《Atrocities // Joshler》34

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Josh knocked on the door softly and shoved his hands into his pockets. He waited for a reply from Tyler, but pushed the door open anyway when he didn't receive one.

Tyler was sitting at his desk, the music blasting from his earbuds loud enough for Josh to hear. He was writing something, his hand moving quickly and his head nodding along to his music.

"Hey."

Tyler jumper and turned. He quickly closed the book he was writing in and took his earbuds out, his face burning red. He looked at Josh before turning his attention to the ground shamefully.

"Are you alright?" Josh asked.

Tyler was fiddling with his hands. "Are you?"

"You were kind of mean," Josh admitted.

"I'm really sorry," Tyler whispered.

Josh nodded and sat down on the younger boy's bed. He studied Tyler's face and sighed.

"You're going through a really hard time, aren't you?"

Tyler was clicked his pen, his full focus pointed towards it. "I guess."

Josh chuckled dryly. "God, I'm acting like I'm your parent or something, aren't I?"

Tyler didn't laugh. "I'm sorry I was a dick."

"I'm sorry about what happened with Ashley," Josh replied.

"It wasn't just that," Tyler admitted painfully, earning a curious look from Josh. "I ran into Eddie."

Josh's eyes widened. "What? Where?"

"He followed me into the bathroom," Tyler said.

"What?" Josh exclaimed. "But he- wait, what was he even doing on school property?"

"He's a student teacher, apparently," Tyler scoffed. "Great coincidence, right?"

Josh ran a hand through his hair, trying desperately to contain his anger. Everything was shit. There wasn't one thing that had gone right for Josh that day, and now Tyler's abusive ex was being thrown into the mix? Josh couldn't handle it. He was pretty sure that he was about to explode.

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"Are you okay?" Tyler asked, noticing Josh's distress.

"I really want to be with you right now, but I need a moment," Josh breathed. "I'm sorry."

Tyler nodded, his expression worried as he watched Josh leave the room. Josh went to his own room and clenched his fists, trying desperately to even his breathing as his heartbeat thudded in his ears. He gritted his teeth and dug his fingernails into his palm.

There was a knock at the door. "Josh? Are you okay?"

Josh didn't reply. He tried to, but he couldn't. There was a pain in his chest; a harsh tugging that he couldn't decipher. He didn't know what we happening.

"Josh? I'm coming in. Tell me if you don't want me to, okay?" Tyler called.

When Josh didn't reply, Tyler pushed open the door and his face immediately fell. He crouched down in front of Josh and gently opened his hands, which were bleeding from how harshly his fingernails were digging into his palms. Tyler sighed when he saw them and looked into Josh's watery eyes.

"What's happening?" Josh gasped, his voice barely above a whisper.

"I think you're having a panic attack," Tyler explained. "Just listen to my voice, okay? Focus on it. Focus on me."

Josh shook his head. "No, I- no, I get panic- panic attacks. This is- this is different. What- what's happening? Я умираю. Help- Tyler, help."

"I think this is different, buddy. You need to- okay, uh, you need to- name five things you see, alright?" Tyler stuttered, clearly struggling to find words.

Josh could barely see through his blurring eyes, but he spoke anyway. "I can- I can see you. And I can see- I can see my hands, and my room. Uh... I can see my- my bed. And my desk. My desk."

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"Alright, good," Tyler smiled. "Now, four things you can hear."

Josh squeezed his eyes shut. "My- my heartbeat. Your voice. The wind. And there's something buzzing."

Josh was beginning to calm down, his breathing steadying considerably. He looked down at his shaking hands, then back at Tyler shamefully.

"I'm sorry."

Tyler shook his head and smiled sadly. "You don't need to be. I am, though. I was a dickhead. I'm sorry."

Josh dropped his head. "I don't know what happened."

Tyler sat down next to him and pulled Josh's head to his chest. "Don't worry about it. It's okay. You're okay."

Josh sighed and let himself relax. He had experienced panic attacks before, but never like that. They were usually caused by flashbacks or nightmares. In that moment, he felt like he was truly going to die, and nothing could convince him otherwise.

Tyler's hand was softly carding through Josh's hair. He was whispering sweet nothings into the older boy's ear, making false promises and painting an unachievable picture. Josh knew that every mutter, ever whisper, was a lie, but he still felt a sense of relief as Tyler told him things would be okay.

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