* Rowan POV *

Evan's eyes were stuck on my mind. Again. He didn't know that I thought about them every day.

They had shined in the moonlight when he looked up at me, and the feelings I kept trying to push away came flooding back.

"Rowan, have you figured out your favorite color?"

My mom's voice rang in my head, reminding me of much simpler times.

"I told you yesterday, black." She rolled her eyes, putting her hands on her hips.

"I'm not painting the dining room black, darling. Pick another favorite."

"Black is my only favorite."

"Well I might have to pick a color myself then."

I shrugged. I didn't care what color the room was. I didn't care what flower arrangement the center table would get. I didn't care which photos went where.

"Where's dad?"

He was supposed to take me to the park, show me how to finally shoot a jump-shot like the pros.

"He's running late tonight," her voice was slightly higher, a faint warning telling me not to pry. "Let's go pick up some dinner."

The shift in her tone was swift, and I thought nothing of it.

The next day I felt like I was on top of the world. Sure, it was only the first day back and I'd already gotten sent to the principal's office for blowing a spitball at Kurt. But that just meant I got to miss the rest of his lesson on fractions.

School ended fast, and I was watching my friends try to replicate Kobe's famous 360-dunk on the six-foot hoop by the sandbox.

"You guys suck at this." I teased, as the basketball flew off the rim and out to the lawn. They chased it, and my gaze turned to watch a small running figure nearby.

I winced when the younger boy fell.

He slowly pushed himself up and I found myself walking towards him.

I hated seeing people cry.

"Are you okay?" I asked, putting my hands on his shoulders the same way my mom always did to comfort me.

When he turned and my eyes met his, I felt a sense of wonder overcome me.

The boy's sparkling green eyes looked like they held magic.

My dad picked me up later, and I impatiently watched the houses pass as we made our way home. He was apologizing for yesterday, telling me we'd play basketball at the park until the sun set.

I didn't give much thought to his ghostly pale skin, or the way his hand shook slightly as his fingers switched the air conditioning on.

As soon as he pulled into our driveway, I eagerly ran inside to find my mom.

She was sitting at the dining room table, sorting through paper color samples with a glass of iced tea in her hand. I ran up and grabbed her arm, causing the tea to splash onto the samples below.

"Rowan! Wh-"

"Green." I said breathlessly, my hands gripping her arm in excitement. "I wanna paint the walls green."

***

I remember how disappointed I'd been when we moved. I couldn't find the shade you liked my mom had told me when I noticed the fresh teal covering the walls of her new house.

I'd only shrugged, and told her it was okay.

***

In the past few months, there'd been a sadness in those soft green eyes.

I don't think Evan knew how transparent they often were. I saw the way they sometimes flickered with fear when he saw me, confusion, gloom, frustration.

I also saw the way they'd sparkled after I'd kissed him.

***

Of all the things I kept from Evan, lying to him about my favorite color somehow felt the worst. Because it wasn't a secret that protected him like the others. It was one that protected me.

I told myself it was for the best. That he didn't need to be any more involved in my fucked up life. He didn't need to be broken.

I closed my eyes and pulled him closer to me.

***