So, here we are. We have come to the end!

The Buddy Program, again, was an old idea of mind, but I wasn't ever able to complete it because something was just missing. Fast forward a few years, and now it's completed and I can't be any happier and relieved with how it turned out.

You guys might be confused seeing that I said TBP is "completed" when the majority of the book feels very... unfinished. That's a creative decision I've made on my own to leave everything unfinished. By everything, I mean the character development, the story plot, etc. is not done. On purpose.

I decided to do this because TBP was based off an actual event in my life. Jeongguk's disease was all fictional, but the relationship between Jeongguk and Taehyung, Taehyung's entire character, and his relationship were based off a person I appreciated dearly and also lost in my sophomore year of high school. The first half of the note Jeongguk wrote to him in the epilogue was MY actual note to the guy who died.

I cherished this particular person a lot before he died tragically and suddenly without a goodbye (like Taehyung), and I suppose this was my way of moving on and letting go. The feelings Jeongguk experienced were very, very similar and realistic to my own so that's why it might have felt real to you.

TBP is meant to represent how moments like these in life feel unfulfilled or unfinished because things won't always be completed or answered. Especially the whole situation Jeongguk and Taehyung were in. because it happen. Being used as a rebound, infatuation and crushes, the feeling of finally being seen and loved after being alienated as a human being, experiencing sudden, tragic death— all of these hold questions that may or might not receive closure.

It was never meant to be happy toward the end. I know it's tough reading angst, but there's some parts in life where every day just fucking sucks.

I read a book, which also somewhat influenced me to write TBP because the way it handled death and traumatic events was horrible. You don't need to do something big, or do something crazy to move on. It can be as simple as a long conversation with a loved one, or some self-epiphany. But at the same time, nobody is asking you to forget what happened but to embrace it; acknowledge it. As tough as it is to hear, there are some things you need to accept before you can consider even bettering yourself as a person.

There are a lot of questions in my life I wished that I had answers for. Surely, you might feel the same. I really wish I could ask this specific person why they did these things knowing he was playing with my emotions, but I've come to a point where it's better to let that pain go and continue on to become a better, more happier version of myself because any progress you make is still progress. After all, it's been two years.

You never know what's going to happen, but even so, love the people close to you and treat others the way you want to be treated. Live the way you feel brings you the most comfort and positivity. Live authentically. Every day is a new day to start fresh and improve little by little. And if you haven't heard this today, you are loved, wanted, needed, and valid.

I hope I didn't hurt you guys too much, and I apologize if I did.

And for those asking about writing a Taehyung POV, I don't think I can ever do that properly. I based most of his character actions on the guy who died, and I never really understood why he did what he did so it's impossible to write about a reason you don't entirely know. Of course, it's up to speculation and you can all speculate, but I have no definite answer.

I love you guys, and thank you so much for reading The Buddy Program and letting me share my story with you. Until next time! (:

💛 Mela