What am I doing here?

Wylan had thought this exact sentence more times than he could count when he'd worked for Kaz a while ago. Atleast at the time everything truly was baffling. Now, he was questioning his presence in his own house.

He rubbed a hand across his face tiredly. It was well past midnight. But the sight of Kaz Brekker sprawled out on a bed, obviously very sick, was enough to chase away sleep for several days.

***

They'd been in the sitting room, he and Jesper- trying to work together on Jesper's colour leaching techniques- when there was that familiar knock at the door-the sharp sound of a cane, not a hand.

Wylan had glanced at Jesper. "You handle that. I'm going to go wrangle some milk from the cook."

"Milk," Jesper had muttered, striding to the door, "Milk, as if we were six, why I put up with this idiot-"

He'd thrown the door open and immediately begun reciting his usual weak refusal of dangerous jobs- Wylan could hear his voice as he padded down the hallway- when Jesper had suddenly shouted his name.

Wylan's heart had seized. Someone had come for Jesper, he was in danger, they were in danger- without thinking he turned around and came skidding into the living room only to find Jesper trying to keep a motionless Kaz upright.

He had looked to Jesper first, as always. His face was contorted with panic.

Then Wylan had caught sight of Kaz more fully.

Brekker's eyes were closed. His breathing was irregular and hitching. The colour had drained from his face.

Something was badly wrong.

Wylan had raced to help Jesper, taking Kaz's other arm and hauling him up. He was unconscious.

Ghezen, what had happened to him?

"Saints," Jesper swore as he tried to drag Kaz to the nearest sofa. Wylan slipped a hand under Kaz's knee and indicated Jesper to do the same.

They'd carried him like that upstairs, to a guest room, and laid him down.

He had not woken up.

***

They took off his coat, his gloves, his shirt. Wylan had the sense of doing something fundamentally wrong- Brekker wore his clothes like armour, like disguise. But it had to be done. His skin was fever hot. There was a tiny wooden splinter embedded in his shirt. Wylan placed it carefully on the bedside table. You never knew.

He side eyed Jesper as they were inspecting Kaz's neck for possible dart marks. He had always been an oblivious child, yes-but not so oblivious to not notice the covert looks Jesper had thrown in Kaz's direction, those long-ago days on the ship to Fjerda.

It was as Wylan pressed a cool compress to Kaz's head that Jesper made an odd noise and strode out of the room. After glancing at Kaz once Wylan followed him out.

Jesper was in the hallway, pacing like a tiger in a cage.

"What the hell?" He was muttering, over and over. "Kaz is never hurt. Kaz doesn't faint. Kaz doesn't act like anything other than a superhuman."

"Jes." Wylan tried to keep his voice even. "We should summon a medik. Or a Healer. Somebody."

Jesper stilled fractionally. "Right. Right. I should find one."

He stepped forward and kissed Wylan suddenly, hands moving to cup his neck. Wylan closed his eyes and let himself float in it, the warmth of his Jesper.

A few moments passed before Wylan drew back reluctantly. "You should go. The sooner we find someone the better. I'll look after him."

The trace of a smile flitted across Jesper's face. "Whatever you say, nursemaid." Then it vanished. He shook his head, bewildered. "I don't know what to make of this. No one manages to touch Kaz."

"I know, " Wylan whispered. He was at a loss as to what to say.

Jesper stepped back and straightened his sleeves, fingers worrying at the seams. "I'll be back in a while."

Wylan watched him go, dread in his heart.

***

Hours later, the sky was lightening. Sounds of the city waking up drifted in through the window.

There was still no sign of Jesper.

It's fine, Wylan told himself. It's just hard to find mediks willing to come out in the middle of the night.

He'd considered carting Brekker to a hospital briefly, but ruled against it. The boy's face had been plastered across the city not very long ago. He didn't want to take the chance that Kaz might be sent off to a quiet death without ever waking him.

He looked at him now, noted the rise and fall of his chest, worrisomely shallow. By all signs he simply had a bad case of the flu, but something was...off.

The door slammed downstairs. Wylan leapt up and had just stepped into the hallway when Jesper came hurrying, a Kaelish girl with a nervous expression at his side.

"Kira was at the Ravkan embassy. Sorry it took so long. Is he better?"

"No."

Jesper's shoulders slumped.

Wylan turned to Kira. "Thank you for coming. Will you see him?"

She nodded.

Following him in, she sat gingerly on the edge of the bed. Took Kaz's hand. Touched his neck. Her brow furrowed.

"I wish Inej were here," Wylan whispered sadly. He always missed the little Suli girl when she was away at sea. He missed Nina, too, and Matthias- atleast Inej had been around, briefly as it was. It seemed wrong for her not to be near Kaz now.

Jesper reached out and took Wylan's hand. His posture was drooping. "Me too."

Kira's fingers made their way to Kaz's abdomen. "Here," she said, pointing to his side. "Poison."

There was a deathly silence.

"Rare poison," she continued, hands pressing against the wound. Her Kerch was lilting. "Not only physical but mental."

"Is that...even possible?" Wylan ventured.

"Yes. Brain is also an organ. With some chemicals it is achievable. Something injected him with poison. Slows organs, thickens blood. Brain begins shutting down. Slow and painful."

Something was building in Wylan's chest, something heavy.

"But you can stop it, right? Heal him?"

"I may be a Grisha Healer, but this poison is...an odd thing. It targets the brain areas where negative feelings are stored. Fear. Anger. Amplifies the chemicals already present. Only option is to reduce them so the amplification is less. Otherwise the body will be healed but the mind forever scarred."

Wylan had serious doubts if Kaz had any feelings at all, let alone negative ones. The man seemed to live only out of a spite for the general world.

"Well, what would help?"

She shrugged, pressing her hands into Kaz's chest. His breathing eased. "Company. Talking. He got a girl?"

Wylan noted with relief that Jesper's lips twitched. "In a manner."

She sighed. "I cannot do much except slow the burn of it, heal what I can. The poison won't be gone, not entirely. It can be...killed. Will exist as a harmless thing in his body. But I sense..." she tapped his forehead- " something dark and tight. A knot. It has to be loosened. Or it will feed to the poison."

Jesper's voice was mild, but there was an undercurrent to it that made Wylan want to hide. "Where did this wonderful poison originate?"

"I do not know. They only added it to the Little Palace curriculum last year. As practice, for overcoming. It is illegal everywhere, but pops up in the black market constantly. We call in tikhiy vor- quiet thief."

The irony was palpable to the point of absurdity.

He thought of how Kaz seemed to run on continual luck, like the Makker's Wheel had him on a priority list. The way he wriggled out of situations with a hair's breadth, and his curious sense of loyalty to struck deals. His eyes when they followed Inej. In his incredulous way, Wylan had come to care about Kaz. He owed his life to him.

He straightened. "Many thanks, Kira. You will be handsomely recompensated."

She dropped her hands. "I have done what I could. It is mostly gone from the important organs. But there is still a significant part latched into the brain, and unchecked, it will creep back through the blood."

"So what you're saying is, we need to make Kaz deliriously happy."

"Yes."

Jesper laughed humourlessly. "Won't that be easy. Hey, Sunshine, maybe we should take a stack of kruge and wave it under his nose."

"Or get hold of Inej."

"They're not the romantic type, Wylan, Inej isn't going to waltz into his arms and make everything alright with a kiss. That's for fairytales."

"Still."

Jesper sighed. "She gets here in the next few days anyway. She said she had a surprise."

Wylan hoped the surprise wasn't anything that crawled, killed, or had a sharp edge, but he was looking forward to seeing his friend again.

Kira watched them with wary eyes. "I must stay and monitor until the poison is purged."

Wylan pinched the bridge of his nose. "All right. I should go make arrangements."

He looked at Kaz. Despite the job being long over, the Barrel thug still found ways to upend Wylan's life.

Ah well.

It wasn't like he would have it any other way.