《Falling For A Hijabi (part 1 And 2)》chapter 11 Repentance
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I was lost, I didn't know what to do?!! However I only knew one thing, I needed to convince Jannah that I have changed. I wanted her back.
Sometimes I ask myself why do I feel the urge to be around this girl?!! We were not similar in any way!! We are from two different worlds. She is Muslim with a loving family, she cares only about school. And I'm a person who doesn't even think about religion, from a privileged family, who cares only about satisfying his desires. Our relationship wouldn't go anywhere. Then why would we start one in the first place?!!
That was my mind's point of view, but my heart had another thing to say.
I do care about her, so much actually, that I can't imagine going through my day without seeing her. Even the sight of her was enough for me.
I was charmed by her very own magic, that spell of hers, is out of this world.
The next day at school I saw her at lunch time, she was sitting alone to the - losers table - as we popular kids call it
I went to talk to her, so I sat down next to her.
She didn't even look.
" I don't know how to make it up to you, I'm genuinely sorry " I said regretfully.
" You want to make it up to me??? " she said.
" Yes " I answered with a hopeful tone.
" Leave me alone!! " she answered with a serious face.
" Jannah, I want to earn your trust back " I said trying to continue the conversation.
" You said it yourself trust is earned not given " she said.
" But I changed, I regret what I've done " I said.
" And how do I know that this is not another trick of yours to win your precious bet?!! " she said.
" No I swear I........" I said.
" No, don't swear by God when you are lying " she said, cutting me off.
" Then teach me how I can earn your trust back?!! " I said.
" You can't, I don't want to be around you James, you are a bad influence " she said.
" Look, you may not understand, hell, I don't even understand, all I know is that I want to be around you Jannah Mohamed " and with these words I left.
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I looked back at her face for a split second and she was slightly smiling.
At the end of the school day I was sitting in my car thinking about it, when it hit me, so I decided to drive to Jannah's family house.
Jannah's mother opened the door for me, she was surprised but she welcomed me warmly.
" Ma'am, can you bring Jannah here for me I want to speak to her in front of all of you " I said.
" Okay, son " she replied and then she went upstairs.
Jannah came downstairs in a flowery dress with a pink scarff on her head, she was shocked for seeing me.
" What are you doing here?!!!!" She asked in surprise.
" Jannah behave, he is our guest " her mother ordered her.
I went down on both of my knees, I was looking at the floor in surrender,
" I'm here because I owe you an apology. When I first came here into your house, I had bad intentions towards your daughter, I was planning on humilating her in front of the whole school, I'm here to say that I'm genuinely sorry. When you let me in, your warmth had captivated my heart, and I'm ready to do anything to make it up to you " I said, with all the truthfullness in my heart.
" First get up son. We don't kneel except in front of the one who created us " Jannah's mother said helping me up then she continued.
" Second, as Muslims we should be tolerant and forgiving, so we forgive you son, but when it comes to my daughter, I can't force her to do anything, so you have to ask for her forgiveness yourself " she ended her speech.
Jannah was looking at me in surprise, slightly smiling at the scene, but when she realised that I'm about to turn to her to ask for her forgiveness, she stormed upstairs.
" Wait, wait, Jannah " I shouted.
" Don't push it son, let her anger take it's time " Jannah's mother said
They invited me to lunch, but I insisted that I can't, so they left me alone.
I left the house not satisfied, " Why does she have to be that stubborn ?!!" I said to myself
The next day at school I saw Richard,
" So it's true, you like the towel head!!!! " He said in an arrogant tone.
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" Don't even dare to speak about her like this " I said with a serious face.
" Woww, wow, calm down loverboy. Have you lost your mind?!! We don't even look at their type " he said sarcastically.
" Cut the racist comments Richard " I said ordering him.
" And if I won't , what are you going to do about it?!! " He said challenging me.
" I will give you another black eye, like the one I gave you a couple of days I go " I said seriously.
" Okay, but be careful, you don't want her to blow your mind, literally " he said with a smirk
" That's it " I grapped him by the collar and was about to punch him, but Nathan stepped in.
" Guys, guys, calm down, it was a joke James, we don't want to get into trouble, do we?? " Nathan said.
" Don't even mention her name on your filthy tongue again, Richard " I said, looking into his eyes, then I left him, and walked away.
But, as I was walking away I heard him say
" That's it James, our friendship is over!! " he shouted angerily.
It was lunch time, and after ending things with Richard and the gang, I found myself sitting alone to the " Losers Table" as Jannah didn't show up at the cafeteria.
Across me, Richard, Nathan and the rest of the gang were sitting, and they...apparantly...were having so much fun, or at least they pretended to, in order to tease me, Except for Nathan, who was making eye contact with me all the time, as if begging me to Come around and be friends again with them..... but I simply couldn't.
After lunch, I pumped into him again in the hallway.
" So this is it?? " he said.
" I think so, Nathan" I said.
" You are losing your friends over a girl!!" he said.
" She is not just any girl!!" I said.
" James, why are you acting like you were the first one to experience what you are experiencing right now?? Do you really think that we had never had a crush on a girl from another culture?? a girl that we knew we could never have??? Of course we did!! We are humans, James!! But we know the ugly truth, we know what the end looks like so we spare ourselves the pain, and snap out of it " Nathan said sternly.
" But what I'm feeling towards Jannah is not a crush!! " I said.
" That's what your brain is telling you!! How old are you to decide at this early age James!! We are too young to know what Real love is!! " he said.
" There are a lot of interfaith couples out there and they are perfectly happy!! " I said.
" Because both of them had to compromise on their beliefs and find a common ground, and from what I know about Jannah, she is not the type of girl to compromise, the whole thing will depend on you and you will compromise until you feel tired of the whole thing, the whole relationship... James, let her be, and let yourself be, life is too short for all the pain you want to go through for her, and she doesn't desreve to have her life crushed by you " Nathan said, walking away.
During my entire relationship with Nathan, he had been the voice of logic in my head, he is that type of friend that you run to when you do a stupid thing, and just like that, he can easily figure out a way for you to correct it.
His words made me wonder if I have been following my heart without thinking, without using my common sense.
They never lied when they said " Love is torture "
The next class was chemistry. I took this class with Jannah, I was planning on speaking to her before it, but we didn't have time, the teacher came sooner than I expected, and it wasn't Mrs Dawson.
It was a substitute teacher, as soon as he entered the class I knew he was middle eastern. He was tall, tanned and had a man bun. I could hear the girls whispering to each other about him.
" Hello, I'm Mr zayn Ahmed, I'm gonna be your chemistry teacher until Mrs Dawson comes back " he explained.
I could hear the girls screaming in their heads of happiness, he looked like a male model for god's sake.
I didn't care about all this, I only cared about Jannah. I couldn't keep my eyes off her. But the problem, there was another person in the room that couldn't keep his eyes off her, too.
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