I sat on my bed, knees pulled to my chest while my eyes scanned the book that rested in my hand. Alexander sat beside me, his fingers playing with the fabric on my sheets as his other hand held onto a book as well.

It had been a week since Edward had not come home. Every morning at dawn I had gone to the stables to ride the horses with the boys, but this morning Alexander had brought up my breakfast earlier than usual. And with the food, he brought a new book he had picked up at the market. So we sat and picked at berries as we read.

Sometimes he took my hand in his, his fingers dancing on mine as I got distracted. A flutter would twist in my stomach as he did it. But I ignored it. Or I tried.

It was wrong of me to enjoy it. I had just lost the love of my life. Yet here I was sitting with another in my chambers, holding hands with him.

Had I lost the love of my life? Or was he still out there? Was it silly for me to hold onto hope? Or would it just be easier to let go now, let me go and find comfort in another?

I didn't move my hand. And I never did. Not any time that week that he had found his way into my chambers to read with me. And trust me, he was there every night.

I liked to think that he knew I needed him there. With him nearby I felt safe, the loneliness was not as hard to deal with when Alexander was nearby. He spoke often about how I needed to speak up for myself, how I needed to act like a prince more often, he had noticed how I treated everyone as a friend, and not as a worker. And it was true, I did because I respected them all. "You respect them. But do they respect you?"

"I find it fascinating how people can write such words in such a short time," Alexander said, shaking me from my thoughts, his legs crossed as he laid beside me on my bed, a fortnight after Edward had gone missing.

"Harlow enjoys writing. She can write a story in just a fortnight if she sets her mind to it." I was sitting up, book in my hand joints sore from the sparing I had done that morning with young Ronald. For a little man, he had a swing on him like I had not seen before. And I desperately hoped that he would become a knight one day, his skill was too much to pass up.

"My mother enjoyed telling stories. But she did not know how to read or write. She would tell us amazing stories before bed." He said as he sat up, I laid my book down as he faced me, interested in his excrement. "There was one story of a bear. She named him Tommy. And Tommy had to learn how to fit in with the humans so he could save his daughter from the hunters."

"And did he? Did he save his daughter?" I asked, mouth dry as I swallowed, watching as Alexander moved closer to me.

"Yes, he was able to trick everyone and kill the hunter who was planning on taking his daughter from him. They lived together in a cave happy as ever." He said with a laugh, but he didn't move from me. His eyes staying on my face. "She would tell us stories all the time. I always wished to be able to write so one day we could sit together, and she and I could write together." His voice got softer as he spoke. I watched him, as his hand found its way to my jaw, my brows met together as he touched me, it confused me. But then his lips touched mine and it became clear. And for a moment I panicked. These lips were not lips that should touch mine. Not when he was out there, and cold.

I could feel a tear fall to my cheek when he took a breath and drew back. He looked at me, I could feel his eyes as my eyes stayed closed. "I apologies my lord." He started. "I don't know what hap— "

I stopped him with my lips on his again, I took a deep breath into his mouth, moving closer to him, I felt horrible, but at the same time, I felt free in a way.

What if Edward was never coming home? What if Edward was no longer out there.

Would he want me to move on?

I held the sword with a grace I did not know I had, Ronald stood not far from me, in a stance that he'd been trying to show me for three weeks now. The sun was starting to turn the clouds orange as it raised, and we had maybe a half-hour left before I had to go back inside. But it did not matter as my arm swung and wood hit hard against more wood.

Wood because I could not trust to hold a metal sword and risk one of us getting hurt. But I did take time to hold a real weapon, knowing they were not light and I had to get used to holding the bulky weapon if I wished to actually use it.

"Oi, you're a pro, my lord. Mayhaps we should ride for a bit? Relax before the day starts." Ronald suggested, and I was to nod my head before I saw an angry-looking Tsar making his way to the field.

"I have been searching everywhere for you." He bellowed as he approached. Ronald stood back to make room for Taz, who was like the devil himself, red in the face as he made his way towards us. "I have Juanita looking as well, what in God's name are you doing out here? At this hour."

"We are sparing," I said matter of factly, lifting the wooden sword over my shoulder. Alexander's words passed in my ear once again before I narrowed my eyes at my good friend. "I would suggest you stop raising your tone with me Tsar, I am your boss, not the other way around." That made him stop in his tracks, I could see as he pondered my words in his head, before raising his own to meet my eyes.

"They're sending two men out in an hour to search for the missing. I thought you'd like to know." He said before turning with a huff, walking away from me. I pursed my lips, dropping the wooden toy onto the ground.

"We will resume this tomorrow," I said to Ronald before making my way to the front of the castle walls, where they did, in fact, have two men, read on their own horses in armour. Three women stood to the side as they said their goodbyes, my father's right hand standing nearby. I walked to Mangus, standing close before he even noticed I was there.

"Ah, young lord. I was wondering when you'd be here."

"Why was I not informed?"

"I advised your father not to tell you. Due to your reaction of the men missing."

I clenched my jaw, watching him from the corner of my eye. "My reaction should not be in the way should not get in the way of the fact that these are my men as well, I should have gotten notice."

"My lord, I mean no disrespect. I thought it was the best for us all. You did seem very — broken in the last few weeks."

"I want details, I want every little bit of knowledge you have on Edward and those men. Do I make myself clear?" I instructed, looking Mangus now in the eyes the man was a tad shorter then I. So I had the upper hand in looking down at him.

"Yes my old, my apologies. We've gotten no word. We just have a rough idea of the area."

"I want maps in my chambers before night falls," I demanded, turning away from Mangus as the men rode off on their horses.

"Come in," I said softly, turning my back to the darkness that laid outside. My door crept open, and Tsar's face poked in, his hands full with three scrolls.

With a small sigh, he came in, pushing the door enough to enter, he set everything on the table in the corner of my chambers, opening the first scroll and looking down to it with pinched brows.

"He went missing here." He said, pointing to a clearing just outside of the village my mother grew up in.

"A horse that resembled Nigals was spotted here," Tsar mumbled, opening the second scroll in his grasp. "Timothy has sent a raven to his wife. But the letter said nothing more then we're ok." I nodded my head watching him, biting on the inside of my mouth.

"A raven? When?"

"It came this morning. We had already had the men set up to leave by that point."

"And you didn't think to say anything to me?"

"Do not take it to heart. We thought you had enough on your plate. I wouldn't have told you they were leaving if I didn't think you could not handle it. If you were not so rude to me beforehand. I would have given you all the information that you had wanted."

I sighed, pressing a hand over my face before taking it down and looking at my childhood friend. "Taz, I didn't —"

"Don't, You are under a lot of stress. I understand. Mangus and Alexander understand. We just do not wish to push you."

"It's not pushing. Really. I want to know these things."

"Yes, my lord." It got quiet between us, as I looked over the scrolls he had brought with him, but soon there was another knock on the door, and before I could say enter Alexander was pushing the door open with his book in his hand and a smile on his face.

"Good evening men. How are we faring?"

"Well, thank you," Tsar said, collecting the paper. "I bid you both a good night." He bowed his head before leaving the room, closing the large door. Leaving Alexander and I standing alone in the room.

I looked to Alex, his face was pulled into a frown as he held the book at his die. "What's going on?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, stepping so my back was pressed to the wall, leaning back as I looked to the other man.

"He had his hands full, what was he showing you? Anything special? Has he found the solution to the problems of the world?" He ended his words with a playful smile. And I couldn't help but chuckle at him.

"That I wish. But in some sense of the word, yes maybe. But let us not worry about that now. That's not the same book as before."

Alexander smiled, holding the book up to me. "Let me show you."