《Prince Charming Must Die》7. Beware of Magicians Bearing Gifts
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Unicorns! Seriously? Who brings unicorns into a dining hall? It had to be some sort of health code violation, but hey, this was the middle ages and health codes wouldn't exist for centuries.
Then there was the matter of the gift itself.
When an evil magician offered something, the wise princess declined. Generally, they were curses in disguise. For example, you might think you were getting a beauty elixir but end up with an unsightly skin condition. A love potion might win you an obsessed stalker.
If I could give you any advice, dear reader, it would be this: Never accept gifts from evil magicians, genies, elves, dark fairies, or telemarketers. There's always a catch, and it's often expensive and/or painful.
In the case of the unicorns, it was also stinky. The lingering odor from the musk oil mishap in the stalls the day before had vanquished the yummy smells of breakfast. They pawed at the stone floor, wings pinned back, eyes wild. Unicorns didn't like being awake during the daytime nor being inside.
Though unicorns weren't Ashley's favorite creatures, she pitied them, knowing what it was like to be confined. Reflexively, she began to reassure them but thought better of it and clapped her mouth closed. It wouldn't be wise to advertise her animal communication skills, especially in front of a magician.
"Majesties," Marveloni purred, leaning on his silver, gem-encrusted staff and bowing. The man set Ashley's teeth on edge. And it wasn't just his otherworldly paleness, condescending tone, pompous name, and strange clothing—black dragon-skin cloak with matching eye patch and more ruffles on his shirt than on a bridal gown.
The magician's most disconcerting feature was his one exposed eye—white as marble, with no iris. Just a huge black pupil.
Right then, he trained this creepy eyeball on Ashley. Not wanting to give him the satisfaction of looking away, Ashley gritted her teeth and stared back.
Her chest tightened. She imagined an invisible tether stretched between them. Something wild and slippery spilling into her body, heating her blood. The fruity, earthy flavor of mulled wine lingered on her tongue.
Ashley blinked.
That was unnerving. Whatever that was. Magic or her imagination?
She flexed her fingers and wriggled her toes. They responded like normal. For a moment, she detected a tiny glow, like a gathering of moonlight deep in her belly. Had the magician put something there? But no, a breath later and it was gone.
"Did you ...?" Ashley began, not sure how to complete the question.
... poison me with your evil magic?
... feed me mulled-wine scented moonlight?
... curse me with that creepy eye of yours?
Before she could settle on the best question, Charming put his hands on her shoulders and cocked his head. "Are you quite all right, Princess?"
"Fine," she said. Although "fine" might not be wholly accurate, considering her prince was leaving, she'd traipsed through the castle practically naked, her lady-in-waiting was clearly after her husband, the court magician was probably plotting to kill her, and her mosquito bite itched like the pox. She scratched.
"Very well." Charming turned toward his sorcerer. "Marvy, thank you for coming so quickly."
Marvy? That was even worse than Magnificent Marveloni. The only benefit of Charming's journeys was the fact that "Marvy" always accompanied him.
"Of course. The daylight grows short. The sooner we leave, the safer our travels."
"Well, let us not delay the suspense a moment longer." The prince clapped his hands, beaming with pride.
Suspense? Did the prince think she had not noticed the two unicorns, snorting and tossing their spikey heads, only a few feet away? Perhaps the unicorns weren't the surprise at all. Maybe they were a decoy.
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"Let me through," came a thin voice from the hall. Borin, the prince's seneschal, scurried through the entrance, skirting the unicorns, his sand-colored robes weaving between his ankles. Borin handled the day-to-day business of running the castle—like a fairytale version of an executive assistant.* Usually, Ashley avoided the man, but right now, she was glad for the interruption. Maybe this would be important, and the prince would forget to gift her the unicorns officially. "Your majesty, your majesty."
Charming slammed a gloved fist on a table. "Can you not see I'm in the middle of something?"
"Sorry, Highness," Borin bowed so low his wiry gray hair brushed the floor. He stood. Ashley couldn't help but stare at the man's bushy eyebrows, which stuck out at odd angles as if trying to find an escape route from his face. "But I remembered something, and I wasn't sure how much longer you'd be here."
"Pray, tell. Quickly."
"It's about Whinging Week."
"What about it?"
"What shall we do while you are gone?"
"Cancel it."
"Forgive me, Highness, but canceling it for months could result in an uprising from the villagers. Especially with the ..." he cleared his throat and glanced at Ashley. " ... disappearing thing."
"What is a whinging week?" Ashley said.
Marveloni snickered; Charming joined in.
"Did I say something funny?" Ashley said.
"All the time, Princess," Marveloni sneered under his breath.
Ashley's cheeks warmed. Once again, she didn't know something a real princess should.
Charming bit his lip and managed to stop laughing. "The official name is The Quarterly Tribunal. Whinging Week is our little joke. Tis the one week per quarter my loyal subjects have the honor of petitioning me to resolve their problems. Most of the petitions are disputes regarding ownership of property—cattle, crops, women."**
Ashley remembered hearing about the Quarterly Tribunal from farmers and merchants when she lived in the village. At the time she'd thought it was fascinating. To understand the law. To make fair and just decisions. To keep the peace. To make people's lives better. That was what it meant to rule. Why could a woman not do it? She wanted to ask him, but the query wedged itself in her throat.
"Borin, you shall handle it in my stead."
"It will be an honor."
"Now leave us," Charming commanded.
"Yes, my prince." Borin backed out of the room.
"Now! Can we please get to the surprise?"
Ashley nodded, unable to hide her disappointment.
"I hereby present to you: the most beautiful unicorns in my fleet!" the prince said, with a gallant sweep of his arm. "Louis is the large, muscly specimen, and Louisa is the dainty lass." Louisa, who possessed the same muscle definition, wingspan, and pointy horn as her counterpart, appeared just as deadly. Charming winked. "They're a mated pair."
Mated. Ugh. Memories of lurid, boisterous unicorn couplings outside Ashley's bedchamber window wormed into her consciousness. "Uh ..." was all she could manage.
"Look, Marvy, she's speechless. So glad you suggested this. They will keep you occupied while I'm gone. A new hobby, if you will. I know you detest embroidery."
Ashley swallowed hard. "Uh, I don't hate embroidery that much." At least, not now that she suspected the evil magician's plan for her was "death by unicorn."
The prince tickled her chin and laughed, not giving her lie any credence. "But wait. There's more! Gerald. You can come in now."
A man, at least a head taller than the prince, with muscles evident beneath his homespun shirt, glided in from the hallway. His beautiful skin shone like polished walnut, and his clear, dark eyes were alight with mischief.
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"Princess, may I introduce Gerald, my favorite groom? He shall teach you to fly. Gerald, meet Princess Ashley." With as much dignity as she could muster, she offered him her hand, as a princess should. She knew that much.
Gerald bowed, and a stray black curl trailed over his forehead. Ashley's fingertips prickled, and she had to stop herself from threading them through his hair to tame the errant lock.
"An honor to meet you, Your Highness," he said, taking her hand to kiss her signet ring.
Ashley's stomach dropped like a stone into a well. "Please rise," she said, not wanting this man to bow to anyone. Swallowing hard, she met his bright eyes, flashing like the strike of a flint. "An honor to meet you as well," she croaked. Why was she having this reaction to Gerald? The prince is my one true love. The prince is my one true love. She shivered and gathered the cape more tightly around herself.
"You may thank me now," Charming announced.
Ashley tried to smile, but couldn't manage more than a grimace. "Well ... I, uh ..." She'd told the prince of her fear of heights, or more specifically, falling from them, so why would he give her such a gift? Perhaps he couldn't think of a surprise and had a couple of spare unicorns sitting around. Or someone gave him unicorns he didn't want, so he regifted. Or maybe it was as simple as him trying to help her become a better princess. "Thank you, husband."
The prince pouted. "This has not been as fun as I'd anticipated. The interruption ruined the flow. Perhaps we could start over, and you could act more surprised. And more grateful."
"Um ... you want me to pretend to be surprised?"
"Do you think you could? For me?"
Ashley wrinkled her brow. "Uh, sure."
"Excellent. Now Gerald, Marvy, take the unicorns into the hall again. Princess, sit over there and look pretty. Everyone wait for my signal."
"Highness," the magician said. "We are behind schedule already. You know that ogres and highwaymen, fairies, and beggars haunt the roads after dark. We ought to be off."
"Would you deny me my fun?"
The magician sighed. "Of course not. I can probably create a shielding spell that can thwart most of the criminal element. Won't work on the fairies, I'm afraid. But we must be quick." Marveloni yanked Louisa's bridle. She whinnied. Both creatures unfurled their massive wings and flapped, the wind hurling the magician to the floor where he landed on his behind, perilously close to stomping unicorn hooves. The candlelit chandeliers on the vaulted ceiling creaked and swayed.
"Everyone move back," Gerald ordered as he ran toward the beasts, battling the updraft and trying to seize their reins.
"Stupid creatures," Marveloni snarled. He snapped his fingers, and a whip appeared. "I know how to handle this."
Ashley's nails bit into her palms. She calculated the distance between herself and the magician, the unicorns and the whip, and what it would feel like to snap it and possibly his arm in the process. Even if it meant he'd turn her into a frog or a princess-shaped garden sculpture, she had to stop him.
But before she could get close enough to snap anything, Louis lunged into the air toward Marveloni, missing the magician, but managing to collide with one of the chandeliers. It swayed wildly, lit candles tumbling on to a trestle table below. Flames erupted, crackling, and consuming the old wood. Smoke rapidly filled the room, making Ashley gag. Her eyes burned. "Fire!" she cried, heart beating like the wild wings of a unicorn.
The unicorns, now even more freaked out, flapped furiously, fanning the fire.
"Do something," said Charming, battler of fire-breathing dragons and parsnips, who now crouched behind his magician.
Having slept in front of a kitchen fire for most of her life, Ashley knew a thing or two about squelching flames. In her stepmonster's kitchen, she had a rug, but the breakfast hall's carpet was the size of a small island. Sweat dripped down her neck. Wait, the cape! She flipped open the clasp, shrugged it off, and flung it over the burning table.
"That's my favorite cape!" Charming yelped.
The fire suffocated under the heavy velvet.
Ashley exhaled, relieved.
But in the chaos, Louisa panicked and lifted off, trying to escape by flying toward the light streaming in from the stained-glass windows at the far end of the room. If she hit the glass, she'd be severely injured.
Ashley had no choice but to warn her of the impending danger. "Stop. Louisa!" Ashley whinnied. "Louis, stop her."
Louis launched after his mate, biting her wing, trying to tug her back. She pulled him till they plunged onto the food table with a crack and a splat. A mass of pancakes, eggs, toast, fruit, and matchstick-sized shards of wood exploded beneath them.
Ashley and Gerald sprinted toward the panting animals, now splayed over the destruction. Tiny streams of rainbow-colored blood erupted from cuts across their white coats. Gerald knelt before them and placed a large hand on the flank of each animal. He whispered something she couldn't hear. They stilled. After the unicorns calmed down, Gerald took their reins.
"You can speak to unicorns?" Gerald murmured. "I heard you whinnying. And it seemed like they understood you."
"No. Don't be ridiculous," Ashley said, casting a worried glance back at the magician.
"But ..."
"Shhhh. I didn't do anything. I thought if I made whinnying sounds, it might calm them down. That's all."
"Thanks, Princess," Louis neighed. "We owe you."
"Nay, you don't," Ashley responded very quietly.
Gerald stood, grinning. "Sure, you don't speak to unicorns. Let's go, Louis, Louisa," Gerald neighed.
Ashley's mouth fell open. Could Gerald talk to animals too? She'd never met anyone else with the ability. Her brain spun. And not just with the revelation that she wasn't the only one with this weird ability. Once he had exited the room, it was as if the air had been sucked away. She longed to follow him, like a rat after a piper. Even if it meant she'd drown in the end. What had gotten into her?
She forced herself not to run after him and instead, brushing flecks of ash from her chemise, wove her way past splintered wood and unicorn blood back to her husband and the magician.
Charming was inspecting his favorite cloak, while the magician stared at her like she was a puzzle that needed solving.
"My lucky cloak!" Charming cried. "Now, what will I do? I can't defeat dragons without my lucky cloak."
"Don't worry, Highness." The magician mended the cloak with a wave of his hand. "There you go. Good as new."
"Marvy, what would I do without you? Good man." He clapped him on the back.
"I live to serve," the magician drawled.
Ashley wished her fairy godmother still had her powers. It would have been nice to have someone magically mend all her problems. But on the bright side, perhaps the unicorn debacle would put an end to her husband's idea of a new "hobby." A loving husband wouldn't entrust his princess to such violent creatures. Perhaps he would allow her to choose something else. "Well, thanks anyway for the unicorns. Too bad they didn't work out," she said.
"Not to worry," Charming said. "They'll be hale and hearty in no time. Unicorns heal quickly."
Ashley twisted her signet ring. The ring that made her a princess. A ruler. She had to ask. She wanted this. She needed this!
Her breath caught in her chest. "My prince. Perhaps it would be wise to allow the unicorns time to grow strong, and I could handle the Quarterly Tribunal for you in the meantime. It would keep me busy and expand my skillset. Improve my management abilities."
"First of all, I have no idea what a skillset is. Second, Whinging Week is a snoozefest. The villagers always have the same complaints. And third, presiding over the people is man's work. You will learn to fly unicorns like all accomplished princesses. I insist."
The magician cleared his throat. "Now that it's settled, shall we be off?"
"Yes," Charming said, refastening the cape. "Oh, come, princess. Do not fret. You'll hardly notice I'm away."
"I assure you, my prince. I shall notice."
He flashed his seductive handsome prince smile, which oddly wasn't quite as beguiling as before. "As you should." His lips pressed lightly on her forehead like one would kiss a child, and he strode toward the exit, the magician whispering something into his ear.
Charming paused. Ashley's heart fluttered in her throat. Perhaps he wanted to give her a real kiss. "One last thing ..." He gave her chemise a pointed look.
"Yes?"
"For your safety, my seneschal will be in charge of keeping you out of trouble whilst I am gone." Before she could question the need for a babysitter, he walked out, his "lucky" cape swishing in his wake.
No, no, no. How could Charming do this? If she were a true princess, he wouldn't treat her this way. Which meant she had to learn how to be a princess. And fast.
A desperate plan sprouted in her mind. One that definitely fell into the realm of "trouble."
What she lacked was knowledge. But to get it, she'd have to risk everything and venture to the most forbidden chamber in the castle—the library.
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