Colby stares at the rug in front of him; not being able to focus on anything that is being said. The conversation is coming to Colby's ears like muffled sound; he can't focus on anything but keeping his breathing normal. Sam Golbach, stupid Sam Golbach — Colby's best friend — decided that it was a good idea to have pizza night on this beautiful Saturday night; not knowing that Colby's heart would be broken five minutes into the night.

The moment Jake walked through the door, Colby's mind went blank — like it always does — and it didn't go away until his blue eyes caught sight of another person. Tara — sweet, little Tara — walked through the door; clinging onto Jake's hand. Colby's heart sinks, but he puts on a fake smile.

"Well, well, well. . . " Colby drawls as he wraps an arm around Jake's shoulders. The man ignores the tingle that goes through him at Jake's touch.

His blue eyes find Jake's, "Did little Jakey find a girl?" He chuckles out; his voice sounds weak to his ears, but most likely sounds normal to the others. Jake chuckles before shoving Colby slightly, "You're only jealous because you haven't found one yet." He says playfully. Colby's teasing smile disappears for a split second before coming back full force. The man lets go of Jake's shoulders before teasing Tara as well; she returns his teasing with shoves, and playful threats.

The jokes die down as everyone sits down on Sam's comfy couch, and eats their pizza. This is how Colby ended up on the verge of a panic attack, his thoughts racing, and his heart beating rapidly. The man is shook out of his thoughts by Kat, whose face holds concern. Noticing that Colby is hyperventilating, Kat makes a simple excuse before casually leading Colby to Sam's spare room; she leads his to the couch, and makes sure he is calm before she makes him explain.

Colby stares into Kat's kind eyes; he is overwhelmed by the feeling of guilt, guilt of not telling anyone his dark secret.

"Colby. . . ?" She whispers softly, her hands on his tear streaked cheeks.

Colby blinks away the last of the tears, "I'm a freak." He whimpers, his eyes not wanting to look the girl — who is almost like a sister to him — in the eyes. The man flinches when Kat gasps, "Colby. . . No! No, you're not!" She forces the dark haired man to look at her, "Why would you say that? There is nothing wrong with you. . . Y-You're a great guy, with great friends. A-And you're fans, th-"

"I'm in love with Jake!" Colby's eyes are clenched shut, and he lets the new line of tears out. He feels his hands shake as he pulls away from Kat's hold. He finally chances a look at the girl, and flinches back when he sees her shocked face.

Colby gasps when he is sent back when Kat attacks him with a hug. She hold him tight to her and whispers in his ear, "I'm so sorry." Her voice cracks, and she holds him even tighter than before. Colby lets all of his emotions take over as he leans into the girls touch, and lets the sobs come out. He cries so hard that no sound comes out, only his gasps for breath.

•••

Sam watches as his girlfriend drags his pale faced friend into the spare room, and can't help but feel worried. The thoughts of what could possibly be wrong are swarming through his head. The blonde doesn't have time to think too hard about it, because Corey is quick to add him into the ongoing conversation that he is having with Jake. Apparently, the two men are wondering when the next trip will be; Sam only smirks and changes the topic, all his previous worried thoughts disappear.

•••

Colby holds tightly onto Kat's hand as he walks back into the party. The man doesn't pay any attention to the confused look that his best friend gives him as he spots them; his main focus is on the couple in the corner, who are giggling and whispering. His blue eyes go watery, but he relaxes when he feels Kat's hand squeeze his.

The party ends quickly after this; Sam ushers everyone out; telling them that he has an important meeting in the morning. Colby's fear from earlier comes back when he spots the familiar concerned expression on his best friends face; he looks to the girl next to him for support, but it's already too late.

"What was all that about, Colbs?" Sam asks as he lazily lays down on the couch. Colby flinches at the nickname; Sam doesn't use 'Colbs' unless he wants something, or he's worried.

The man only shrugs, not being able to find his voice at the moment. He knows he really should tell Sam, but he doesn't think it's the right time.

"He had a small panic attack." Kat explains softly. Colby looks at her and gives her a small smile, he's thankful that Kat understands that he doesn't want to tell Sam yet.

Sam only frowns, "I thought you stopped having those in Junior year?" He questions as he leans forward in his seat, looking Colby over for any bad body language.

"I-I did, but I didn't get much sleep last night, and being around all those people. . ." He trails off as memories of Jake and Tara flood into his brain. Colby's shaken out of his thoughts by Sam's hand on his shoulder, "I'm sorry, man. You should have told me, I would have kicked em' all out sooner." He playfully jokes. Colby lets a small chuckle escape his lips before standing, "I better get going. . ." He mumbles as he gives both his friends a hug.

•••

The walk back to his apartment wasn't long, but it sure as hell was lonely. That nights events play through his head over and over again, making the man feel like he's going crazy. As he steps into his apartment, Colby finds his way to his room and throws on a pair of random sweatpants. Before closing his eyes, Colby checks his phone; his heart sinks at the two messages he just recently received.

Colby lays his head back onto his pillow, his phone on his chest. The smile from reading both text messages doesn't disappear, even when his blue eyes close and find sleep.

•••