I have outlasted all desire. 

Sleeping has always been hard for me.

I move a lot in my sleep and if I get cold just a little, I wake up and it's hard for me to get back asleep.

The times I've shared a bed with someone I've woken them up too.

But with Jasper, he pretty much keeps me pinned to his chest, letting me relax into him. That really helps my insomnia and the thoughts that usually ravage my brain at night.

When we share a bed, I get so much sleep that I'm actually sleepy instead of exhausted when I wake up.

I've found that when this happens, I wake up around the same time Jasper does instead of four hours before. Sometimes, I even wake up after him.

That's a little strange.

The few times that Jasper has woken up long enough before me to get out of bed, I've noticed almost instantly and woken up in the span of a few minutes.

So this morning, when Jasper climbed out of bed and my back was left cold, I noticed and tried to wake up, I really did.

I guess that's what deep sleep feels like -unable to open my eyes, just frown and snuggle deeper into the sheets, body and mind content.

"It's okay, Star." Soft lips kiss my forehead, making me sigh out and start to become even less aware of my surroundings. "I'll be right back...you can sleep..."

The sweet smell of strawberries invades my senses and a deep breath in makes Jasper's mint body wash and his naturally and annoyingly really good husky scent fill my senses.

Which I tell you, is the best way to wake up.

Blinking, I realize by the slight sting in my eyes that I slept with contacts in but honestly, it just means less work for me when I get ready in the morning.

"Castor!" Jasper chirps my name out, kneeling by the end of the bed to give a chaste kiss to my cheek before cuddling against my shoulder, pecking my collarbone too. "How'd you sleep?"

"I slept..." I grumble, wrapping my arms around his shoulders as I blink away the drowsiness. "So good."

The musician chuckles, "That's good, also, you look so fucking adorable right now, Star." I just grumble at him. "Your hair is everywhere."

"My hair is always everywhere," I sigh, resting my head on top of his, still feeling like I could fall back asleep at any moment. "Nothin' special."

Jasper moves onto the bed, nuzzling his face into my neck as he holds me tighter. "I disagree, sir, it looks very fluffy. Can I urm, touch your hair?"

"No pats," I say, thinking of the friendship-pats Vivianna gives me. "But go for it."

Pulling away slightly, he runs his hand through my hair, messing it up only to fix it again, looking way too god damn cute to be fair.

He's so adorable.

And so hot.

Yeah, I definitely love him.

If I didn't, he wouldn't be my world.

Jasper hums, "What are you thinking about?"

You.

"Not telling."

"Will you ever?" He asks, tilting his head towards me. "I'd like to know, eventually. It's such a pretty color. And it makes your song um, happier I guess?"

Oh gee, I wonder what else around me makes me happier.

Shrugging slightly, I say "It's just amusing that you know everything else but that." and keep my sarcastic thoughts to myself.

"It's not like there's instructions for seeing emotions," The giant laughs, kissing the tip of my nose. "I just have to pay better attention, then, and come up with my own conclusions."

"Bet you won't be able to."

He's too oblivious for that.

Jasper grins, "I'll bet you a whole field of strawberries I'll get it by tomorrow and if I do, I get a kiss."

Like he wouldn't get a kiss anyway.

"That's a win-win for me," Those strawberries are quite tempting. "So deal."

"Hmm, true." Jasper hums before sitting up, pulling me along with him to do the same but I just groan and flop back down. "Now, you gotta get up, date time."

Opening one eye to look at him, I ask, "Where are we going?"

"We're going to Nymph's creek and then we're coming back here for the hot tub. I packed us breakfast and have my swimming trunks on under this."

Hot tub?

Jasper in swimming trunks?

Yes please.

"Castor?" My name does break me from my thoughts but just makes my blush deeper. Let's hope he doesn't notice. "Your ears are going red."

Nevermind.

"Fuck." I cover my ears, moving back from him a bit. "Do they do that a lot?"

"Yes. But even if they didn't your sunflowers give you away."

Well, fuck me I guess, the only thing I can hide from him is probably the biggest thing I shouldn't.

"Sunflowers," I scoff. "Do you have something like that?"

Jasper bites his lip, "I don't really know. I just ignore it, mostly." Poking my cheek, he narrows his minty eyes quizzically at me. "Can you make me blush, real quick?"

Moving my hand up to his jaw, I thumb his bottom lip so he stops biting it, leaning into him so close that our noses brush all while keeping eye contact.

"Ya' know," I smirk. "I'd fuck you."

Surprised, and probably feeling a bit teased, since normally when I touch him like that it's followed by a kiss- -not to mention my words themselves- -the musician flushes a bright red

And I laugh.

"So, your sunflowers?"

"Peonies, black peonies." He pauses, eyes looking at the two songs over my head. "Huh."

Frowning, I can't help but to glance up but like always, nothing's there, which is exactly what I expected. "What is it?"

"I'm clingy," He explains. And like, I knew that, it's adorable, especially when he gets jealous, but is he just figuring that out? "N-not like, not like that! Well, I hope not like that but um, my song? It likes to move towards yours. And stay around yours. I d-don't know. You're just my butterfly, that's why."

Has he not noticed that with anyone else, like Vivianna or even- -gag- -Axel? They're his soulmates too.

"So yours does that with other people too?"

"Other people?" Jasper frowns at me. "What do you mean?"

Shrugging, I just say, "Your other butterflies."

"Castor..." The musician says slowly, and I know this time that I'm definitely missing something. "You're my only butterfly. You will always be my only butterfly. I... I only get one. You're my one."

I pause, frowning. "Wait but what about, what about Viv?"

"Viv?" He chuckles like I'm missing something, and knowing me, I am. "She's just a part of my heart. Not a butterfly."

"Oh wait, so your-" I squeak. "-your soulmates are like..." My world. This entire time, he's been saying I'm his world and all I've heard is I'm his soulmate. Fuck. "You only have one? And that's me?"

Nodding, Jasper says, "Yep, only one. It's only you, and only ever will be you. It's a one type deal, bam and that's it."

Thinking, I nod, leaning over to kiss his forehead. "When you said I'm your soulmate, it meant something different for me. I'm your butterfly and your only one. To me, you're my world. My everything. It's different from a soulmate. A once in a lifetime phenomena. I didn't know that you thought- -bit hot innit- -of me like that too."

"I'm your world?" He squeaks out, turning a bright red yet again.

Then he does a small dance in his spot, obviously happy about this.

"I-I'm not doubting how you feel for me-- or, or I haven't been it's just... I haven't had someone feel the same way about me as I felt about them before. And I'm happy-- happy that you make me happy and that I can make you happy too."

This dork, of course he makes me happy.

Even if he is an oblivious, clumsy goof.

"You definitely make me happy," Giving him a small peck makes him grin wide enough to show off his dimples. I yawn, stretching my arms over my head, only to catch the way his blush deepens and his mint eyes trace my frame. "Jasper?"

The musician hums in reply, not looking away.

I smirk, more than amused. "Are you done checking me out or-- bit hot innit!-- do you want me to wait before getting dressed?"

"Sorry," Jasper turns away a bit but it's not even a few seconds before he's facing me again. "Oh! You can pick out some of my sweatshirts to keep if you w-want. I noticed you liked wearing them around the apartment sometimes. They're in the first section of my closet, the ones I wore the most anyways."

Fuck yeah.

I love his sweatshirts.

They're always so big and warm and they all smell like him, which is a definite bonus.

"Yes please," This gets me to climb out of bed instantly. "I'm totally taking some."

Pointing to the closet, the musician says, "Steal away, sir."

Giving him a smile, it would be funny how even his nose turns a light pink if it wasn't so damn cute.

"And this," Jasper spins in a small circle, arms spread to showcase the area. "Is Nymph's creek."

It's a small little area with a cliff, a giant willow tree next to it with a sparkling lake under it. This place is beautiful.

But not as beautiful as Jasper, who's shirtless with his swimming trunks riding low on his hips.

I hum, knowing I should have probably taken more time to look at Nymph's Creek instead of checking out the musician. "Why do you call it that?"

"My great-grandmother swears she saw a nymph or mermaid down there in the water." He shrugs. "I've never seen anything like that, though, and I've had plenty of animals try to say hello. Do you think I could be friends with a mermaid? I think I could. What if they didn't speak a language I knew, though? I could learn. But then again, everything in their culture would be underwater, nothing to relate to. Yikes."

Chuckling at his line of thought, I just say, "Even mermaids would probably find ways to be friends with you, Love."

"Because you think I'm adorable?" His head tilts adorably at me.

"Because you are adorable," I correct. "Whether I think that or not."

He flushes, stumbling in his step but starts to talk about how the water is usually warm and clear, how he grew up swimming in it but still isn't tired of it.

Pausing I begin to think about how we're kinda working backwards here, me and Jasper.

The first thing we did was move in together, then had our first kiss and we've made out, and we're about to start our first date.

This seems like a good tradition to keep us.

"Jasper?" I say, catching up to him at the edge of the cliff. "Did you really mean that I'm your soulmate? Like -your only one."

Slightly taken aback, the musician pauses for a second before nodding. "Of course. You're mine."

Ah, I'm glad he phrased it like that.

Because that small, two letter sentence gave me just the right amount of courage to raise an eyebrow at him and ask, "Do you want to be my boyfriend?"

This is followed by a small growl, but the thought is calming enough that I don't start to tic as much as I thought I would.

"I -shit!" Jasper lets out a loud yelp as he tumbles off the side of the edge, having done the small excited bounce he does when he's super happy but clumsily tripped himself.

Seriously?

Yeah, you know, never mind, this is pretty much exactly what I expected. I should have waited until we were already in the water.

With a sigh, I shake my head and pull my shirt over my head -grateful that the giant already had us discard our sneakers at the bottom.

Otherwise his shoes would definitely be wet right now.

Diving off the cliff, I land deeper in the water than I thought I would and try to look around for Jasper while making my way to the surface but don't even see him before a large arm is wrapping around my waist and pinning me to a hard chest, the musician bringing us both up to the surface within a few seconds.

"Okay so," He mumbles, clearly not liking how he reacted. "That was embarrassing as all hell and, um, the answer is yes if me throwing myself off the cliff by accident didn't change your mind."

"Didn't change my mind at all," I laugh, lightly kicking my feet but all too aware of the way he's holding me up with ease. "Could I maybe, if you don't plan to accidentally drown yourself too, have my first kiss as your new boyfriend?"

"Castor, I'm not gonna drown myself! Stop teasing me." Jasper whines but I just smirk, knowing I'll probably never stop teasing him about things like this. "And um, yes please for the kiss.

Trying not to laugh, I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him -almost unexplainably relieved by this moment.

Jasper's arms tighten around me, melting into the kiss.

I'm kissing my boyfriend.

God, just the thought makes heat pool in my stomach and I can't help but to kiss him harder.

Nymph's Creek must have felt left out, because water invades my senses as we sink deeper into it. Jasper kicks his legs more, bringing us back up but the damage was done and we both pull away laughing.

After wearing ourselves down from swimming and splashing each other- -and because the giant wanted another orange- -we're drying off in the grass.

Jasper is laying on his stomach, head on his arms and sighs gently, content, as I trace the designs on his back.

It didn't take long for me to notice the half-moon and tally mark shaped scars going across the top of his shoulder blades, trailing along his biceps.

"How'd you get these?" I ask, gently running my fingers along the skin.

His muscles jump under my touch as the musician tenses, mumbling a single name.

"Keres."

Don't grab my upper arms, Jasper had told me.

And I didn't question it, I didn't need to know why he didn't want me to do that or why it was a trigger, but now that I do know I can't help but to be furious about it.

"How- -Sasuke- -did..." Deciding not to ask as it's even hard for me to speak, and I don't want to make him upset, I cut myself off as soon as Jasper's wide mint eyes turn back to me.

I know the half-moon shapes must have been Keres's nails, but I don't get how he could have grabbed Jasper consciously hard enough to leave scars. Or the tally marks.

It's just incomprehensible to me that someone could hurt Jasper.

Turning back around, the giant shrugs. "You can ask anything you want to."

"I don't want to make your anxiety worse," I admit in a grumble. "Or make you scared."

"My anxiety is okay for now," He informs. "And I'm safe-- you're safe, so it won't get any worse besides maybe a little. And I'm s-sorry, I think I'll always be scared when it comes to him."

Not liking that enough that I know if I opened my mouth I'd sound snarky, if not angry- -which I'm sure he can tell I am anyway- -I don't respond.

Instead I just lean over his back, hands gentle on his sides when I kiss over the scars, taking extra care with the ones on his arms.

"No one knew we w-were together," Jasper explains.

I pause briefly before going back to tracing the ink that trails down the dip of his spine, finding it easier not to get lost in my anger when I have to remind myself to be gentle with him.

"He...was ashamed of me, I think. Didn't like others knowing he was mine, or that I was his. I was c-called a freak a lot, back home."

What absolute, god damn bullshit.

Jasper isn't a freak.

"Not good enough but I'm also too much for anyone to want. Or, um, that's what h-he told me. He liked to make it seem like I was all alone, and I was. He pushed everyone away that c-could've noticed something was, was wrong without me realizing it. I hurt a lot of people doing that -emotionally wise."

Fuck that and fuck him.

Nobody should be allowed to hurt another person like that, make them feel so alone.

It hurts, it fucking hurts, like someone hallowed out my chest, hearing the ways Jasper was treated.

If I ever see this guy, I think I'm literally going to kill him.

Yeah, that sounds like a plan.

The musician's small laugh breaks me from my thoughts. "You're being a snarky grump in your head, aren't you?"

"Hard not to be." I snap, then wince and correct myself. "Sorry- -Sasuke!- -continue. If you want to. Jasper, you don't have to tell me."

Just talking about things like this can be traumatizing.

He shrugs, "I haven't been able to talk about it like this before. My a-anxiety always kicks my butt. Is...is it okay if I continue?"

"Of course." Trying to be as comforting as possible, I give his shoulder a short kiss and feel as he relaxed slightly under me.

"Okay, urm, where was I going with that?" Jasper huffs, meaning I distracted him doing that.

Oops.

"Oh, right. He didn't want anyone to know about us and got r-really, uh, he got really mad if I slipped up. Even over the little things, like h-hesitating if someone asked if I was single. K-Keres held so much power over me, I didn't even realize it."

For a brief moment, I think if I have any power over him.

If that's a bad thing.

But then I remember that even if I do, there's no way in hell I'm abusing that.

"He scared me. Like, really scared me. I constantly had to be careful with my words around him, be careful on how I acted. He hated the annoying head tilt thing I do? Never did break that habit."

Annoying?

That's one of the cutest things I've ever seen.

"I just let most of it happen." Bullshit.

When someone's abused the abuser likes to make them think it's a choice, but it's not.

He did nothing wrong.

Sitting up, the musician turns to me, eyes pointed at the ground.

"I thought if I tried to stop it, it'd get worse. When I-I, when I didn't do what he said, he liked to punish me. He'd grab me, grab my arms, and wouldn't let go unless I was bleeding."

Jasper's hands come up to rub his arms, and I don't know if my touch is helping anymore or not.

"I ruined so many shirts -I m-mean, he ruined a lot of shirts. The...the tally marks?" He pauses. "I made him wait, for kissing, t-touching, for more. He didn't like that."

Is it too much to ask to run into this guy just to kill him?

Probably.

The universe is never fair like that.

"He d-didn't like that at all. So he'd- he'd make those whenever I'd fight back, when I said no. I was bigger than him physically, but he made me feel small. Weak." When the musician says this, I know he's one of the strongest people I know. "This happened for about a year and a h-half."

Holy shit.

I hear the sharp intake of my breath before I realized I vocally reacted but I really didn't expect his abuse to go on that long.

It's so long.

God that makes me so mad. I could cry.

"It's not, it's not that bad, Castor. I'm healing from it even if the scars won't e-ever go away. I got tattoos, all of those, when I got out of that relationship."

I'm really happy for him, that he did that and he's healing.

But I know it is that bad, I know how shit like that feels.

If it wasn't bad, he wouldn't have to heal from it.

"Did..." I have to take a deep breath before continuing so I wouldn't have a fit. "Did someone find out about it? How that fucker treated you?"

"Kind of, I... I kinda snapped?"