Nothing makes you feel more naked than someone identifying a desire you never knew you possessed.

For some reason I still don't know, we're going clubbing.

By this I mean I'm going to watch the people around me get tipsy, dance inappropriately and end up carrying Noelle home. Circe has never got drunk and never will but she's long discovered that the gene that lets us get addicted so easily doesn't affect her.

It's the same way with Atlas but so far the rest of us seem to be affected.

As the other person in this twin pair, I feel like I got the short end of the straw just a bit too much.

One moment Vivianna and Jasper are talking about making each other get dressed properly, something I've never had problems with, and the next the weirdo is squinting at him and saying, "Sometimes I forget just how goddamn loaded you are, Mr. I live and own a fucking Castle."

And that sounds kinda important.

Like he's someone important.

Which, given, doesn't change how much of a fucking dork he is at all, but I'd like to be clued into these things.

"Okay, first off, we're well past establishing that." Jasper pointedly keeps his eyes on the floor, as if ashamed. "And second, a castle really doesn't even cover it."

"Whatever," She pouts, then pops back to her peppy self. "Still, though! Being able to hang out in that giant library that looked straight out of a fantasy movie was fucking awesome."

I notice stupid Max Mitch staring at the musician like a fish out of water the same time Jasper himself notices, making me frown as he starts to stammer.

"W-what?"

"You're like..." The redhead pauses. "Super rich?"

It was a question I could see made Jasper uncomfortable almost instantly.

"Urm," He nervously rubs the back of his neck, never glancing at me once as his eyes flit around the space. "Kind, kind of?"

"His family owns two private islands." Viv deadpans, which, admittedly, does make my eyes widen but I manage not to react too much.

Mama got cut off from her parents really young, so while she's been able to do good stuff with her money we're still just a middle class family.

We still rely on her income from the Grey Estate franchise, even if we don't necessarily rely on Papa's bakery.

I've never thought I'd actually meet someone who owned a private island.

It's not as exciting as I thought it'd be, it actually sounds kinda...stupid now that I think about it. I mean, what's the point of owning a place like that if you don't go to it often -or live there.

This must be the introvert in me but if I was rich enough to own a private island I'd move there and never speak to a single dumb person again.

"Wait-" I hear Max gasp, snapping his fingers in Jasper's face breaking me out of my thoughts and making him wince -which instantly makes me mad. "You're -you're an Astoria, aren't you?"

What the fuck is an Astoria?

Is that his family name, or the rich side of his family's name?

Cool.

Jasper frowns, mumbling something about his mom.

Okay, he's starting to look really uncomfortable and pressured.

Which makes me snarl out, "Okay, fuckheads, leave him alone and go get ready."

Noelle, of course it's Noelle, challenges this.

"But-"

"Now." I growl, cutting her off. Without much else besides a glare everyone, even Vivianna and Max, listen to me and scramble to get ready.

Next I turn to Jasper, watching as he shrinks in on himself.

"Jitterbug?" Stepping closer, I watch to see if he's going to touch me first, so maybe I'd be able to comfort him without passing a boundary, but he doesn't. "Are you okay?"

"A-ah, of, of course," The musician nods, still not meeting my eye, which is only one of the reasons I don't believe him. "I just... I don't li-like when people, when they treat me differently b-because of the Astoria thing. They... they act scared. I don't want to be someone that's scary, Cas."

It's cute that he thinks he's scary, honestly.

Like what's the worst the giant can do -step on me? Even that would be an accident.

"You aren't," I tell him, trying to sound comforting instead of amused. Jasper takes in a deep breath, eyes closed, so I continue to try and help. "You're probably the least scary person I have ever met, honestly."

Blinking his minty eyes open, he tilts his head to the side. "R-really?"

"Duh," I grin, stopping myself from ruffling his hair or touching him but not from rolling my eyes. "You're still scared of spiders, you act like a puppy and you can't walk fifteen steps without tripping. The only thing I'm ever scared of is you hurting yourself."

Jasper pouts but before he can say anything, Vivianna's voice interrupts him. "Jazz! Get your Latino, Italian ass in here and help me put this on. It's being as stubborn as you."

The musician groans before straightening up, turning to me with a small grin that shows off his adorable dimples as he playfully salutes me, "When duty calls."

With that, he walks away.

I sigh, looking down at my hands. "This is going to be harder than I thought."

But for me, in my case, I know I've already passed a boundary- -even if it's an invisible one Jasper hasn't noticed he has- -by touching him first and pursuing physical contact without him touching me first or a verbal question.

Consent is something I was taught young, I know how to respect it.

And I also know what it feels like when consent is stripped from you, taken out of the question or outright ignored.

I know how mean guys can get.

Jasper doesn't like being touched first, he likes being able to control a situation even if he's not exactly in control if you know what I mean.

He, understandably, relies a lot on the ability to say no -even if he's never said no to me before.

And I...love him, maybe not completely romantically yet, I'm not even sure, I'm just a gay mess but I do love him.

Even if I didn't, pressuring him or ignoring boundaries and not getting consent is out of the question.

I never saw this coming.

After meeting him I never expected this to happen between us, I expected it to start out simple and end simple, I expected him to ignore me or be rude or be just another guy I see sometimes but live with.

It's not like that at all.

He's my world.

Trust me when I say that isn't something I take lightly, that isn't something I just decided to call him.

Hell, I had to get beat with a tube and stabbed with a stick in order for it to get through my apparently thick skull.

There's no right time to love someone, there's no measurement for how long it is until you're allowed to love them but there are wrong times to love someone. I don't want to do anything that could make him think this is the wrong time.

Since the first time he asked for a kiss I knew I was in trouble.

He was pouting and red and I was teasing him and I planned to keep teasing him but all he had to do was look at me.

Then my reserve was gone and I was in his control.

"Hey," Vivianna is suddenly standing in front of me, hand patting my head. "Are you going to change or what?"

"Yeah," I shake myself out of it, standing straighter. "Yeah. Sorry."

She starts to walk away but I sigh and lightly grab her shoulder, making her turn back to me with a wide grin and wiggling eyebrows. "Yes, my liege?"

Rolling my eyes, I cross my arms. It takes a few moments but eventually I ask, "With Jasper, I'm not -I'm not imagining that he doesn't like to be touched first? You wait for him to touch you first, unless that's a you thing. Is there...do you know if I've done anything wrong, before I noticed that? If I did anything he's uncomfortable with-"

"He hasn't said anything to me about being uncomfortable, scouts honor." The weirdo holds her hand over her heart playfully, though I can tell she's taking this seriously. "But you're not imagining it, just wait for him. Might get a little frustrating but he has his reasons. You're a good one, Amazing Roommate, so thanks."

She turns away again, bouncing away before I could ask her what she's thanking me for.

Thanks...

Motherfucker, for what?

Frowning at myself, I knock on my room door, waiting for Noelle to shout her "All clear!" before I come in.

Max is in the bathroom, but the girls are changing in my room.

One glance tells me Circe isn't done yet but Noelle's helping her get zipped up, making me scoff. "You're slow as hell, Cece."

"Says the one who hasn't even started to change yet." She snaps back.

"I bet that I can finish changing before you figure out how to clasp your heels on," I tell her, smirking. "As long as Noel doesn't help, that is, seeing as she's definitely smarter than you."

"Uh." Noelle pauses. "Should I be offended for her or happy for me?"

I shrug, "Both."

"I'm taking this bet!" Circe says, storming out of my room door. "Whoever wins gets fifty bucks."

Rolling my eyes, I quickly change into ripped, black skinny jeans and am about to pull my sleeveless tee overhead when a sharp scream makes me tense.

"Nevermind!" Max- -oh my god was that Max who screamed like that?- -calls out sheepishly. "I'm alright."

Dumbass.

Finally being able comfortably in the grey tee I grab my black vans and slip them on, smirking as I'm able to see Circe sitting on the back of the couch, scowling down at her heels.

"Cece," I snicker, motioning down to myself as she snaps her head up to me, grey eyes narrowing sharply at me. "Guess who won the bet. Pay up."

With a defeated look Noelle's the one who hands me the money.

Scoffing, I turn back to my twin. "You're making your girl pay? Shameful."

Circe only shrugs, "I didn't bring my wallet."

"Wait, wait, wait." My best friend pokes me harshly in the stomach. "Where's your mesh top?"

Scowling, I cross my arms. "I'm definitely not wearing that around Jasper."

"Best friend code!" Noelle shouts, hands shoving me back into my room. "You love that shirt for parties! You have abs. You have great arms. Stop hiding!"

She shoves me until I trip against the bed and give up, watching as she goes through my closet until she finds it.

It's this stupid black see through fishnet style long-sleeve that's see-through but has a layer of mesh on it. And I'll be the first to admit that it makes me look good, but most times I still have to work myself up to wearing it due to my scars.

Noelle doesn't let me feel bad about myself.

Prick.

"You owe me." I tell her, pulling the tee over head and slipping on the shirt, tucking it into my pants. "God, I look so gay."

She grins, "That's a good thing."

I shake my head, "My football team is like, really homophobic. I heard last year they literally beat up a guy on the team when they found out he was gay. The coach is a really good guy, he knows I'm gay and all and doesn't like it but the school won't let him kick them off the team. They play too good to have good morals, apparently." Chuckling nervously, I keep my eyes on the ground. "Not looking to repeat that scenario, you know?"

Noelle is silent for a few moments before quietly saying, "You shouldn't be scared of that. Not again. God, why are football players so stupid?"

"Hey!" I teasingly bump her hip with mine, making her squeal as I lighten the conversation. "I might be stupid but at least I can cook."

"At least." The nerd giggles, shoving me away from her. "I bet they're waiting for us."

It's a bit surprising that when I make it back to the living room Jasper and Vivianna aren't already out, since I know neither of them take long to get ready, but sadly, Max is and looks like he is about to try to hug me again any second.

Sinking into my seat, I glare at Max the entire time so he gets too nervous to actually move.

But then Jasper Red stumbles into the room laughing with his best friend.

And he's wearing a leather jacket and tight pants with messy hair.

He looks hot all by himself.

Yet now, somehow, he has a eyebrow piercing too and holy shit, like four piercings in each ear but then I see he also has a medusa piercing in his cupid's bow and a septum piercing and snake bites on either side of his lip I can't wait to feel when I kiss him-

Holy shit.

Fuck.

Fuck me.

No, fuck, fuck.

I have no clue what he's thinking, no clue what he wants right now, no clue if I'm enough for him, no clue if I'm as appealing to every one of his senses like he is mine.

What I do know is that right now, I want to touch him.

Jasper steps closer to me, furrowing his eyebrows like he's somehow confused by my reaction- -me realizing just how fucking red I am right now- -as I stay frozen.

His hand cups my cheek as he leans in, "You're burning up?"

I take this as my cue to be able to touch him when he's okay with it.

Thankfully, I notice Vivianna directs everyone to the kitchen, bouncing away as she tells them something about inviting Ahmik too and them needing a snack.

I doubt I could eat right now.

Just -fuck.

"I, you-" I squeak, breath stolen from me. "Can I, with your- -bit hot innit-" Fuck this stupid British accent and my stupid squeaks. "-can I?"

My hand just brushes against his jaw to show my intention and the musician just looks more confused but nods nonetheless.

Slowly, giving him the chance to pull away, I kiss him -if only to know how it feels when he has his piercings, if not his body on mine.

Pulling away, I run my thumb over his bottom lip to gently press over the snake bites.

I like this.

Weird.

It's not fair how hot he is while being so shy.

"Castor?" Jasper questions me softly, making my eyes snap up to his, still not used to the sound of my full name. It might be a bad thing that he calls me that, I like it too much. "Are you okay?"

Is it obvious right now that I'm struggling to stay composed?

If so, kill me.

"You're just-" My hand jerks as I squeak again.

I quickly get flustered as I instinctively go to touch him but have to stop him, not touching him more than what I asked for. My hands clench on my thigh, controlled.

Control over my body is, often, what I lack.

Jasper tilts his head at me, pouting slightly. "Did I do something wrong?" He falsely asks, minty eyes worried. "C-can we talk about it?"

"You didn't do anything." I try to reassure him, but I doubt he believes me. "Come on, Jitterbug. Let's talk."

Standing, I direct us to my room.

I hope I didn't do anything wrong, even if I'm complicating things more than I should be.