Hope was a pitiful thing. Jeongguk knew that the day he got his diagnosis that hope was a useless thing to have.

It was proven to be even more true when he didn't see Taehyung in the following days before the hospital party. It made sense, seeing Jeongguk got another fever. At least it wasn't too bad, but it drove Taehyung away anyway.

He tried to not let it bother him that Taehyung left him yet again. It seemed to be a habit of his to run when things get awkward or complicated, but did he blame him? Not necessarily. Sure, it was a little frustrating but at least Taehyung could run away. Jeongguk didn't have that privilege to escape his thoughts when things got rough, and you could say a part of him envied Taehyung a little for that.

But Jeongguk carried on as best as he could, even though Taehyung was barely there. It was usually Jimin and Hoseok that would keep him company. He didn't really like how obnoxious and loud the two can get when they were paired together, but it saved him from spending his dwindling time in the silence with nothing but himself and thoughts he wasn't quite ready to face just yet.

It was fine. Things were just... fine. Subpar. Mediocre, even. Who was he to complain? At least he was still alive.

At least he was still alive.

"Are you excited for tomorrow?" Jimin was sitting across from him in the main hospital cafeteria. The guy practically followed Jeongguk around every where, insisting he wanted to do. It was funny because Jeongguk swore he heard the same thing from someone else.

"To be completely honest? Not really," Jeongguk said, crossing his arms over the table, making sure his crutches wouldn't fall next to him. "I hate dances."

"Why?" Jimin pouted, the sandwich he was bringing to his lips stopping midair. "Dances are fun!"

"You've never been to one before," His brows crumpled.

"So?" Jimin took a heart bite out of his food, and in between chews he mumbled out, "I think it'll be fun anyway!"

"Are you always this optimistic?" Jeongguk asked, gesturing at him. Jimin's lips fluttered into a smile. After he swallowed, he gave him a nod.

"Yeah," He said. "I try. It's better than being sad about a past I don't remember." Jeongguk's entire expression fell.

"Oh, right," He shifted awkwardly in his seat, fingers scratching the side of his neck. "Amnesia. I forgot."

"I'm going to ignore that pun whether it was intentional or not," Jimin tossed his head forward, letting out a gentle laugh as he pulled the tomatoes out of his sandwich and dropped them onto his plate. "But yeah. I like looking at the bright side. Screw toxic positivity because at least it's positive."

"That's a way to look at things," Jeongguk commented.

"There's always a multitude of ways to look at things," He said. "Optimism is a start."

"I don't really need a start, though," Jeongguk said.

"I know," Jimin said, catching his eye before he bit into his sandwich and added, "Because you're already experiencing the end."

"Ouch," Jeongguk scoffed, rolling his eyes at his grinning companion. "You really like making those jokes."

"Taehyung said you like joking about it because it makes things easier to deal with, so I thought I'd do the same," Upon hearing that, Jeongguk's shoulders immediately slumped, the small smile he barely wore fading into a thin line. Jimin was quick to notice this and quickly said, "Of course, if you're not okay with it. I'll stop."

"It's fine," He waved him off. Jeongguk inhaled slowly, glancing down at his folded hands over the table. "It's not that." He whispered, chest squeezing when he spotted a familiar curve of ink peeking at him.

"Is it Taehyung? Did you guys have a fight?" Jimin asked carefully. He shook his head, throat tightening.

"It wasn't a fight," Jeongguk said, forcing his gaze away from his hand to Jimin, who was staring at him with concern scribbled all over his features. "It was just... a misunderstanding."

"A misunderstanding," Jimin repeated. "Can I ask what it was about?" Jeongguk scoffed at that.

"What? No," He frowned, now crossing his arms over his chest. "Why would I—," He was about to finish his thought until his gaze drifted over Jimin's shoulder, and the moment his eyes met the person across the room's, the words died on his tongue.

"You good?" Jimin asked as Jeongguk fell silent, his expression unreadable. "Jeongguk." He nudged his foot beneath the table.

"No way," He breathed, gaze never leaving the person, who was now making his way to him. "It's him." He swallowed thickly, sitting up in his seat.

"Who's him?" Jimin whipped his head around to get a look at the guy, but Jeongguk immediately cleared his throat, calling his attention right back to him.

"It's an old friend," Jeongguk explained, keeping his voice low. "Someone I knew before I got diagnosed."

"What's his name?" Jimin asked, frowning.

Jeongguk sighed, running a tired hand down his face before murmuring, "Eunwoo. That's his name."

What was he doing here? And what was he doing, walking toward him? Jeongguk hadn't seen him in months, and the last time he remembered even interacting with the guy was brutally egging his house. They weren't exactly on good terms to have a friendly conversation. After all, Eunwoo did cut him off first. How could he forget?

"Do you want to go?" Jimin whispered.

Jeongguk shrugged, throat tight. Eunwoo was already at the side of their table before he could even come up with a proper response. Forcing himself to swallow the lump in his throat, Jeongguk lifted his gaze to meet Eunwoo's. To his surprise, there wasn't anything cold or hateful lingering in his stare. In fact, he seemed indifferent.

"Hi Jeongguk," Eunwoo said, awkwardly scratching the side of his neck. "It's been awhile."

"Yeah," Jeongguk murmured. "It has."

"Can I talk to you for a second?" He asked, gesturing between Jeongguk and Jimin. The duo exchanged wary looks.

"Do you want me to go?" Jimin said. Jeongguk bit down on his lip, unsure what to say without a wave of nausea crashing over him or his lungs squeezing unbearably tight. When he didn't answer, Jimin cleared his throat and said, "If you have something to say, say it here. In front of us."

"O-Okay sure," Eunwoo stammered, averting his gaze to the ground. Jeongguk's jaw clenched, forcing himself to stare at the table, his hands now trembling in his coat pockets.

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry."

"What?" Jeongguk breathed out, immediately looking up. "You're what?" He repeated, voice weak.

"I'm sorry for treating you like shit," Eunwoo said. "I was a shit friend, and y-you we're going through so much and I didn't know any better."

"You're sorry?" Jeongguk couldn't believe what he was hearing. "N-Now you're sorry?" He blinked rapidly, feeling his throat swell. "After everything you've done to me?" He sat up in his seat, shoulders shaking.

"Jeongguk, I wanted to say it awhile ago," Eunwoo explained. "But you kinda egged my house and that Kim Taehyung guy was an asshole." What?

He scoffed, shaking his head, "You didn't know any better? You t-think," He scoffed again, the sound strangled in his throat.

"You think that justified what you did? Because you were clueless?"

He was shaking. Jeongguk couldn't believe the complete and utter bullshit he was hearing. What was he expecting out of Eunwoo? An apology made out of sunshine and rainbows. God, he was an asshole. A huge, fucking asshole. And to think he believed a half-hearted apology would make up for everything.

You left me. You abandoned me when I thought you cared. Jeongguk wanted to scream, to shove him, but he couldn't. He couldn't. He was bound to his chair, fingers digging roughly into his palms and his head spinning. Why were so many people lying? Did they get something out of lying to him? Did they only want peace for themselves?

Why that whenever it comes to him, nothing ever went his way? Just once he begged for someone to care for him. To love him. To need him. And yet, he got tossed aside whenever it was fucking convient.

These memories were nothing but a joke.

God. He was so tired. So, so tired.

"I didn't know," Eunwoo whispered. "I didn't understand what you were going through until my sister got diagnosed with cancer."

"Eunwoo please," Jeongguk squeezed his eyes shut. He shook his head, eyelids fluttering open as Jeonggik stared up at him, biting down hard on his own bottom lip.

"Now I understand," He ignored him, continuing, the urgency in his tone making Jeongguk nauseous. "I'm so sorry you went through that. You didn't deserve to go through that alone. I understand—,"

"No!" Jeongguk slammed his hands on the table. The suddenness made Eunwoo and Jimin flinch, the two watching as Jeongguk stood up regardless of his feet swaying beneath him. He limped toward Eunwoo, still shaking his head as he weakly shoved his chest.

"You will never understand me," Jeongguk spat. "You will never understand how it hurt. How you hurt me." He pressed his hand against his heaving chest. "So fuck you, Eunwoo. Fuck your apology."

"Jeongguk, you should sit down," Jimin whispered, now beside him. He was holding his hand out to him, but Jeongguk swatted him away, hating how everything burned. His throat. His chest. His eyes.

"Fuck you," He cried out, shoulders slumping as his legs gave in beneath him. Jimin managed to catch him before he could hit the ground and slung Jeongguk's arm around his shoulder to support him. "F-fuck you."

"C'mon. That's enough," Jimin sighed, lightly tapping Jeongguk's waist. "I think you should go Eunwoo."

"I'm sorry," Eunwoo's face was unreadable, but god, Jeongguk wished he couldn't see the red rimming his eyes. "I really am."

You're not, Jeongguk wanted to say, but he was just too tired. He couldn't even fight anymore the way he wanted to. Couldn't hold an argument without falling apart. The Jeongguk before would have done better, but who even was he before he got sick?

He hung his head, not sparing Eunwoo another glance as Jimin and he walked past him and to the elevator, back to the only place Jeongguk really ever belonged in. But before they could leave, Eunwoo shouted after them, the desperation in his words making Jeongguk finally break down in Jimin's hold.

"I mean it, Jeon. I hope you're okay."

"This is the party?"

Jeongguk asked wryly, following Jimin into the cafeteria that was now decorated like a cheesy high school dance. He eyed the balloons and streamers and the purple ambient lighting skeptically, not wondering for too long about who put this together because it practically screamed "Sae".

"Yeah, isn't it a nice little thing?" Jimin draped his arm around Jeongguk's shoulders. Maybe a long time ago he would have swatted him away, but at this point, he didn't care anymore.

"Sure," Jeongguk nodded, voice small. Neither one of them said a word after that, and together they joined the others.

"Hey you guys," Namjoon was the first to greet them when they approached the group. Jeongguk glanced around, noticing Sae, Sooha, Hoseok, and Yoongi chatting among themselves. Everyone was dressed in semi-formal attire like it was an actual prom. Even Jeongguk was wearing a button-up and some nice slacks.

However, his stomach dropped knowing one person was missing from the gathering. Taehyung.

Of course it was Taehyung.

"Where's Taehyung?" He was thankful Jimin asked for him because he wasn't so sure if he could bring himself to speak.

"He said something about running late," Namjoon answered. For some reason, Jeongguk didn't believe that. "He'll be here soon."

"Great," Sae clapped her hands together, beaming once her gaze met Jeongguk's. "We won't bother you guys anymore. Namjoon and I will be in my office down the hall. Call if you need anything."

Namjoon and Sae waved goodbye. When Sae brushed past him, she squeezed his shoulder and flashed him a loving smile before disappearing off with her coworker. Jeongguk, on the otherhand, watched as everyone else instantly went toward the refreshment table, filled with snacks and drinks they wouldn't usually have in their hospital stays.

But he stood behind, balancing on his crutches as he watched everyone have fun without him. It wasn't like he was upset. He distanced himself from them on purpose. It was only natural they wouldn't have cared, but part of him was bitter. Bitter he put all his time and effort into someone who wasn't here when there was a group of people who could have cared for him more.

Now it was too late; his time already ran out. He wouldn't get the chance to know more about them besides their names and diagnoses. It would be the same case for them.

He swallowed thickly, but the lump in his throat wouldn't dare budge. Eventually when he realized nobody noticed that he was missing from their little group, Jeongguk got his crutches and headed toward the opposite exit.

He was gasping for air when he managed to get as far away as he could. Jeongguk set his crutches down, hand flying out to stable himself against the wall as his crutches clattered to the ground. He breathed heavily through his nose, a vein protruding on his neck as he slowly sunk to the ground.

I'm okay. I'm okay. He repeated in his head, not letting out a proper exhale until he sat on the ground and managed to get a grip of himself. When he was sure he wasn't dying, Jeongguk leaned forward, letting his head sink onto his palms as his heart raced in his ears.

Fuck. Everything hurt. It was partially his fault for over-exerting himself. He coughed a few times into his fist, wincing as a sharp pain dug through his chest. I'm okay. I'm okay.

And he was. Sort of. He leaned against the wall, forehead slicked with sweat as he stared at the empty hall across from him. He could hear the group's laughter echo, though faint. Maybe he was hurting himself more by distancing himself from them, but it was all he knew.

He was stupid. So stupid and so tired. And yet, he went to check his phone, selfishly wondering if Taehyung would pick up if he called him. When he needed him.

Jeongguk fished his phone out of his pocket and quickly unlocked it to access his messages. It didn't take too long to find Taehyung's conversation, but part of him couldn't help but laugh as he reread their texts. Taehyung was so dry. Incredibly dry, and it was ridiculous comparing their old texts.

What once used to be playful teasing and stupid jokes became one-word responses. If he was lucky, Taehyung would give him a full sentence. I'll be there. I'm doing good, you? Great to hear you're ok.

Jeongguk made a frustrated sound, the burning behind his eyes more intense than it was earlier that day. Perhaps because it was Taehyung that made it worse. With Eunwoo, he was just angry. But with Taehyung? He wasn't sure. He already knew how this was going end, but how he wished he could change something.

He covered his mouth with his hand, trembling thumb hovering over the call button. Fuck Taehyung for making believe he was different, but it was too late. He cared too much. He couldn't force him out of his mind, even if he wanted to. It was stupid how someone could make you feel special and at the same time make you feel like nothing.

And yet, you'd still like them anyway.

He brought his phone to his ear, teeth gnawing on his bottom lip. The dial tone rang for a few seconds. At least his phone was on. Please, Jeongguk begged. Please answer the phone.

"W-Where are you?" Jeongguk shoved his fingers through his hair, voice breaking when he tried to call again just for nothing to go through. He inhaled sharply, letting his phone clatter to the ground when he knew Taehyung wouldn't pick up.

He pulled his legs close to his chest, burying his face against his knees. What did he expect? Some fairy-tale fucking ending? What made him think a guy like Taehyung would like someone like him? He wasn't anything special. He was also a guy so that didn't really help his case either.

He was stupid and naive and selfish to think he could have a guy like Taehyung. Scenarios like that only happened in fiction. Movies. Books. This was real life, and not some story with a beautiful happy ending where the social outcast charmed the popular guy. It was painfully real and ugly and unfortunate.

Jeongguk didn't want to cry. He couldn't. There weren't any tears left in him. But he was hurt. So hurt it ached. His chest throbbed and his lungs felt incredibly tight.

And it didn't get any better when the moment he decided to look up, he recognized Taehyung was walking in the hall adjacent for him.

Except, he wasn't alone.

There was a new girl by his side. She wasn't Haewon but a brunette with long legs and a pretty dress. And the moment he saw his hand resting on the small of her back, Jeongguk knew he wasn't an idiot.

Just confused and hurt with a dozen questions on his mind that he didn't have the answers for.

It was raining when the party ended.

Jeongguk stood outside underneath the awning, peering out at the downpour that pelted against the ground. It was another bad storm. The parking lot was flooding, water streamed down the asphalt, and the rain sounded like thunder as it pounded against the roof top protecting him. But even so, it was still cold and he was alone.

He decided to go outside, not wanting to face anyone inside of the hospital with a heavy heart. It would be worse if he faced Jimin or Sae, so he opted to avoid everyone and disappeared down to the front entrance. Not like anyone noticed anyway.