It had been a days since I left Firestone pack lands. It was easy, I just walked away and nobody cared to ask where I was going. I had to leave, I couldn't handle seeing my mate live happily with someone else. I was in no man's land. It was dangerous out here with rogues but it's peaceful.

I tried looking for a job in human town and didn't find one. I was always sick and weak because of my pregnancy. I had no idea how far I was in my pregnancy. I was starving and had no money to buy food. I found a cave that I had been sleeping in, it wasn't too bad. It was deep enough and the opening was hidden, I decided to make it my home.

Walking to human town became a problem, I was getting big. I was struggling to walk to the river for water so I was stuck in my cave waiting for death. So I decided to shift into my wolf. It was risky but I had no choice, in my wolf form I could hunt and keep warm at night, not get sick from drinking water from the river.

The only thing was that I couldn't shift back to my human form. I was going to stay as a wolf for the rest of my pregnancy. The baby would be born as a wolf and shift back to human at six months.

It was not unheard off in werewolf community where expecting mothers would shift towards the end of their pregnancies so their wolves could deal with giving birth. They gave birth to a pup that would shift into human at six months and they will shift again on their 13th birthday.

My shift was slow and painful, Sky didn't want to hurt our pup and I got that but it was hard. I was weak and hungry, I would kill for peanut butter, pancakes and big Mac. When I was done shifting, I went down to the river for water. I felt better and stronger.

My wolf was beautiful dark gray and had brown eyes. Sky was my everything, I would be dead if it wasn't for her. She was strong even after being rejected and she kept us alive. It was still painful whenever I thought about Blaze. Sky was in love with her mate and she wanted him back. My pregnancy made matters worse, I craved Blaze. I needed him to hold me and love me, I knew he didn't want me but I would give anything to have him just for one night.

I was angry and mad at him but I didn't hate him no matter how much I tried. I went hunting and found small animals, it was great sleeping with a full belly. I could go many days without feeling the hunger. The only thing was that I was still horney, the thoughts of running to Blaze and begging him to take me, were forever present. But reality always smacked me in the face.

Blaze was happy with the one he loved and that was not me. Nobody believed that Blaze was my mate, they would have my head if I said I was pregnant for him. Whenever I imagined my life after I found my mate, living in a cave knocked up and alone, never came to my mind. I was happy because I was not feeling sick anymore. I felt strong and my pregnancy was coming along fine.

After some months I couldn't get up, I had cramps. Sky took over as we were in labour and she knew what to do. I didn't feel any pain, she took all the pain. After hours our pup made his appearance, he was all black with gray ears. I was happy since he seemed healthy but Sky told me another one was coming. After some minutes my little girl was born, she was all black and looked small and weak.

Sky cleaned her and put her near a tit so she could suckle like her brother but she couldn't. I thought maybe she was tired so we all rested. Sky gave me back control so she could rest. I had no idea I was pregnant with twins, I was glad they were alive.

Three days later baby girl was still not nursing like her brother and she was not moving that much or made any sounds. I was hoping for the best but I knew without medical care she wouldn't make it. My worst fears were realised on the fifth day when my little girl died. Sky couldn't howl to mourn her pup because that would let others including the rogues know our hideout. I felt like a failure as a mother, I couldn't help my baby when she needed help and she died. Then came the what ifs. If I didn't run away, she would have access to medical care. It was my fault my baby died.

Sky said. She was the strong one between us, the one who helped me to stay strong.

I felt lost but I had to be strong for her brother. I knew I had to bury her, she deserved to take her final rest in her father's land not in no man's land. She might have been born as a rogue but she was not one, she was the daughter of Alpha Blaze Jones. I was going to bury my daughter at Firestone pack territory and nothing could stop me.

It took me full day walking in my human form to reach Firestone pack. I was surprised that border patrol didn't come, it was getting dark when I reached the lake. It brought back bad memories but there was this place I had in mind. It was my favorite spot and I would spend hours there, it was beautiful. It was a hill that overlooked a field of flowers. When I got there, I put my pups down, shifted into my wolf and started to dig next to a big tree.

I buried my pup and left, with a promise of visiting her on her birthday. I was deep in Firestone territory so I decided to rest and let my baby boy eat. I could see the warriors patrolling the boarder where I was, I waited until they left and ran off.

My pup was thriving but I didn't know what to name him. He was healthy and always nursing. I was doing well too, I hunted and ate well. My son opened his eyes for the first time and they were so blue just like Blaze's eyes. And then it came to me, his name was Azure. I realised his sister didn't have a name.

Sky said sadly.

"I said.

"

I wished that I had both my pups in my arms but it wasn't meant to be.

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