Amber

The world was hazy around me as I was running through the forest, the wind rushing through my fur and Alpha Devon beside me. He was a monstrous wolf, but the thought of his terrifying power actually made me feel safe, because he would never use it against me, only in service to me.

We stopped by a river, and I lay beside him. He was warm and solid.

"I miss you," I told him.

"I miss you, too, but I'll never leave you."

We lay there for a long moment in silence, only the chirps of crickets and the call of night birds breaking the stillness between us.

"I'm the one who left you," I reminded him. Why had I done that again?

"I know."

"Do you hate me?"

He didn't answer.

He wasn't even there.

I woke up on the verge of tears. This was ridiculous. There had been nothing between us, nothing but a bond that neither of us chose.

But it didn't feel like nothing. Not in these moments before these haunting dreams faded.

I got up and took a shower, but the gloom clung to me like a stain that would not wash off. Sarah had plans to go out shopping with her friends, and she had invited me along. I had refused. Maybe I preferred to stay alone wrapped up in my own misery.

Once she left, I texted Dan and made plans to meet him in a park within walking distance of my house. I left early, so I could sit and enjoy the trees. It wasn't quite like the wild places for bringing comfort, but it was better than nothing.

I watched the city around me as I walked. Maybe it was this place that was the problem. Maybe I should have gone to some remote rural community and worked to buy some land, maybe a farm. Maybe that's what my carefully guarded savings could be used for. I could live beside a forest and raise chickens or something. As long as I was far from any hunter compounds, I'd probably be fine.

As I lay on the grass, I watched the people go by. It was like I was invisible. No one seemed to even notice I existed, except the odd curious friendly dog and their apologetic owners. Maybe canines just really liked me. I wondered if the alpha would be offended by that thought.

Ugh, why couldn't I get him out of my head? It seemed to be getting worse, not better. At first this place was so confusing I had barely been able to think at all as I tried to figure out what I would do, but now that I had established routines, he kept slipping in.

"What are you thinking so hard about?" Dan asked as he came and sat beside me. "Or should I ask, who?"

"I guess you should, it's who."

"The alpha?"

"What?" I asked, my head shooting up. In the couple of months we'd been friends, I hadn't told him specifically, had I?

He smirked. "An educated guess."

"And I just confirmed it?"

"Yep. That you did."

I sighed.

"Your secret's safe with me. So let me sum up what you've said and I've inferred. You're minding your own business being a slave," he began and I wanted to correct him on my position among the hunters, but then realized he wasn't that far off from the truth. My family had been an abusive sham.

"And then you bump into an alpha mutt, and he looks deep into your eyes, and says 'Mine,' and kidnaps you. Then he spends all his time growling at you because he's pissed off he's mated to someone who's an enemy from the other side of all the conflicts, and then you gradually wear down his defenses and convince him to let you leave."

Well, that guess was creepily close to the mark. I'd already noticed Dan always seemed to know too much. It had something to do with his age and experience, I figured. Lydia seemed way too intuitive, too. "Something like that. But he wasn't that bad."

"Hmm. The part where you lose me is how you convinced him to let his mate go. Werewolves are quite territorial, from what I've seen."

"I made a deal with him to give him a chance. Then I said...something cruel...and he pretty much sent me away."

"Oh."

"He probably hates me now, but I can't get him out of my head."

"I doubt he hates you. He's probably been moping around this entire time."

I glanced at him. "Do you think so?"

He shrugged. "I've met more than one wolf in my time, and that's usually how they are. Quick to get angry, but just as quick to forget."

I sighed as I leaned back into the grass. "I don't want to give up the little bit of freedom I've gained."

He shrugged. "If you do decide to try to make it work, you'll be giving up some. With his status, you'll be vulnerable, so that means you'll need protection."

"I can imagine."

"But I'm sure he could have kept you there against your will forever, so he's at least got some self-control. I can almost guarantee he'd rather have locked you in his prison than let you leave with only one female werewolf for protection.

I glanced at him. "Are you trying to convince me to go back?"

"No. I've got no stake in this whatsoever."

"No stake, huh? I thought you wanted me to meet your queen."

He shrugged. "Not that much. Like I said, not going to force you."

"I guess he didn't force me that much, either." Sure, I had been locked up, but only until he'd decided I wasn't a hunter threat.

And like Dan said, he had let me go.

"You'd be the only one who could decide that."

I flopped my arms out. "Maybe I should go back...just to see if I was wrong."

He shrugged. "Maybe. I don't know. I'm not a lot of help."

"Actually this is helpful. It's nice to talk to someone who isn't one hundred percent Team Alpha."

"For what it's worth, I think your wolf friend is genuinely worried about you, too."

"I guess she is, but her loyalties are mixed."

"That's the problem with sharing friends with the ex."

"He's not my ex, because we were never a thing."

"No?" His voice was doubtful.

"No."

"Well, you'd be the one to know that too, wouldn't you?"

"Yes."

"If you ever decide you want to go back, I'd be willing to help you get there."

I inspected him. He was reclining against a tree, looking completely relaxed. "What's in it for you?"

"Well, besides the fact I'd like to help you out, mostly entertainment value, although I'd be lying if my queen wasn't asking us to make more friendly associations with other sorts of supernaturals. Wouldn't hurt to have good relations with an alpha."

"Is that why you first talked to me?" I hated being suspicious of everyone, but it was hard not to be.

"Nope, I thought you were just an ordinary cute sad human at that point. All the rest was just a lucky surprise."

I wanted to be annoyed, but it was difficult to with him. "I'll keep your offer in mind."

Maybe going back was the only way to move forward, one way or another.