Finally, after being in this huge house alone Journee texts me saying they're here. My boredom is partially due to myself since I decided to be immature and leave breakfast early, giving into Jordy's antics. Okay, it's all my fault. 

But. 

I had to. She was confusing me, and I needed some space to breathe and think. I can't even ask anyone for advice because she's Journee's sister. This makes everything even harder since I already feel like I have no one to really open up to. Coming out to Journee helped, but messing around with her sister cancels that out. The one person I could talk to about it all is the one who's confusing me. 

"Bri isn't it such a pretty day?" my best friend asks as I gaze out the window at the scenery passing by. I snap out of my thoughts meeting her dark eyes through the rearview mirror of her Audi. 

"Yes," I answer as I look back to the passing mountains as the sun shines on them.

"I can't wait for you to see what I planned," Journee says excitingly and I look over to Alex who gives me a warm smile before looking back to the front. 

Before I know it we're pulling up to a large glasshouse causing me to furrow my brows in confusion. 

Journee parks the car before turning around in her seat, "Isn't nice?" Journee asks and I narrow my eyes at her. 

"Yeah, but how..." I trail off considering I have so many questions spiraling through my head. 

"Eva's parents let us borrow it," she explains and I nod slowly, I go to talk but she beats me to it. 

"I packed a bag for you," she explains and I tilt my head. 

"What about everyone else?" I ask looking from Sebastian to Alex. 

"I told them before, I just wanted to surprise you since you've seemed distant lately," she says warmly and I give her a forced smile. 

"Thank you Jour," I say warmly and she grabs my hand and squeezes it. 

"Of course Bri," she says with a smile before she turns around and exits the car. 

"This will be so fun babe," Sebastian says excitingly as he gets out of the car and meets Journee at the trunk, their voices muffle causing me to turn to Alex. Wishing that her blue eyes were hazel ones. 

"This should be fun right?" I ask her and she nods as her eyes pierce into mine. 

"Yeah you all seem really fun," she says and I smile back at her before exiting the car to help with the bags. 

We walk into the large glasshouse with bags occupying our hands, taking in the open space. The modern house feels like it's out of a home design tv show, but that's before I notice the lake filling the large glass walls towards the back of the house. This house is more like a dream. 

"There are only two guest bedrooms open since Eva's family stays here, so you two will have to share a room if that's okay?" Journee asks and my stomach drops more than it should've. I give Journee a short nod and we head to our rooms. 

"I hope this isn't weird," Alex says as we walk down the glass hallway, and I shake my head, 

"Of course not" I say knowing I wouldn't mind sharing a bed with Alex. Jordy has just confused me, and I don't want to confuse Alex. 

She seems nice, but now she's probably scared to even breathe in my direction considering I basically friend-zoned her. 

She lets out a breath, "Good because I can sleep on the floor," she suggests as we reach the white door. 

"That's definitely not necessary," I disagree with her before entering the large room, and I notice a California king bed occupying the middle of the room. 

The bed sits facing the glass walls that hold the lake, and nothing takes up the space in the room except for the bed and the two white nightstands on either side of it. The walls are plain and there's a tall white door that I assume leads to a bathroom. I notice a glass balcony on the other side of the clear walls urging me to walk out into the fresh air. 

The room captures my attention, and silence fills the room around us causing me to turn to Alex. I meet her blue eyes that were also previously shocked by the beautiful room. 

"So if you don't mind me asking, what changed?" Alex asks and my eyes widen slightly knowing it was Jordy. 

"I uh... I'm just confused considering my past and all," I say not wanting to lie but not wanting to tell the truth. 

Alex's face softens, "I understand," she says and I give her a half-smile. 

"Yeah?" I ask before sliding off my shoes and sitting on the soft bed. I face the lake as the sunset is held behind it, and Alex joins me. 

"Of course," she murmurs and I nod towards her before looking back towards the beautiful view. 

"So you do like me?" she asks confused and my eyes immediately lock with hers.

"I-I yeah" I answer the hard question honestly and she nods giving me a small smile. 

"I just... I don't know" I breathe out not being able to put my feelings into words, especially since some of those feelings involve Jordy. 

Silence falls over us, "Look just go with the flow and stop thinking about the outcome," she suggests and I turn back to the sky. 

"Okay," I agree and I feel her warm arms wrap around me before pulling me towards her causing our bodies to fall onto the plush bed. 

"Alex," I laugh out and she laughs at my startlness. 

"This is such a beautiful house," She murmurs as our bodies morph together. My phone buzzes before I can say anything else earning my attention. 

Jour Jour: Come to the backyard:)

"Journee is summoning us," I say as I wave my lit phone screen in my hand, and Alex sighs. 

We both rise from the comfortable bed before heading out into the grassy backyard. We notice two silhouettes at the docks causing us to walk through the grass to the concrete stairs before descending them onto the dock. Journee and Sebastian turn towards us and Journee pats beside her causing me to sit beside her, and Alex to sit on the other side of me. I dip my feet into the warm lake water mimicking Journee's and Sebastian's actions. 

"Wanna smoke?" Sebastian asks as he pulls the joint from his pocket. 

"Yes" Journee says excitingly, and I nod hoping to escape my thoughts. We pass the blunt around until there's nothing left of it, and the sunset increasingly gets brighter with each puff. 

"Y'all we should order Chinese food," Journee suggests, and Alex chuckles. 

"So you're the munchies smoker?" Alex asks and I bust out into uncontrollable laughter. 

"And you're the laugher?" Alex asks me causing me to laugh more, and Journee joins me. 

"I guess they're both laughers," Sebastian suggests chuckling to himself. 

I calm my laughter down as I wipe my stray tears before turning to Alex, "We should make pizza," I blurt out my first thought, and Alex tilts her head before lightly chuckling, 

"Random thought but I'll go with it," she says as our eyes attach. 

"Last one to the kitchen has to clean up" I yell before taking off running from the docks. 

"Hey no fair," Journee yells and I hear them all take off running, but I'm already to the huge glasshouse. I enter the clean interior and I'm met with a lavender smell. I let out pants of air due to the marathon I practically ran.

I see Journee and Sebastian running behind Alex causing my eyes to widen in shock, Journee ends up being the last one in the house. 

She collapses to the ground as she catches her breath, "Sebastian you know you're helping right?" She says smartly and he pouts before collapsing on top of her earning a groan out of her. 

My eyes divert from the couple when my phone lights up on the counter,

My eyebrows furrow into confusion, but I quickly realize it's Jordy due to the nickname. My stomach drops at the realization, but I quickly recover before texting back. 

Me: Jordy?

I hold the blurry phone in my hands as I wait for a response, meanwhile, everyone around me has started to gather the ingredients to make pizza. My phone buzzes lightly in my hand indicating her response. 

Jordy: I'd hope no one else would call you Elle. 

My heart warms at her first text, but I quickly recover before texting back.

Me: no one does you know this. 

I send the text but I contemplate asking her what she's doing tonight. Curiosity is what I'm telling myself, but I know it's jealousy. I hope she's not with Maya, but even if she is that's fine. Right?

Me: But how's your night going?

I send the text before locking my phone and diverting my attention back to my giggly friends as they all wash their hands, getting soap and water everywhere. I laugh at them and they flick water in my direction causing a screech to escape my lips as I hold my arms in front of me. My lock screen lights up, and Jordy's name appears on the screen.

Jordy: Boring just staying in.

Jordy: How's the lake?

 My eyes widen at her second text and my mouth blurts out the question before I have any obligation, "Does Jordy know we're at the lake?" I ask defensively and Journee turns away from the pantry, her confused gaze meeting my eyes. I feel the room grow silent, and I realize Alex and Sebastian's attention is on me. 

I question whether I really said my thoughts aloud, and I realize how suspicious the question seems. I'm now realizing how high I really am... Was my tone off? Did I seem offended that she possibly knew? 

"She just seems offended that she wasn't invited," I say and I ask myself why I just lied about something so silly. Journee tilts her head further making my heart drop. 

"That's weird, she seemed perfectly fine with staying at Maya's," Journee says, but it's more to herself. I feel myself freeze, and my heart lurches in my chest at her words. 

I manage to give a brief smile to Journee though it hurts me to even display it on my face, "Really weird," I say quietly and Journee shrugs. 

"She probably just wanted to go to the party we're attending tomorrow night," she says as she grabs the ingredients from the pantry, and I stay silent. 

"Tell her not to worry, she can come up tomorrow and flirt with as many girls as she likes," she says while setting the ingredient down. 

I give her a confused look, but I quickly recover as I lean against the granite counter. "I'm confused I thought her and Maya were a thing," Sebastian asks as he comes over to help Journee sort through her ingredients, and I give him a questionable look considering Jordy and I are... well something? 

"Eh Jordy never settles with a girl, and Maya that poor girl will just get strung along," Journee sighs, and Sebastian looks taken aback. 

"I doubt it," he says and Journee crosses her arms giving him a 'are you serious' look. 

"Trust me I know my sister, and she's good at fooling people," she says as she grabs a pan from the cabinet, and my heart drops at Journee's words. She sprays the pan.

"Clearly you're one of the fooled people," Alex sighs causing me to turn around noticing she's seated at the kitchen island listening to the conversation intently.

I furrow my brows at her response, considering she's Jordy's best friend then this probably is who she is. I feel so ignorant. How did I let her kindness blind me from her true intentions? My paranoid thoughts swirl in my mind causing me to lean off the counter to jerk back into reality. 

Journee points her manicured finger at Alex while giving Sebastian an 'I told you so' look, "See!" she says and Sebastian shrugs. 

Journee rubs her hands together in excitement, "Alright, lets make pizza," and Sebastian pulls out another joint and I notice Alex's brows raise.

"Such a bad influence Seb," she jokes lowly and he smiles at her slightly before lighting it. 

Alex immediately pushes open the sliding doors so the living space combines with the outdoor space. We turn on music and vibe as we cook pizza messily while laughing and giggling, but thoughts of Jordy still dance throughout my mind. 

After we eat our pizza while talking about random topics, Journee and Sebastian start cleaning up. Alex and I sit out on the patio, and I try to push Jordy out of my mind. Part of me feels like a fool and it hurts, but the other part is embarrassing. I mean I shouldn't even be this upset, we literally aren't anything. This is a figment of my imagination and none of it is realistic. This shouldn't be affecting me, so why is it? 

I didn't think this situation through. Jordy and I have to go back to being however we were, or is that how we are now? Ugh, I don't know. Imagine if Journee and I stay lifetime friends. Then what will I do? Will this all get easier, or harder for me? What if eventually, Journee finds out? My heart rate spikes at all these alarming questions that I can't seem to answer quickly enough. 

Breathe Bri. There's nothing to find out. It was just an almost kiss and some cuddling. Cuddling that I lied about... Journee thinks I slept in her room. 

It feels hotter outside than usual. Well, it is summer Bri, the voice in my head remarks. I lift my hand to my chest in hopes of calming myself down, but it only alarms me more as I feel my rapid heart beneath my hand. 

Bri it's okay. 

My thoughts work against me as my ex flashes through my head, Her green eyes stare back at me while the sun sets behind the mountain. She pulls me closer to her face as her bright eyes engulf mine. 

"Brielle I'm in love with you too" her breath fans on my face and our lips morph together in a gentle kiss. 

Suddenly her face morphs into my dad's, "No she doesn't Bri. That's why she left you, that's why we all did." his face looks so real as if I could reach out and touch it. 

"Brielle??" Alex's voice snaps me back to reality and I'm met with her concerned ocean eyes. She's now kneeling before me while I sit in the patio chair and her eyes absorb mine with concern. 

"I'm okay," I say as my voice trembles and she rubs my leg softly.

"You clearly aren't Bri," she whispers and I look down at my body to see it trembling as well. 

"I-I" I try to speak, but I can't. 

"Hey just look at me. Look into my eyes," she says softly and I meet her eyes. 

"Now breathe with me," she calms me down as I mimick her breathing. I feel my rapid heart slow slightly.

"Look up at the stars, and try counting them," she suggests and I automatically look up as I start counting the twinkling stars.

I start to lose track after twenty causing me to look back to Alex, "Are you okay now?" she asks and I nod.

"I'm sorry," I apologize and her eyebrows furrow into confusion. 

"Bri don't be sorry, you can't help it," she comforts me and I shake my head before rising out of the chair onto my shaky feet. 

I've never had someone witness my panic attacks, except for my ex who tried to help me one time and got mad at me for scaring her. Now I try to control them around other people so I don't scare them as well. What if I scared Alex as well? 

"Whoa wait," she says as she gently pulls my arm down so I'm sitting back in my chair, "What's wrong?" she asks as she kneels before me and my eyes water slightly causing me to purse my lips as I look up at the night sky. 

"I just hope I didn't scare you," I say quietly before looking back down at her icy eyes that hold confusion.

"Scare me?" she asks as she tilts her head, and I nod in response. 

"Don't worry about me, you're the one who just had a panic attack," she comforts me as she rubs my knees softly, and I feel tears prick at my eyes. 

"You aren't mad at me?" I croak out as confusion takes over my face, and Alex rises from her kneeling stance before gently grabbing my hand to help me stand. 

Her eyes absorb mine as she looks down at me, "Brielle no one should ever be mad at you for something you can't control," she says and I feel tears run down my face as she pulls me into a warm hug. 

"I-I can control it, I just have to stop panicking over little things so much," I declare as I pull back from the hug and she raises a brow. 

"No-" she says.

 "Yes I can, I have to," I interrupt her, and my voice cracks slightly. 

"How come?" she challenges me, and my brows furrow.

"I-I" I go to tell her about my ex but I can't find the words. 

I pull out of her grip before briskly walking into the glasshouse and back out of it through the front door. 

I have to because it might've been one of the reasons why she left me, and I can't lose anyone else.