I sat in the waiting room while Jay and Will were inside with their father, I knew that neither of the boys would mind if I went inside but I knew that this was a very personal and sensitive time for all of them and I felt the best thing I could do right now was give them space.

I heard loud yelling in the room and I stood up starting to head over thinking something was wrong. Jay walked out angry. "Jay, what's wrong?" I asked him trying to calm him down.

"It's always my god damn fault with those two." He vented. Will stepping out too.

"Jay's dad doesn't need this right now." Will tried to lower his voice.

"You know what Will I don't need this right now! I was there for dad when you weren't, but I'm still to blame for everything!" I placed my hands on Jay's chest trying to calm him.

"I took care of him too okay? I made sure he took his meds!" Will argued back.

"Well you know what when dad gets out of here you find him a new apartment, I'm done!" Jay walked away not saying another word to me nor Will.

"Will are you-?" I was about to ask Will how he was doing but he stormed off angrily as well.

I had to take a deep breath trying to keep myself calm from the overwhelming amounts of emotions around me. I turned to the room and Pat was looking at me. I walked over. "Mr.Halstead I'm sorry-" I was about to apologize.

"You remind me of their mother." He spoke.

That took me by surprise, Jay had talked to me about his mother, describing her with so much love, like she was the most sensitive and caring soul in this world. "I wish I could've met her." I smiled.

"Look, I know I haven't always been the best father to either of my boys but I just wanted them to be better than me. And I know they are, I get angry because they take care of me the way I should've taken care of them and I don't deserve that. I am so proud of my boys." Pat started tearing up.

"You know Jay and I were talking this morning and he was telling me about how he wants you to be at the wedding." I walked closer to the side of Pat's bed.

I could see him shed a few tears. "You're good for him y/n." He took my hand. "I know he loves you so much, I can see it in his eyes, in the way he talks about you, he doesn't want you seeing the worst parts of him." He gestured at the door indicating the fact that Jay walked away at times like these. "But I know that if I go, he'll be okay, he's got you, so thank you for loving him." He squeezed my hand.

I felt myself tear up too. "Nonsense Mr.Halstead, hang in there." I winked.

"Pat dear, no need for Mr.Halstead." he smiled.

Will come back and I decided to head out to give them space one more time. I wasn't sure what to do now though, I wanted to be there for Jay but he needed space and I tried to be there for Stella and Kelly, I just felt so helpless. I called Hank asking him how they were going with the case and he gave me very few details telling me not to worry about it and focus on Jay.

____

I had been roaming around the hospital trying to find Jay until I decided to go back to the waiting room and just wait for him there. Once I did Will was there, leaning against the wall looking defeated.

"Will what's wrong?" I walked over placing my hand on his back softly not to startle him.

"He's gone." That was all he said, pain filling his eyes.

"What?" I didn't know what else to say, just moments ago I was chatting with Pat, it just couldn't be.

"He's brain dead y/n, he's gone," Will told me.

"What?!" Jay had appeared and we didn't know how much he had heard.

"Jay!" Will tried to talk to his brother as he ran into his father's room.

"He's not dead Will, he's breathing, he's alive, he'll come back." It pained me immensely to see Jay in denial.

"Jay he's gone, he's not coming back." Will tried to tell his brother.

Jay was holding his father's hand tightly. "No, he's not Will!" I shed a few tears, wiping them off quickly so Jay wouldn't notice.

"We have to take him off his ventilator Jay, he's not coming back." Will tried to tell his brother one more time.

"Will maybe you should give them some time." I tried telling Will.

"He doesn't know what he's talking about, you gave up on him, well I haven't. Now shut up!" Jay was agitated and we were all completely taken aback when Jay threw a punch at his brother.

Will finally left the room. I knew Jay would probably be feeling completely defeated and guilty for the last conversation he had with his father. "Jay?" I started walking over to him, pulling a chair next to him.

"He can't be gone baby, that can't be the last conversation I ever had with him." He looked at me, and I could see he was fighting back tears.

"I'm so sorry Jay." I held his other hand with both of my hands and leaned my head against his shoulder. He rested his head on top of mine and this was the first time during all of this where I was able to feel like I was really there for him.

We stayed like that for a good while, almost hours, until Will came back. I knew Natalie had also talked to him and I felt Jay slowly coming to terms with the fact that his dad was gone. "Okay, I'm ready." he sniffled wiping a few tears from his eyes.

I stood next to Jay, his hand keeping a tight squeeze on mine as we watched his father get taken off the ventilator and his heart stop beating. He was gone.