"F-fuck," Jeongguk sputtered in between breaths, his face red and shirt clinging to his sweat drenched chest as he nearly collapsed against the side of the railings he was trying to balance himself on.

"Kid, don't push yourself anymore," Sae was beside him. "If you can't do it, you can't. It's fine." She managed to snag some time off to be with him during his physical therapy sessions, which he appreciated.

But for some reason, her presence only made the crack in his chest split wider apart. He could feel the worry in her eyes dig into the side of his skull. Every time his legs crumbled from beneath him, he never missed the subtle wince that flickered across her features when the physical therapist rushed to his side.

She was supporting him, yes, and at the same she made him feel like a fucking failure.

It wasn't intentional— he knew better than that. There were things Jeongguk couldn't control, and this was one of them, but god, how horrible it felt to stumble. His legs weren't working. No matter how much he willed himself to take a step forward, he couldn't lift his foot off the ground without over- exerting himself. The cold he got from standing out in the rain two weeks ago did nothing to help his body improve.

It was stupid, frustrating, and painful he couldn't even take a single step anymore. Sae having to watch that— he didn't want to think about it anymore.

"We should take a break." Sae was already waving off the therapist to leave the room before Jeongguk could respond.

"Sae," Jeongguk heaved, readjusting his grip on the metal bars. "I'm fine."

"No you're not," Sae's expression was unreadable as she joined his side. "Come here and let me help you down." She gestured at his wheelchair.

"I said I'm fine. I-I can do it," Jeongguk shook his head when she held her hand out toward him. "I haven't even tried."

"Jeongguk," She gritted her teeth, "it's been almost two hours. You haven't even moved from one end to the other. Give it up already."

"Sae, listen," Jeongguk started but she was quick to interrupt him with—

"No you listen! I'm talking to you as a medical professional and I'm telling you to please just stop it already," Sae snapped, her voice breaking a little.

"It's over, Gguks. I-It's been over."

Jeongguk's eyes widened. It took a second for Sae to realize what she just did, and when she did, he could hear her stomach drop. A dozen emotions flashed over her features. Regret. Guilt. Pain. Sadness. Sae took a step back, running a hand down her face while the other sat perched on her hip. He watched quietly, noticing how her hands wavered and her shoulders trembled.

She looked exhausted, beyond exhausted, and in this moment, she looked small. So incredibly small that it made Jeongguk's own gut twist knowing it was partially his fault for this. For her exhaustion. He hung his head low, swallowing thickly. There wasn't anything he could say or do. Not anymore, at least.

"I'm sorry," She breathed out. "I'm just— it's just been a long day. I-I'm sorry Gguks."

"I'll stop," Jeongguk replied back right away. Sae merely nodded and helped him back onto his chair, her grip on his arms firm yet he could still feel a subtle tremor in her touch.

When he was seated back in his wheelchair, he rolled himself over to where she was sitting with the remaining strength he had left in him. Jeongguk's shoulders slumped once he joined her side, gaze lowered to his lap as Sae's heavy breathing filled the empty room.

"It's hard. We've b-been at this for days," Sae chuckled wryly, shaking her head as she swiped at the corners of her eyes with the back of her hand. "It's so hard on you, and for me, I'm just watching but I-I can't. I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry about," Jeongguk said, reaching over and spreading his arms to hold her. Sae immediately leaned into him, burying her face into his shoulder as her fingers dug into his back, her muffled sobs echoing throughout the room while he could do nothing but accept the hard truth.

"S-So there's no other option?" Jimin whispered, voice cracking a little as the group circled around Jeongguk. Jeongguk shook his head, hanging his head as he twiddled his fingers together over his lap.

"But your organs," Hoseok said, gesturing at him. "Can't you get a transplant if they're all failing?"

"I can't," Jeongguk sighed. "My aunt's team already suggested that but there's no way telling if I'd reject them all. Plus those organs are better off going to someone else instead of being wasted."

"But they haven't even tri—," Jimin nearly shouted, but Namjoon placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. He looked up at the doctor, his expression deeply pained as Namjoon simply shook his head.

"I-I'm," Jimin inhaled sharply, attention averting to the ground. "I'm sorry."

"Me too," Jeongguk murmured, but it wasn't Jimin he was looking at anymore. He glanced over to where Taehyung was leaning against the wall, far away from the group. For a fleeting second, their gazes met and his chest weakly swelled. It was something but it wasn't enough.

He tried to smile at him but Taehyung was already walking out the door.

"It's still stupid you can't get an organ transplant," Jimin said as the two were in the back garden. He insisted on pushing Jeongguk around. It wasn't like he wanted it but Jeongguk wasn't in the mood to fight back so he let him anyway.

"Organ transplant lists are crazy," Jeongguk said, playing with the paper hospital bracelets latched over his bony wrists. "There's never enough for everyone, and when there is, it's better off going to some kid."

"But you're still some kid, Jeongguk," Jimin stressed. "You're only nineteen." He whispered softy.

"I know, but I mean it. I'd rather new organs go to some other kid in Korea who has a higher chance of survival," He reasoned, running a shaky hand down his face. "Can we stop talking about this?"

"Fine," He muttered. "Can I tell you something great?"

"Like what?" He asked. "Also can you stop going in circles around this goddamn planter box? I said you can push me, not give me a preview of disneyland."

"My bad," Jimin chuckled halfheartedly, and with a labored push, he brought Jeongguk to one of the benches. He sat across from him, his arms now over his chest as Jeongguk kept his head low and muttered a quiet thanks.

"But anyway," Jimin said lightly, clapping his hands together, "Taehyung broke up with Haewon!"

"He did?" Jeongguk immediately looked up. He didn't know how to feel really. Jimin nodded enthusiastically, flashing him a small smile.

"He did," He said. "They broke up. But I'm kinda worried."

"Why?" He frowned. Did something else happen?

"Because Taehyung has a type," Jimin rolled his eyes. "He likes problematic brunettes that lack common sense and have attitude issues because he thinks he can fix them." Oh?

"And god," He carded his fingers through his pink hair, "he glamorizes the shit out of them with that stupid complex he has. The new girl he's talking to is basically Haewon but in a different font and—why do you look sad?"

It was his turn to frown when he noticed Jeongguk's shoulders beginning to tremble.

Why did he look sad? Did he look sad? He must have if Jimin commented about it. But to be honest, Jeongguk didn't know what he looked like anymore. Even when he did manage to catch a glimpse of himsef in a mirror, he couldn't recognize who he was. He was just that far gone he supposed.

However, that wasn't the point. Was he sad? Maybe two weeks ago he was. It ached, but it didn't hurt as bad as it did when he first saw Taehyung and his new girl. Maybe he was used to it, or his body was too focused on self-destructing for him to care.

Although, Jimin's words about Taehyung having a type did strike a nerve. It humored him a little, but he knew he was a fool for thinking he was special for being different. Just because someone wanted something new, it didn't mean they were going to pursue it. This only added to the collection of "what ifs" and "should haves"; the confusion that ripped his mind apart when he was alone with his thoughts.

Did he do something wrong? Was it something he said? Fuck. To think he was over it. Over him. What a joke he was.

"Jeongguk," Jimin spoke slowly, carefully. "Are you okay?"

"It's nothing," Jeongguk shook his head, hating how his stomach plummeted the second he forced those words out of his mouth. I'm okay. I'm okay.

"It can't be nothing if you're shaking," Jimin's tone softened. "You can tell me." Jeongguk shook his head again, biting down hard on his bottom lip.

"It's stupid," He croaked. "I-It's dumb."

"Did you and Taehyung...?" At that, Jeongguk's heart constricted. "You experienced the "Taehyung phase" didn't you?" He refused to meet his gaze.

"Oh god Jeongguk, I'm sorry," Jimin whispered. "I hope I didn't hurt your feelings."

"No, it's fine," Jeongguk said, willing the edges of his lips to lift into a smile, even if it hurt. At this point, it didn't matter if he told Jimin but saying it out loud made it feel real again. So real.

"W-We had a thing. It's obviously over now."

Jimin didn't have to say anything. Jeongguk inhaled slowly, tilting his bed back and staring at the sky, trying his best to ignore the burning in his chest and the knot forming in his throat.

His silence was enough to confirm that Taehyung was talking to someone new.

"I wish I knew what he was thinking sometimes but Tae had always been unpredictable his entire life. I swear he's a really nice guy. He's just being stupid. Real stupid to miss out on someone like you. And if you want my opinion, I think you're a way better option than this new girl he's talking to," Jimin did his best to cheer him up, and while Jeongguk appreciated the effort, it was better to crush false hope.

It was called false hope for a reason.

Jeongguk didn't exactly meet the new girl Taehyung was with, but he saw her one day, waiting for him.

He was waiting for Sae in the foyer to go home, and he guessed Taehyung must have visited the hospital today. He didn't get to see him, so he wouldn't have known until he saw her. And god, she was beautiful. Even more prettier than Haewon with this softer, more feminine look to her.

Jeongguk couldn't help but recognize who she was the more he stared at her face. Realization didn't hit until her chunky, brown highlights, pleated skirts, pastel knitted cardigans, and sandals opened a forgotten memory he had stored in his mind. It was an old classmate from highschool. He couldn't really remember her name, but he remembered her from the times he messed around with Eunwoo.

Speaking of Eunwoo, he hadn't spoke to him since his shitty apology. He saw him every now and then on the elevator heading to the cancer ward, but he did his best to pretend he didn't exist. If he did it to him, it was fair he did it back. But anyway, that wasn't the point.

It was a small world and Jeongguk wanted to laugh. Of course Taehyung would like her: she fit his type. A beautiful girl with an attitude problem. He faintly remembered how she was a big bitch despite being the class sweetheart back in middle school. People changed and sometimes for the worse.

Although he wondered if that was what made her more appealing to Taehyung. More of a challenge. But he cut the thought short, hating how his chest ached again. It was a feeling he couldn't get rid of. It was just there, aching and pulling at his heart strings. It was a constant reminder of what could have been, he guessed.

It didn't ache as bad until he saw Taehyung walking in her direction. He had his hood covering his face, but he knew it was him. He could easily tell by the walk and how the hoodie emphasized his broad shoulders. However, there was an extra drag to his step. One that he noticed along with the way Taehyung coughed into his fist when he finally joined her side.

Jeongguk swallowed thickly, remembering how that used to be him that Taehyung walked up to every day. He watched, envious of how the girl played with Taehyung's hoodie laces and tied them into a bow, all while smiling at him. He leaned down and whispered something to her, to which she reached up and pinched his cheeks with her manicured fingers.

He supposed he was somewhat grateful he didn't see Taehyung's face. If he did, it would have felt like someone ripped his heart out of his chest seeing Taehyung look at another person that wasn't him.

But there wasn't any use picking apart the new girl. It wasn't like it was going to change anything.

"You ready to head out kiddo?" Sae tapped his shoulder, making him flinch. "Oh sorry. Did I disturb you?"

"No," Jeongguk shook his head, glancing one last time over at Taehyung to see that he was already gone. He tried not to let the disappointment show on his face as he met Sae's questioning gaze. "I'm fine. Let's go."

"Alright," Sae murmured, sparing a quick glance where Jeongguk longingly stared at. Thankfully, she didn't question it, and as Jeongguk left with her, part of him foolishly wished it was him leaving with Taehyung to go on an adventure. But even so, that had no chance of happening anymore.

The first time Jeongguk was alone with Taehyung after a while was during a meeting.

Taehyung managed to make it to one, but they didn't really do much during meetings when he was there. It was too depressing to go out and about, especially since Jeongguk wasn't really in the best condition. They were basically waiting for the inevitable at this point.

At least Jeongguk could still move his wheelchair on his own. That was the last of his freedom, and he took advantage of it. Especially on this particular day. He decided to go to the vending machine down the hall. It took a bit of convincing from Namjoon that he wasn't going to drop dead, but eventually he got his permission and he went off.

He wasn't going to buy anything. He knew that when he pulled his wheelchair up to the vending machine, knowing it was impossible for him to reach the buttons. It was pathetic, he knew that, but he was drawn to the stupid machine anyway.

It was where everything started, after all.

For some time, he was alone in front of it. He pulled his chair right across from the vending machine and stared longingly at all the snacks, remembering all the times he used to mess around this floor. Sae's office was nearby and this was the best vending machine in the entire hospital, so he usually meandered around here.

God, wasn't it sad that a stupid vending machine had been there for him since the beginning? Even Sae wasn't there at the beginning. She was just finishing medical school when he got diagnosed, and he didn't expect her to drop all her dreams just to accompany her sick nephew that she barely knew at the time.

So, it was just him and this dumb vending machine.

Jeongguk hung his head forward, pressing his face into his palm as he swore inwardly at himself for being a loser. He was dying soon and all he could do to humor himself was talk about his strange connection to an inanimate object? Weird.

But his solitude didn't last when he heard the vending machine rattle.

"I was going to get a Kit-Kar bar but." Jeongguk's breath hitched in his throat, hearing a familiar deep voice.

He slowly glanced up to see Taehyung bent by the slot, snaking his hand inside to pull out a Twix.

"I think you need this," He got up onto his feet, holding it out to him with that same stupid smile Jeongguk could remember even with his eyes closed.

They stared at one another, the awkwardness dense amid the atmosphere. Jeongguk studied him close. He didn't look any different. Maybe the eyebags beneath his eyes were a little more prominent. Other than that, it was the same old Taehyung he thought he knew and admitting that hurt so bad. So, so bad.

"Why," Jeongguk found the question forming on his tongue before he could stop it. He swallowed thickly, staring down at the Twix bar that weighed like a brick in his palms as the words burned in his mouth. "Why?" He repeated louder.

"Why I got you a twix bar?" Taehyung asked uneasily. The hesitation in his tone somehow made Jeongguk's blood boil and his heart falter at the same time.

He inhaled slowly before saying, "Did I do sometting wrong?" His voice broke. He was met with silence. An awkward pause as Taehyung seemed to be picking apart his brain for an answer. If he would even give him a proper answer. His stomach was already sinking. Fuck.

"No," Taehyung replied. "You didn't."

"Are you sure?" He croaked, fingers beginning to tremble, his chest tightening. "Because it feels like I did. And I'm sorry if I did."

"Well, you didn't," Taehyung's expression was unreadable.

"Then where were you?"