***

I lay in my bed and mindlessly scrolled through twitter, my energy almost nonexistent. It'd been five days since I'd talked to Rowan, and I felt emotionally drained.

Anytime Erik had invited him over while I was there, I would make some excuse to leave. I didn't think I could be in the same room as him without the feeling of deep humiliation sweep over me.

I'd also come to the realization that I seemed to be the only person who he personally knew that didn't know a thing about him.

I remembered how everybody had acted as if nothing had happened that night at Nemesis, after his friend had shown him his phone and they left in a panic. And when Ben had said they knew of someone that could 'teach him a lesson,' after asking who'd hit me. Everybody in that room had looked at Rowan. What the hell was I missing? Why was I the only person out of the loop?

Ben seemed like the one who knew the most. But he was unapproachable. Erik would know...

No. Stop this fucking obsession. Just take the rejection and move on.

I sighed, trying to change my train of thought. I swiped from my home page on twitter to see what was trending.

But what was so different about me that I wasn't allowed to know about anything? Why did he kiss me and then immediately push me away?

He knows basically everything about you.

My parents could tell I was spiraling. They'd ask me about my classes eight times a day, and if I wanted to join them in their movie nights, an offer I promptly rejected when seeing the Notebook CD in my mother's hands. Sometimes I'd walk in a room and my mom would be quietly talking to my dad, concern painted on her face. This would wash away when they'd notice me, and loud cheery voices would quickly replace their not-so-subtle whispering.

They definitely thought I was depressed.

Maybe you are?

After my fourth time dodging him at Erik's this week, Rowan had sent me a text, saying you don't need to keep avoiding me.

I hadn't responded. I didn't know what to say; the rejection was too fresh on my mind.

Of course, I couldn't ignore him forever. I didn't want to, but at the same time, I would've rather forgotten him than be near him, see him, and have the hundreds of questions endlessly circle through my mind with no answers like a black hole.

The door to my room opened and my eyes stayed glued to my screen. The twitter page was still waiting for me, I hadn't read a single one of the trends.

"Honey, your father and I have made an executive decision."

I broke my eyes from the screen to blankly stare at my mom.

"Which is?"

Oh god, please don't be therapy.

"We talked about family bowling night a while back. Tonight's that night. Get ready, we're leaving in ten."

Never mind, I'd prefer therapy.

She closed the door behind her and left me to change. It was three and I was still in my pajamas, though to be fair it was Saturday and I hadn't planned on leaving the house at all.

I rolled out of bed and grabbed jeans, pairing them with a random shirt from my closet. I was not in the mood to go out.

My phone buzzed and I saw a message from Erik pop up on my screen.

As much as I loved Inception, I was glad to already have an excuse ready to avoid seeing Rowan.

I knew Erik was suspicious as to why I kept avoiding Rowan, but he didn't say anything. I wondered if he ever asked him, but for some reason, I felt like Rowan would keep what happened between us, including the conversation, private.

I pulled on my thickest socks, hoping they'd sell some at the bowling alley too. I didn't want them contaminated with some random person's foot disease.

"Evan, you ready?" My mom peeked her head into my room and I shrugged.

"Sure, let's go."

I headed downstairs and stopped dead in my tracks when I saw my dad. For the first time in a week, I burst out in laughter. He was wearing bright blue sport shorts that had to be from the seventies, with a striped blue t-shirt and socks that almost reached his knees.

"Dad," I said, catching my breath. "There is no way I will be seen in public with you looking like that."

My dad feigned a look of offense.

"Well, it's either this or the same but bright pink. You choose."

I turned to my mom with a pained expression.

"Mom at least make him wear sweats or a jacket or something."

My mom stifled a laugh and tossed him one of his work hoodies, which had a cartoon vacuum on the front. I looked him up and down after he put it on, it wasn't much of an improvement.

***

Maybe his outfit brought him some luck, because my dad was on his fourth flawless game in a row. He'd just taken off his hoodie, revealing the bright blue shirt underneath.

"Oh, my god." I glanced around us, hoping nobody I knew happened to be bowling today. My dad turned the ball lightly in his hands and whispered something to it before skipping forward, rolling it smoothly ahead of him.

I buried my head in my hands, and my mom started cheering as my dad got his fifth strike of the game. At this point, seeing Rowan seemed like it would've been much less painful than this.

"I'm gonna go get some pizza." I told my mom and stood up, ignoring stares my dad was getting from nearby high schoolers. "You can take my turn."

I headed to the concessions stand, feeling slightly more free in public than I had in the past few weeks. All that was left of the mess my face had been were two small purple bruises under my eyes, and they were close to being gone.

I ordered a pizza, and looked over the rail to see how my mom was doing. She'd only missed one pin, which was better than the gutter ball I would've gotten.

My eyes wandered through the building as I waited for my food, and I studied the groups at the different lanes. There was a large crowd of older men at the end of the line, looking as if they were in some sort of bowling league. Some of them had red-striped shirts and some of them had blue ones, all of them buttoning up neatly in the front.

The rest of the people were either groups of little kids accompanied by parents, or teenagers half-heartedly tossing bowling balls down their lanes while they flirted with each other.

"Order 18?" I heard a voice behind me and took the plate from the worker, thanking her before turning back. I took a step forward but my eyes fell on someone entering the bowling alley.

Ben had come in with a few other boys who were roughly the same build as him. They all had pompous grins plastered on their faces that made them look all that much more arrogant as they joked with each other.

Last time I saw Ben I pushed him down a flight of stairs...

I quickly turned back to the counter to hide my face as he passed by. The worker looked worried,

"Is there something wrong with the order?" She asked kindly, and I shook my head trying to smile.

"No, it's perfect." I said quietly and from the corner of my eye I saw Ben pass. I turned back around, paying close attention to where he'd sit.

"Oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck." I said to myself as I watched him and his friends sit at the lane next to ours.

A little girl giggled from the line next to me and her mother shot me a glare, shaking her head. I muttered an apology, before slowly walking back to my parents.

My mind spun as I tried to think of what to do, and I ended up sitting down with my face turned away, hoping Ben wouldn't notice me.

Why did we have to go bowling today?

"Ev, it's your turn." My mom said, and I shook my head.

"I'm eating, can you go for me again?" I said, quietly. My appetite had quickly disappeared as the nerves set in so I forced a small bite. My mom just shrugged, happy to get another turn.

My dad went after her and I heard some laughs from Ben's table. I gritted my teeth, and glanced up. My mom had sent them all a murderous look, as if daring them to laugh at her husband one more time.

I watched Ben turn around to hide his expression from her before he did a double take, meeting my glare. His face brightened as he looked from my dad to me, making the connection. I tore my gaze from him as my dad finished his round and came up to us with a wide grin on his face.

"They can laugh all they want at my outfit," he said cheerfully, catching his breath as he looked up at the screen, "but they can't laugh at my score."

"That's right honey," my mom said to him, proudly giving him a kiss on the cheek. I cringed at their affection, before looking up at the screen. It now said, Press 1 to Play Again, meaning my dad had just beat us for the fourth time. "Anyway, four games is enough right? You two ready to go home?"

I nodded and my dad gave a reluctant yes, picking up his hoodie. We slipped off the shoes and my parents put theirs on before starting to clear the table of the plates and cups we'd left.

"I'll return these," I said, picking up their bowling shoes with mine, before heading to the front counter. As I walked away I saw Ben leave his table from the corner of my eye, and felt my stomach drop.

Once I reached the front counter, I gave the shoes to one of the workers and turned to face Ben, who had a smug look on his face.

"Get out of my way," I muttered, trying to sidestep him. He stepped in front of me and I glared at him. He wouldn't dare do anything in public.

"Well now I know where you got it from," he said, his voice dripping with glee as he motioned over to my dad before looking me up and down. "Does your mom know he's gay too?"

"Fuck off." I said, trying to pass him again, but he put a hand on my chest to stop me. I angrily pushed his hand away, and I saw the worker behind the counter look at us.

"Not yet," he said, "I think you owe me an apology for breaking my arm? You know, you're lucky I didn't press charges..." He mockingly looked over to my parents again. "It doesn't seem like your family would've been able to afford the bail."

I felt my fury rise and told myself that he was trying to get me riled up on purpose. The worker shuffled uncomfortably from behind the counter, probably wondering if he should intervene.

"And you're lucky I didn't call the police on you for attempted rape."

Ben's eyes snapped to mine full of hate, and I saw his fist clench.

"She wanted it more than I did..." He said, his voice stiff. "And I'd watch your mouth if I were you." My eyes fell to his fist and I took a step forward.

"Go ahead, hit me." I said, unsure of where my confidence came from. "I'm actually about to see Rowan," Ben's face paled at my lie, "and I'm sure he'd love to know I ran into you."

Ben didn't move, his face hardening. I saw my parents leave the table and place the bowling balls we'd used back on their racks.

I gave Ben one last glare, before leaving him and walking out with my parents.

***

Erik had invited me over the next day and he and his friends spent the evening giving me advice on how to play NBA 2K. Erik had said that Rowan was busy with something and wouldn't be able to come, which was the only reason I'd agreed to hangout at all. Just the thought of facing him again brought a wave of unease and nervousness.

About an hour had passed and I'd given up on trying to learn the game, resorting to eating popcorn and watching Erik play one of his friends. There was a loud buzz and he turned his attention from the TV screen for a moment.

"Looks like Rowan's coming after all." Erik said, picking up his phone.

My mind processed his words slowly before they set and I raised my head quickly.

"What?"

"Yeah he's five minutes away."

Fuck.

"Oh." I picked up my phone and waited a few seconds, pretending to read a message. "Well my mom just asked me to pick up some shit from the store for her so I actually gotta go."

I felt everybody's eyes fall to me, as if I'd overtly said oh, Rowan's coming? Time for me to leave.

I may as well have.

"Are you sure?" Erik asked, and I made sure I had my keys before standing up.

"Yeah, I don't wanna keep her waiting," I said, wishing I'd come up with a better lie. I waved goodbye to everyone before quickly heading to the door.

"Wait, Evan," I heard behind me as I reached his front door. I reluctantly turned around. Rowan would be there within minutes, I needed to hurry.

"Yeah?" I said impatiently. Erik glanced behind him to the others before lowering his voice.

"What's going on?" I frowned, quickly looking through the glass on the front door to make sure I didn't see any headlights approaching on the street.

"Nothing, why?"

"Are you serious? Every time Rowan says he's coming you find some excuse to leave." I frowned at him, acting dumb.

"Really? Well that's purely coincidental, I didn't even notice." Erik frowned at me and crossed his arms.

"What is it? Did you hear a rumor about him? Listen Evan, you shouldn't believe what you hear..." He trailed off at my confused expression and a slight hint of regret appeared on his face.

"What rumors?" I asked after he stayed silent. He knew something, and I wanted answers.

"Nothing." Erik said, before regaining his composure. "What are you doing next Friday?" He asked, quickly changing the subject. I sighed and the feeling of impatience crept back. Rowan would be here any second.

"Dunno, I haven't thought that far." Erik's face broke out into a grin and he nodded.

"Cool, so if you're not avoiding Rowan, you won't have a problem with going to his first preseason game with me on Friday?" My mind blanked as I tried thinking of an excuse. "Great, it's a plan then," Erik finished, before he turned to go back.

"Wait, I'm pretty sure Lucy's coming to town next weekend so I'll probably just be with her—"

"Oh, sweet— she should come too!" Erik said behind his shoulder and gave me a cheerful wave.

"Fuck," I said quietly under my breath. I stood frozen for a second processing what I'd gotten myself into before turning, quickly grabbing the door handle and hurrying out.

I ran right into what felt like a solid wall and tried to catch myself as I stumbled backwards. A pair of warm hands grabbed my forearms and pulled me up before I hit the ground. My eyes snapped up and I found them meeting Rowan's.

"Shit, sorry..." I kept my voice from shaking but I was startled from the sudden contact. His hands were still on my arms and I found my eyes trail down to them as he said nothing. His gaze fell to them too and he let me go, taking a small step back.

"Someone's in a hurry," he said cooly, and I could tell he knew exactly why that was. I took a step to his side, closer to the street.

"Yeah, my mom needs me for something so..." I gave him an awkward smile, and turned away, heading to the car. I felt my face heat up as our last interaction forced its way into my mind as it had countless times over the past week.

I shouldn't have kissed you, Evan.

"Wait," I felt his hand on my arm again, turning me around. I tried to keep my face straight as my eyes met his. It seemed as if he wanted to tell me something but was holding back, and his eyes dodged between mine. I felt my heart rate increase at the contact again, his touch burning my skin. His eyes trailed down to my lips before he quickly snapped them back up. "Are you okay?"

Why does he keep asking me that when he already knows the answer?

I wish that question didn't affect me the way it did. I felt my eyes burn slightly and looked away from him.

"I'm fine." I said, and turned back to the street, pulling my arm from his grasp.

I didn't look back as he called my name, unlocking my car instead. "I'll see you later," I responded lightly over my shoulder, before getting in, pulling away as soon as the engine started.

***

***