***

"You wanna head out?" Rowan asked.

We'd been listening to one of his teammates ramble about an upcoming rival, and Shea had left with her blue-haired crush a while ago.

"Sure," I said, finishing my drink. I hadn't been drunk in a while, and it was a nice distraction.

I followed Rowan to the front door, and as soon as it opened we were met with pouring rain. I looked at him and laughed, before running down the steps.

The drops fell harshly, but in my drunken state, it felt good, refreshing.

I felt a hand on my arm,

"Evan, you're gonna get a cold out here, I'll call an Uber." I laughed again, spinning and pulling Rowan with me.

"You can't tell me this isn't fun."

Rowan smiled, his hand still on my arm.

"Yeah, it's fun. You're pretty drunk aren't you?"

"Aren't you too?"

"Only a little," he said, and led me back to the steps, under the porch canopy.

"You know," I stepped forward to cup my hands together and pooled some water before flicking it in his face. "That's the same water the dinosaurs drank."

Rowan blinked, his eyebrows raised and his smile growing.

"Oh really?" He reached out grabbing a small handful of his own, before tossing it back in my face. "So we're all just drinking dinosaur piss then."

I laughed at the thought, feeling my face heat.

"Yeah, pretty much."

Our Uber pulled up and we rushed in, apologizing for our wet clothes.

***

Rowan's sheets smelled like him and were still incredibly soft. He'd gone to dry our clothes, and I waited for him in his oversized ones.

I was exhausted, my fingers fumbling through my phone's keyboard as I tried to wish Lucy safe travels for her morning flight. It was already past midnight, and I checked at least four times that my alarm was set to wake up on time.

My vision was blurred, and my eyelids fought to stay open. After a few minutes, Rowan swung the door open and I jumped at the sudden sound.

"Sorry, were you asleep?" He asked, taking his shoes off and grabbing a bottle of water.

"No, not yet. Thanks for letting me stay." He frowned,

"Of course."

Rowan turned off the lights and opened the window, before getting into bed next to me. We got under the blankets, and he handed me the water bottle.

"If you don't want a shitty hangover you should drink some of this." I laughed and took a small sip.

"Thanks."

I closed my eyes and lay down, but the longer Rowan was silent, the more awake I felt.

The room was dark, and the sound of the rainfall coming from the open window should've been calming. But I could feel the tension between us, feel that he knew I was hiding something.

"Rowan?"

I heard him shift beside me,

"Yeah?"

I waited a moment, thinking of the right words to say.

"Sorry if I made things weird tonight." I bit the inside of my cheek, knowing I was about to make everything more complicated.

"No, you didn't. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just..." I paused, my fingers fiddling with the hem of my shirt.

"What is it?" He sounded concerned and I shut my eyes tightly, the light from the moon now gone.

"Ben came up to me after your game, and he... he said some weird shit."

There was another pause,

"Is that why your hands are all scratched up? Did he push you?"

I opened my eyes, dark spots fading as the grey light bounced off the walls. My hands? The alcohol had numbed my senses, and I touched the palm of my left hand, feeling the rough scratches from earlier.

"Oh, no. I mean, yeah - but I'm fine."

I heard Rowan shift again and turned my head to look at him. His eyes were open, dully staring at the ceiling.

"So, what'd he say?"

I anxiously bit my tongue, hard. I couldn't undo this now.

"He said something about, well..." I paused, and he waited. "Have you ever... killed someone?"

Rowan pressed his palms to his forehead, his eyes closed. We lay there in silence for what felt like forever, my heart probably beating loud enough for him to hear.

"I don't want to lie to you."

He said it in barely a whisper, and my heart fell. He sounded defeated, tired.

I turned on my side to face him, my hand resting on the sheets between us. Rowan didn't move, and I watched his chest slowly rise and fall with every breath.

"You don't have to lie to me," I said, breaking the silence between us. The rain had turned to hail, bouncing off of the building loudly.

Rowan dropped his hands, his eyes lifting back to look at the ceiling.

"I'm sorry." He said quietly.

I watched him, waiting for him to turn, to say something else. But he didn't, and I carefully reached over and took his hand in mine. His eyes moved down to our hands, though still avoided mine.

I was curious. I wanted to know what'd happened, who he'd killed. Was it Ray? No, because Ben had held this over him since the summer before Ray had ever been in the picture. Unless it'd been more than one person.

But I put those thoughts aside, the mix of feelings overwhelming me.

"You don't have to explain," I said, getting closer to him. I moved our hands to his chest and rested my head against his arm. I wanted to comfort him, to make him know that I'd keep this secret safe and that he wouldn't have to worry. "I know you're a good person."

Rowan placed his other hand on top of mine, his breathing steady. We stayed like that for a while, in silence. My eyes slowly drifted closed while my mind battled with itself.

"I don't think I am," I heard as my dreams swiftly took over.

***

***