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Another day filled with guilt and nothing inside but emptiness. My body felt weak and tired, I mean this would happen when you skipped meals and your system was running on anti-depressants and all.

I looked at the clock on my wooden side table with tired eyes, running a hand through my hair.

It was 6:50 AM, which means I had some time before school. Sighing deeply my mind wandered to everything that has happened in the past few months, probably an year.

How my life went completely dark even when I tried a thousand times, I couldn't escape the tragedy.

Getting out of my bed, I pushed open my curtains, as the sun has start rising. The marigold hues of sun rays were blooming with a beam of hope inside me.

It was a beautiful view.

New York had started to get bleaky recently but it was not too cold for me. I was born in Canada and lived with my grandma and my cousin for seven years there, so it was pretty chilly for me as compared to there.

It used to be freezing back in Canada.

Scrutinizing around my room, I was pretty much satisfied with clean and spotless every inch of it. Well I hadn't tried anything new then lying on bed and had lunch few times which was forced by dad.

Dad told me 'whatever happened wasn't my fault'. My fate was always ready to play with my head in the worst way possible but I guess what dad said was comforting. Mom would've said same thing if she was here with us.

Sometimes I think if it wouldn't have happened, I would've been the same.

Sighing deeply I walked around my comfy bed and went to my en-suite. As I raised my head and looked at my dead self in mirror, I blinked my heavy lashes of guilt slowly as the weight of them was suffocating me, Red bloodshot eyes veiling my hazels ones, lips which used to be so full and plumpy were cracked and sealed.

I did lose so much weight. My collar bones were peeking through flesh screaming for help. I couldn't recognize myself, it had been a year. Eyes drowned in sea of dark circles and headache pounding my head remind me that I was alone.

Again...

I stripped off my clothes and went under the warm shower to make myself ready for the day. Pretty long showers had become something.

Could this wash off my sins?

After a good twenty minutes, I came out of shower, towel wrapped around my skinny body. I opened the cabinet above on the side wall and sighed at the view of bottles staring at me.

I put two Tylenol in my mouth.

Nothing was working to take my pain away or mend my broken soul. The only one who I had trusted wasn't here too.

Shaking my head I walked out of my bathroom and gulped some water from a bottle on my side table.

Walking in my closet I took out a gray sweater with a white tank top to wear under it paired it with blue jeans with white sneakers which looks like way too old.

I should get a new pair...sometime soon..

I quickly get dressed up as I still had fifteen minutes left. Tying my hair half up and half loose, I grabbed my concealer and put some under my eyes. At least it would make me not look like walking dead.

One last glanced all over myself and being satisfied with it I grabbed my bag and went downstairs.

Dad was sitting by the counter in the kitchen alone enjoying the beauty of silence. What more? It was only Us with each other.

I love my dad, not because he was my father but also cause he's been everything I ever needed.

Since mom passed away things were never same. I could see him struggling, saw him crying looking at her pictures alone but he was always strong for me. After what happened I couldn't think of losing him by my side...

He's the only thing I had been holding' on.

He was getting old, the stress was making it him weak. I had decided to look for a job after school. Though he wouldn't like the idea at any cost but I had to be everything to him when he's been to me.

The lamp was on upside down the ivory ceiling, the walls casted with sage matte reflecting the beam of sunlight on it. It was daytime but even after some rays of cascading glow of light it was still a little dark for him to read newspaper.

"Hey! How was sleep?" He asked looking up as I entered the kitchen kissing his cheek. At this age he was still looking so good despite of being alone, he had been carrying himself so well.

"It was fine," I shrugged like it was nothing new. He asked this every morning and I knew he had only been worried about me.

I made coffee and placed the mug infront of him. Well mom taught me something before she was.....gone.

"You didn't again, did you?" He sighed and took off his glasses before placed them on the marble counter. I lied everytime when I knew he could see through me like my soul had a open window.

"Does it matter?" I mumbled under my breath. When you were trying to forget everything, nightmares were making sure you wouldn't.

He was about to ask something else when I cut him off. "You're not going to lab?" I sat on the stool opposite to him to have some minutes with him.

Dad had been working as chemical technician in Arizona Chemical Co. Well it'd been all his life he had dealt with chemicals which were so threatening. I tried to persuade him about to try something else but i think it is what it is, so I didn't argue but I still didn't like him working between so many chemicals.

Mom didn't like it as well. They did discuss it so many times and sometimes argued over it too but he said they were taking precautions but still.

"I am about to, you want me to drop you?" He said checking time on his wrist watch but my school and his lab were in opposite direction and I didn't want him late.

"Um...No Dad I will walk," He didn't seem convinced but agreed to me. I stood up to leave but halted in my steps as his hoarse voice came from behind.

"Your therapist called Aria, You didn't go last week," His eyes were filled my sadness rather than disappointment. I knew he only meant good for me but those therapy sessions weren't working to bring myself back.

Why waste money?

He walked to me and held me by my shoulders calmly looking straight in my eyes. "Don't be harsh to yourself Aria, I know what you're thinking, we can't undo the past but princess you have to let it go,"

Let it go? How? It was chasing me like a wildfire.

"I'll try," I smiled slightly before kissing his cheek again and turning around to leave knowing what was waiting for me ahead and it wouldn't be anything but my worse nightmare...

°°°°°°

Ravenwood High, One of the best highschools in town. New York had always been popular for everything.

Most of the town's Elite people's spoiled teenagers go there. The fact that I got scholarship made it easy for me.

The school was not too close not too far from where I lived so a bus was fine but today fate decided to turned away from me and I had to walk.

Was fate ever by my side?

As I entered the gate, my sneakers softly stepped on the polished ground, into the wide hall corridor. Both sides of walls were painted with hues of chiffon and had lockers side by side.

The corridor was filled with students which were now murmuring while staring at me.

I gulped down heavily as the anxiety had always been by my side and so many eyes on me weren't helping.

A whole after year with bad memories.

I had been talk of the school in a good way before but after the incident, it was the opposite.

I walked up to my locker. Our schedules were emailed to us two days before the day.

I tried to ignore the stares which were boring holes in my back making it hard for me to breathe.

Breathe in....Breathe out.

My thoughts were cut off when my best friend Gwen walked up to me with a smile on her face which couldn't reach her eyes...

Gwen Morgan, 17 years old, small catty eyes with short shoulder-length platinum blonde like white flame opposite to mine, dark black and mid-length, one could easily her find in crowd.

we met in Junior high when I met him too.

Gwen and I met during the Auditions of Ice skating for school club.

She came to the club cause she did figure skating for ten years so when she got to know about Ice Hockey, she didn't miss the chance.

Well she knew nothing about Ice Hockey, but together we grew and got pretty close that when no one believed.....She did.

She was wearing a dark black Box pleat skirt and with a cream layered top with a long coat like me. I mean it was cold but when it comes to Gwen's fashion, She would put everything aside and go in tank top and shortest short of latest fashion in -15°C .

Who was I kidding?

"How are you doing?" She asked pulling the strap of her bag over her shoulder. The wrinkles of uneasiness formed on her forehead.

Though I knew she was worried and we haven't talk all summer cause things weren't right but can people stop asking the same thing over and over again?

"Gwen I'm fine, stop repeating, you asked me that all summer," I whined as I turned around, shrugged off my grey coat and put in my locker and that was when my eyes fell on them.

My white skates, resting in the back of my locker. Never knew one day I would be leaving what I loved all these years. What I was so passionate about.

I still remember when I was fifteen and asked dad to buy me those new ones. Well he did buy me after saving money for two months. He wanted me to persuade what I liked.

Now it was all in just buried deep in the past.

I eyed them sadly, even I wanted to approach them I couldn't. It was not like I didn't know them or like I was back to zero, it was just they bring horrible memories which I was trying to running away from.

I sighed and closed the door.

Gwen must have noticed my mood change as she put her hand on my shoulder with sad eyes.

"So shall we go to our first class as Seniors?" She tried to cheer me up her entire body language changed to a happy virus which she was.

We both needed a good start, we both lost someone and both were fighting to get back on track after what happened after being lost in somewhere we never imagine us to be.

I didn't know what would I do without Gwen, and I was thankful for that...