A/N: Hey guys, let me just start off by saying I am so sorry this took so long, I know it's been forever but you'll have to forgive me, I've just been swamped. Anyways, the song is So Down by Mother Mother because it's fucking fantastic, and I hope you like this chapter. I hope everyone's having a good week and remember to take care of yourselves.

Logan stood slouched over the art shop counter with his elbow propped up on the countertop and his chin rested in his palm, waiting for someone to come in or something to happen. It was a slow day, Fridays always seemed to be for some reason. He was going to take break in a half an hour, so that was nice, though it would probably be pretty lonely without Oliver a shop over, usually they were able to kind of line up their breaks so they could hang out for a bit. He figured he'd just sit in the back and sketch until the thirty minutes were up so he could get back to standing around watching the cash register.

He stood up a bit as a girl with short, bright green hair walked in and he thought he recognized her from somewhere. Wasn't she at the art competition? Oh! Second place, right! He thought to himself as he played with his sweater sleeve, pulling it over his hands and twisting the fabric between his fingers. He glanced up to see her walking around and he wondered if she was mad at him for winning. She deserved to win more than you did, she would've if you weren't there, you basically stole her prize, what if she needed the scholarship? Of course she's mad at you, fuckingstupidbitch.

Logan took a shaky breath as she walked up to the counter, setting down a canvas, a set of oil paints, and a pencil set before she looked back at him again, a small smile on her face.

"Uh..is that all?" He asked and she nodded, so he went to work scanning items. "That'll be $32.45 then." He said and she handed him her credit card.

"Hey, don't I know you from somewhere?" She asked and he played with his sleeve again, taking a breath. "Oh yeah, you won first place in that art contest, didn't you?" She asked and he nodded.

"Yeah, but really you deserved first place, mine was basically vent art, I just joined because a friend of mine thought it would be good for me." He said quietly.

"Nah, I saw your piece, the skeleton one? That was sick as hell, I wouldn't feel right taking the prize knowing something like that was in the running." She said and Logan smiled, his face tinting pink.

"You think so?"

"Yeah, it was beautiful, I love watercolor art, but oils are my thing." She said with a shrug.

"I guess watercolor is just easier to work with for me, oils take so long to dry." He said and she nodded.

"It's the blessing and curse of working with them." She said and he smiled a little before looking back to the cash register.

"Oh, do you want a receipt?" He asked and she shook her head so he pressed a button on the credit card reader and he glanced up past her to see Gia walking and he sucked in a breath. "Then have a nice day." He said, bagging her paints and pencils for her.

"You too!" She said, giving a short wave as she left.

He watched Gia walk around the store, looking at different things. Her presence just made Logan tense. He wasn't sure what her problem was, maybe her parents were homophic, or she just liked being mean to people for no reason, he was thinking probably both. He still tried to be nice to her because he didn't believe being mean to people who were mean to him was the answer, even if sometimes he did snap a bit, but he knew she just wanted to get him to react. He tugged at his sleeve, staring at a thread that had come loose and he wondered if he could unravel the entire sweater with one string, not that he would, but he wanted to know if it was possible.

"I'll just get this." Logan snapped his head up to see Gia setting a pack of pencils down on the counter. Does she draw?

"$5.50." He said, scanning it and putting it in the bag as she took her pink and gold wallet out, then handing him a ten dollar bill.

"Does it get tiring working here? I can't imagine dealing with the paint smell all the time." She said and he shrugged.

"I like it." He said, handing her her change. Maybe she's only mean to people to impress guys. Does that mean she likes Oliver? Who wouldn't like Oliver?

"You know I told you you turned him gay and you didn't believe me, but Syrus isn't dating girls anymore, he already has a new boyfriend and everything." She said, taking her bag. She said it so casually like she wasn't being completely insulting.

"Just because he's dating another guy doesn't make him suddenly gay, he wasn't necessarily straight before he started either." He said and he was partially baffled that she just couldn't seem to grasp the concept of someone being bisexual, or maybe Sy was pansexual or something else, Logan wasn't sure if he'd ever labeled it.

"But he was supposed to be my boyfriend, we were supposed to get married and have two kids and a big house, and now he's dating some street rat, Jake or Jace or something." She said in a whiny tone and Logan was refraining from rolling his eyes until she mentioned Jace and his breath caught.

"He's dating who?"

"I don't know, just some guy, he brought him up, I think he's one of Oliver's friends or something, but he doesn't even deserve Syrus, and it's your fault, you made him gay and now he won't date me." She said and Logan didn't know why it hurt so bad to hear. He wasn't dating Sy, he had no right to tell him who to date, but maybe he'd been foolish to think Sy still liked him enough as a friend to not date someone who'd beat him to a pulp for years.

"Have a nice day." He said, forcing a smile as he ripped out her receipt and gave it to her.

"Fuck you." She spat with a fake smile before walking out. He knew she just wanted someone to blame for feeling inadequate about herself, but it still hurt a bit to hear it. He ran his fingers through his hair, trying to process everything that'd just happened.

Jace. He's dating Jace. He tugged at his hair, it felt so dry and lifeless in his hand. He wished he could stop caring, he wished he hadn't lead Syrus on or lied to him or kissed him back, he knew it was his fault. What if he's doing this to spite me? He shook his head, Syrus could date who he wanted and Logan knew the world didn't only revolve around him, he wasn't special or different. He wondered if Syrus had told Ivy, they were practically best friends and while Logan considered Ivy to be one of his best friends, he knew she'd keep secrets to keep the peace. He wondered if Sy was really in love with Jace like Logan was with Oliver.

He took a breath to calm himself, he needed to forget about it. Sy wasn't his boyfriend, he didn't want him to be his boyfriend, but it still hurt. He didn't feel jealous, he just felt..betrayed in a way.

It was another two hours before Logan got off his shift, he still felt sort of blank and he was entirely exhaused by that point. He just wanted to get home and take a bath, he'd been trying to ease off on how much he was cutting for Oliver's sake, and taking baths instead of showers seemed to help. He didn't want to think about dinner, it'd been a long day, he'd eaten lunch so maybe he could skip dinner. He hadn't realized how hard it was to eat, it was draining just to think about it, and sometimes he couldn't be bothered to actually go through with his plans for dinner. Trying to be healthy was harder than it seemed. He'd thought it was hard not eating, but now all he wanted to do was just give up and go back to what was easy for him. He hated worrying Oliver, though, and he had a feeling if he wasn't careful, his boyfriend would find out and then everything would go to shit. What if he already knows?

When he got home, the house was quiet, it was always quiet, his dads were probably both still at work, he sometimes thought about how lonely he felt. Nobody was ever around except at night and sometimes in the morning. He didn't feel rejected or anything, he knew he was loved, but it was too quiet. Maybe it was just one of those days where nothing was okay, he just didn't want to exist as he was. He walked up to his room and laid across his bed, staring up at the wall for a long time. He wasn't sure how long, he knew he should start his homework, or paint something, or read, but he didn't, he couldn't.

Logan finally got up after a while, checking his phone. Oliver hadn't texted him, maybe he was busy. He probably just doesn't want to talk to you, you're not that entertaining. Logan sighed and set his phone down to play with his sleeve. He thought all of the self-hate and anxiety would go away when he started dating Oliver, he was supposed to be getting better. Healing was supposed to be easier than dying, why wasn't it? He walked to the bathroom to start a warm bath. Hot tea could count as dinner, couldn't it? He looked back at his phone, he wanted to call Oliver but he didn't want to bother him if he was busy with something and he definitely didn't want to be an annoyance.

He had a vague sense of wanting to cry really hard until he was dehydrated and his eyes stung, but at the same time, he didn't think he could. He wondered if that should have concerned him. Oliver would probably tell him to consider going back to therapy, but therapy never really helped anyway, so why would he go back? All the things they'd tried to do to fix him hadn't done anything. Maybe he wasn't supposed to be happy.

He sat in the bath, drinking tea and staring into nowhere at the faucet, long past the time it took for the water to go from warm to room temperature, and now it was almost cold. He got up when he heard the front door open downstairs, knowing it was probably his dads coming home. He got dressed before going down.

"Hey, how was your day?" Matthew asked as Allen presumably walked up to the shower connected to his dads' bedroom. Logan smiled.

"It was pretty good, I just got out of the bath. How was work?"

"Tiring..but still good." His dad said with a smile, ruffling Logan's hair before walking into the kitchen. "I haven't had dinner yet, do you want anything?"

"No, that's okay, I had a salad earlier." Logan said, and it was technically true, he'd had a salad at lunch.

"Are you sure? You're so thin, I really don't mind making you some-"

"Dad, I'm fine, I really don't need anything more, I'm full." He said quickly. "I think I'll actually just go get some homework done, I've got an essay to work on, so you guys sleep well."

"Okay, well if you need anything I'm right here." Matthew said and Logan smiled, nodding.

"I know, I love you." Logan said.

"I love you too." His dad responded back and he smiled once more before walking back upstairs into his room. Did he have the energy for homework? Probably not but he needed to get it done anyways. He checked his phone once more, sighing softly and setting it down on his nightstand. It was just one of those nights where the world felt too empty and robotic, he felt too out of it, life was too painful.