***

After my dad had gone, I sat cross legged on my bed with my head in my hands. Rowan couldn't have done anything... He wasn't that kind of person.

You don't know anything about him.

I knew a bit... But what I knew wasn't convincing me of his innocence. I knew Ray knew of him that night after the club... Ray was afraid of him. I knew Rowan had done something that terrified Ben.

And I knew Rowan had gotten a call exactly a week ago. One that had him leave my house late at night while I was asleep. The last day Ray Warner was heard from.

I let out a frustrated sigh and lay on my back, staring at the ceiling. He had probably just run away. He didn't want to deal with the police, the lawyers, so he left. His threats to me had been empty. He was gone, and that was for the better.

I covered my face with my hands, a mix of emotions attacking me at once. My mind drifted to the edibles stuffed deep in my sock drawer.

My door opened and I turned my head, expecting to see my mom or dad. But it was Rowan. He was wearing sweatpants and a hoodie, both black. His hair was faintly damp, as if he'd just showered and it was drying. My heart jumped and I quickly sat up, leaning back on my palms. I didn't expect him to be here so soon.

"Hey, sorry your mom told me to come in, said you'd be taking a test or something?"

"Yeah, no worries. I mean I'm done with that, but yeah." blood rushed to my face and I scratched my head, feeling stupid. Rowan's eyebrows rose slightly in amusement and he closed the door behind him. "I was gonna take an edible, want one?" I asked, getting up and heading to my sock drawer.

"I actually wanted to talk to you about that..." I looked at him, surprised, but his face was serious.

"What about it?" I asked, feeling myself start to get defensive. I grabbed the bag of gummies and put them on my bedside table, but left the bag closed.

Rowan was silent for a minute as he looked at me, thoughts visibly swimming behind his eyes. I studied his face. There was nothing apparent in his expression of some extra hidden burden or secret. I sat back down on my bed.

"You can sit wherever." I muttered, and leaned back against the headboard. I wrapped my arms around my knees, feeling insecure. Rowan sat at the edge of my bed and leaned back on one arm. The atmosphere had changed since he'd walked in, as all my questions from earlier came back to the surface.

"Erik's been worried about you." I tilted my head back to look up at the ceiling.

"Why?" There was a pause before he answered.

"You know why."

I shrugged.

"So what am I supposed to do about that?" I asked. It was a rude response, but I didn't know what else to say.

I heard Rowan sigh and he stayed still for a moment, before standing up and walking to the other side of the bed. My eyes left the ceiling and followed him instead. He sat closer to me, his back facing the foot of the bed so we were face to face.

I stretched my legs out in front of me and crossed my arms, still waiting for him to speak. My gaze met his and this time, I'd try to hold it.

"Evan, listen. If you want to get high everyday and you find it fun, I think you should do it." I blinked, waiting for him to finish. The longer we held eye contact, the deeper my breathing got. "But if you're doing it to avoid thinking about something or feeling pain..." I looked away, "I think it's better to talk to someone."

I leaned my head back and stared at the ceiling again. I didn't think I was being that transparent.

"I can't afford a therapist, Rowan." I felt him move closer to me on the bed.

"I'm not talking about a therapist. You have people in your life that care about you."

"How would you know that? You hardly know me."

"Everyone has people in their lives that care about them, Evan." It's not that simple.

"Okay. Just because people care doesn't mean they'd understand or know how to help me. They'd just pity me and I've had enough of that."

"Sometimes, just talking about things will make you feel a little better."

"Not always."

"How so?" I spared him a glance before responding. He was examining every inch of my face with intense focus. I looked away before his gaze gave me anxiety.

"If I talked about everything I felt, things would get much more difficult."

"What do you mean?" I paused, thinking of how it sometimes felt as if he could read my mind, as if he knew exactly what I was thinking.

"I think you know what I mean." I could feel his stare on my face, and I kept my eyes trained on the ceiling.

"Just cause something's more difficult doesn't mean it'll get worse."

"I think it does in my case."

"Think?"

"Yeah." Another pause.

"You could be wrong."

"I don't think I am."

I finally met his eyes, they were full of concern, something I'd never expect from someone I barely knew. It reminded me of the care he'd shown me all those years ago on the playground. Maybe that's why he'd been stuck on my mind for so long. He was someone that truly cared, whether he knew you for one minute, or twelve years.

I felt a lump in my throat and my eyes burned as tears brimmed.

"You could be, Evan." I shrugged again, knowing if I kept talking the tears would fall. "You can talk to me." He said, and put his hand lightly on my knee.

My eyes fell from his eyes to his hand. His knuckles weren't bruised, he clearly hadn't been in any recent fights. Maybe I was suspecting him unfairly...

"I just feel weak." I said, and looked away, quickly covering my face with my hands to wipe the tears. I remembered how quickly I'd become a helpless victim. I'd frozen in the moment it mattered, I hadn't thrown one punch, I wasn't even able to push a thirty year old drunk off of me. I had no power, and that thought brought me so much shame.

I felt Rowan pull me to his chest and wrap me in a hug. This only made more tears fall.

"You're not weak." One of his hands rubbed my back while the other was on the back of my head. A light scent of vanilla surrounded him, drawing me in closer.

I felt my tears soak into his hoodie and moved back, not wanting to ruin it. But Rowan held me tighter, and I felt safe. He kept me there until I stopped crying, when I finally pulled away.

"Ugh," I said, wiping my eyes with my sleeve. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize." I sent him a small smile before letting out a shaky breath and wiping more tears. "Anyway, It's not like I haven't seen you cry before."

I looked back at him, confused, before I realized...

"Are you talking about when I was in kindergarten?" He smiled and I burst out in laughter.

"Hey, at least you weren't bleeding this time."

"I can't believe you're reminding me of that." He laughed quietly and I leaned back against the headboard.

I felt as if I'd reached a part of the old Rowan. He still intimidated me, and there was still a lot that I had questions about, but I saw some of the spark he had years ago.

He watched me with those auburn eyes, and I kept the contact for as long as I could without my stomach squirming.

"How often do you think about last week?" He asked me, I could see his eyes wandering below mine to where my bruises were vibrant.

"A lot."

"And that's what triggers you to," he motioned over to the gummies on my nightstand.

"Yeah." I said, knowing he'd be able to tell if I lied. I couldn't think of that night without feeling my heart race, and hearing that voice...

"Do you ever meditate?" Rowan asked. I frowned.

"No."

"Are you thinking of that night right now?"

One word to Williams about this...

"Yeah."

"Okay, close your eyes."

"What?"

"I just wanna try something." I shrugged and closed my eyes, feeling self conscious.

I'll cut your pretty little throat...

I felt my heart beat a bit faster.

"Okay, try to take as deep of a breath as you can."

I did as he told me and released it, feeling his eyes on me.

"Do it again."

Ray's disturbing voice disappeared from my mind and instead I was just listening to my own breathing. His face flickered in and out of my mind, but he didn't have the same effect over me.

"Now, picture something beautiful, like a meadow, or a sunset, or a flower."

Or a person...

My eyes opened instinctively and met his. They really were beautiful.

Rowan's lips parted, about to tell me to close my eyes again, but he paused as comprehension crossed his face.

We sat in silence for a moment before he calmly reached out and touched my jaw. His thumb pushed my chin down, opening my mouth slightly. I felt my heart start to race and saw something stir in his eyes. He slowly leaned forward, pushing me back against the headboard. My breathing got heavy and he paused only an inch from my lips, his minty breath mixing with mine.

My eyes lowered to his mouth, his white teeth partially visible behind his lips. His fingers grazed the back of my neck before getting caught up in my hair and finally pulling me forward.

His lips were soft against mine, something that countered his steely personality. My eyes shut and I felt butterflies explode in my stomach as I kissed him back. My mind had shut off and I was responding only on instinct. I pulled him closer by his shirt and he pressed against me, pulling my hair slightly to tilt my head up while his other hand held my jaw in place.

He slowly deepened the kiss, his tongue finding its way into my mouth. I lightly ran my hand along his arm, feeling his toned muscles...

Before I knew it, Rowan pulled away, his hands and lips gone. I opened my eyes, breathless and faintly disoriented. My mind was a scrambled mess as I tried to gather my thoughts. Rowan was wearing an unreadable expression, one I'd never seen before. He looked like a thought had struck him and he didn't know what to do.

"What's wrong?" I asked, my heart pounding so loud I was sure he could hear it. Had I done something?

Rowan avoided my eyes, clearly deep in thought.

"Nothing..." He said, also slightly out of breath. I waited a moment, before nervously asking him.

"...Did I do something?" His eyes snapped back to mine, the passion from earlier now accompanied by what seemed to be disarray.

"No, no..." He ran his hand through his hair, before standing up. "I'm sorry, I've just thought of something, I've gotta go." I blinked up at him, my thoughts slowly trickling back in as I caught my breath.

"Okay..." I said. I was beyond confused. He thinks it was a mistake...

Rowan nodded, putting his hands in his pockets.

"Text me if you need anything, okay?" I looked away from him to my window and nodded, feeling my exhilaration from earlier leave.

Rowan stood there, and I could feel him watching me. I didn't want to look at him though. I didn't want to look in his face and see regret. There was a tension in the air from the silence, and I bit my lip to distract from the lump in my throat returning.

"Oh, I have this for you," He said, and I turned to him, avoiding his eyes. He reached into his pocket and held something out. My car keys.

I took them slowly, ignoring the twist my stomach gave at the contact, and stared at them.

"Is my car...?"

"It's in your driveway."

"Did you drive it here?" How will he get back home?

"No, I had them tow it behind me." I nodded, my eyes not leaving the keys. I ran my thumb over my favorite keychain as I waited for him to leave. It was an engraving of Michelle Obama's signature on thin sterling silver. It'd been a birthday gift from Madison.

"Thank you." I said, wishing I could enjoy his generosity to the fullest. But my mind was preoccupied.

"Of course." He said, still not moving. I could tell he wanted to say more to me, but he held back. "Okay, well... I'll see you later." He said, slowly walking to my door.

"Yeah." I said, trying to keep my voice from shaking.

Rowan left and gently closed my bedroom door behind him. I dropped the keys in my sheets and buried my face in my hands, tears falling freely for the second time that day.

***