t's hard to comprehend that the girl with her head on my chest, fast asleep, is Alyssa. I keep looking at her, expecting someone to jump out at me as though it's a prank, but the room remains dark, quiet as though the rest of the world is fast asleep too.

For a while, I just lay here, listening to her heartbeat. Last night was something else. Even now, the memory of Alyssa wrapped around me stirs something dangerous inside me. I shift a little, trying to get comfortable in this tiny little bed, but she lets out a fluttery breath and holds me tighter, trapping me in her embrace. And god help me, I love it.

At some point, her phone starts to ping off the hook. I carefully lean over her, glancing at the list of several missed calls. Her mom, her dad, Justin, and her friends. Their names stack up on her home screen, setting me on edge.

After everything that happened tonight, I'd almost forgotten about the shit show of her party. Her family hates me, that much is clear, but I'm stressed as hell over what this will mean for her. Her family might be terrible people, but they're still her family – the people who know her better than anyone – and she's given that all up for me. Deep down, I know I'm not worth it.

Guilt tears through me as she turns on her side and buries her face in my chest. I stroke her hair softly, lost in my thoughts. Between Kino, Justin, and everyone else, I don't think there's anyone left that we haven't pissed off. And yet when I look at her, it's hard to give a shit. Dad used to say that one day I'd meet someone who upends my life, and for once, he was right.

I pull her in closer and bury my face in her skin. I must fall asleep, because I wake to slivers of sunlight trickling in through the curtains. Maybe it makes me a baby, but I don't want to move. Moving means leaving the confines of this room. It means facing the effects of last night. It means back to reality.

She stirs in my arms before opening her eyes, blinking twice. When my face comes into focus, she smiles. "I had a dream that you'd left."

I brush the hair from her face and say, "Never."

She replies with a kiss. "I don't want to go home."

"You don't have to if you don't want," I say. "If you need somewhere to stay–"

She shakes her head and lets out the softest sigh. "I think that'll just make things worse. I have to go home and face them eventually, so it might as well be today." She looks up now and searches my face. "See you tonight?"

I nod and sit up properly before pulling her in my arms. For a moment, we don't say anything, she just leans on my chest as we stare through the window and watch the sun come up. Her skin feels like silk in my hands. I run my hands along her shoulders, over her arms, until my fingers lace hers. She shivers a little and turns her head, kissing my neck.

"Any regrets?" she asks.

I find myself smiling. "Not one."

"Good," she says, closing her eyes, "me either."

When it's time to go, we change back into last night's clothes and tidy up the office a little. Alyssa doesn't say a word for the whole drive to her house, but she gently bobs her head to Tupac. She's nervous, I can tell, and I wish there were something I could do to make it better, but anything I do will make it worse. Instead, I pull up to her house and kill the engine before turning to face her.

"You sure you wanna do this?" I ask. Seeing her like this makes me feel guilty as hell. Whatever happens with her parents now, it'll be because of the scene I made last night. If only I'd controlled my temper, things wouldn't have gotten this far. But then last night with Alyssa probably wouldn't have happened either, and I can't for one-second regret that.

"Want isn't exactly the word I'd use," she says, and she takes my face before kissing me gently. "I'll message you later, okay? Wish me luck."

I lean in closer, grazing the pad of my thumb against her lips. "Good luck."

Her lips brush mine, and she gently nibbles my bottom lip. I let out a breath, about to grab the side of her face when she pulls back a little, a teasing smile on her lips. "Just in case you forget about me," she says as reaches for the door, but I grab her and pull her back.

"No chance of that," I say.

For a moment, I watch her, heart racing as I consider saying the L word. Despite the fact I've never said it out loud to anyone, it sits there right on the tip of my tongue, trying to claw its way out. And even though I hate to admit it, even though it seems so surreal, I know that's what this is.

But then her front door opens, and both of her parents stand in the archway with their arms folded. Alyssa tenses and turns to face me. "I promise I'll message," she says again, and she opens the door to get out.

My heart sinks. I wait until she heads before pulling off. The whole drive home, I rap along to Tupac, trying to kill some of this dread. As someone who likes to stay in control, I hate not knowing what's going on at Alyssa's – I just hope she's all right.

Mom and Kino are in the kitchen when I head inside. Mom looks tired and has her head on the table as she snoozes away. Kino watches her quietly, eyebrows pulled together in a way that makes him look like Dad.

Quietly, I tiptoe over to the key jar and lower my keys inside. When I turn back around, Kino is watching me. "Where've you been?" he mouths.

Something tells me that telling the truth is not a good idea. "Crashed at Hayden's," I mouth back.

He sighs and looks at Mom again before indicating to the hallway. When he gets up, I follow him out of the kitchen and into the living room, where we can talk freely. "I hate you," he says.

"I figured that one out for myself."

"Good. The only reason I'm talking to you right now is that I'm worried about Mom. Can't you take some extra delivery shifts or something? She's working too hard. I'm going to try and get a job at the milkshake place. I think they're hiring."

I frown. "Kino–"

He puts a hand out to stop me. "You don't get to decide my life, Max. I'm allowed a job."

"You shouldn't have to get a job," I say. "You should get to enjoy being a kid while it lasts."

"Yeah, well, maybe you were right all along. We don't have that luxury."

I want to argue, but he's right. As hard as I've tried to preserve his childhood, we don't have that luxury. Mom is killing herself working shifts, I'm taking delivery after delivery, and it's still not enough. Maybe it never will be.

"Just hold off a little," I say. "Let me pick up some extra shifts first, all right?"

He sighs and looks over at the kitchen again, just as Mom stirs. "Fine." He turns to leave, but I grab his arm before he gets far and he's forced to turn around.

"Us arguing isn't making it any easier on her either," I say. I'll admit, I'm using Dad's tactic of emotional blackmail, but it's the only thing I've got left. "Let's just be normal, all right? Don't make things any harder on her than they have to be."

Deliberation crosses his face. He wants to stay mad, I know he does, but family means more to him than anything. Just like me, family is his weakness. Which is why he says, "All right. But if I ever see you and Alyssa together, I'll probably be sick."

"Noted," I say, and something between us eases slightly. Not much, but enough.

And sometimes enough is all you can hope for.

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