When Jeongguk entered the meeting room, he was surprised to see that nobody was in there. The door was already unlocked, so he assumed that Namjoon stepped out for a little bit. And with that, he found himself drawn toward the massive windows instead of finding his seat in their usual circle.

He wrapped around himself, shivering. It was cold this morning, the thick sweater he wore wasn't enough to keep the chills at bay. Outside didn't look too great either, for the torrential downpour battered against the glass with a muted thud and flooded the streets below. Seoul itself was stained a murky gray, darkening the room with dull shadows.

Jeongguk leaned his shoulder against the cool glass, swallowing. Up to this moment, he still hasn't properly faced Taehyung. It was strange, funny even how was the first thing that would come to his mind at this point when the days Jeongguk had were limited, dwindling with every breath he took.

Maybe it was because this room reminded him of Taehyung. Not that there was much to remind him, but as he stood there alone, surrounded by nothing except cold shadows, part of him remembered his warmth. The irritating, overwhelming warmth he desperately wanted to avoid because people like Jeongguk hated pity. Hated forced attention.

And yet, Taehyung was beyond his expectations.

Sae's advice didn't help much with untangling the knot of emotions bunched in Jeongguk's chest. In fact, it made it worse, the knot tightening around his heart, aching. It was stupid feeling like this. Nothing he could do or say could explain what this felt like. It was everything and nothing. A swell of his heart then a sinking sensation in his stomach.

Should he pursue this? Was it even worth chasing?

There was a bunch of reasons why this wasn't right. First, Taehyung wouldn't ever like someone like him. He was a guy, after all. Second, he had a girlfriend. Jeongguk was horribly stupid to even kiss him in the first place.

Even though he heard many stories of Haewon cheating on Taehyung, Jeongguk wasn't a enough of an idiot to not understand how cheating to get back at someone was equally horrible.

Third— well, the third reason was obvious. So many things, everything, was screaming at him that this was doomed from the start. That they were doomed from the start. He was stupid to even think that Taehyung would reciprocate his feelings when he wasn't even sure himself if these emotions were truly genuine or a drunken whim.

It was all so confusing, and yet—

"Goodmorning Nam— oh, hey." Jeongguk craned his head toward the entrance, eyes widening when he realized who it was. Taehyung. Of course it was Taehyung.

"Hey," Jeongguk cleared his throat, averting his gaze back toward the window. He shifted over his feet, hearing the soft thud of Taehyung's footsteps approach him.

"Do you know where Namjoon went?" Taehyung asked once he was by his a side a good distance away. A safe distance away. He also didn't seem too affected. At that, hearing the nonchalance in his tone made Jeongguk's face redden. Was he just overthinking this?

"I don't know," Jeongguk said. "The room was empty."

"Ah, I'll just text him then," Taehyung leaned against the window, whipping out his phone. Jeongguk tried his best to keep himself from looking at him.

Maybe he was overthinking this, but how could he not look at Taehyung without feeling that? Whatever it was, it was still a feeling. A feeling that made his heart throb rapidly in his chest, so rapid that he could hear it in his ears and feel it all over. It made his lungs squeeze and his stomach all fluttery.

But it was also the guilt— the guilt that hung over his shoulders with an undeniable, crushing weight. The guilt that there wasn't time. The guilt that he made Taehyung cheat on the only person he seemed capable of loving, no matter how terrible she was. Fuck.

"I need to ask him a question," Taehyung replied, managing to snap him out of his thoughts.

"A question about what?" However, the question slipped out before he could bite back. Jeongguk cursed himself inwardly when he was met with silence. He opened his mouth to change the subject, to save the conversation but Taehyung was quicker.

Instead, he chuckled dryly, though it wasn't directed toward him. "It's about my girlfriend."

"Oh," Jeongguk said. It was enough of a reaction for Taehyung to drop the topic. He could feel his eyes linger over him, and yet Jeongguk refused to return his gaze. He couldn't. Not now.

"But yeah. Namjoon may be annoying but he's great at advice," Taehyung attempted to play it off, but the thick layer of awkwardness settling between them was too dense to cut through with a simple ploy. "And my phone's also dead," Taehyung added right after with a sigh.

"Can you check your phone?" He asked. Jeongguk noddedly quietly and reached behind to grab his phone. But as he patted his hands around him, his eyes widened. "What?" Taehyung asked.

"I left it at Sae's office," Jeongguk bit down on his lip, chewing at the chapped skin.

"That's fine. We can go grab it right now," Taehyung said. "Then we can find Joon."

Unable to stop himself, Jeongguk's gaze flitted toward him. He inhaled sharply, a wave of regret flooding throughout his chest. Taehyung didn't look any different. He was wearing a pair of jeans and a simple t-shirt, his silver hair surprisingly combed today and parted like a comma over his forehead. Taehyung crossed his arms, biceps subtly flexing as he eyed him up and down.

"You feeling good?" He tilted his head to the side, his intense gaze making Jeongguk swallow thickly. He half expected them to be awkward again like before and yet they weren't.

"Yeah, why?" Jeongguk forced himself to meet his eyes. The same, dark brown eyes that were filled to the brim with uncertainty and shock when he leaned forward and— no. He needed to stop.

"I was just wondering since—," Taehyung shrugged. Both of them knew he didn't have to finish that question. "C'mon." He gestured over his shoulder toward the door, and with no other word, they went to the exit.

But when Taehyung tried to open the door, it didn't budge. Eyebrows furrowing, Taehyung jiggled the doorhandle, a few silent curses slipping past his lips. When the door still wouldn't open, he stepped back, confused eyes finding Jeongguk's.

"What?" Jeongguk asked. "Did you lock the door?"

"No," Taehyung snorted and shook his head. "It was open when I came in here."

"So it's locked?" It didn't dawn on him until he realized what this meant. Jeongguk's hands shot forward, shaking the door knob frantically but the result was still the same. "Fuck."

"I'm guessing a janitor locked us in," Taehyung said as Jeongguk stepped back, defeated. "Namjoon will get us." He assured him upon seeing Jeongguk's shoulders deflate.

"When's that going to be?" Jeongguk asked quietly.

"Don't know," Taehyung admitted right after. "It's okay! We can just— where are you going?"

"Back here," He said, already making his way back to the window.

"But it's cold over there."

"Since when did you care?" He snapped without realizing the gravity his words truly held. It wasn't too long until he did, and when he whipped around to apologize, Taehyung was already standing beside him, his expression unreadable.

"You remember it still, don't you?" Taehyung leaned his shoulder against the window, his bigger frame blocking Jeongguk from the door.

Jeongguk gulped, tongue turning to putty as he managed out a weak, "No? Not really. Why?"

Taehyung rolled his eyes, "Of course you remember it."

"Then why are you even bringing it up?" Jeongguk asked, finally getting somewhat of a grip on himself. He squared his shoulders, trying to seem like he had it all together. He did it before, so why was it harder now?

"Well, y'know. You know what I'm talking about," Taehyung murmured, scratching the side of his neck.

"I don't think I do," Jeongguk forced out an awkward laugh. "I think I remember telling you to forget about it."

"Jeon," Taehyung sighed. "Don't be like this."

"Be like what?" He asked, voice nearly cracking, panic rising in his throat.

"Don't deny that it happened," Taehyung said.

"But I told you it's stu—,"

"Jeongguk I kissed you back that night."

He froze, immediately whipping his head up to meet Taehyung's gaze. Jeongguk stared at him, searching his features for some guilt; some regret. Maybe even disgust. Sure, Taehyung assured him he didn't reallg care about people's sexualities when they first met, but did he mean it?

Was it possible to take it back once you've done something wrong?

"Jesus, I didn't think you'd overthink so much," His voice softened as Jeongguk hung his forehead. "I don't think it's disgusting. Your sexuality isn't my business. That's not why I'm bringing it up."

"Then why are you?" He forced himself to meet his gaze, hating himself for being so damn curious for wanting to see if Taehyung didn't regret this. It was wishful thinking. Naivety. But he couldn't help it.

"Because I want to tell you, I'm straight," Taehyung said. Funny how two words could rip off a piece of his heart. If his disease wasn't going to kill him, maybe Taehyung would.

"God, you don't have to rub it in," Jeongguk murmured, pressing back flat against the glass as his gaze flickered to the empty room ahead of him. "I get it. You tried it and it wasn't for you."

"And I also want to tell you, that I don't regret it."

"What?" His eyes shot open. "R-Repeat that?" He breathed out, not at all believing what he just heard.

Taehyung rubbed his jaw and whispered, "I don't regret it. I was just in shock after the party, so I'm sorry about being an asshole."

"Well you were an asshole," Jeongguk grumbled. At that, Taehyung cracked him a weak grin.

"I know," Taehyung said. "But I mean it. I don't regret it."

"But you're straight?" Jeongguk spat out in disbelief.

"I know. That too. It's kinda contradictory, huh?" He chuckled halfheartedly.

"No duh," Jeongguk rolled his eyes. "What am I supposed to say to that? You have a girlfriend!"

"I'm dealing with it," Taehyung admitted. Jeongguk gawked at him yet again. This had to be some cruel fucking joke.

"You're what?" He blinked rapidly. Taehyung nodded, this time being the one to avert his gaze to the ground.

"I'm thinking of ending things with Haewon," He said softly, so soft he almost missed it. "It's going to be a hard decision since, you know— yeah. But I'm considering it. I-I think it's for the best."

"You're considering dumping your girlfriend?" Jeongguk repeated, not quite able to comprehend those were the words leaving his lips. Taehyung nodded.

"Yeah," Taehyung said, finally managing to meet his gaze, and when he did, Jeongguk hated how his hearts skipped a beat.

"I think I'm gonna break up with her."

"You can't just say that," Jeongguk blurted out, feeling his legs weaken beneath him. Pressed up against the glass, he slid down to the floor, and his arms wrapped around his knees, bringing them close to his chest. "That's— how? Why?"

"I had a talk with my mom the other day," He said, sitting down beside him. Jeongguk held his breath, feeling their arms brush against one another's. "It was after the party. I was a bit drunk and I ended up going home to her house, and we ran into each other and I told her. Everything."

"Everything," Jeongguk repeated quietly.

"Yeah," Taehyung hummed. "I don't really have a relationship with her the way you have one with Sae, but it was refreshing. She made me think."

"Well of course she made you think," Jeongguk snorted. "You guys had a conversation, dipshit."

"Ouch," Taehyung nudged his knee with his hand. Jeongguk tried his best to ignore his heart wavering in his chest. "It's true though. I just— I need to talk to Namjoon about it for some more input."

"And from these conversations... you want to break up with her?" Jeongguk asked. Taehyung nodded again.

"It's for the best," He said solemnly. "It is what it is, right? Kinda contradictory." Taehyung added lightly.

"Yeah. It is." He didn't really know how to feel, but in that situation, no part of him acted on some form of ugly selfishness. In fact, he didn't exactly dwell on the possibility of them.

There wasn't any possibility either way, but in this moment, he didn't think of himself or these stupid, indecipherable feelings. There wasn't much room to. So instead, he found himself thinking about the possibility of Taehyung's happiness— something that had a probability of happening regardless. Something he deserved to have.

Jeongguk snuck a glance at him, wondering if he knew. Maybe he didn't realize it but Jeongguk did. It wasn't too hard to look at someone and agree that they deserve the best. But it's harder, much more harder when you look at someone, every part of them, and decide they deserve something that you can't give them.

It was true. Painfully true. To Taehyung, he was a secondary character, entering his life on a whim and exiting in a similar fashion. Maybe he made some sort of an impact on his life, but it wasn't enough to become part of the main story. He was on the side, admiring something he couldn't have, someone he didn't quite deserve.

For him, Taehyung was the last few pages— the best part of the entire story where you couldn't let go. The more pages you turn, the less you have to stay. And as much as Jeongguk wished he could put him back on the shelf and keep himself from facing the end, he wasn't a god. He couldn't trick time into giving them more.

There was only so much time, and eventually, Taehyung would meet someone, perhaps a nicer girl, who would give him more than he ever could.

"So where does this leave us?" Jeongguk asked, though he didn't really expect an answer.

Taehyung shrugged, leaning back against the window. "I don't know. All I know is that I kissed you, and I didn't hate it."

"You didn't hate it," His mouth ran dry. "I didn't either." Jeongguk admitted in a whisper.

"Great," Taehyung laughed softly, the sound making Jeongguk's stomach twist. "We've kissed."

"I think we've established that enough."

"You felt something right?" Taehyung asked, ignoring him.

"Do I really have to tell you?" Jeongguk's nose scrunched together. Taehyung grinned a smile that Jeongguk noticed minicked a rectangle and reached over, flicking his chin.

"Yeah," He murmured, "because I want to tell you something."

"Tell me what?" Jeongguk raised an eyebrow at him, heart swelling uncontrollably.

"You tell me first," Taehyung's voice lowered. "Do you like me?"

"Like you? W-What?" He stammered. At that, Taehyung pulled away, grinning at him with the fondest smile he's ever seen him with. God, he was so screwed.

"Do you?" He teased, nudging him again.

"I-I don't know," Jeongguk stumbled over his words. He swallowed before admitting quietly, "I don't know. I really don't. I-I never thought that far."

"That's fine because I... I think I felt something too," Taehyung said, reaching over and wrapping his arm around his shoulders. Jeongguk tensed, unsure if this was actually real.

Was this really happening right now?

He wasn't sure what he was supposed to say, to do when Taehyung was staring at him like that. He was like a kid again, struggling to accept that maybe these feelings were something more— something bigger than it originally was. It was stupid and horirbly overwhelming, and god, his heart was going to fall out of his chest at this rate.

Jeongguk's throat swelled shut, his heartbeat so loud he swore Taehyung could probably hear it. Did he actually like him? Did he mean it when he said he felt something? Jeongguk couldn't remember how it felt to like someone, but he supposed that perhaps he was denying it all until now.

One thing he knew for sure was this: it was going to end so horribly between them, and yet, he couldn't ignore it— that feeling. He just couldn't when this was his last chance to finally feel something.

"I like you."

He ended up blurting out, shamelessly, impulsively, face searing hot, and his head practically spinning. It felt like a dream. It was a dream that someone could actually like him back when he was like this. A dream that Taehyung thought the same thing he did.

And for once, maybe this time he could be selfish and ignore the harsh reality for just a little while longer. It was going to hurt, but wouldn't it hurt more if he denied himself of this? Something that was good?

Taehyung's face was completely unreadable when he confessed, and suddenly, panic rushed into Jeongguk's head and he added, "But I don't want a relationship! I-I don't think I'm ready for that."

At that, Taehyung's eyes widened, "Oh. Well, I was going to tell you that too. I don't think I should be dating anyone right now." What was that supposed to mean?

"But you felt something?" Jeongguk murmured, a little unsure. Taehyung nodded.

"Yeah I did. I think did. But anyway, we'll figure it out, okay? There's no rush since both of us are on the same page," Taehyung eventually said, squeezing his arm.

Jeongguk glanced over to where he was holding him, and part of him couldn't help but notice how his fingers held onto him like he was going to leave— like this wasn't real but he was trying to assure himself that it was.

Taehyung smiled at him again, the small gesture enough to make him shyly look away, to accept that maybe he shouldn't overthink this anymore than he already was. It was embarrassing, being this stupid and overwhelmed but it felt nice. Exhilarating, even.

It felt nice to be wanted. To be liked. Especially by a guy like Taehyung. And right know, that was all that mattered— even if it contradicted all he knew because there was a chance albeit a small one.

A chance that Kim Taehyung liked him back.

so... how do you guys feel HAHA

i feel like i relate to jeongguk in a way:

catching feelings and impulsively saying he

like someone when someone (tae) gives him

attention. but is it good or bad attention?

is it genuine? that's for you to decide (: