N / A: I'm here with another chapter. I'm hoping to get another one out semi-soon, but I have a 6-page essay, a backboard, and a book due by Thursday next week, so I'll be busy. Why I decided to self publish poetry for a class project, I have no idea, I was an idiot. But anyway, I have Arsonist's Lullaby by Hozier, I feel like it kind of ties in with how he views self-harm, not just anorexia, but every way he harms himself, as a control that he has over his life, and instead of facing up to his demons and dealing with his problems, he just controls them, so that's how I look at this song through this character, but I don't know, there are a lot of ways to see it. I've been getting kind of into Hozier recently, I'm mildly obsessed with Cherry Wine, the acoustic version is fucking gorgeous. Also, does anyone actually like the music I recommend or is this just something that I like doing that I think everyone else is equally happy with? Either way, I'm gonna keep it up. Holy shit, this was a long Authors Note, but happy Friday, everyone.

In the morning, Logan woke up and Oliver was gone. He leaned over to check his alarm clock. He sighed quietly and got up, walking to his dresser and throwing on a few sweaters and some jeans as usual. He didn't know how to feel about Oliver..they were friends, only friends. He knew he couldn't let things go to shit just because of his feelings, he couldn't lose Oliver, not again.

The boy sighed quietly, biting his lip as he pulled his fingers through his hair. He walked downstairs to the kitchen and looked around. His dads wouldn't be up for another thirty minutes. He walked to the pantry and took out the cereal, setting it on the counter. I've grabbed a bowl, washing it out with water and setting it in the sink before he left the kitchen again, walking to the bathroom and grabbing the pill bottle, looking at it.

Zoloft; Pierce, Logan; 75 mg; daily use

He wondered how hard it could be to get a prescription for Adderall, he heard from a forum online that it practically killed hunger pains immediately and kept you focused. If there were any longterm side effects to drug abuse, maybe he wouldn't live long enough to find out about them anyway. He shook his head and opened the bottle, tilting it until a pill fell into his hand. He stared at it for a moment before closing the bottle again and putting it back, walking to his room and putting it in the jar before he grabbed his journal. He hadn't really been charting numbers lately, He finished the fast yesterday, He hadn't eaten dinner, but other than that, He hadn't eaten anything for almost three days. He smiled a little to himself, taking out the journal and grabbing a pen.

November 29, Thursday:

Breakfast: 0

Lunch: 0

Dinner: 2 celery sticks, 10 saltines: 122

122 calories total

He grabbed a pack of gum in his desk as he slid the journal under his bed, then putting the pack back and slowly unwrapped the piece of gum, staring at it before he put it in his mouth (5). he grabbed an oversized jacket and his backpack, it was almost 6:00, time to get on the bus.

He was just walking down the stairs when he heard a voice.

"Logan!" his father, Allen, he was always up earlier than his other dad, Matthew.

"Yeah, Dad?" He called back, walking into the kitchen.

"You left the cereal out again." he said, looking to Logan. He was already dressed in a suit with his hair done, cleaning his wire-frame glasses with a small lens cleaner. Logan gave a small smile, grabbing the box and putting it in the pantry.

"Sorry, I'll remember next time." The red-headed boy said and his father smiled.

"Are you doing alright, bud?" He asked Logan, a small smile on his face as he crossed his arms, concerned. Logan nodded.

"Yeah, I'm fine, why?" Liarialiar.

"Matthew was talking to me, he's just a little concerned and I don't blame him. You've been spacey, you haven't been eating much, you're isolating again." He said, raising an eyebrow. Logan smiled.

"I'm..I'm not isolating, and I am eating, you know I get self-conscious when other people watch me eat, that's why I don't do it in front of everyone, and I've just been stressed with mid-terms coming up and essays due and bleh, but I'm fine, I promise, everyone gets stressed with school work sometimes."

Allen looked at him for a moment like he wasn't sure if he should believe him, but then nodded a little, walking over to pour coffee into his favorite mug, it was a white mug with a Queen band photo stamped on the front. His father was obsessed with Queen.

"Alright, well don't get too stressed, and you can come to us if you need, there's no shame in asking for help." He said and Logan smiled and nodded.

"I know, dad." He said

"You get out there and make us proud, sport." He said with a smile and then paused a moment, sighing and pinching the bridge of his nose. "God, I sound like such a straight dad rooting you on to a baseball game." He said and Logan laughed.

"Don't worry, it was only slightly horrifying." Logan said with a grin. His father groaned.

"You're bus is coming in three minutes." He said "And I need to go chop some wood and hang out with the boys to watch the game." He said jokingly and Logan giggled, nodding.

"Okay, I have to go, but I'll see you after school, I love you." Logan said, walking out.

"Love you too, Logan." He said, taking a sip of his coffee.

He took his usual seat on the bus and set his backpack in his lap, putting in his headphone, scrolling through songs until he settled on 'Arsonists Lullaby', a song by Hozier that you've found a few days ago. He turned the volume all the way up and leaning his forehead against the cold window with a small sigh, closing his eyes. His music was so loud, he couldn't hear his own thoughts, that was the nice part of the morning.

He didn't look up when Ivy sat down next to him, he always stayed quiet for the first half of the bus ride, mostly preparing himself mentally for school. She gently tapped his shoulder and he nodded. He could almost hear her smile as she took out the earbud and put it in her own ear as he kept his gaze out the window.

A few minutes later, he smiled a little and turned his head to look at her.

"I have so much to tell you about." He said and she grinned, taking her earbud out and he wrapped them around his phone.

"Spill." She said with a giggle.

"Oliver came over last night." He said with a smile and her eyes widened.

"No way, what happened?"

"Well I was trying to find you to tell you earlier, but he's not straight, and he's single, and he slept over." He said, biting his lip to hold back a giggle. She smiled and then glanced down, her eyes catching the marks on his neck, concerned.

"He's not..violent. is he?" She asked and he looked confused for a moment before he touched the bruise that he'd unsuccessfully covered up, so he pulled his sweater back to where it'd been to cover it.

"That..wasn't him." He said and She tilted her head, concern lacing her features.

"It's wasn't.." She started and he nodded a little. She cupped his cheek with her hand. "Oh sweetie." She reminded him of a mom sometimes.

"I told Oliver about him though." He said quietly. "I could tell he was angrier than he came off, and he was gone this morning."

"Maybe he just wanted to get home early." She said and Logan nodded.

"Maybe." He said.

He walked to his English class and sat down, opening his notebook and pulling out his English essay. He put his earbuds back in and listened to music while he waited for the classroom to fill with kids. the boy leaned his cheek in his palm, looking through his playlist. Logan was 90% sure that even if he wasn't gay, he'd still be in love with Andrew Hozier-Byrne, he was a beautiful man.

He looked up from his sketchbook as kids started coming in. Jace was nowhere to be seen, and soon Oliver was walking in, dressed in a dark hoodie with a skull on the front and ripped jeans, a chain connected to his pocket, with combat boots. He looked to Logan and then glanced away, walking to his desk. Logan bit his lip and looked back down to his sketchbook, lazily drawing a rose before moving to another page and tracing out a face.

"Alright, everyone, it is time to turn in essays." Mr. Smith said. "I cannot wait to see all your beautiful papers. Let's get started." He sat down at his desk, pulling out a paper. He went through names and Logan set the paper on his desk when he was called up, walking back to his desk. He sighed quietly, looking down at his sketchbook. All he could seem to draw was Oliver. He groaned quietly, flipping the page and looking around, setting his eyes on a potted plant by the window, he'd just draw that instead.

By lunchtime, Jace still hadn't shown up, and Oliver was acting weird. Logan found him walking down the hall towards the library and ran to catch up with him.

"Oliver!" He called, smiling a little. Oliver looked to him and gave a small smile.

"Hey."

"What's wrong?" He asked and Oliver shook his head, hands in his pockets.

"Nothing." He said as they reached the library. He opened the door for Logan and the red-head glanced to his hand, his knuckles were bruised pretty bad, they looked scabbed over.

"What happened?" Logan asked, looking up at him.

"I said it's nothing."

"You beat him up, didn't you." It was barely a question.

"I don't want to talk about it, Logan." He said harsher than he meant to and Logan quieted, walking to one of the tables in the library. He wasn't even sure why he was in the library that day, but Oliver was there, and it was quiet. The red-head sat down and opened up his water bottle, taking a sip and then taking out his sketchbook. Oliver sat in front of him, eating a sandwich and reading a book.

The dark-haired boy looked up after a few minutes and sighed once he saw Logan's apple completely untouched and his water half gone.

"I'll tell you what happened if you eat your lunch." He said and Logan looked up at him, then down to the apple (90) before giving a little nod, taking a bite of it. He wasn't giving in to his body, he was eating because it gained him what he wanted, he was still in control. It was only ninety calories. He took another bite and Oliver deemed it good enough to start talking.

"I went to his house early this morning, I was mad, really mad." He breathed out. "I just..I talked to him, I really wanted answers, I didn't know why- or how- he could do something like that, something so fucking shitty, he hurt you, I wanted him to feel pain." He said, pulling his fingers through his hair, tugging at his locks. "He's a dick, I don't know how I didn't see it. He barely had time to call me a douche before I was slamming my fist into his face and I know I shouldn't have, but it felt so fucking good." He said and Logan swallowed the bite of apple.

"Is he okay?" Logan had too many questions, questions that had built up over years, he couldn't ask them all.

"Yeah, he'll be back by tomorrow knowing him. I wanted to kill him...." He growled, gritting his teeth. "but it's fine, it's over now. He'll never touch you again." He said, giving Logan a small smile and Logan looked at him, playing with his sleeve.

"Why did you start being friends with him?"

"Similar interests. That and I didn't have to worry about crushing on him, homophobic assholes kind of turn me off." He gave a light chuckle.

"Is it wrong of me to have wanted him to be in pain?" Logan asked. "So many times, I just wanted him to get what was coming to him, but now I feel guilty." He looked up and Oliver shook his head.

"He's an ass, he was going to get beat up at some point, it's only natural to be angry at him for what he did to you." Oliver said.

"You should come over again, I mean, on a weekend or something, like we used to." Logan said with a small smile. Oliver smiled.

"You're cute, Pierce, but yes, I will come over sometime other than just when I need some place to stay other than my car."

"You sleep in your car?" Logan asked and Oliver took a bite of his sandwich, sighing.

"Sometimes."

"The guest room's always open, you know." Logan said.

"I'll remember that."

The bell rang and Logan picked up his apple core and lunch bag as well as his backpack, finishing his water.