Its been a couple days since nanny died. No one is the same. Mama isn't doing anything. She barely eats. She's lost a lot of weight. She can t sleep at night. She's almost always down in nanny's room. Im not much different. I just don't go in nanny's room. Today is her funeral. I just finished getting ready, applying a small coat of waterproof mascara. Then dad walked in my room. "Chandlers here." He said softly. I nodded. My nanny loved chandler. She always said we would end up getting married. She never had a problem with him. She's loved him since the day they met. I grabbed my stuff and slipped my leather jacket on over my maroon colored dress. I had black leggings on under it and black combat boots. My hair was in a sort of waterfall braid and I had light makeup on. I walked out of my room and down the stairs to where I know my mom would be. Which would mean everyone else was with her. I stood at the door and saw everyone crowding her room. Chandler saw me and walked over. I didn't walk in the room tho. I knew I would end up crying the minute I put my foot in her room. Chandler hugged me tightly as I stared at my mom. She was heartbroken. As well as everyone else. My sister, amber, is feeling guilty cause the last thing she said to nanny was something mean cause they were arguing. Josh feeling bad because he never spent much time with her. My uncle feeling regret because of the way he treated her. He treated her like shit when she gave him everything he needed. My dad feeling insanely upset because she was like another mother figure in his life. Chandler nearly in tears because he loved her like she was his nanny too and he's not good with family deaths. Me, I'm feeling numb. Like I'm not even alive right now. I have a feeling mama feels the exact same. She's just hugging nanny's pillow while sitting on her bed. "Come on mom. We're gonna be late." Josh said softly. Mama got up as soon as josh said that and walked out with no emotion on her face. I turned around and followed her out, no emotion on my face either. Everyone else followed until we reached the cars in the driveway. Dad got in his car, followed by mom and josh. Amber got in Kayla's car with her and I got in Chandler's. We all drove off to the funeral home, where it would just be us. She wanted to be cremated, so that's what we are gonna do. When we got there, chandler parked and we slowly got out. Chandler grabbed my hand and laced our fingers, but I was still feeling numb, so I didn't fold my fingers with his. He understood. He just needed a loving touch. And I was sort of giving it to him. We walked in the building and I saw my nanny's sister. We called her Nina carol. (N-eye-na carol) She turned to us and glared at me. "This is your fault. If you weren't so busy with your dumbass show, then you could've saved her! You ungrateful bitch!" She yelled at me. I had tears streaming down my face again. "I know." I whispered. "You need to shut the hell up. If she was with mama then she would be dead too. They had guns, Nina. They shot down two pit bulls before they even knew what the hell was going on. They strangled mama. If ashley was there, then we would've lost three lives that day. Shut the hell up if your gonna blame my daughter for something that was not her fault." Mama snapped. That's the first thing she's said since nanny died. "Three?" Nina asked. "Ashley's pregnant you insufferable cunt!" Amber yelled. "Get the hell out of here. You weren't even invited." Dad snapped. Nobody liked her. She's abusing drugs. Probably strung out as we speak. She groaned and stormed out. Chandler had his arms wrapped around me as I cried in his chest. "Don't listen to her baby. Its not your fault at all. No one could've stopped this." Mama said. I nodded and wiped my tears. We walked into the place and saw two people standing there. A preacher and someone who is gonna burn and seal the ashes into an urn. All through out the ceremony, I couldn't stop crying. Nobody could. Chandler was trying to be strong, but I knew he was crying. "Here is the urn. I'm so sorry for your loss." The preacher said, handing mama the urn. Mama hugged the urn close to her and cried harder. "May her soul be at peace." The preacher said, then we had a moment of silence. Then it was over. We all walked out and back to the cars. I got in with Chandler, but mama knocked on the window. "Who wants ice cream?" She asked, wiping her tears. "You know my kind." I said softly. After a funeral, we always go out and get something. After a funeral, its time to move on. Mourning is over. You can still be upset, just not to the point of where your feeling like life is useless. "Chocolate please." Chandler said quietly. She nodded and walked to dads car. I rolled the window up and Chandler backed out, driving us back home. Makayla and amber pulled in behind us. Josh went with mom and dad so he could pick out what he wanted. We all got out of the cars and I leaned against chandlers. We all just stood there, just taking in what has happened. Then mom, dad, and josh pulled up. They got out with all the ice creams. "Ashley, nanny left you something in her will." Mom said. She handed me the paper. I looked and saw nanny left me her car. I love nanny's car. Its a cute little black nisson sentra 2014. Her car is the easiest for me to drive. Im getting my license next week. "Okay. I'll need to clean it out today. If I'm gonna use that for my drivers test." I said. "I'll help." Chandler said, chocolate ice cream dripping from his chin. I giggled slightly. I grabbed a napkin and wiped it for him. "Be less messy babe." I smiled. He smiled cheesily. "I'm gonna go get changed then we will clean. Mom put my ice cream in the freezer please." I said. She nodded and walked in. I followed behind her and went up to my room. I changed into some black Capri leggings and a red tank top. I pulled my hair up in a messy bun and wiped my makeup off. I put my low top converse on and ran down the steps. I grabbed the keys from nanny's old room and went outside. Chandler was sitting in his car. He got out and I saw he had changed into some sweats from my dad and an old t shirt. I opened the car and we started cleaning. I got the vacuum and sucked up all the fallen ashes. She smoked in her car. I vacuumed the seats too then cleaned the dash. Chandler went to the gas station to buy me some air fresheners to get the smoke smell out. I was putting the vacuum up when he got back. "I didn't know which ones you would like, but I got vanilla. I also stopped by somewhere and got you that vanilla sprite you like so much." He said, handing me a styrophome cup. "Oh my god, I love you." I said after I took a sip. He laughed and put the air fresheners in my car. Two hanging from my rear view mirror, those little clips in the air vents and one in each side door. I set my drink down on the table in the garage and grabbed the water hose. "Close all the doors and make sure the windows are up." I said to Chandler. He nodded and did just that. Then I started washing the car. After that, I sighed and sat down in my chair, sipping my vanilla sprite. "Now what?" Chandler asked. I shrugged and we walked up to my room. We laid down and turned on the TV. Tomorrow is walking dead. The one where it makes it obvious that carl and Harley have sex. My parents are gonna freak. I eventually fell asleep.