I tried telling Jay many times that we should go home and he should take some time off work to mourn his father, but the stubbornness got the best of him and he wanted to get back to work. As soon as we got into the office Hank called Jay into his office, giving me a small nod which I understood as his way of asking me if I was okay. I nodded back before sitting back at my desk.

Kim had been following a Jane Doe who had walked away out of the hospital after the fire, Dr.Choi suspected she was being tracked and Kim and Jay were assigned to go look for her after someone had called in reporting a woman matching her description. We knew that her injuries were bad so she needed medical attention fast. Kim and Jay left the precinct on their way to find her.

I could tell Jay just wanted to work because he didn't want to think about what happened to his dad, even if he kept telling everyone there was no need for anyone to feel sorry for him since he didn't have that kind of relationship with his dad. And to some extent, I felt like this was proving harder for me than for Jay, in the sense that I couldn't focus completely on work since I was worried Jay was going to do something that was going to get him in trouble or hurt.

"Hey, you alright?" Adam asked me from his desk after he heard me sighing heavily for the 3rd time.

I felt a knot in my throat as soon as he asked so I simply forced a smile and nodded. "mhmm." Was the only sound I was able to make.

____

Carlos Mendoza had been brought in for questioning after Jay arrested him, which he wasn't supposed to do. But now Hank was in with Mendoza in the interrogation room while Jay, Hailey, and I watched.

"Five people were killed in that fire, and one of those victims was a cop's father, you're not getting out of here," Hank told Mendoza. I felt Jay tense up beside me and I could see Hailey noticed too.

"Hey Jay, I think maybe you should sit this one out," Hailey suggested kindly.

"You don't know anything about my relationship with my father," Jay answered aggressively.

"Jay-" I stopped him.

"I'm fine!" Jay answered annoyed ignoring us both and continuing to watch the questioning.

We had gotten a lead on Mendoza's son Daniel, and Jay had gotten info of the house he was possibly at, so we all got into the cars and drove there. We found that the apartment was rigged with cameras but Daniel wasn't there. Instead, Kelly was there and he told both Jay and I that he would do anything to help.

"Kelly I think it's best if we handle this-" I tried to keep him away from more danger.

"Bear, I dragged bodies out of the building, Stella got hurt, I want Torres to go down." he insisted and Jay agreed to let him help.

I felt like I was about to burst, I couldn't handle more of this, Jay could pretend like everything was fine and he didn't need a break but I felt like I was carrying all of his emotions aside from mine and I couldn't do it for much longer.

We continued trying to locate Daniel and Juan, Mendoza's children. Jay had been kicked out of the case, but knowing him I knew that he was close by listening to any information he could to try to find the culprits.

We had gotten a possible location for Daniel so Hailey, Adam and I got in the car to head to the location. As soon as we got there I recognized Kelly's car and saw Kelly was standing beside it. "Where the hell is Jay?" I was furious at them both but my anger was soon replaced by worry when we heard several gunshots.

I started running towards the sound as fast as I could, Adam and Hailey following behind me. I peaked at a corner carefully, my gun raised for precaution when I saw laying on the ground, Daniel beside him and blood covering both their chests.

"JAY!" I screamed terrfied running over. He was conscious. I heard Adam and Hailey calling for an ambulance and backup. "Jay you're okay." I ripped his shirt and vest open, only one bullet had gone through. "Jay can you hear me?" He just looked at me but didn't say anything.

I kept preassure on his wound and as soon as the ambulance got there they took Jay into the back to treat him.

_______

I saw Kelly was talking to an officer. I walked over to him. "What the hell is your problem!" I shoved him back hard.

"Y/n I'm sorry" I could tell he was but I was so angry.

"HIS FATHER JUST DIED! YOU KNEW HOW VULNERABLE HE WAS! HOW COULD YOU! I TOLD YOU NOT TOO!" I shoved him again and again. "I know you did this for Stella, because she's the love of your life...but he's mine Kelly." My voice broke at the last words.

Someone stopped me. I turned and Hank was pulling me back.

"Y/n I need you to calm down." He talked to me softly.

"He could have died." I let go, I couldn't hold it in anymore. "I'm sorry Hank, I know we said we wouldn't let our relationship intervene with work but God! We're not even married yet and he thinks it's okay to go off like this." I cried.

Hank held me. "I know, don't apologise."

"Come here." I heard Adam's voice. He put his arm around me taking me somewhere more quiet.

"Adam I'm so tired." I was honest, I looked down at my hands covered in Jay's dried blood.

"I know, I know you are." He hugged me.

Adam let me stay like that for a couple of minutes until Hailey walked over to us. "Hey, Jay's asking for you." She rubbed my back.

I took a deep breath mentally preparing myself not to just shout at him. I walked to the ambulance where he was sitting on the edge, Hank had just finished talking to him. "Are you okay?" I asked as soon as I was in front of him.

"I'm sorry." He looked up at me. I felt my eyes well up immediately.

"Hanks right, I've been so selfish. I know it's not just me now, it's you and me and I haven't been listening or seeing you this whole time, so I'm sorry." He stood up still clutching his side.

I sat him back down and then took a seat next to him. "I was just so worried about you Jay, I know Jay you're not okay and you weren't this whole time, especially after your dad died. And you might have been able to get away with pretending like you were fine but I'm not like that Jay." I was honest.

"I know, and don't be." He kissed the side of my head. "Look at what doing that got me." He pointed at his wound smiling trying to lighten the situation.

I smiled with him. "That wasn't funny, I thought you were dead...again." My smile disappeared.

"I'm sorry baby." He apologized again. I leaned my head against his shoulder.

______

Jay and I were going to his dad's place to get his belongings with Will, I told Jay it was okay if he wanted to go alone but he insisted he wanted me there with him. We walked into the apartment and the atmosphere was really heavy as expected, Will started looking through things in the living room while Jay and I decided to tackle the bedroom.

I had started taking out Pat's clothes, folding them and placing them in boxes. I saw Jay was by the vanity looking through some pictures. I turned to get more clothes and then I heard a thud. I turned and saw Jay had sat down on the ground, leaning against the bed and holding pictures in his hands.

I walked over to him and sat next to him not saying anything. He passed me the photos and I saw that Pat had kept a lot of memorable moments from Jay's career. "I'm so sorry baby." Was all I said, I took his hand and leaned my head against his shoulder.

I felt his body shaking under me indicating to me that he had finally let go, he had broken down. We stayed in silent, I just held Jay's hand tightly letting him know it was okay, we were gonna get through this.