"In the trunk of Dan's car."

"The vampire?" His voice had a sour tone when referring to Dan.

I didn't like that. "Dan's my friend, and he's the one who convinced me to come back."

"Then he's always welcome here."

"He'll need a room to stay in."

"Already done."

"That's fast."

He tapped his forehead. "The mind link." He paused. "I'll get someone to bring your things up."

I nodded. Was I really going to do this? It was surreal, that I was back here with him and that we were trying to make things work. Especially after what I had just seen.

I shook the thoughts from my mind. It hurt, but I didn't blame him for not believing I would come back. I didn't even think I was going to return, and yet here I was.

"Are you tired?" he asked as we headed up the stairs. I had never visited the area where he lived before.

"A bit. But I think we should talk."

"If that's what you want." He sounded guarded.

He opened the door and let me precede him into his rooms, which turned out to be a wing on the third floor of the pack house. It was simple and sparse, with a living room and kitchen that were small relative to the common areas that lead to a hall with multiple closed doors. It was kind of sparse, and kind of lonely for just one person to live. It didn't look like he put a lot of thought into it or like he spent a lot of time there.

"You can change anything you don't like, if you want."

"Maybe," I agreed. I wasn't ready to talk about redecorating things. That felt like too much. I turned to face him. I stopped in the living room, and he turned to look at me.

I swallowed, and managed to ask one of the many questions that were crowding around in my mind. "Were you with Megan before you met me?"

He paused. "Yes. We had an arrangement. We were friends since we were young, but the last few years we did..."

"Sleep together?"

"Yes. Until one of us found our mate. We stopped the moment I found you. We only started again a couple of weeks ago. I didn't think you would ever come back, and she was depressed. I was trying to cope without you, Amber. I swear that's all it was."

I swallowed. "I don't blame you for thinking that. As long as it's over. It's not like I couldn't have found someone else while I was gone." Although that seemed unlikely since every male I met had been compared to him and found distinctly lacking. But if I'd found someone who I wanted, would I have returned? I didn't think so.

He chuckled, but it sounded strained and bitter, and full of regret. Neither of us had come unscathed out of the time I stayed away, and maybe that was just a consequence we'd have to live with. He shook his head. "It's over. No one I've ever met could replace or compare with you. And now that she's found that vampire, she wouldn't even think about me twice either way. It was never meant to last."

My cheeks heated. I'd barely had time to think about anything that had happened with all the drama between him and I. "Is he her mate?"

"I'm sure he is."

"I didn't know werewolves could even be mated to vampires."

"Seems like they can. I mean, what are vampires but warped humans? Besides werewolves, I'd only ever heard of human mates. Our situation is uncommon, but not unheard of. But the way she was panicking that he had found her like that...with me...makes me think it must be possible. There's no other reason she would be so devastated, and begging a stranger to understand. In any other situation, she woud have been pleading to you for forgiveness."

"I don't need her to do that." I'd rather just stay as far away from her as I could.

He raked his hand through his hair. "Amber, I am so sorry that you had to see that. If I could take it back..."

I closed my eyes and tried to banish the image. "It can't be changed."

"I wish it could. I swear I would never—"

"I understand. Let's stop talking about it for now. I'm tired."

He was silent for a long moment. "There's a problem getting your things, car's locked and the vampire's off with Megan. I can order someone to interrupt them if you want."

"No, don't do that." I could just sleep in my clothing if I had to.

"You can just wear something of mine if you want."

"Sure." The idea was oddly appealing.

He walked down the hall, and I trailed after him, as he pointed out what the rooms were, mostly empty bedrooms, presumably because alpha's tended to have a lot of children. The thought filled me with embarrassed panic. Was he going to want that someday?

"You can have this room, for now," he said, motioning towards a door. "Until you want more."

I watched him from the doorway as he entered his room. It was as stark as the rest of his apartments. He strode over to a dresser and yanked open the drawers, pulling out a few things and returning to me. "It's not ideal, but for tonight it should do," he said, handing me clothing. "We can sort everything else out tomorrow."

Taking the clothes, I scurried into the bedroom beside his and emerged a few minutes later in a comfy pair of shorts and a t-shirt that were both way too big. I looked like the childish orphan I had once been in ill-fitting hand-me-downs. I ventured back out into the hall, feeling like I had to at least say something else before I tried to sleep.

He took one look at me and smiled. "You look beautiful."

"In this?" I asked, looking down at myself.

"In everything."

My face heated again. I couldn't seem to control my reactions with him, like I had before. Maybe the bond had gotten stronger while we were apart. It was uncomfortable, but it felt good.

He rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, if you need anything, let me know."

"I will," I promised, and with an awkward farewell we both retreated to sleep.