Things went according to plan, well ... according to canon too. Lucy did a dramatic entrance and gave Katherine the moonstone, which was obviously spelled and the bitch went down. Damon decided that trapping her in the Tomb was poetic justice, and since she wanted the moonstone so damn much she could desiccate with it. Damon was surprised I just handed him the stone for free but kept quiet, I'm pretty sure he knew it was a fake.

With that done I exchanged numbers with Lucy and she went back to wherever the hell she came from, even though she practically begged me to teach her elementarism I ignored. I learned by myself I'm sure so could she.

According to her, Grams had a younger brother who was her grandfather. Most of her side of the family had died as well, but she had a younger cousin who was my age- Zoe Bennett. I don't remember more Bennetts being introduced in the show so I squeezed this new cousin's contact information from her as well, you never know when you might need a witch cousin.

After such a long day I crashed into my bed and was dead to the world in seconds.

--

I woke up with someone knocking on my front door. I groaned and tried to continue to sleep but the knocking just got more annoying. I finally got up from my warm bed with a growl and practically stomped into the front door.

"What?!" I grumbled, glaring at however dared to come so early to my house.

"Morning Bon." Caroline greeted with a nervous smile.

"Why are you knocking?" I asked, a bit less annoyed because it was Caroline but still mostly grouchy because I hadn't had any coffee yet. "You have a key."

"I forgot the keys." She replied, and I could tell she was slightly twitchy.

"The fuck is going on?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at her agitated body language. "You're in my house in the early morning, tense as a lump of wood and you forgot the keys, which you never do. Explain!"

"Well..." She started, nervously combing through her hair. "Stefan woke me up two hours ago, apparently someone kidnapped Elena."

"Really?" I asked, with a huge smile on my face. "Why didn't you start with that? This is a motive for a celebration. I nicked a bottle of champagne last night from the party, we should open it right now."

"This is the part where I tell you that stealing is wrong, but it's not like you would listen," Caroline said with amusement before she narrowed her eyes at me. "Bonnie, be serious for a second! Elena is in danger we need to help her!"

"So that's why your here and all twitchy, the Salvatores sent you to talk me into joining the 'let's save the magical unicorn known as Elena' squad." I said, understanding what was going on. "They're basically using you as bait for their own purposes, where have I heard that before? Oh right, spoilers."

"Elena's a unicorn?" Caroline asked confused. "What? And what do you meant spoilers?"

I pulled the blonde vampire into the house and closed the door, walking towards the kitchen to fix myself some caffeine.

"Well, after carefully examining both Elena and Katherine I've figured out why everyone is so damn obsessed with doppelgangers," I explained as I got my favorite mug from the cabinet. "Elena is a unicorn, think about it. Everything about her is so perfect, she's a bloody blessing from God. She has magical blood, it's not silver but that would just have been too weird. She's like a rare pokemon, there are not many doppelgangers running around. Do-gooders like Peaches love her, and evildoers like Damon want to have her. Everyone has the intense need to put their lives on the line if it means she lives, and everything she does will forever be seen as an act of good. Even if it means she kills a whole bloodline of vampires for the selfish need to be human, when everybody and they grandmothers knew she would end up a vampire since the first season."

"I wish I could say you weren't making any sense, but some of that does make sense." Caroline said gaping at me like a fish.

"Katherine's a dark unicorn, one who once was a pure white one but whose selfishness got too strong to be ignored by her appearance alone. She now lures her prey with her beautiful appearance and makes them do their bidding by manipulation, until she's done and kills them or uses them as shields. The only difference really is that while the dark unicorn uses its seductive appearance to lure the white unicorn uses its innocent-like appearance to do the same." I finished explained, before taking a large sip from my coffee.

"That rant was enlightening, but I'm going to assume that now that you have coffee you're going to stop comparing doppelgangers to magical creatures?" Caroline said, somewhat still lost after that rant.

"Doppelgangers are magical creatures." I replied with a smirk. "But yeah sure, I'm feeling more coherent already. That comparison was just something that came to my mind last night after a few glasses of champagne."

"Back to the point in question, Elena's missing can you help?" Caroline asked, sending me the puppy eyes.

"Not for free." I replied, just because the Salvatore's are trying to use Caroline to make me do shit for free it's not like I'm going to comply.

"I'm asking Bonnie, for me." Caroline replied, reinforcing the bloody puppy eyes. Bloody troublesome blonde.

"You're being used because you're too nice for your own good, and if you continue to comply with their whims they're going to continue to use you to achieve their ends." I replied, trying to explain it to her before it's too late. "You might think you're doing this because you want to but the truth is they wouldn't do it for you, in fact, if it was between you and Elena they would let you burn. You have to be more selfish Care, because not everyone will do for you what you would do for them."

"I know that, I'm not blind." The blonde replied, looking me in the eye. "But just as I need to be more selfish you need to be nicer, helping someone in need without any profit won't be the end of the world."

"I can understand your point of view." I accepted. She had a point, the reason we got along well was that we were so different and I knew that I wasn't a good person, especially in this life. "The difference is Care that if it was a stranger I would help them for free, but this is the Salvatore's we're talking about. I give them a finger and they try and take the whole hand. They're like black holes, they take and take and they give nothing back. That's why from the beginning I gave them rules, if they want something from me they have to give something in return. Except now they're trying to bend the rules by using you as the middle woman and I'm not amused."

"You know I never understood why you disliked Elena and Stefan so much... I mean I hated Elena sometimes because she was so damn perfect, but you didn't care about that you just didn't like her." Caroline said, silently asking why.

"It's hard to like someone when you know who they are, what they have done and what they will do. When you've seen exactly what their existence causes, and how they deal with it." I replied, trying to explain my point of view. "Damon, for example, he has done terrible things but he carries those things with him every day. He knows exactly what he is, and the things he's done and he lives with them all the same. Stefan has done horrible things as well, probably even worse things than Damon but instead of carrying his own guilt he writes it down and leaves it hidden from the world. He doesn't man up to his mistakes, and every time he falls of the wagon and then comes back to sobriety again it's like he's using a mask."

"So basically Damon is Spike and Stefan is Angel." Caroline resumed in a very basic matter. "But what about Elena? She's not like them, she cares so much about others."

"But most of all she cares about herself." I reply. "And I'm not saying that's bad, because I'm Miss selfish in the room. It's not about the selfishness, it about the ego. She was always the golden girl, from the moment she was born and as she grew up that persona become who she is. Imagine if Harry Potter had been raised in the Wizarding World, I'm sure he would have been like Elena. Everything bad that happens she thinks it's her fault, or because of her. Everything good happens because of her or for her. She has gotten so used to that being the rule that it will never change."

"I feel like your damning her for something she hasn't done yet." Caroline replied, getting my point of view but not understanding it completely. I suppose that's to be expected, she hadn't seen the evolution of Elena Gilbert in television as I did. I had been an impartial watcher, and now that I had seen Elena's childhood I understood even better who she was and I just didn't particularly like her.

"We can agree to disagree." I finally said with a sigh, there wasn't a point in this discussion.

"Ok, but can you please just do a locator spell for me?" Caroline begged. "I'm really worried about her."

I looked at her for a whole bloody second before nodding. "Give me your phone." I told her, and she silently passed me the phone. I searched her recent calls list and dialed Stefan.

"Caroline, did you get Bonnie to do the spell?" He said as he picked up, not even a freaking hello.

"Well well well, it seems someone is still used to having servants... I mean you send someone to do you work for you and then you demand answers without even a greeting, not to mention your not paying her. Here I thought you were against slavery Stefan" I replied, venom dripping from my words.

"Bonnie... it's not like that." He quickly replied. "We just needed your help and we thought that maybe if it was Caroline you would be in a good mood, especially since it's so early."

"It was a good tactic I have to admit, using the only person I don't charge anything from as a middle woman." I admit, somewhat surprised they hadn't come up with that before. "But if you ever try to pull something like that again I'll turn you into lettuce and feed you to snails. Are we understood?"

"Understood." He replied in his usual grim tone.

"Good, now pass the phone to Damon. I'm sure he's listening." I said, ignoring the looks Caroline was sending me.

"Witch." Damon greeted.

"I thought we had a clear understanding on how this working relationship functioned, was I wrong Damon?" I asked. I decided to talk to Damon because of those two he was the one with a working brain.

"This had nothing to do with me." He replied, and I could almost imagine him glaring at Peaches. "I have more money that I can spend and having a witch willing to do business with vampires without the usual threats it's kind of refreshing."

"Good." I said amused by his reply. "I'm glad we understand each other. Now listen up Salvatores, I'll do a location spell on Elena but there's obviously a price."

"Name it." Stefan said, I could tell he was pissed at me.

"The price is as follows- from now on you will never, and I mean never, use Caroline in your pathetic schemes nor will you force or emotionally coerced her into helping you or Elena. Should this deal be broken the punishment is as follows- I will put a barrier not only around the town of Mystic Falls but also on Elena and link it to both of you. In case you're idiots, which you are, this means you will never again step foot into town or come in contact with Elena Gilbert. Are we understood gentlemen?"

"Crystal clear." Damon replied dryly. He probably wasn't amused by my threat but he didn't mind the price. "We've got a deal."

"Understood." Peaches replied, I could tell he was extremely unhappy with the mere idea of being separated from Elena forever. Sue me, I'm a mean bitch.

"Say the magic words Steffie." I said, because his answer didn't inspire much confidence in me.

"We've got a deal." He said as if sighing.

"Good, I'll text you the address in 10 minutes. Toodles." I said, before ending the call.

Caroline was looking at me with a conflicted expression before she sighed. "You didn't need to do that you know..."

"I did, because you need someone to be selfish for you." I replied as I finished my coffee. "Until you get yourself a man that will put you first, I'll make the selfish calls that you can't bring yourself to."

Caroline pulled me into a hug. "You are the best friend ever. If I didn't know you better I would say that until you get yourself a nice man I'll be nice for both of us."

"Thankfully you do know me better, because nice men are boring men." I replied with a smirk.

"Yeah, the poor chap would be eaten alive..." She said amused. "Now you need to do the spell on Elena, I am worried you know."

"Please, she's fine." I huffed, walking toward my room. "She's with Elijah, at the moment she's probably the safest human that ever lived."

"Who's Elijah?" Caroline asked, she was always curious about my knowledge on the future.

"If Krampus and Santa we're siblings Elijah would be Santa." I replied, it was always good fun to tease the future in ridiculous riddles. Seeing the confusion and annoyance in peoples faces was also a major plus.

"So he's the brother of the guy you threatened Katherine with." Caroline deducted. "Here I thought the guy named Klaus would be the Santa."

"Exactly, he's the nicer and most noble brother." I replied. "But don't let that fool you, it just means that compared to Klausy he's a bit better ... but not by much."

"And your saying Elena is safe with the guy?" Caroline asked, skeptical.

"You're forgetting a tiny little thing Care." I explained. "We aren't just looking for a missing Elena, we're looking for a missing unicorn. Elijah doesn't care about Elena, he cares that's she's a unicorn and unicorns are to be protected from evildoers. You feel me?"

"I thought you had stopped using that analogy because you had coffee, it seems it's going to stick." She said, rolling her eyes at me.

"Yeah, from now on Unicorn is going to be my nickname for Elena. It just suits her so well... sometimes when your hangover and you haven't had coffee yet your brains works in mysterious but brilliant ways." I replied, before I quickly did she spell to find Elena. Good thing I had one of her shirts here from our last sleepover.

"You got it?" Caroline asked as I finished the locator spell.

"Yup, the unicorn shall be returned to her owners." I replied as I texted Damon the address.

"That just sounds dirty Bon." Care replied with a laugh.

"You know it." I said, sending her a wink.

"So..." She started, changing the subject. "The new big bads are arriving in town, I think its time you spilled the beans."

I looked at her and smiled before I lifted up my pinkie finger. "Pinkie swear to secrecy."

"Oh, come on you know I hate keeping secrets." She cried out, annoyed.

"Not to repeat myself again, but the future is not to be interfered with ... much."I explained once more. "Just the fact that you know can change the way you act and then change the whole outcome. I don't mind if it's you that's changing the future and stuff but if multiple people are changing things then the future could turn out to be unpredictable which sucks for me. Compreende?"

"Yes, yes." Care replied with a sigh, joining me in the pinkie swear. "I swear not to tell a soul. Hell, not even to write it down."

"You're a star." I replied with a smile, before throwing myself into my bed. Caroline took her shoes off and sat next to me.

"So these guys Krampus and Santa ..." She started.

"Ok first off, try not to call them that ... you might accidentally call them that to their faces, we wouldn't really want that." I said, even tho I was imagining their faces if that happened. "Klaus and Elijah Mikaelson."

"Right, Klaus and Elijah are super old vampires that for some reason want Elena for something." Caroline said, having deducted that from what I had already told her.

"They want her because she's a white unicorn, if Katherine hadn't turned into a dark unicorn they would want her instead." I explained. I wasn't going to let this unicorn analogy die so soon.

"Ok, so they need a human doppelganger." Caroline translated what I said into normal speech. "Is Elena going to survive? Is anyone going to die?"

"Elena will be fine, everyone will want to throw away their lives to save her. Someone is going to die, but I'm going to try and change that. Jenna is alright, she doesn't deserve to die." I replied.

"Jenna is going to die? We have to help her!" Care declared, half shocked half concerned.

"We will, I'll deal with that when it's time. God knows Elena is useless, nevermind Jeremy and Alaric." I replied, already having a plan in mind.

"You said that Elena lives but someone throws away their life for her?" The blonde inquired, having analyzed my words well.

"Uncle John dies to save Elena, but it's John so who cares. I tried to leave him for dead before and the guy still made it." I replied with a shrug.

"I'm going to pretend you didn't just admit that, seriously don't tell me anything that can make me an accomplice. But I suppose it's his choice." Caroline said, frowning at me slightly.

"He'll have to come and beg me to do a spell to save her, I'll milk that for quite a bit." I informed, already knowing what I wanted from John Gilbert.

"You've turned into such a miser Bonnie." Caroline said with a laugh.

"I'll charge you for that, unless you want a process against you for slander." I joked, making her laugh even more.

"Oh, by the way, I forgot to tell you ... Tyler killed some chick and he's a werewolf now." Caroline informed me.

"Oh yeah, Katherine scheme no doubt." I replied, I had forgotten about most of that actually.

"Don't you know that hot werewolf that studies in Whitemore? I want to help him out but I'm not dumb enough to help him during the full moon. Maybe meeting someone like him would help?" She asked, using the puppy eyes for the third time today.

"Ugh, stop using those weapons of destruction you call eyes. I'll call Reed, he owes me one." I replied.

"Thanks Bon, now get the hell up I'm starving and a drive to the Grill sounds perfect." She demanded, as she pulled me out of the bed and threw me into the closet. "Choose something cute and hurry up."

Why did I make friends with a bossy blonde again? It sure is fun to watch her boss others around, me? Not so much.

--

Meanwhile on the other side ...

His impossible witch did something pretty much impossible again. She tricked the strumpet known as Katerina Petrova and locked her in a tomb. Something Nik, the thousand-year-old vampire wanted to do for five centuries and this girl just did it in a night. Brilliant, somewhat scary, but brilliant.