A/N: I'm so sorry I haven't gotten something out before now. Things got crazy and school work piled up, so I had to take a break, but here's this chapter. I'll try to post more often, though I'm not going to say I have a set schedule, I'll try to post at least once a week. Thank you to everyone supporting this story in any way and again, I'm sorry it's been so long. Anyways, let's get onto the song.

It was the first cold day, the kind where the windows were icy, the morning dew was replaced with a light dusting of frost, and you could see the breath of a hundred highschool kids as they stepped off the bus. Logan walked to his locker wearing an oversized beige cableknit sweater, a smaller white sweater under that, and a t-shirt, but he was still shivering. He reached his locker and his hands wouldn't stop shaking. He knew he probably wouldn't warm up even a little until he was sitting in a hot bath drinking tea with the bathroom heater turned to high.

It was also the first day that Sy was back in school, his parents had kept him home an extra week after he got home from the hospital just to be sure he was okay. The red haired boy grabbed his history book out of his locker and walked to Syrus's locker to see how he was doing. When he got there, Sy looked worlds different than he had at the hospital; his hair was brushed, the bags under his eyes had lightened, and a small smile was present as he was busy getting his own history book.

"Hey." Logan said with a smile. Sy turned to Logan, smiling wider.

"Hey, stick, how've you been?" He asked.

"I was gonna ask you that, you're the one who's been gone two weeks."

"Okay, well you answer first, then I'll tell you." Sy said, closing his locker and leaning against it with one arm as he looked down at Logan

"I've been okay." Logan said.

"Just okay?"

"Well, yeah, there's been a lot of tests and stuff so I need more sleep but I'm fine." LiarLiarLiar.

"Oh okay, I heard from Ivy that you went out with Oliver Cross, what's up with that?" Sy asked with a little smirk. Logan blushed.

"We just hung out, it's nothing, we used to be best friends in like, middleschool." He said and Sy smiled a little.

"You were friends with the Oliver Cross in middle school? What happened?" He asked and Logan shrugged.

"He just kinda got bored of me, I guess." Liar.

"Asshole." Sy breathed out and Logan shook his head.

"It's fine, I don't blame him."

"What do you mean you don't blame him? You're one of the most interesting guys I know, Loggy, don't discredit yourself."

"It's whatever. Tell me about how you've been." Logan said quickly.

"Well, the hospital was wack, I have way more stories than I can tell before next period, but I've been home catching up on work and sleeping for the most part, mom and dad still won't let me take my car out by myself or sleep alone." He sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

"That sucks." Logan said, remembering how his dads had nearly watched his every step after he'd gotten back from the hospital, how the knives had been put in locked cabinets, and he hadn't been allowed to lock his bedroom door or be left home alone for nearly two months.

"Yeah, but I mean, it's fine." Sy said. "Did you see the play signups?" He asked and Logan shook his head before Sy gave him a folded up paper out of his pocket and Logan looked over it.

"I think I might just do backstage this year, are you still audtioning for the mad hatter?" He asked and Sy nodded.

"I'm auditioning for everything but I'm hoping I'll get the mad hatter." He said and Logan nodded with a smile.

"Yeah, I think Ivy was auditioning for Alice." He said.

"She'd be perfect for it." Sy said.

"She really would be." Logan agreed. The bell rang and Sy walked towards the history room with Logan.

"What do you think of Ivy?" Sy asked curiously. Logan shrugged.

"I dunno, I mean, she's one of my best friends, I think she kinda just looks at me as her gay best friend though, you know, good for fashion advice, which I suck at, and talking about boys, which I'm only slightly better at." He said and Sy chuckled. "Why? How do you look at her?" Logan asked with a little smile.

"Oh, no, she's like a little sister to me, I was just curious I guess." Sy said, running his fingers through his hair. Logan nodded before they reached the class.

---

Logan spent most of history class staring at Oliver, or rather the back of his head and silently drawing him, praying he wouldn't turn around and see the red-headed boy two rows back looking at him like a lost puppy. He didn't know what to do, he liked Oliver, but he couldn't, he wasn't allowed to like Oliver, they'd only just started being friends again and he couldn't ruin everything so fast.

"Hey, log, what'cha doing?" Ivy asked in a whisper and he jumped, blushing a bright red and she giggled, looking at the picture.

"n-nothing." He stumbled over the word, quickly closing his notebook and looking away from her.

"Was that Cross you were drawing?" she asked with a grin and he leaned his cheek in his palm, glancing down.

"Maybe."

"I knew it, I knew you liked him."

"He's my friend, you can't tell him anything. We've only just started talking again."

"You hang out with him more than any of us, I'm your best friend and the last time I saw you out of school was a month ago. Now Oliver comes around and he's driving you home and taking you out to movies? Come on, you can't think he doesn't like you too." She said.

"But he's friends with Jace."

"Does he know?" She asked and Logan knew by the look that she was talking about the bullying.

"No, but he can't, he'd never believe me."

"How can you be so sure?"

"He's been best friends with Jace since we stopped talking."

"But that was only a few years ago, weren't you friends with Oliver like, practically your whole life until then?" She asked and he shrugged.

"He probably doesn't trust me though."

"You act like anyone in this damn world trusts Jace Connolly." She said.

"Whatever, I'm not telling him, I don't want to be responsible for him and Jace cutting ties."

"I'll never understand you." She sighed and he stared down at his closed notepad, opening up to a blank page.

"I never asked you to understand me." He said, sketching out the outline of a face and a body. She looked away. He drew a gaunt figure with branches and vines growing out of the eyes, ears, nose, and mouth, a problem that had been left to fester and became too much. He got up when he heard the bell and left for his next class, crupling it up and shoving it in his pocket.

--

He spent lunch writing up his application for the musical, he'd decided to work backstage and it was an excuse to spend lunch in the library.

"Hey." He heard. Oliver. He looked up, smiling a little.

"Hey." He said back, his voice sweet.

"Ivy said I could find you here." Oliver said and he shrugged, holding up the paper to show him.

"I'm filling out paperwork."

"You're not eating?"

"Can't focus while I eat." Liarliar.

"Ah. I just saw this art contest coming up, I was wondering if you knew about it." Oliver said, handing him a paper. Logan glanced at it and shook his head a little.

"I'm not good enough to win anything."

"I don't think you're a good judge of your ability then." He said, looking at Logan with those eyes, the ones that cut through him like butter.

"I um..I just don't..I wouln't stand a chance next to the other peices." He said, staring down at the table.

"You were concerned about not going to college because of the money, the prize is a scholarship." He said.

"But I'm not good enough for it."

"Why don't you just see if you are?" Oliver asked.

"It'd take too much time, I have homework and.." an eating disorder, a guy who wants to tear my guts out, and my parents' approval to worry about all while trying to find time to deal with a major depressive disorder and PTSD, so I'm kind of too mentally exhausted but thanks for the offer, my self esteem is probably too low for a contest like that anyways. "I'm just busy." Liar.

"Alright, it was just an idea." He said and Logan nodded a little.

"You should sign up for the play." He said, handing Oliver an extra sheet. "Sy's been bugging me about passing these out to people, you might like backstage." He said with a little smile and Oliver nodded.

"I'll sign up if you at least consider the competition." Oliver said and Logan thought a moment before nodding back.

"No promises, but..I'll think about it."

"Good." Oliver said and took the play application. "Alice in wonderland?"

"Yeah, it looks like it's going to be fun." Logan said and Oliver nodded. "I might do lights and set props again."

"I could probably help with tech and some basic painting." Oliver said.

"And lifting heavy stuff." Logan said with a little teasing smile and Oliver chuckled.

"You're probably be easier to lift than most of the set pieces." Oliver teased back and Logan rolled his eyes with a smile.

"I am not."

"What, you don't believe me?" Oliver asked with a smirk.

"No, I'm not that light." He said, crossing his arms.

"Alright." Oliver said and got up. Logan's eyes widened and he smiled and stood up to run, but not before Oliver picked him up and threw him over his shoulder, Logan giggling and blushing.

"Oli! put me down!" He hit his back lightly, not wanting to hurt him, biting his lip and not able to stop smiling.

"What are you, like, two pounds?" Oliver asked jokingly as he grinned before he set Logan back down.

Logan giggled, trying to ignore the stars in his vision as he was sitting back down in his seat. He was sure if he'd kept standing, he'd have passed out.

"You're mean." Logan said, crossing his arms with a fake pout and the taller rolled his eyes, poking Logan's forehead.

"Stop being grumpy." Oliver said with a chuckle and Logan blushed, smiling again.

"I don't want to, and you're the one who said I should be honest in my self expression."

"Fair enough. But I like your smile, it's cute." Logan wondered if Oliver called everyone cute or if it was just him, but he still couldn't help but smile.

"See, there it is." Oliver said and Logan shook his head, wishing he could will the red in his face to go away as he looked back down at the form.

"Do you like grace?" Logan asked.

"You're changing the subject."

"No, I'm not, and you didn't answer my question." He said and Oliver looked at him a moment.

"To answer your question, no, we're friends, and she's gay." He said. Logan wanted to ask if he was just a friend to Oliver, but he didn't.

"I'm not really friends with a lot of girls, it always ends because they want to date and I inevitably have to tell them I'm not interested." Oliver explained.

"Not interested in them or.." Logan started, not knowing how he'd grown the courage to asked the question but it'd been eating at him for two weeks.

"not interested in girls." He confirmed and Logan held back a sigh of relief. "Just, don't tell anyone, I know I'm honest about a lot of things, but I don't want it getting back to my dad." He said and Logan nodded.

"I won't tell anyone, I promise." Logan said, giving him a small smile. "I'm good at keeping secrets." He smiled. "When did you..know?" He asked.

"Sometime around the end of middleschool and the start of freshman year." Oliver said quietly. Logan nodded a little.

"Do you like anyone?" Logan asked with a little grin, like they were ten again, sitting in Logan's room telling eachother secrets or playing truth or dare.

"No one." He said with a small smile. "You?"

"No one." Logan said, playing with his sweater sleeves.

Then the bell rang.