A/N: Hello friends, it is your wonderful neighborhood cactus here to bring you the saddest gay shit in town. I have 1216 by Echos, it's beautiful and I listened to it probably 15 times today thinking over this chapter. Also, something I haven't quite decided on yet, would you guys rather I put Logan and Oliver together sooner or later? Anyways, everyone have good nights and days, I hope you enjoy the chapter. We're almost at 100 votes and 3,000 reads which is fucking insane. I love reading everyone's comments, it really motivates me to keep writing sometimes, not that I'd stop in the middle of this, but having so many people reading this makes me feel like people actually like this shit and I should keep writing because this is more than just me sitting alone writing for myself. Anyways, I'm rambling but I hope everyone's enjoying this as much as I am.

Play tryouts were held after the school day ended, Ivy was overrun with nerves, Sy was excited, and Logan and Ty weren't trying out, just there to volunteer for backstage work. Ty would be working on the sound and Logan was planning on helping with lights as that's what he'd done for the past two years.

"Hey, loggy, you there?" Sy said, waving a hand in front of Logan's face, the boy looked to him, snapping out of a daze. Eating at lunch always threw him off, and he'd been thinking about it all day, not to mention it made him even more hungry.

"Yeah, sorry, just thinking." He said with a small giggle. Sy smiled.

"I asked if you were going to try out for anything." Sy said and Logan shook his head.

"I'm just asking if I can do lights, I'm no good at acting."

"Ah, alright, it's still gonna be loads of fun, you're painting sets too, right?" Sy asked and Logan nodded.

"If they'll let me, I might help with concepts for sets too, I'll have to talk to mrs. abernathy." He said and Sy nodded.

"That'd be cool, you draw really cool pictures, you're entering into that art contest, right?" Sy asked, pointing to the flyer Logan had sitting on his textbook which he pulled closer to his chest as he walked.

"It's just a consideration, Oliver thinks it'd be a good idea." He said with a small smile.

"When did you start hanging out with that Oliver guy? You know he gets in fights all the time."

"I know, but we used to be friends, guess I just missed our friendship and then he took me home that one night, so we've just been hanging out. He's not that bad." Logan said, shrugging.

"Whatever you say." Sy said, then catching up with Ivy and Ty who were a few steps ahead, talking about the play.

Logan dropped his textbooks off at his locker and pulled his fingers through his hair, feeling hairs break and quickly looking at his hand to see the strands of his red hair that had come out. He swallowed thickly.

"Shit." He cursed under his breath before shaking his head and stuffing a shaky hand into his pocket. The hair loss wasn't noticeable yet, but it terrified him. He played with his sweater sleeves as he walked to the auditorium where everyone was setting up for tryouts.

The red-headed boy took a seat at one of the set up tables in the auditorium, watching mrs. abernathy, the director, who was up on stage explaining how tryouts would work. Everyone who wanted to try out for a main role had to sing a song and present their scene. He stopped listening after a little while and took out his sketchbook, starting to sketch out a face, leaning his head in his palm as he started on Oliver's features. He liked drawing his eyes most, they were so dark, like a forest or something.

"Hey, what's up?" Logan quickly covered up the picture as he heard Oliver's voice, a bright red spreading over his face.

"H-Hey, not much." His voice cracked and Oliver chuckled.

"You okay there? Don't tell me you're drawing hentai in school." He said with a smirk and Logan only turned a brighter red.

"N-No." He said, shoving his sketchbook in his backpack.

"Then what?"

"It's nothing, I'm just..not done with it."

"You're a horrible liar, bear." He said and Logan shrugged.

"You don't know the half of it." Logan said it as a joke..it sounded like a joke anyways. FilthyfuckingliarbitchI'llkillyou! He shook his head.

"You look tired." Oliver said absent-mindedly.

"I haven't slept much this week." He said it without thinking about the consequences of telling the truth.

"Are you okay?"

"What? Yeah, I'm good." Logan said, giving the kind of smile that looked real, the one he'd spent time practicing. Just a tiny bit lop-sided, reach the eyes, tilt head, innocence. Oliver smiled back.

"That's good, I'm glad you're doing better, Two years ago-"

"Two years ago I was just going through a rough patch."

"You were working through trauma, I get it."

"But I'm over it, I'm fine now." He said with another smile.

"That's good." Oliver said again, though he seemed to not fully believe it.

You psycho bitch I'llfuckingkillyoubitchhateyougodiewhorebitchmotherfuckingwasteofspace. Logan swallowed thickly and took a breath.

"I'll be right back, I just need to use the bathroom." He said and Oliver nodded.

His breath quickened as he walked to the bathroom, the door falling shut behind him. Youfuckingbitchslutwhore,fuckingwasteofspace! He was sitting on the bathroom floor, pulling his knees up to his chest, he'd barely noticed how hard he was sobbing, just that he was gasping for breath in the middle of the chaos. He pulled at his hair, the headache not going away. YOUFUCKINGBITCHGODIEYOUWHORE,IHATEYOUPITIFULFUCKINGBITCH!!

He tried to swallow the lump in his throat, shaking violently as he sobbed. CantbreathCantbreathJustbreatheinoutFUCKINGcantbreathBITCHI'LLKILLYOU

"Henry, I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you're right-"

"NO, You're a useless piece of shit, I don't need you."

"I'm sorry- I'm sorry, it won't happen again."

"YOU'RE JUST A FUCKING SLUT, AREN'T YOU?!"

"I-I'm s-sorry, I-"

"Or am I not good enough for you."

"That's not it, I-"

"Logan?" Oliver. He curled up tighter.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" Logan said quietly, not knowing who he was talking to, who's voice he was using. FUCKINGDIEBI-

"Logan, Logan look at me." He did, his breath still uneven but his words caught in his throat. "Hey." Oliver said and Logan blinked a few times.

"I'm sorry-" He whispered and Oliver took his hands.

"Just breathe, okay? In and out, just breathe, and look at me, don't forget about me, okay? Just focus on me, I'm right here, you're not there, you're here, we're in the bathroom, remember? You ran in here, you're having a panic attack." He said it in an almost stern voice, low, grounding. Logan stared at him for a few seconds until his words sunk in and he looked around. Oliver wiped the tears off the boy's cheeks and looked more concerned as his eyes softened.

"Are you okay? You didn't tell me you still get flashbacks, I wouldn't have brought it up if I knew it'd trigger one." He said and Logan shook his head, his throat hurt as his breathing began to turn normal again.

"It's um- that was the first one in..in a while."

"Two panic attacks in the last two days that I know of, have you been seeing anyone?" Oliver asked and Logan shook his head.

"I stopped seeing Edward a while ago." He said. Edward used to be his therapist, then he told his dads that he didn't need therapy anymore. It was boring and stupid. "But it's just been a bad week, I'm usually not this bad." He said quietly.

"Mrs. Abernathy already knows what we're doing, why don't I just take you home?" He asked and Logan shook his head.

"I need to congratulate Ivy."

"You can text her later. I can drive you around or we can go to the park or-"

"Can we go to the park?" Logan asked and Oliver nodded.

"Yeah, come on."

"And we can go on the swings?"

"Logan, we can do whatever you like, just as long as you're not hiding out in a bathroom." He said and Logan smiled a little, a real one.

"Okay." Logan said, nodding a little.

-

Oliver pushed the smaller boy on the swing and he giggled quietly.

"You're so easy to please, I swear, it's fucking adorable." He said and Logan blushed.

"I just like swings and parks and fresh air." He liked the memories he had of Oliver swinging him, just like now, except now he was taller..and hotter. Logan blushed and shook the thought out of his head.

"Then I'll have to take you here more." Oliver said and pushed him again before watching him for a moment and then taking the chains to slow it down.

"Wanna have a competition?" He asked and Logan knew exactly what he was talking about, it was the same question Oliver used to ask. The competition was to see who could touch the tree branch first while on the swing.

"You're obviously gonna win, your legs are longer AND you're heavier so you're gonna build momentum faster." Logan said and Oliver smirked.

"Are you calling me fat?"

"No- I was just saying that-"

"Logan, I know." He said with a smile and Logan huffed.

"You know, I know I've already said it, but I've missed you ." He said and Logan looked up at him, Oliver standing right in front of him, holding the chain of the swing, too close, much too close. Logan could feel his warm breath, see the white mist, smell his cigarette cinnamon scent. He could lean up and kiss him if he wanted, he did want to, but he couldn't.

"You should sleep over. It's saturday tomorrow and I won't really have anything to do."

"Only if I can sleep in your bed again." There was something different about Oliver's voice, it was lower, and the way he looked at him made the smaller boy turn a bright red and then look down at his lap.

"Um, yeah. Maybe we can watch a movie or something."

"Or something meaning we could paint our nails and talk about boys?" He asked and Logan giggled.

"I have actually painted my nails before." Logan said, blushing and pulling his fingers through his hair.

"Really? Huh, alright."

"What, you don't approve or something?" The red-head asked teasingly, a small smile on his face.

"No, no, I just think it makes it very obvious who the top would be." Oliver said with a smirk.

"Oh please, I could top you." Logan said with his arms crossed.

"Could you now."

"Yes."

"I'd like to see that." He said with the same confident smirk and Logan blushed.

"Right here?"

"Well any true top wouldn't be afraid to do it in public." Oliver said, obviously joking. Logan narrowed his eyes at him.

"You couldn't top anyone." He said challengingly and Oliver raised an eyebrow.

"You really wanna try that?" He asked and Logan stayed on the swing with his arms crossed. How had they gotten into this conversation?

"No, I wouldn't want to hurt your feelings." Logan teased and Oliver moved closer again, he loomed over him, one hand holding the swing chain and then taking Logan's chin with his thumb and index finger to force the boy to look at him, his face serious as he leaned down until their lips were almost touching and then moved his lips closer to his ear.

"You better be glad I have self control, Logan Pierce." He said, then looking at him again and smirking. Logan was bright red.

"That wasn't fair." Logan whined and Oliver's rolled his eyes with a little smile, going back to how he was a few moments ago.

"No, but you're definitely, without a doubt, a bottom, and we're going home to paint our nails and talk about boys and watch movies and order pizza." He said and Logan almost went back to playfully protesting but he couldn't, he so wanted to do all of those things, even the pizza. Maybe his mind and body could agree to disagree just for the night because everything in him wanted Oliver more than anything he could think of.