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therapy

TW // SELF HARM, ED

haley stared at herself in the mirror for the first time in weeks.

her complexion was sallow and her face was gaunt, and she bet that if she were to audition as a tim burton character, this would probably land her the role. those sleepless nights took a toll on her fast. she had the impulse to cut her soft, chocolate brown locks shoulder length the night before, even layering it, and adding bangs. honestly? it didn't look too bad, she just needed a shower. she looked like a walking corpse at that point, all skin and bone with red, puffy, bloodshot eyes and a runny nose.

a social media hiatus was necessary to let haley think and try to fix her mental state, which led to the deleting of instagram and twitter from her phone. the past month was spent watching netflix, scrolling tiktok (the one social media app she didn't delete), and writing music as a way to vent her feelings.

and as an act of rebellion (or so she liked to think), haley ordered a few bottles of champagne and drank alone every night as a way to drown out her sorrows. she liked to forget that she was the goody-two-shoes best friend for a while.

speaking of her friends, they still haven't had any contact for about a month, even though she and cole made up already. as much as haley hated to admit it, she missed her friends a lot. they were like her second family. which is why if she looked or felt any better she'd probably have reached out to them already, but she didn't want them to see her the way she was. she talked to her brother, who was still abroad, but kept it to only audio calls, since he'd notice something was wrong. she didn't want to bother him because he seemed to be having lots of fun with his boyfriend. he deserved a break.

then all of a sudden, like she summoned him or something, her phone rang. cole. haley attempted to ignore the ringing the first few times, but got so annoyed to the point where she ended up answering.

"cole."

"how're you doing?" he asked carefully. he didn't sound as hyper or goofy as he usually did.

"i'm alright." she replied immediately. it's a habit. haley was very obviously not fine, and he knew it.

"liar. i'm coming over, and i'm not gonna take no for an answer. you've isolated yourself from us long enough." cole wasn't about to change his mind.

"sure." she replied miserably. she got into the shower for the first time in days, and tried to fix herself up, making sure to put on a hoodie to cover her arms, and an elbow-length top.

just in case.

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"you okay?" cole asked her thirty minutes later as she sat in silence in the passenger seat. he raised his eyebrows and gave a knowing look, as if daring haley to lie to his face.

"i feel horrible." she said plainly, along with a sarcastic smile to cover up the pain she felt that moment. "i hate myself, it's all my fault. i broke up with timothée out of nowhere. no one deserves that! i didn't even have a good reason as to why i did it!" she told him hysterically. "he told me he needs space, and i totally respect that, it's just that i didn't think it through," she gasped. tears streamed down her face as they pulled up in front of bella's house. "i would take it all back if i could," haley cried.

"hey, hey." cole looked at her. "forget him, at least for today. relax." he handed her a tissue and she blew her nose. "we'll talk about this without anymore fighting later, alright? but you have to get out and see everyone, we've all missed you." he said.

"thanks cole."

the first thing haley noticed once she entered the house was the colorful furniture. turns out that she hadn't been there in so long that it felt like she was seeing the place for the first time all over again.

a shriek was heard from the top of the stairs. "i missed you!" zendaya exclaimed, engulfing haley in a large hug. seeing the look on the girl's face made haley light up; she missed her positive energy.

"daya!! you didn't tell me that tom was in the area," she replied cheekily, making her friend blush. though haley had been off instagram for a while, she was still on tiktok. the many edits and video compilations of the spiderman stars' makeout session definitely didn't go unnoticed.

"IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS?" someone bellowed from upstairs. theo speedran down the stairs and launched onto haley, causing the two of them to fall backwards.

"it's so nice to see you all again," she told her friends sincerely.

"we missed you," theo told her, as bella nodded at her side.

"let's eat!" announced cole, who was way more energetic than he was awhile ago. haley followed them slowly and as they began to eat, merely played with the salad on her plate.

"why aren't you eating?" cole asked, his eyes narrowed. she shrugged in response.

"i don't seem to have an appetite much these days." she admitted to them. bella opened her mouth, but before she could speak, the door flew open.

"is she here yet? did she get her ass up-" a voice began. rora.

"hi. i'm right here." haley raised her hand.

"THERE SHE IS! how are you?" rora gushed.

"not that well... but i'm doing better." that was a lie.

"well, i have some really exciting news for you." her friend said, and mouthed something to theo. "greta wants to do a movie with you."

"what?"

"she does!"

"no." haley was shocked at the offer, but straightaway, thinking about her mental and physical state, knew she had to decline.

"you don't even know what it's about, dingus." theo called from across the room.

"stop using that word!" rora reprimanded. "and about that," she began, "it's a biopic... of our mom."

haley choked on her drink. "well in that case, hell no!"

"c'mon haley, it's greta!! greta gerwig." protested rora, throwing her hands up, exasperated. "theo and i completely and totally agree that you should portray her, since you knew her really well, you look a lot like her, and we just know you'll do it perfectly."

"how would you live with yourself?" cole mused aloud. he knew haley all too well and was sure that if she turned down the offer, she'd have to put up with the regret for the rest of her life.

she glared at him. "i'll get back to her if she asks me directly." was all she managed.

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later that day, haley decided to stay the night at bella's. she was glad to see that her go-to clothes were still there in her room. she stripped down, only to jump in surprise when cole stood at her door when she was in her bra. "jesus," she said, putting a hand on her chest. "you scared me."

he gave a smile, and wandered into the room, looking around. then his eyes focused on her arms.

"haley... what're those?" cole asked slowly, pointing. he sounded dead serious. the girl looked at what he was staring at. oh no.

"nothing!" she said, as her voice rose an octave. she tried acting casual, but cole wasn't to be deterred. he stormed towards haley and tugged at her arm.

"haley. what are these?" he asked worriedly. she bit her lip in an attempt to stop the tears from falling as he looked at her pale arms, which had a couple of angry red gashes on them. one of them was fresh pink.

"i don't know."

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a week later, haley found herself sitting in the passenger seat of her own car, with finn driving and his boyfriend sitting in the back.

"i don't want to do this finn," she whispered. she rocked back and forth on her seat, only to get tired of it and began to bounce her leg instead.

"stop that!" finn told her. it was one of her habits he hated the most. "listen, we gave you like, a week to try to get yourself together, and what did you do? you got drunk and hurt yourself. again. i know you probably didn't know what you were doing, but i also don't want you to become an alcoholic before you're twenty-five." he said. "cole let you go home for a night, haley. ONE night, you were supposed to get clothes, but what did you do? you got drunk! i had to find out when i saw you passed out in the hallway. do you know what went through my mind right then?" her brother continued as haley's eyes glistened with tears. "i thought, please god, please let her be alive. i told him, i'll do anything you want. just give me back my sister. because i can't lose anyone else at this point, hale. first mom and dad, and now you?" he shook his head fiercely.

haley felt embarrassed. SHE was supposed to be the older sibling here. she became finn's legal guardian when he was sixteen, and now he was acting like her parent. "i don't need to go to therapy, finn." she protested.

"she doesn't need to go to therapy," mimicked edvin from the backseat. "and i don't listen to billie eilish."

"i don't wanna hear it." she grumbled. "the first time i'm back at the hospital i work in after months, and i'm here for a therapy appointment?"

"hey, therapy isn't that bad!" finn insisted. "it's really helpful for some people, and you said that you've wanted to go since alex, haven't you?" he referred to her first boyfriend, who also happened to be abusive.

"i've thought about it since mom and dad." haley corrected him. "then alex happened, then i seriously considered going, but i was busy. anyways, this isn't about him, finn."

"is it?" he raised his eyebrows. "please, haley, give it a go, it's just for forty-five minutes! if you don't like it... we'll figure something out, alright? but please try," he begged.

so that's how she found herself walking down the familiar hospital corridors. haley felt extremely anxious, especially since she knew that alex worked somewhere around this wing. whether or not he still worked here, she wasn't sure, but the thought of him still brought about bad memories.

"haley leneghan?" a guy around her age called as she approached the clinic.

"that's me," the girl raised her hand weakly. "when's my therapist coming?" she asked.

"his name is charlie and he's already here." he pointed to himself and he gave a somewhat lopsided smile, as if he got that a lot. it took her a few seconds to let that sink in, before she realized her mistake. after apologizing repeatedly, and he told her that it was 'no problem', their session started.

haley had to admit, it was actually quite refreshing to talk to a stranger who was paid not to judge her for all her flaws and problems. charlie was a good listener, she thought, then remembered that it was basically his job. he asked a few questions, just to get her going, but she managed to tell him everything until after her parents death.

"do you want to continue, or would you like to save this for our next session?" he asked once the forty-five minutes were up. she mumbled something incoherent about how next time was fine, and as she blindly made my way out, he called, "don't hesitate to give me a call anytime you want to talk about anything!"

"how was it?" asked edvin once she got to the car. finn was asleep in the backseat, probably tired from jetlag, so his boyfriend was the one at the wheel.

"good enough." haley pointed at the road. "can we get lunch?"

"how much did you tell them?" he asked, as he maneuvered the car into the left lane.

"i told him about everything and we ended with mom and dad dying."

"poor guy. his next session's gonna be a lot to digest."

first off: imagine alex as any asshole you know

(personally i imagine him as nate from euphoria lol)

second, you're probably wondering who aurora & theo's mom is.

her name is paris chase-jackson (fc: julia roberts), and since i'm not sure

if i'll be able to explain her story well, i'll just give a little background here.

life; paris was a child actress growing up. she was successful, but decided to put her career on hold at 18 so she could go to stanford and finish college. however, in the first few months she was there, she got raped by one of her teachers. she got pregnant and gave birth to aurora and theo at 19. paris met james mclean through her older sister, since the two of them were childhood friends. he was also an actor, but was kind of a player? but he spent more time with paris after she gave birth and fell in love and the two of them got married four years later. she gave birth to another pair of twins (boy and girl this time) in '04, a girl in '06 and another boy in '09. paris was a huge advocate for women's rights, equality, and was determined to try and expose all the abuse in hollywood. she was the one who initially came up with the idea of the time's up movement, and though she passed years prior to its founding in 2018, some of her other previous costars decided to push through with the idea.

relationship w haley; paris had a few movies with both haley's parents. she had a romance movie with david and the two of them became great friends, which was also how he was introduced to her husband james. paris loved haley and was like an aunt/second mom to her.

death; she got into a ski accident during a christmas outing in 2014. she hit her head and recovered, and just when everyone thought she was fine, she passed due to a sudden seizure in march the next year. that was part of the reason why haley wanted to study medicine.

i hope this cleared things up

++ edited 10.19.21. sorry if there are any accidental 1st person pov pronouns;

i might've missed a few when i was changing this.