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My heart sat in my stomach as I stare out the window of my small one-bedroom apartment. It's been six months, the worst six months of my life. Normally around this time we'd be having dinner or cuddling up on the couch watching some sappy rom-com. Now here I am, sitting in this stupid bay window watching the stars and wishing he'd come back to me.

Going to work has been becoming nearly impossible. Everywhere I go I see his face or hear his voice, it's starting to make me feel crazy. Is it normal to be like this after losing someone you love? Dr. Charles told me every emotion I'm feeling right now is normal and I shouldn't apologize for it.

Ethan Choi, my boyfriend. He passed away six months ago. My heart feels torn. He was shot and I wasn't there so I couldn't have done anything. When they rushed him into the ED Mrs. Goodwin told me because of the Hospitals policy, I'm not allowed to treat him. I had never felt more useless in my entire life.

Ever since his passing, everyone has been so kind to me. Friends and coworkers brought me food, flowers, etc. and it made me feel grateful for having them. Maggie and April really were there for me with having a girls night in to distract my mind. It didn't really work but I appreciated it. They figured I'd want to be alone but I told them I wanted the complete opposite.

Then there was Crockett and Will who brought me enough food to feed an entire family of twenty. They have been amazing as well with being a shoulder to cry on if need be. Currently, it's a quarter past midnight, and sleep isn't coming to me. He is all I can think about right now. Tomorrow makes six months on the day that he died.

"I wish you were here," I whisper almost inaudible. I'd give the world just to feel his arms around me one last time. Or to hear one of his stupid jokes that he always laughed at to make me feel better. I've been feeling so alone for months and right now I don't want to be alone.

I grab my phone and pull up Maggie's contact before calling her. She answered on the third ring with a loud hello. It sounds like she's at a party and it made me frown. "Hey, where are you?" I frown curiously.

"Molly's," she replies. "We're all just hanging out. You should come. April wanted to invite you but we figured you'd want to be alone."

"Uh no I don't actually. I'll be there in ten." I say. She cheers and tells me she'd see me soon before hanging up. As I'm getting dressed I make a deal with myself to not be so sad tonight and just live a little. For the first time since he died, I'm going out and trying to have fun. It feels illegal and wrong to have a good time when he can't.

Even though he would want me to live my life and not be so crippled by this pain. After getting there I saw everyone from the hospital and others like Kelly Severide and Jay Halstead. Everyone seems to be out tonight. Everyone saw me standing at the door and smiled.

"Hey y/n, welcome!" They cheered for me. I smile and thank them before taking a seat at the bar between Maggie and April. "We're so happy to see you." April smiles. I thank her and order a beer.

"Good to see you y/n," Crockett says as he comes over and gives me a hug.

"Thanks, it's good to see you too." I smile. The night started to go on and I did have fun. We all hung out and just talked. It was exciting because we got to see both Will and Jay get drunk and try to outsing each other in Karaoke. Neither of them won because Trudy had to take them home since she was the only sober one.

To say she was stressed out would be an understatement. Since my house is closer Maggie came over to spend the night on my couch. I told her to take the bed but she wouldn't. Immediately after getting home, she passed out into a deep sleep. I changed into some pajamas and crawled into bed.

I stared at the empty space next to me, his spot. My hand caressed the cold sheets before I closed my eyes and tried to get some sleep before my mind wandered. The next morning I woke up before Maggie did and made some breakfast then gave her some aspirin. She definitely was sure to thank me as she took it.

"Thanks for inviting me out last night. I really needed that." I smile at her.

"Of course. We're all here if you need us." She reassures me. I'm so happy we don't have work today otherwise she'd be screwed.