have i talked about how favorite crime

sums up this book?

For the first time in a while, Jeongguk genuinely had fun with strangers.

After chatting with Chul and getting to know more about him over a few more drinks, Jeongguk found himself flirting back like the good old days. It wasn't any different flirting with a guy compared to a girl, but he didn't mind it. Felt just the same, and for once, he was all flustered and fluttery being given all sorts of compliments.

Eventually, Seokjin invited them to play some games, and they joined without any hesitation. He spent most of the time learning them once more, and when he finally got a grip on his strategy, he was beating everyone. Laughter wrung his stomach dry, and every shot he took made him feel lighter.

He started to forget about Taehyung around the seventh shot he had. The more these warm people welcomed him in, the more he forgot about him. Luckily he was a heavy weight, so he didn't worry that much.

He wasn't that drunk, just more relaxed, but of course there would come a point where he needed to stop. He checked the time since he wasn't a fucking idiot, and he sent the occasional text to Sae to let her know he was doing alright.

Eventually the party migrated to the kitchen. He stood around the counter, watching as Chul fished out two beer cans from the fridge. Jeongguk murmured a soft thanks and cracked open the seal, nose still wrinkling at the bitter fermented taste of beer. God, he'd never get used to that.

"I noticed you're still waiting around for someone," Chul slid into the space beside Jeongguk.

"You did?" Jeongguk asked, somewhat used to craning his neck up to meet Chul's gaze. Chul hummed back at him.

"Can I ask who, or is it too personal?" Chul nudged his elbow. Jeongguk snorted, taking another sip.

"It's not," He said in a matter of fact way. "Do you know a Kim Taehyung?" At that, Chul's eyebrows raised.

"Oh? That guy? With the girlfriend?" Jeongguk nodded. Chul sighed, "Yeah, I do. His girfriend is in one of my classes. I've heard a bit about him."

"Who hasn't honestly?" Jeongguk joked lightly.

"He's pretty popular. So is his girl," Chul agreed. "I'm guessing you two are close?"

"You can say that," He shrugged, glancing down at the can in his hands.

"How is it being friends with him?"

"It's nothing different." He didn't know why he was downplaying their relationship to this guy, but perhaps there was a reason. A reason he just didn't want to think about at the moment. "He's nice and genuine— all that stuff y'know?"

"Right," Chul said. "But you know his girlfriend right? Han Haewon's just... interesting. I'm all about supporting women and shit, but she just makes it hard! Like god, her personality is just trash."

"You think that too?" Jeongguk lifted a lazy eyebrow at him. Chul nodded as he took a sip.

"Everyone does. I've never met a bigger bitch than Han Haewon. I was her partner for a project, and she tried to make a move on me." At that, Jeongguk nearly choked on his drink.

"What?" He coughed into his fist, trying his best to keep it controlled and not accidentally die in front of Chul right now.

"Yeah," He said awkwardly, scratching his Adam's apple. "It was weird. And uncomfortable. I hear she has no respect for Taehyung. It's crazy how you can love someone like that. Especially since he's such a nice guy."

Jeongguk didn't say anything else, continuing to finish his drink as the memories of Taehyung's resurfaced in his mind. He honestly couldn't come up with an adequate answer on why people love the people who hurt them. It should be an obvious answer when the one you love began to hurt you on purpose, but people were complex.

Taehyung gave his reason. He was hung up on her. So badly hung up on the past idea of her, that the current version caught him in a storm he couldn't qutie escape. Maybe he saw the signs, but the thing about being in love, Jeongguk supposed you would turn a blind eye just to preserve the parts you cherished.

It was then, after he finished his can, did the weight of all the alcohol he consumed settled over his shoulders. The adrenaline wore off and in its place, the grogginess in his mind thickened, and his limbs which were once light grew wearier, heavier.

"I was waiting for him all night," Jeongguk admitted without thinking, leaning against the counter, crushing the can beneath his grip. "Guess he didn't show up."

"I'm sorry about that," Chul said. "He usually comes to these things with Haewon."

"I heard," Jeongguk pushed off the counter and tossed his garbage in the trash. He winced, feeling the alcohol slosh in his stomach and all the matter in his brain cram toward the front of his skull.

He pressed his fingers to his nose, wondering if his alcohol tolerance was fucked up or something. Chul rushed to his side, but Jeongguk waved him off.

"I'm fine," He said, patting his arm. "Just tired. I have-haven't done this in a while."

"You shouldn't have drank so much. Here," Chul sat his can on the counter and rushed to help him by looping an arm around his waist. "I'll help."

"You really don't have to," Jeongguk sighed, forcing himself to look the other way as Chul helped him walk out of the kitchen and into the living room. This was painfully embarrassing. Maybe it was fun, but this? He didn't want help, didn't want—

"Hey," His breath hitched when Chul's fingers lightly gripped the edge of his chin, carefully making him face him. His touch was different than Taehyung's. It was soft and firm, nothing at all like the calloused gentleness Taehyung embodied.

"It happens," Chul murmured. "Don't worry about it."

"I'm really fine," Jeongguk slurred a little, but even so, nothing he was saying was easing the worry over Chul's face. "Let go."

"No," Chul shook his head. "You're literally drunk! I can't just abandon you."

"I said I'm fine—," Jeongguk tried to pull away, but the guy that gripped him was stronger than him.

"Hey!" Both of their heads snapped toward the person approaching them.

"He said he's fine."

Jeongguk's eyes splayed wide seeing Taehyung in front of him. He couldn't really believe it, seeing that he had been missing all evening, and yet here he was, scowling and jaw clenched as he snatched Jeongguk from Chul's grasp with this gentleness that other couldn't replicate.

"Shouldn't you be with your girlfriend, Kim?" Chul asked, eyes narrowing.

Jeongguk wanted to ask the same thing, but he couldn't put together a proper word as Taehyung cradled him close to his chest. It left his face on fire, feeling him close and smelling his familiar scent— it was weird and comforting all in the same breath.

"That's none of your business," Taehyung forced out. "I don't think you wanna talk to me like that."

"God. I knew you had an ego," Chul started to say something, but Taehyung ignored him. Without giving him a sliver of his attention, he led Jeongguk up the stairs, leaving him fuming on his own.

He glanced over his shoulder, blinking rapidly as he watched Chul angrily stomp his foot and make a beeline back into the kitchen. Jeongguk turned to look over at Taehyung, who was focused on getting somewhere private.

"Why are you here?" Taehyung asked when they entered a bedroom. He helped Jeongguk onto the bed and locked the door to make sure some couple wouldn't stumble in.

Before he could answer, Taehyung rushed toward him, a crease forming between his bushy brows as his big hands settled on either side of Jeongguk's shoulders. "Did you text Sae? Does she know you're here? Did she approve of this?"

"Calm down," Jeongguk muttered, trying to pry Taehyung's hands off of him, unable to meet his concerned-filled eyes. "I'm fine."

"I'm not fine!" Taehyung snapped. "You're drunk at some random guy's house. Did you lie to her?"

"The fuck?" His chest squeezed. "Did you just accuse me of lying to my aunt?"

"Well it wasn't the first time," Taehyung bit back.

Jeongguk tensed, whatever he felt from being in his arms earlier fading away. His expression blanked. "You can't just say that."

"You're being stupid again, Jeon," He snarled, his fingers digging into his shoulders. Jeongguk inhaled sharply, stifling a grimace as he glared back up at the stranger that was holding him.

"Do you want to fucking die or something?"

At that, something snapped inside of him.

"Why are you being like this?" He spat, slapping his hands away. Taehyung blinked in confusion at him as Jeongguk rose to his feet, head spinning and his heart roaring in his chest.

"Why are you acting like you care all of a sudden?" He poked his chest, a scowl fitting itself over his own lips. "What's your fucking problem?"

"What?" Taehyung's nose crinkled. "What are you talking about?"

"Why are you playing dumb with me?" Maybe it was the alcohol in his system or the frustration building up inside of him thatch caused him to spit out the truth as bitter as it was. Because at this point, he was done waiting.

"You asked for time, and I gave you time that I don't even have anymore. And yet, you acted like you wanted nothing to do with me!" Jeongguk shouted, watching as Taehyung shrunk with every jab he aimed toward his chest.

"Don't you get how frustrating that is? I felt bad, Taehyung. I felt like fucking shit for hurting you, and I-I never feel that way," He confessed, shaking his hands angrily at him. "I felt like hell. I knew how hard it was, but I still wanted to be your friend."

"So why? Why did you act like you didn't want to be mine?"

"Jeongguk, I didn't mean it that way," Taehyung murmured, reaching for him. At that, Jeongguk took a step back, rolling his eyes.

"You said that last time," He scoffed bitterly, every single ounce of his pent up frustration and hurt spilling out onto the floor. "What do you mean then? Did you mean this?" He asked, voice pained as he pointed at the tattoo on his finger.

Taehyung's expression was unreadable. "Jeon..."

"D-Did you mean anything?" He cried out, watching as Taehyung hung his head.

"Were you just being friendly? Did you like it that you befriended the dying kid, 'cuz don't you easily befriend everyone?" He asked, on the verge of hysterics. He was shaking, throat raw, head splitting in half. But this, this needed to be said.

"Was I?" He swallowed thickly, "Was I a challenge for you? Did you pretend to want me just so I could flatter your fucking ego?"

"That wasn't it," Taehyung said, running a hand down his face. "That wasn't it at all."

"Then what?" Jeongguk nearly shouted again. He wrapped his arms around himself, digging his fingers into his biceps.

"What did you mean?" Did you even want me the way I wanted you?

"I-I was being stupid," Taehyung said, stepping closer and this time, Jeongguk didn't back away. "I was being a coward and unfair and bitchy."

"Yeah, you were," He whispered, reluctantly meeting his eye. "You really were."

"And I hurt you," He breathed out. "I hurt you."

Jeongguk nodded, swallowing thickly, "Glad you know now." He forced out with a weak smile.

"I'm sorry," Taehyung brushed his hand over his shoulder. "I didn't want to hurt you like this. It sucks seeing you hurt."

"And who's fault was that?" His voice trembled.

"Mine," He whispered, his body pressing against his arms, radiating this particular warmth that Jeongguk tried so hard not to melt from. "I wasted your time. I made you unhappy."

"You're so fucking annoying Kim Taehyung," Jeongguk regretted meeting his gaze. Hated how his heart skipped a beat seeing the guilt in his dark eyes. Hated how every part of him wanted him still.

"That's warranted," Taehyung sighed, carding his fingers through his hair. "I won't do that anymore."

"You better not because— because god," Jeongguk dropped his arms at his sides, exasperated. "Y-you're just so different. It's stupid and crazy and I hate how you make me feel like I'm something."

"You make me feel like I'm a person," Jeongguk admitted, biting down on his lip. "Nobody has treated me like that before in so, so long, and you just randomly showed up in my life and made me feel like I deserved something...."

"Like I was capable of being wanted for once."

"Jeongguk," Taehyung repeated his name, and god, he hated how he said his name like it was the only thing that mattered to him. Hated everything about this. Hated how his chest swelled and his heart was about to rip out between his ribs.

"I do want you." His heart stopped along with his breath as he lifted his gaze to meet his brutally honest one. "I still do."

"I don't think I should feel this way," Jeongguk breathed out. "I don't think I'm allowed to."

"Allowed to feel what?" He was close. Dangerously close. It was like he was doing this on purpose, drawing him into him so that he'd never want to leave. Like he was tethering him to him, and no matter how he tried to detach himself, he would be pulled right back into him.

Jeongguk swallowed once more. "To want you."

"In what way?" Taehyung asked carefully, his voice a gentle caress. He shook his head, letting out a bitter laugh.

"Don't make me say it," He spat out, heartbeat hammering in his ears but the organ itself seemed to be lodged in his throat. "I don't want to say it."

"Why?" Taehyung pressed up against him. He was losing it, spinning completely out of control. It was like he had him in the palm of his hand. His entire face flushed with that annoying heat, and god, he couldn't— he couldn't.

"Because," It felt like the air was being drained out of his lungs as Taehyung delicately pushed his hair behind his ear. It took everything in him to not lean into his touch.

"Because," He said, voice brittle, "It would feel real a-and there's no going back. I don't even know if this is true."

"Then say it," Taehyung said. Jeongguk dug his fingers into his palms, ignoring the sting as he tried to grasp at some form of inner control. "Make it real."

"Then you'd hate me."

"I don't think that's possible."

"You will hate me." I'll hate myself, his mind screamed amid his drunken haze.

"Jeongguk." Please don't say my name like that.

"Be honest with me," Taehyung's voice dropped a few octaves, the pain, the want, the need lacing his heavy vowels.

"You're gonna hate me," Jeongguk repeated, feeling his body move on its own. He reached up, hands shaking, heart wavering, brain muddled as he grabbed either side of Taehyung's face.

The last thing he saw was Taehyung's wide eyes of realization before he shut his own, tugged him forward, and kissed him.

He didn't know what he was doing, if this was right. Taehyung didn't move beneath his lips, his own stoic against Jeongguk's and his hands frozen over Jeongguk's wrists. But god, he was exploding; hot all over with regret, relief, and everything that was imperfectly perfect.

Kissing Taehyung wasn't a dream or a fantasy but a reality. A reality Jeongguk could actually accept for once. And hopefully, it was the same for him.

But it didn't last. Good things never lasted long. He gave up when Taehyung wouldn't kiss him back. When he pulled away, he was staring at him, something indecipherable flickering in his narrow gaze. Jeongguk was breathing heavily, on the verge of living and dying.

Taehyung didn't say anything, and for a second, panic flooded Jeongguk's senses. But before he could profusely apologize, Taehyung hesitantly reconnected their lips, this time catching Jeongguk off guard.

He exhaled through his nose, feeling their lips move fluidly against one another's, his hands holding onto him like he was his anchor. It was still a short kiss, but he was still on fire, melting at each of his gentle touches. He gasped softly into his mouth, feeling Taehyung nip reluctantly at his lips before he slowly pulled away, staring at him intensely.

Jeongguk opened his eyes to the reality before him, and god, Taehyung was different. Something about this shifted the way he saw him. He saw everything, every piece of him, and he liked it.

Whatever it meant to like someone, he could confirm it right then and there that Taehyung was something else. His gaze flitted between his damp, rosy pink lips to his dazed eyes, swirling with all kinds of emotions he couldn't quite pin point. It was nerve wracking, but wasn't everything about this scary?

"Do you hate me?" He asked hoarsely, hands sliding down to the sides of Taehyung's firm neck.

"No," Taehyung replied. "I don't."

"What happens now?" Jeongguk whispered, absentmindedly running his thumb over the dip of his jugular.

"I don't know," He shook his head, silver hair falling over his eyes. "I really don't."

And once the brutal rush of adrenaline and the overwhelming rattle of his heart settled into realizaton, it was safe to say that Jeongguk didn't either.

But even so, fuck. What in the world did he just do?

wowie. that's all i'm gonna say.

got any thoughts for me?

besides that, i love you guys!

see you at the next bulk of updates💛