Because I know it in my bones. You are the only one I desire, the only water that will quench my thirst, the only sun that will warm my skin, the only lips that were made for mine.

It's one of the last days on the island we have, but we treated it like normal.

We got up- -a bit later than normal- -and went on a run, got coffee with Vivianna and Ahmik, which just led to the other D'Silvetta's flocking to us with their partners then played a few games with Fly and Scar, relaxed in the water and Jasper made dinner.

And, like at the dorm, we decided to cuddle and watch a shitty zombie comedy movie.

So it felt...normal.

Despite where we are, and being in a cabin, it felt overwhelmingly normal.

I liked that.

And honestly, I thought it was going to stay a normal night.

But then Jasper blurts "I want to have sex with you." and sits up straight, causing me to do the same, to face me.

Straightening up, lost on what to say other than 'same' because I know this is a sensitive subject to him but also, the musician is the sexiest guy I know.

Jasper only continues, now rambling through his nerves.

"I want to have sex, with you, and I mean, I don't -I haven't wanted to have sex with someone before. You're just, you're just you? And I don't, I can't explain why -you know why. I just thought I should let you know and um... uh... say something?"

"There's not- -bit hot innit!- -pressure, I guess? Fuck, I, I do too but there's-" I growl. "-nothing wrong with wanting that but not having it." Fuck, is this the right answer? Second guessing myself, I add, "It's... normal? But I'll still respect your boundaries."

There's been moments before when we've kissed, where it's gotten too overwhelming for him.

But this is natural.

He's my boyfriend, for fuck's sake.

It's not like I haven't thought about it, of course I have, my thoughts always tend to go dirty and I'm no virgin, not to mention he's simply irresistible.

Still, there's no rush.

"Hey, I told you before," I say gently, lighting cupping his jaw. "I'm okay waiting. If this is just because you think I want it, I mean- -bit hot innit- -of course I do, don't think about that. You have to be ready. And comfortable."

The musician flushes under my palm.

"I-I know that, Star." He says, leaning in to give me a small kiss. "What I'm saying is I want to have sex with you. Um...tonight."

Holy fuck, this would be a lot easier if he didn't sound so innocent saying that.

I find myself flushing, kind of surprised, kind of confused and feeling warm just thinking about it.

"Tonight?" As in now? "What- -mother ducklings- -changed? You're sure? I don't want to be the reason you do something you'll regret."

Jasper has never gotten mad when we've been intimate before and I've ticed.

Even when I headbutted or bit him.

Hell, even our first kiss was interrupted by a tic.

"I won't regret it," Jasper says confidently, hand coming up to the back of my neck as he kisses me again. "Why are you olive?"

Olive...

No clue.

But I do know he's asking why I'm feeling what I am, which is all due to what I'm thinking about.

Fucking Tourette's.

"When, if, we have the awesome-" I squeak, shoulders jumping. "-gay sex that I- -bit hot innit- -plan to have with you one day, whether it's tonight or not," I say, placing a gently kiss on his collarbone. "I can't stop ticing."

"I know that." The giant replies, threading his fingers through my hair as I stay hidden against his shoulder. "It's part of you and I don't want to change or ignore that."

"This isn't something I want you to regret, Jitterbug."

Running his hand down my back, Jasper says, "I want to do this with you. You ticing doesn't change that." He pauses. "Is that the only thing not making you say yes?"

"I don't know where you got confused Jasper," Pulling away from his chest, I move one hand up to his jaw -squishing his cheeks together. "But it's already a yes from me. All I want to do is make you comfortable enough to enjoy it."

He blinks at me. "You don't think I'll be comfortable with you?"

"I'm not-" I growl. "-taking any risks. Not with this. Do you really want to do this, have your first time with me? Do you think- -bit hot innit- -that I should be the one that takes your virginity?"

I don't even like to think about it but if things don't work out between us, and he dates someone else, having sex with someone with Tourette's will either become weird or his normal.

Which is weird in itself.

The musician's cheeks flame to life and he starts to stammer.

I cut him off with a quick kiss, which only makes him redder.

"Jitterbug, if you can't talk about sex with me then-"

"I can talk about it! You just make me um, really nervous." Jasper confesses, hands tightening on my sides.

"Oh?" Raising an eyebrow, I smirk as I say, "Then tell me what you want. More than just one, three letter word. What do you want from me -need from me? If you can tell me how to pleasure you and respect you at the same time, I'll show you the best thing you can experience when my body's pressed against yours."

"I-I want, I want," Jasper pauses, a slight strain to his voice. "I want to see your face. I can't...I need to see your face. And I want t-to go slow. Can we go slow?"

Grinning, I nod, giving his cheek a chaste kiss. "Of course."

Remember we're on the couch, I stand up and hold my hand out to Jasper, who smiles at me -half confused but completely adorable.

"Jitterbug," I laugh, head jerking to the side but I don't let it affect me. "Your first time isn't going to be on a fucking couch."

In my past I've been used and abused, I've been hurt for just existing and having a body like mine. I've been taken advantage of and scarred.

Doing this is scary, in some ways, but Jasper makes it comfortable without even trying.

Sex with him isn't -it isn't just sex but something much more. It's an actual human connection, it's love.

I'm giving all of myself, even the parts I don't like, to him at this moment.

But that's okay because I know at the end of the day, he'd give them back without adding more pain.

Jasper is the only person I want to be with. It doesn't bother me that nobody can add up to him, that everyone else is mediocre in comparison.

Nobody else is good enough for me.

Being nervous, Jasper was the last to undress but the first to say "I love you" against my skin.

It was like the world- -the entire world full of annoying people and pain and things I'm forced to care about and worries and anxieties- -fell away.

Nothing besides me and him existed.

He calls me a god but this proved he was the one that was nothing but divine.

Jasper talked about the stardust in our veins.

This felt nothing short of a supernova collapsing.

Never once did Jasper flinch when I touched him and I was more than thankful for that.

For a virgin- -well, not anymore- -he was...a natural. Which led to us having the awesome gay sex I talked about twice in the span of five hours.

Then, equally tired, we both fell asleep in each other's arms -the musician pinning me to his chest.

As usual, I woke up first.

But unlike most days, my bare back is pinned to his chest, his body half covering mine as one of his legs is slung across my hips.

With him next to me, I'm still warm even with the only thing covering me being the flimsy sheet.

It's really only bunched around our waists, chests and legs exposed to his room's stupidly cold air.

Oh, fuck.

Literally, fuck, we had sex.

We had really good sex. As in, probably the best sex I've had.

No, it was different -we made love.

Twice.

My boyfriend is literally the perfect human, what the hell.

"Jasper..." I mumble, grabbing onto the wrist of the arm he has under my neck and thread our fingers together. "Jasper, we should get up."

No response.

"Jitterbug-" I squeak. "-you're literally pinning me to the bed."

Still nothing.

"We're still naked, if your- -bit hot innit- -oblivious ass is awake and just tired." I pause. "And by the way, you have a good ass."

He doesn't even react, meaning the giant is definitely still asleep.

Hmm...what sounds usually catch his attention enough to wake him up.

Oh.

Duh.

Opening my mouth, I let out a growl that Noelle would be proud of.

Jasper groans into my ear, wrapping his arm tighter around my wrist and pulling my body flush against his.

Though he takes a moment to register everything and the way our hips are pressed together, once he does, the musician squeaks out a useless apology and rips himself away from me.

But then the giant is tumbling out of the bed and landing on the floor with a loud 'thump'.

Sighing, I roll over and sit up to watch him blink up at the ceiling, cheeks flushed and minty eyes wide as the sheet he took with him is awkwardly wrapped around his upper thighs and taunt around one arm.

The goof trapped himself in the sheet just rolling out of bed.

"Well," My laugh catches his attention and he meets my eye for a second before his face turns a crimson color. "If you weren't sore before, you definitely are now."

Jasper flushes deeper, "A-are you sore too?"

"Jasper, I don't know if you noticed," I tell him. "But you're a big guy. So yeah, I'm sore."

My boyfriend squeaks, covering his eyes with both hands.

All I can do is laugh and throw the pillow on him too. "Want to join me in the shower?"

His shower is absolutely huge, there's three shower heads and a ledge on one side that I'm not really sure I know the purpose of but it will be more than comfortable for both me and the giant.

"Wait," The giant scrambles up still holding the sheet to block himself. It's pretty useless, I know exactly how he looks naked. "You were serious about that?"

I smirk. "Every single time."

My boyfriend flushes deeper, thinking for a moment before nodding. Grabbing his hand, I pull him into me but have to raise up to press a kiss against his jaw.

"You're adorable, Jitterbug."

Much too red he just nods in reply, wraps his arm around me and pointedly doesn't look down even as we slip in the shower together.

He grabs the shampoo first, laughing as I ruffle his hair -making bubbles fly through the air only to be cut down by bubbles.

Wrapping my arms around his neck as his hands land on my sides, we share a soft, short kiss that ends with me grinning against him.

"Hey, Star?" Jasper says, voice mixing with the running water. "Thank you."

Raising an eyebrow at him, I ask, "For the orgasms or?"

His minty eyes widen as he blush, that was just starting to die out, comes back full force. Jasper shakes his head, fingers nervously fidgeting with one of my hands. "For caring about me."

"You're so silly, I love you, Jasper Red." Not letting it get too deep, I cup my hand to throw water at him, making him scoff. "Don't forget it, or there's more water to come."

"But-"

Already having caught two handfuls of water, I splash it right in his face. "No- -bit hot innit- -questioning it! I love you."

Jasper pouts, clearly wanting to say more, but the pool of water in my hands stops him.

We stare at each other, eyes narrowed until my boyfriend grabs both my wrists in one hand rather suddenly, looping them around his neck as he pins me between his chest and the shower wall.

"Hey!" I scold him, but Jasper just grins at me. "Jitterbug-"

Interrupting me with a kiss that quickly turns into more as his tongue curls around mine, hand dropping from my wrists to let me hold him closer.

Turning over, I switch our positions and stumble with him as he accidentally is made to sit on the shower ledge.

Now at the better angle, I place an open mouth kiss on his neck, not able to stop myself from biting his shoulder in a tic, but if the way he pulls me to sit on his thighs tells me anything, it's that he definitely doesn't mind.

Angling his jaw down to me, I kiss him and feel him smile as the water slips down our skin.

"Ah," Jasper gasps against me, fingers digging into my shoulder blades. "I-I'm overwhelmed."

Instantly pulling away, I nod and place a gentle, innocent kiss on his forehead. "There's still shampoo in your hair."

"Yeah." He grins, hands on my hip clearly about to help me down when my shoulder jumps and next thing I know I'm head butting him. "Omph!"

Jasper's back is flush with the ledge as he grabs his forehead with one hand.

Climbing off him, I sit on the side and wince. "I swear I didn't- -mother duckling- -mean to do that." Pulling on his wrist, I kiss his palm as he blinks at me. "I'm sorry."

His smile returns full force and he flushes a bit, "I know. Now you just owe me a thousand more kisses."

I roll my eyes at him. "Is that supposed to be a punishment?"

"Hmm..." Jasper tilts his head at me before nodding, sitting up. "Yes."

"Wow, then it's definitely working." My sarcastic comment gets me a small pout, but ruffling his hair and making more bubbles easily makes him laugh again. "Didn't Fly and Scarlette say they were going to come over this morning?"

Jasper makes a face at me, grumpy just at the mention of Fly.

Which I find cute.

He mutters a yes and we finish showering, Jasper still being a little shy to get dressed in our room while I dress in the bathroom.

It's kind of adorable how confident and hot he can be all while being a shy confused mess sometimes.

It's then I notice past the scars that show up on my tan skin- -something I have to, yet again, force myself to ignore- -are red scratch marks on my shoulders and lower back. I think there's even one going over my spine tattoo, but I can't see that well in the foggy mirror.

But once the mirror changes back to normal, I doubt I can bring myself to look in it.

That's nothing compared to the red bite marks on my neck and the one on my thigh, the hickies trailing along my skin but miniscule compared to the thumb print at the base of my throat.

Jasper, I think. What the hell did you do last night?

There's no denying now that we did something, even if he doesn't want his family to know.

I tried to be gentle with him, I really did, but all of this is new to Jasper and I don't think he knows how to go gentle if he tried.

Not that I'm complaining.

Rough doesn't bother me.

Wanting to show him what he did, because chances are he'll go bright red, I step out of the bathroom without bothering to put my tank top on.

The catch, you might ask?

I come face to face with Flynn Jacus who looks me up and down, cups his mouth then says, "Damn boy, what the fuck did he do to you last night? Yo, Little Red!" Fly calls Scar, who pokes her head out of the kitchen. "Check him out."

Jasper, hearing the idiocy, quietly opens the door and wrinkles his nose at Fly. "Morning?"

"Dude," Fly laughs, digging his thumb into my back as I turn towards my boyfriend. "Did you try to maim him?"

All Jasper does is maintain eye contact, flushing bright red as he slowly shuts the door.

Smirking to myself, I look up to Fly, eyebrow raised.

The message is clear, get out, but the look he sends back while snickering is simple, makes my ears go red and somehow annoying all in one.

Have fun.