A/N: I feel like people are either going to love this or hate this one. But anyways, I'd like to announce that we recently hit 50k reads and that's fucking awesome, thank you so much to everyone following me and reading and voting, and the few that have done fan art, that's really amazing and I love you guys to death. Also, I chose Almost by Hozier because I think it's a really pretty song and it's one of my favorites, so have it. Enjoy the chapter!

quick note because somebody asked about the fanart: has done some amazing fanart for the book, so go check out his page and art in the 'fan art' book, and go follow him or leave him a nice comment or something because he's cool.

Logan sat on his bed with his cat, working on his sketch for the contest in a week. He was waiting for Sy to come pick him up so they could hang out. He'd put on his usual long sleeved shirt under a large sweater with his jeans and sneakers. He was still working on the design but he felt like he was getting close to finishing it and he knew he'd have it done in time for the contest. He wondered who'd go and see it, if he even wanted anyone seeing it. Will they be able to know there's something wrong with me when they look at it? Are they going to ask what it means? He took a breath and tried not to think about that. He didn't want to censor his work just because someone might ask about it.

He closed his sketchbook with a soft sigh and adjusted his sweater as he stood to his feet. The nail polish had come off after the first week of Christmas break, but he kind of missed it, he liked remembering that night. Usually, having a flashback would ruined his entire day, but Oliver had a way of making him forget he was supposed to be sad. He smiled a little, playing with his sleeves as he looked in the mirror. He knew he shouldn't be thinking about Oliver, but he was allowed to think about his friends even when he was with Sy, right? Oliver was just a friend whichever way he looked at it. They'd never dated and he didn't think Oliver would want to date him, he had too many problems and Oliver already seemed to have a lot on his plate, even if he did think Logan was attractive.

When the doorbell rang, he walked down to the door, a small smile on his face. His dads were both out on a date, but Matthew had told him to have fun on his date and that he was trusting Logan to get home by 9 even though they wouldn't be home then. It was only 6, so they'd have a few hours to do whatever on their date. He wasn't sure where Sy planned to go, but he'd said he had something planned.

He smiled a little when he saw his boyfriend standing at the door, leaning against the doorframe with a little grin. Sy was dressed in a light gray hoodie, black bomber jacket, and ripped jeans.

"Hey, cutie." Sy said and Logan giggled quietly, walking out and closing the door behind him, looking up at Syrus.

"Hey." Logan said, taking Sy's hand as they walked out to his car.

"I like your sweater." Sy said and Logan looked down at the yellow sweater, shrugging a little.

"It's my favorite." He said and Sy smiled, poking his nose.

"Come on, I wanna get there before it's dark."

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see. I have a feeling you'll love it." Sy said with a little grin, turning on the radio, flipping over to the pop station.

"You like pop?" Logan asked.

"Yeah, doesn't everyone?"

"No.." Logan said with a little smile and Sy looked at him.

"How do you not like pop?"

"It's too mainstream, I guess."

"What's wrong with mainstream?"

"Nothing, it just all sounds the same to me, and it's all about getting drunk and partying, or toxic relationships.." Logan said with a shrug.

"But it's catchy."

"What's the point of catchy if it's not saying anything?"

"Why does music have to be saying something?"

"Because it's an art form. Art that doesn't say anything is useless. It's like..like twitter poetry." He said and Sy laughed quietly.

"Alright, well just put up with it until we get there, then you can listen to your music on the way back." He said and Logan smiled a little.

"My music isn't on the radio."

"Seriously?"

"Hozier's never on the radio." He said and Sy looked like he was thinking for a moment.

"Isn't that the guy who made Take Me To Church?" Sy asked and Logan almost laughed just because of course Sy only knew that song.

"Yeah, he's also written a lot of other songs."

"Oh, cool." Sy said and took a left turn.

---

Syrus pulled into the parking lot of the small park. Logan looked a bit confused.

"The park?"

"Yes." Sy said with small smile, unbuckling his seatbelt and walking behind to the trunk. "We are having a picnic..under the stars." He said, grinning and Logan giggled quietly.

"That's so fucking cheesy, oh my god." Logan said, smiling as he got out.

"I know." Sy said with a grin. "Here, take the blanket, I'll carry the basket." Sy said and Logan did, walking with him through the park.

"Isn't it against the rules to be here after dark?"

"Yeah."

"We're just a couple of rebels."

"Indeed." Sy said, walking through the park until he stopped at a place that was mostly just feild, letting Logan spread the blanket out before he set the basket down, sitting down with Logan and opening it up.

"What are we eating?" Logan asked and Sy shrugged.

"Sandwiches, and I brought you an apple in case you don't want anything else." Sy said and Logan smiled a little. Apple (90). What kind of sandwich? Will he judge me if I don't eat it? He did bring an apple with it in case I don't want anything meaning I don't have to eat anything else...but he still wouldn't be happy about it.

"What kind of sandwiches?"

"Lettuce and tomato, I know you don't eat a lot of meat, so I tried to find something you could eat, but I'm not the best cook." Sy said with a little smile. Lettuce (5) + tomato (6) + 2 pieces of bread (180) + Mayonnaise (94) = 285. He took a breath, trying ot shove the numbers out of his head.

"That's thoughtful." Logan said, smiling and Sy chuckled.

"Isn't it?" He said and took Logan's chin gently, kissing him softly. Logan kissed him back slowly, leaning on his palms as Sy tilted his head to the side.

"Thank you for this." Logan said after a moment, looking at Sy with his small smile.

"Don't thank me, it's a date-"

"But you put it all together."

"But we're both benefitting."

"Doesn't matter, you put in work."

"Okay, then you're welcome." Sy said and Logan giggled as Sy pulled him in for another longer kiss.

---

Logan laid on the blanket next to Sy, staring up at the stars.

"Alright, so there's the north star, and over there, that's the big dipper." Sy said, pointing up at different places in the sky.

"What about the little dipper?" Logan asked, looking over at him.

"You can really only see it well in June." Sy said with a shrug. "What's your sign?"

"Taurus I think. I was born May 10th"

"Oh, perfect, alright, it's right over there, you're looking for two straight sticks for the bull's horns and then a kind of blocky shape around it, see it?" Sy asked and Logan smiled, nodding a little, seeing most of the shape Sy was talking about.

"That's so cool. What about yours?"

"Nah, I'm a pisces and that constellation's not super visible until November." He said with a shrug and Logan finished his apple, he'd opted out of the sandwich, deciding it wasn't quite worth it to him. "It's getting kind of late, do you wanna head out?" Sy asked and Logan nodded, getting up.

"Yeah, we should, it's almost time to be home." Logan said, picking up the blanket and wrapping it up while Sy closed the picnic basket.

"Thank you for hanging out with me." Sy said with a smile and Logan giggled quietly, walking to his car with him.

"It was fun." Logan said softly.

Syrus packed everything into the trunk and a minute later, they sat in his car in the empty lot in the dark. Logan looked over at him with a small smile, playing with his sweater sleeves before Sy looked back and smiled a little, leaning forward to kiss Logan. They kissed for a long moment, Sy tilting his head to the side to deepen it before slipping his tongue into Logan's mouth and Logan following his lead. Logan was reminded of why he'd ever even agreed to date Sy, because he liked this, he like how it felt to forget everything.

"You're absolutely gorgeous." Sy said, cupping Logan's face and running his thumb over his cheek as he moved closer to him.

"Am not." Logan mumbled with a giggle, leaning up to press his lips against his boyfriend's again.

"Are too." Sy murmured against his lips with a grin, then moving down to kiss Logan's neck as he pushed the seat back a bit and was almost close enough to straddle the boy. Logan gasped quietly, letting his eyes fall shut and digging his nails into his palms.

"Am not." He argued weakly, no weight behind his words as he could hear Sy chuckle quietly and he moved a hand down to Logan's thigh. The boy bit his lip, his hand moving to hold Sy's wrist gently, not sure how to navigate this situation. He hadn't planned this, he had hardly even thought about this situation, he didn't think it'd get this far, but realistically, he knew they'd been dating for almost two months, and Sy probably expected something to happen. He knew Sy was used to hooking up with people all the time, what if Logan didn't have enough experience, or he wasn't good enough? Sy would see the cuts and how skinny he was. Do I even want this?

He felt Sy gently nip at the skin just above his collarbone and move his hand farther up his thigh, making him squirm slightly, something between guilt and panic mangling in his stomach. What if I can't tell him no? What if I disappoint him? fuckingfatslutbitchwhorepatheticweak.

"S-Sy." He said quietly, it was really only a whimper.

"Yeah, baby?" Sy asked, barely looking up.

"Sy." He said a bit louder and Syrus pulled away a moment, looking at him confused. Logan swallowed nervously and Sy realized he was nearly shaking.

"Hey..are you alright? Did I do something wrong?"

"This..isn't working." Logan said quietly and Sy nodded.

"It's alright if you're not ready to take this step, we can try another ti-"

"No, I mean, this, us, it's not...it's not working." Logan said quietly and Sy paused a minute, moving off of Logan.

"..What?"

"I'm sorry, it's just, I don't know how to explain it, b-"

"Are you breaking up with me?" Sy asked and Logan hesitated before nodding a little, his breath caught in his throat. "Why?"

"I don't like you like that, it's not like it's your fault, you didn't do anything wrong, I just-"

"But you liked me like..ten minutes ago."

"I didn't."

"When did you stop then."

"I never..started." Logan said guiltily, playing with his sleeves as he could feel his nerves knotting themselves up, his heart beating too fast.

"Then why did you agree to go out with me?"

"You wanted me to."

"No, Logan, I wanted you to go out with me if you wanted to. Why would you- What the hell were you thinking?" fuckingidiotstupidloserslut.

"I..I just wanted you to be happy, I don't know." Logan said quietly, trying not to cry. Syrus sat there for a long time, not saying anything, staring at his wheel.

"You're in love with Oliver, aren't you?" He said it like a statement. Logan took a breath.

"I-I don't know, maybe? But that doesn't even matter-"

"How does that not matter? You've been in love with him this whole time and you thought it'd be a good idea to date me while you knew full well that you didn't even like me, but you did like him, why would you even consider that? Are you kidding me? That's a terrible idea, Logan."

"W-Well, I just figured if I dated you, then I'd like you eventually and I'd-"

"I knew it, fuck, I knew it, you've just been fucking trying to get over him, haven't you? This was never about me, was it? It was about him, the whole fucking time."

"That's not true." Logan protested.

"It's not?" Sy asked, looking at him and Logan stayed quiet, a tear slipping out of his eye. "You know what, I can't do this right now, alright? I just..god, I can't do this right now, so how about you get the fuck out of my car, and call Oliver to come pick you up." Sy said, the anger clear in his tone and Logan got out, standing in the cold and watched Syrus's car pull out of the lot, driving away and leaving him alone in the dark. He wiped at his eyes, sniffling and gasping softly.