Drew woke to a quiet, chilly morning on a couch he did not know. He sat up, squinting in the bright sunlight streaming in from a window right by his head, his eyelids scratching against his eyeballs with every blink. A light, brown knitted blanket with white tassels, had been thrown over him, and he pushed it back, at the same time wincing when he tasted atrocious morning breath. His teeth felt mossy, and his head ached, but otherwise he was none the worse for wear. One of the perks of being young, he guessed.

Swinging his still booted feet to the floor, he glanced around, narrowing his eyes in the bright light that made the other parts of the apartment dim. Across the room, up one step, he saw the big bed, bathed in a beam of dusty sunlight, and on the floor by the bed in the dimness, David. With a sigh, Drew got to his feet.

The presence beside him, and the blanket being laid over him, woke David, who had always been a light sleeper. He looked up from where he had collapsed on the floor to see Drew sit down on the floor beside his feet.

"Morning," Drew sighed, wincing at the ache in his head. "I helped myself. Hope you don't mind," he added, indicating a bottle of water in his hand.

David sat up, flinching at the pins and needles in the arm he had been using as a pillow. Shifting to put his back to the bed, he kept the blanket, adjusting the warm, soft knit under his chin. "What time is it?" he murmured, without really caring.

"No idea," Drew said. He took a swig from the bottle. It was room temperature, but it hit the spot, and he drank half of it on one go. Afterwards he sat back with a sigh, and glanced around the apartment, rubbing the back of his neck. The gaps Jason had left when he moved out were still there, like missing pieces of a puzzle, constant reminders to David of what he had lost. "How long are you going to leave it like that?" Drew asked, nodding at the apartment. "The empty spaces. Don't you think it's time you moved on?"

"Moved on to what?" David asked, shifting under the blanket to lay his head back on the bed.

"What about the guy you, you know..."

"Cheated with?"

"Well, yeah."

David gave a short, breathy laugh. "He was no one."

Drew glanced at him without turning his head. "Then why did you cheat with him?"

David, slouched down on the floor beside Drew, stared unseeing into the middle distance. "I don't know," he finally said. "I knew it was bad while I was doing it, and I told myself I could stop at any time...but I didn't." His voice lowered. "Not until the damage was already done."

Drew pulled up his legs, bracing his arms on his knees and letting the half full bottle of water dangle from one hand. "And the Major?" he asked, almost carefully. "He's gone for good?"

"Yes," came the barely audible answer. "He doesn't trust me anymore."

"He might again," Drew said. Sunlight sparkled through the clear liquid of the water, casting shadows on the hardwood floors that drew both their gazes. "And if he doesn't, I mean, it's not the end of the world. There're lots of g-guys out there."

David looked up at Drew, who paused to clear his throat and take a sip of water, the tips of his ears going pink. He was, evidently, still embarrassed to talk about such things with David, but the effort was touching, and a ghost of a smile pulled at David's pale lips.

"You know," David said. "I used to have a crush on you."

A burst of sputtering noises came as Drew choked on his water. "What?" he asked, a little too loudly, wiping his mouth as he looked at David with alarmed blue eyes.

"When I first started babysitting for Mary," David said. "But then I saw you with your bonehead friends from the football team, and I immediately got over it."

Still coughing, Drew brushed water from his shirt. He didn't know what to sat to that. "Well, what I was trying to say was," he finally said, "you've had b-boyfriends in the past, and you'll have more."

David's gaze returned to the middle distance, gazing at nothing. "There's no point," he said. "They were all the same before Jason, and they'll be the same after. That is who I am. If I wasn't, Jason would still be here. I was just kidding myself. I didn't change."

"Yes, you did."

The statement came so quickly and so confidently, it made David look up at Drew. And this time, blue eyes met his.

"Well, I guess I should say, you're changing," Drew said. "Doing something once doesn't mean you're done. It's a process. You slipped, that's all. You can't keep punishing yourself for it."

"Can't I?" David asked, his voice quiet, almost imploring.

Drew shook his head, smiling down at him. "I think you're done. You're not that guy anymore."

David wasn't so sure. "This is exactly what I was like. While you were getting your head bashed in on the football field, I was in dark cars with guys whose names I didn't know. Jason was the one who changed me, and even he couldn't stop me. It's only a matter of time before Simon sees it, too. So why bother trying to be loved?"

"Because with the right people, you don't have to try," Drew said. "And that was never who you were, not for real. Trust me," he took a swig from his water, "I know you," he continued, screwing the bottle cap back on. "You were the one who babysat my little sister. The one who collected every artwork she ever did. The one who ran away when she died. The one who left flowers on her grave every week. So, even if you don't trust yourself, David, trust me. You may have black nails, but you've got a red heart, and a good one at that."

David looked up at him, dark eyes wider than they'd ever been, shinning with sudden tears and filled with too many emotions to define, even to himself. His chest and his throat tightening, he could say nothing. Drew, slouching down to lay his head on the bed behind him, would never know what his words meant to David. Words that, once, a long time ago, his little sister had also said to the young dark-haired and dark-eyed boy who had loved her like a sister.

"It's your life," Drew continued, unaware of the effect his words were having on his friend. Closing his eyes, he folded his arms across his chest and shifted on the floor, getting comfortable. "But I think you're being too hard on yourself. Remember: you were the one who made every decision, good and bad. You're in charge. There's no reason you can't keep making good ones."

Settled down, Drew's breathing slowed and deepened until he was once more asleep, leaving David to sit in silence. And in silence he sat for a long time, thinking. Finally, as the sun began to dip back toward the horizon, David stood. He stretched, took a deep breath, and made a decision. Laying the blanket across Drew, whose snores filled the apartment, David went to his school bag, took out a notepad and a pen, sat at the kitchen counter, and began to write a letter.