Jay had asked Hank for a couple days off while I was able to recover and start doing more for myself.

Jay was the best carer, he was so sweet, gentle and patient with me and I didn't have to worry about being a burden to him since he just looked at me with so much live everytime he was around me.

Jay had gone out to grab some groceries while I was preparing some dinner, making sure to sit down whenever I needed to.

"Hi babe." He greeted one he walked in.

"Hi." I smiled

"Mhm that smells good." He walked over hugging me from behind gently and kissing my cheek.

"You know I figured I'd make your favorite since you've been such an amazing boyfriend lately." I said as I turned around hugging his waist tightly and kissing him.

"You know I love taking care of you, it..." he took a deep breath trying to find the right word. "it just fills me." He finished.

"Yeah well I love doing things for you too, it completes me." I found a better word for me.

He smirked kissing my nose. "Alright, well I'm gonna shower before dinner." He told me. "Then I have to clean and change your bandages my love." He reminded.

"Alright babe." I smacked his bum as he walked away.

I finished cooking relatively quickly and I had some time left. I had an idea. I went to the bedroom and undressed being careful not to hurt myself. I then walked into the bathroom. Jay had his back door so he didn't see me.

I walked into the shower with him, gently sliding my hands over his chest I felt his body tense up for a second before he recognized my touch turning around to face me.

"What are you doing?" He smirked as he pulled me closer to him and under the warm water.

"I missed you too much." I placed my arms around his neck.

"Yeah...me too." He leaned down to kiss me, his hands sliding up and down my back.

We didn't do anything strenuous but we did have some built up energy that we had both been waiting to...release.

By the end Jay began washing my body, being extremely gentle when he washed over my scars. He then took time to kiss each and every one of them. "You're so beautiful." He whispered as he kissed my last scar.

I felt myself blush slightly which wasn't visible under the warm water. "Do you mean that?" I laughed.

"With every bit of my soul, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen...and you're mine." He smirked at the last words.

———————

Jay helped me out of the shower holding me tightly so I wouldn't slip. He helped me bandaging up the scars that still needed it and them helped me get dressed.

We then went over to the kitchen to have some dinner. "I'll set the table." Jay let me know as I started serving.

We sat and ate just chatting about life, work and our friends. "So how's Kelly taken everything?" Jay asked me.

"He says he's alright...but Stella told me he's been a little distracted at work, with a little bit of a short fuse." I told him.

Jay nodded and we stayed silent for a few seconds.

"He would have been an excellent father." Jay then spoke. What he said took me by surprise but made me really happy how sincere he sounded.

"Yeah he would, and he still will be." I was optimistic about the future.

"Can I ask you something?" Jay then asked me.

"Sure." I got a little nervous.

"Do you think we're ready to take the next step in our relationship?" He asked me setting down his cutlery.

I set everything down too trying to find the right words. "I think we need a little bit more time, or at least I do." I saw him slightly disappointed. "I love you Jay, you know that but I'm not ready...not after what I just went through." I was honest with him.

"I get it." He took my hand as he saw me getting teary eyed.

"Jay I know I've been acting fine but every night before I go to bed I'm terrified that there might be someone in here. I was so scared Jay...in the church...I tried to fight back but my hands were literally tied and...and I feel like if maybe I had fought harder the baby would be alive and-" I started crying.

Jay stood up and walked in front of me, kneeling down between my legs. "Hey hey hey stop." He cupped my cheeks. "I meant it when I said it the first time and I mean it now...the babies death was not tour fault and nobody blames you for it, not me, not Kelly not anyone." He spoke clearly.

"I was ready to die Jay...a part of me felt relieved they had finally decided to do it, how? I didn't think of you, of Trudy...just myself." I continued beating myself up.

"Baby what you went through..." Jay got a knot in his throat and he got teary eyed. "What you went through was torture...you were in pain, anyone in your position would have felt the same and thats okay...you just wanted the pain to end." He wiped tears off my cheeks.

"I know that I have to accept that and I'm sure I will eventually but Jay I can't take the next step in OUR relationship when I've taken 5 steps back in MY relationship with my own body and mind." I finished.

"Okay, that's okay. Just know you're not getting rid of me." He kissed my forehead. "I'm with you every step of the way." He smiled.

I hugged him tightly and he hugged me back just being careful. "I know you will and I'm so thankful for that."

"I just want you to know that I'm sure about us, I want to be with you, only you for the rest of my life." He pulled away looking into my eyes as he said so.