A/N: Okay, first off, I am so sorry this took so long. I just had no motivation to write anything but poetry for like 2 weeks, but this is finally here. How's everyone doing? We've hit 60k since the last chapter so that's pretty fucking sweet. Anyways, so I thought I'd come back with a bit of Anson Seabra, I feel like so many of his songs just describe this book perfectly and I can relate to them. Enjoy this chapter and have an amazing day!

The next day, the ground was covered in a thin layer of white snow and it was still flurrying when Logan got on the bus. He sat down next to Ivy and took one of his earbuds out. She had a small smile, though it was clear Logan was still riddled with guilt. She looked down to his phone where his earbuds were attached and then to his eyes. He shook his head quietly and handed her an earbud. He didn't feel like talking and she understood.

"I'm proud of you for telling him the truth." She said quietly and Logan looked at her, his eyes slightly widened. "Sy called me last night. He sounded pretty mad, but I think I talked him down for the most part." She continued.

"He has a right to be mad at me, there's no justifying what I did." He said and Ivy sighed softly, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, kissing the top of his head. He smiled a little, Ivy had always been gentle and affectionate with him, not like she liked him romantically, more like an older sister.

"But I know it was hard for you to break up with him anyways. He's justified in being mad, but you're allowed to be upset too." She said and Logan shrugged a little, watching the snow-covered trees blur past white and green.

"It's my fault I'm even sad in the first place, I should have just said no, but I didn't, I..I always make things worse for myself and hurt people and..and lie to people." He said quietly and she looked at him with a small, confused smile. He knew he'd said too much, a pit forming in the bottom of his stomach.

"Logan, what are you talking about? You're the sweetest kid I know, you're always putting people before yourself. I mean, come on, are you lying to me right now?" She asked.

"No.." He said. Lying by omission is still lying, idiot, you're a fucking imposter, she doesn't even know who you are, she'd hate you as much as you do if she did, fuckingbitchsluthateyou. He pulled his sleeve over his hand, twisting the fabric up, staring down at it as he fiddled with his sleeves.

"You've gotta stop talking down on yourself, I'm afraid you actually believe some of that stuff sometimes." She said and he looked at her, his fingers curling up in his sweater sleeve. He might have told her everything in that moment if the bus hadn't pulled to a stop, well, that's what he told himself anyway.

---

At lunch, Logan bought an apple (90) and a bottle of water, but just decided to find somewhere else to sit instead of his usual table. He'd only glanced to his table before leaving, but seeing Sy there made him want to disappear. He slipped out the lunchroom door and walked down the hall towards the library, jumping slightly when he felt someone grab his elbow and turned quickly, only relaxing when he saw it was Oliver wearing a small smile.

"Hey, are you alright?" Oliver asked and Logan nodded, forcing a smile onto his face. He'll make you eat if he follows you.

"Yeah, I just..I dunno, I was just going to the library to work on my painting, the contest is this Friday, so.."

"Want me to keep you company?" Oliver asked and Logan wondered if it was worth the 90 calories.

"I actually prefer to just work alone if it's okay. Sorry." He said quietly and Oliver nodded.

"Hey, don't be sorry, I can just sit with Grace, I'll see you later." He said and Logan nodded, smiling and waving to him a bit before continuing his walk to the library. He's probably mad at you now, you said no to him, do you think anyone's going to want you if Oliver doesn't? He probably thinks you hate him Stupidfuckingbitchyouruineverything.

He put his earbuds in and turned the volume up until he couldn't hear himself think anymore, switching over to 'pretty little things' by The Crane Wives. A lot of people were scared of going blind, but he thought maybe going deaf would be worse, being trapped listening to his own thoughts and nothing else for the rest of his life. He opened the door to the library and walked in. He pulled out an earbud and realized how quiet it was, there was nobody else there besides the librarian.

Logan walked to one of the tables and sat down, pulling out his canvas and water colors. He did actually plan on working on his painting, he needed to get it done before the contest. If he got a scholarship to an art school, maybe he'd be allowed to go and he wouldn't have to take on the family business right away. He knew it was important to his dads that he did, but he wasn't sure he was ready to yet, even with not having to take it for another year, it was still a bit stressful to think about and he really wanted to go to art school if he had the skill for it.

He set to work, pouring some of the water from his bottle into the paints to wet them, then taking out his brushes and starting to paint what he had sketched out, beginning with grays and whites for the skeleton, just working on that piece of it for now. He let out a quiet breath as he painted, turning his music down just a bit so he could focus on what he was making. He felt like he was letting out something trapped inside of him, that was what painting did for him, it let him pour out everything scratching at his insides trying to get out, letting it escape onto the canvas sitting before him. He didn't know what he'd do if he couldn't paint. Creating was a part of him, he couldn't imagine not being able to have it, but he thought sometimes that maybe he didn't even deserve it.

---

Logan spent all of physics worrying that Sy would never talk to him again, and based on the look Sy gave him when they made eye contact halfway through class, he wouldn't. He knew he needed to apologize properly, but he wasn't sure how to get that through to Syrus when he was still so mad. He figured Sy wasn't obligated to forgive him, he'd broken their trust. He wished he knew how to make it right, but maybe there just wasn't a way to fix this.

When class ended, he caught up to Sy when he was walking out, playing with his sleeves as he tried to get rid of the stone in his throat.

"Sy-"

"What do you want, Logan?" He stopped walking, letting Logan catch up to him.

"Can we just talk?"

"Why, so you can explain why Oliver is so much better than me and how you fucked me over because you needed a distraction?" Sy asked in a sarcastic tone, glaring. Logan's breath caught.

"Sy- It wasn't even all about him-"

"Just save it, alright? I don't want to talk about this, Ivy already tried to justify everything you did, I can't believe you got her on your side, that's just fucking rich. Leave me alone, Logan." Sy said, walking off and Logan watched him, tightening his fingers around his sleeved wrist, digging into the scabbing cuts under his bandages. He wanted to cry, but he couldn't cry, he wasn't allowed to cry, it was his fault and Syrus was the only one who had any right to be upset about this.

He ran his fingers through his hair and walked out to the bus near the student parking lot. He kind of just wanted to douse himself in boiling water, but he pushed the thought out of his head, he just needed to go home. He remembered that he needed a new sketchbook because his was going to be filled soon, not to mention his razor was getting dull and he needed a new one. He figured he'd stop by the art store at the mall when he got off the bus.

He'd gotten an email a few days ago saying that he'd gotten the job at the art store and he'd be starting that Wednesday at 5:00 pm. He was relieved to have something to distract him and kill time.

He got on the bus, setting his backpack down on his lap and Ivy soon sat down next to him.

"Hey, are you alright?" She asked and he shrugged.

"I um..I tried to apologize to Sy, but it didn't work."

"He needs time, he might not be ready to hear it yet. He is really hurt and he's pretty mad still, but I'm sure he'll come around sometime and then you can tell him you're sorry and let him decide whether he wants to forgive you or not." She said, taking Logan's hand, squeezing it gently. "It'll be okay, stick." Logan nodded a bit.

"How is it with you and Grace?" Logan asked and Ivy smiled.

"Really good, we're actually going out tonight to the coffee house, there's this open mic night and she does poetry, it's gonna be awesome. You could come if you want." She suggested and Logan shook his head with a small smile.

"I'm alright, I'll probably just stay in tonight and watch a show or something."

"Logan, you always stay in, it's concerning." She said and Logan looked at her, shrugging a bit. "It's at 8:00, I won't force you, but it'd be cool if you came and hung out with us." Ivy said and Logan paused to think for a moment before nodding a little.

"I'll think about it." He said, then looked out the window. "Oh, this is my stop. I'll seeya." He said and she smiled.

"Seeya, Loggy." She said and Logan smiled a little as he walked off the bus, just down the block to his home.

When he got inside, he dropped his backpack down in his room and grabbed his keys and wallet, then walking back out to his car. He needed to get a lot of his painting done that night with the art competition friday, the time was ticking away and he had a solid idea sketched out, he just needed to get it onto the canvas. He was sure he could do it, he just couldn't waste time. He thought maybe if he got enough done before 8, he could go to the open mic night and maybe Oliver would go with him. He wanted to go home and lay down, but he knew if he stopped moving, he probably wouldn't get back up, he'd just lay there and watch netflix until morning which wasn't an acceptable way to spend his time.

He got to the art shop and was looking around when he glanced through the glass of the store window and almost thought he was seeing things when he recognized Oliver standing behind the counter at the clothing department, looking bored as ever. He bit his lip and walked over.

"Hey, Oliver?" Logan said with a small smile and Oliver looked up, slightly surprised.

"Logan? Hey."

"You work here?"

"Yeah, I started a few weeks ago. What's up?"

"I was just looking for art supplies. I'm actually starting a job at the shop across from here soon." Logan said with a small smile and Oliver smirked.

"This is why I believe in fate." Oliver said and Logan smiled wider, rolling his eyes. "I've got like, twenty minutes for break if you wanna hang out for a bit." Logan nodded.

"Yeah, that sounds like fun." Logan said.

"Hey, Gia, I'm going on break, alright? I'll be back soon." Oliver said and Logan's smiled dropped as he watched the girl appear from behind a clothing rack, her eyes meeting Logan's and her smile dissipated.