No. No. No. No.

The fear that had crept up inside had bile rising up my throat. Tears pooled in my eyes.

This was not supposed to happen.

"No!" I screamed in horror, "What did you do?! What did you fucking do?!"

I was crying. I was frantic.

I jumped down my mother's wolf and fell on the ground ungracefully. Without caring for anything else I ran towards Aiden's body, lying limp on the ground, his head a few feet away from him. The sight in front of my eyes was heart-breaking - my mate died...my soulmate died.

No one stopped me from running towards him, not my parents, not even Adrian, who was looking at me from a distance. But I was running too slow - I was running like a human when I wanted to be by his side in an instant.

If we had reached a little earlier, I might have seen him alive for one last time.

I couldn't say goodbye; I couldn't tell him that I forgave him for whatever he did to me, and that a part of me would always love him even if I shouldn't.

The ache in me was no longer because of fear - it was the strange ache of losing my mate.

I collapsed on the ground next to his body, pressing my hands against his chest. It was still, not even the slow thrumming of a dying heart. Tears welled up in my eyes. He was dead.

He was dead.

I could never ever imagine him dying or getting killed - he was my mate and no matter what it was, I was weak for him - even during those three weeks, when the bond I had with him could be barely felt.

I was no saint - I did kill a lot many people while rescuing Liana and during the war. Not killing Aiden had nothing to do with my conscience, but had everything to do with him being a part of my very soul.

When I had given up all hope, even then I couldn't bring myself to kill him just to make sure that I was able to escape away from him. I had actually started to fucking seek comfort from him and depend on him again, just because I had given up on everything and had to suck it up and get the best out of my situation.

And that best thing was supposedly his comfort.

I did everything just to get him to trust me so that he could let me loose just once for me to run away. Never did I think that he had to be killed either way.

Even during all of those times when I plotted bizarre situations in which I would have escaped, I never thought that him dying was a part of the deal. I never thought about his death and never pondered upon how I was supposed to react.

I crawled near his face, his head.

As I stared at his gorgeous face, now frozen with fear etched in his features, I was struck with so much grief, that I would never see those loving eyes, that beautiful smile ever again. Every inch of me knew that I should be hating him, that I should have been happy for his death just because he deserved this - for lying to me, for betraying me and everyone else here.

But I couldn't.

This acute ache in my chest only intensified as I kept staring at his wide-open, frightened eyes. I reached out and closed his eyes, slowly tracing his other features because I knew I was never going to be able to touch him again.

A sob escaped my throat.

The ache only intensified, and combined with my grief I felt like I couldn't breathe.

I took in a deep breath, tried to get myself together, and tried to remember every time he broke my heart, the time I was hiding and listening to him threaten my imprisoned parents. I tried to remember the condition my parents were in, all because of him and the likes of him. I tried to remember the war, when he told me that he needed my blood more than he loved me. I tried to remember how he had poisoned the wolves that were escorting me back to the Were Kingdom, and he had then taken me away.

I tried and tried in vain.

My mind and my heart, instead, were dwelling on the beautiful memories we had created together. He was the man who gave me a few of the most beautiful and happiest moments of my life. He was the one who kept me sane after I ran away from Adrian, he was the one who made me hope for the future, and he was the one who had treated me the way I always wanted to be treated.

As I kept remembering each and every moment which had led me to love him, more tears ran down my face.

Everything ached now; but I knew there was no way he was going to come back now.

I knew it was time to let go.

It was time to let go of everything that happened to me in the last few months - right from the time I met Adrian. I had to let go of the anger, the resentment, the betrayal I faced from both of my mates.

It was time to let go of the man who did love me with all his heart, even though he didn't have best intentions at heart.

I wanted to start anew with my parents now.

I slowly looked away from the rested face of the man I had loved, towards my parents who were standing some distance behind me, looking at me with stoic faces. I turned away from them and faced ahead, where Adrian, Jaxon, Liana, the Vampire King and Queen, and a few other vampires and werewolves were standing.

They had brought some army to kill one man.

They might be thinking that I was crazy - crying for a man who had wronged me and each one of them.

Adrian was staring at me with a hard look that I couldn't decipher - I didn't want to decipher. His emotions were the last of my concerns at the moment. Beside him, it was the Vampire King who had a torch in his hand, it's fire burning fiercely at the end. Standing beside the King, the Vampire Queen was looking at me with sympathy in her eyes.

I took in a deep breath, and looking at through my teary eyes, I slowly nodded at the king, giving him a sign to burn the corpse.

Everyone looked unsure for a moment and stared at me for a little more while.

It was hard for me to take. I crawled back to where my parents were and both of them sat on the ground immediately to take me in their arms. Behind me, I could feel the King walking towards Aiden with the torch, pausing for a moment.

I just scrunched my eyes tighter and sunk into mom's fur, waiting for the pain to worsen.

"Luna Queen," The King's voice broke the silence, "I think you should be taken back to the kingdom. You shouldn't be here, it will only hurt you more."

I shook my head; I didn't want to go. I wanted to see, to know, that he really wasn't going to come back for me or my parents. I wanted to be sure that the last remaining threat to my parents was really, really gone.

I didn't want even a single part of me to hope that he was alive.

And suddenly, I was burning.

My body, my heart, my head, my skin - everything felt like it was on fire. I whimpered slightly, trembling in my parent's arms when another warm, strong body pulled me close, offering some release from the pain.

Everything still burned, every still ached, and it was too much for me to bear - even if Adrian was sharing my pain, enduring some of it for me.

I tried to push him away - this pain was only mine to take. I was the one who lost my mate, not him.

There were a lot of people present around me, trying to take away my pain for me, but it was to no avail.

I was still burning, just like my beheaded mate, some feet away from me. I didn't dare open my eyes or look at him - I curled myself against Adrian and hoped that this pain ended soon.

But nothing like that happened.

I kept clinging onto the people I loved until my world faded out.

And then there was peace.

***************************

I was in the Pack Hospital and the first person I opened my eyes to was Mercy. She smiled at me sweetly, while my eyes traveled down to her huge belly that felt like it would burst any second.

"I'm ready to pop this baby out." She grinned at me, "I think just a few days here and there."

I nodded. Lord, I missed out on all of this.

"I'm sorry," I felt disappointed with myself, "I wanted to be there along the way. I couldn't be here."

She just patted my hand, "You don't have to apologise; you're here now, right? And you'll get to hold my baby. The circumstances weren't easy for any of us, Luna, we all knew that staying was difficult." She said sympathetically.

She shook her head slightly, "I should be focusing on important things. How are you feeling?"

I didn't have a definite answer to that question.

"I don't know, you tell me. How should I be feeling?" I shrugged at her. I was feeling a lot of things at the same time and I couldn't really formulate it into words.

"Well," She started, "First things first, are you feeling pain?"

"Yes." I replied with honesty. It didn't feel like someone was burning me alive anymore, but the pain I had felt when I watched him die, without even being able to say goodbye, still remained with me. It reminded me of the loss I just faced, even though it somehow felt wrong to mourn the person who had been the reason behind my parent's misery for more than two decades.

"There's nothing we can do about it, Luna, I'm very sorry. You are already on a high dosage of painkillers and if it still doesn't make you feel better, we don't know what can." She sighed, "You lost your mate, Luna, how do you feel about it?"

"It feels wrong, everything does," I started honestly, staring ahead at nothing in particular, "I should be happy that all my worries are now gone. No one is going to terrorize me and my parents anymore. There will be no war, only peace in my life." I sighed, "But I feel empty. There's pain, there's this grief that pulls me down each time I try to feel happy. It feels wrong to not mourn him - because he's made me happy so many times, he was my mate, and I loved him, but at the same time, it feels wrong to mourn because he's wronged me, my parents and his own entire race. I don't know how to feel."

"That's quite a predicament." Mercy started, "All I can tell you is that you should embrace the pain and mourn him. It's your natural reaction - he was your mate after all. And I'm pretty sure he did love you and give you good memories to cherish - that's what makes everything harder. He took care of you when you were heartbroken because of Alpha Adrian's...actions."

I nodded slightly. This life was all about going with your heart and instinct, wasn't it?

"I have one last question, Luna." Mercy said, "Can you feel your wolf and your PureBlood?"

No.

I shook my head at her.

"Why can't I feel them? Are they...gone?"

"They're not gone...they're dormant. It's like they have been put to sleep. You can still feel the mate bond and stuff, but you cannot use your abilities like you normally could. Basically, you're a human who can feel all the bonds, but that's it." She told me.

I frowned at her, "Is it because of the PureBlood healing? And now it's just doubled because he died?"

She looked at me thoughtfully for a moment, "Your PureBlood Healing is not the reason. Since are a Luna Queen, it should've had healed within three days maximum." She paused for a moment, letting the information sink in, "You were fed something which had a witch's spell cast on it, that weakened you everyday, and put your inner spirits to sleep. Since the war, when you probably shifted, the spirits in you have become one with you, just like how it's normally been for us since birth. So the spell affected your 'human' soul, too."

I was confused.

"I don't understand." I made a face.

"Well when we are born, we have a voice inside our head, that belongs to another spirit inside us. In our case, we had our wolf's voices. In your case, you had Cynthia and Celeste, your PureBlood and your Wolf. I don't know why no one explained this to you before." She sat down next to me, "So, well, these spirits are different at first to guide us - to make us feel who we are, and for us to bond with our wolves. This helps an individual synchronise with his or her animalistic instincts while shifting or otherwise. Once you've established a bond and sync with this spirit, it becomes one with you, and you barely hear the voices anymore because you don't need them anymore. It's like two best friends, who don't need words to communicate, but just one look is enough. So now, you'll feel the presence with yourself - what they feel is what you feel - your thoughts are similar, your instincts are similar. So, you don't need to communicate with words anymore. You don't have three different souls in you anymore - you just have one."

Oh, so this was why I couldn't talk to them all this time. I distinctly remembered Liana telling me something like this.

"And this was why, when the spell put them to sleep, you were weak, too. He fed you everyday, so I think it will take some time for the effects to go away." She told me, "Till then, it's best if you stay here so that I can keep track of your recovery."

I nodded at her.

Aiden was that desperate to keep me from running. He didn't even care for my blood and the mating rituals back then.

I would never know what it was that he really wanted from me. He could have had all my blood if he wanted, but he didn't even touch me wrong for three whole weeks.

I sighed.

And closed my to welcome another wave that slipped me into darkness.

*************************

When I woke up next, my eyes fell on the number of ladies that were around me.

Wow, gossip time. This was just what I needed, I guess.

I sat up slowly, once I mustered the strength, and ignored the pain. I had learnt to do that slowly, just feeling enough to remember that I had lost someone bonded tightly to me.

"She's up." Liana whispered with a radiant smile on her face.

Goddess, I dearly missed her - and she looked so beautiful and happy. I was glad to see her alright. When she was taken down by those silver darts, I was worried about all of them all the time and wondered if all the wolves had healed back again. Seeing her healthy was all the assurance I needed.

I finally did get the chance to catch up on all the tea, right?

"Hi." I mumbled.

Around me, I had all the women I held dear to me. There was my mother, Liana, Mercy and Kia. My eyes widened slightly when I remembered that Kia was the one because of whom I had been rescued and brought back here.

I smiled at her, "I guess, I have you to thank for - for being the one behind my rescue."

She smiled back, a little unsure, "I actually thought you would be bitter, because your rescue resulted in...well...you know what."

"I have mixed feelings about that," I shrugged, "But I am fine I guess. I do have another mate, right?" I stopped for a moment, "Speaking of mate, where is Adrian?"I asked them.

I had expected him to be the first person to be here to greet me, hold me and comfort me. I was thinking only about myself, but he was my mate and I thought that was what he would do. But I didn't even feel his presence a little - not that I really could with my abilities dormant.

Liana gave me a sad smile, "Both of you have been through a lot; I think he needed some space and he is giving you time to mourn."

Again, "I don't understand. Did something happen when I was away? Is this about Delia and her baby? Oh fuck, I don't know? Where's the baby? He or she?"

"Well," she looked around to Mercy before telling me, "the baby died the day you left. I thought you knew that."

"Well, I didn't." This was terrible. The pup, because of whom my mate was abandoning me time and again, died. It must have been horrible for him.

The urge to go and comfort him was strong; even stronger was the guilt that overtook me and the thought of me being responsible. Liana did tell me that if Adrian marked me, the baby would die.

And I still didn't stop him.

"Thinking that the pup died because of him marking you, Adrian drowned in guilt for a lot of time. But then, Delia's mate showed up claiming that she had killed his child."

Realisation dawned on me, and my eyes widened, "The child was -"

"- not Adrian's." Liana continued for me, "Then he was alone, you and Aiden mated, and everything was difficult for him. The war, us all being poisoned, watching him take you away from him, searching for you for three long weeks, finding you and indirectly being a reason your pain must have taken a toll on him. I'm sure he'll come around - he loves you anyway." She told me with a cheeky smile on her face.

I sat, shocked, for sometime, digesting the information Liana just gave me.

It never crossed my mind that I had hurt Adrian when I had been mating with Aiden.

Guilt gripped me - I had struggled with that pain only for one night and I could remember how I felt very clearly. Aiden and I had been going for days, and imagining Adrian in so much pain for so many days made me feel slightly guilty for making him go through that.

"You know what?"I started, "Let's talk about something else. How are you mates treating you - I was dying to remain in touch with you but that would be against the pact. I wanted to ask about you during the meeting that happened, but then..."

A mischievous smile lit up on Liana's face, "Oh well, you were busy, I know. I was being live streamed - the meeting that all of you had - and I still remember how Adrian was making you squirm - our Alpha King is a sly bastard."

I blushed red while my mother shushed Liana who was snickering at me. It seemed like Mercy and Kia had gotten the gist of the situation and they were trying their best to hide their own snickers.

My blush deepened - this was so embarrassing.

"Our Alpha King had always been this straight-laced person who didn't even talk out of line, and here he goes, seducing our Luna Queen and making her squirm now and then. Very naughty, huh?" Mercy teased.

"Shut up." I mumbled, still red in the face, "You tell me, Kia - Josh knows now you're his mate?"

The teasing atmosphere faded and Kia shook her head, "No he doesn't, not yet. I don't think we'll be knowing anything for a long time."

"Why is that so?" I asked her, feeling bad for her. It must be so difficult for her to stand in front of him, knowing he won't recognise her. And poor him, too.

"Well, this witch, who had cursed him...her devilry is going out of bounds. She had a lot of power and people on her side and we are not able to uncover a lot of her. She's the same witch who's spell has your spirits still dormant."

Oh, this spelled more trouble.