"I don't get why my brother's making us look for fucking birds," Taehyung grumbled, lowering the cheap plastic binoculars Namjoon handed him away from his eyes. "We're a goddamn support group, not wilderness scouts."

He was honestly right— for once. On one of the few, rare sunny days in the month of March, Namjoon thought it'd be a nice little adventure for the group to head out to the outdoor area beside the hospital and look for birds. Birds. Of all things. Like they totally weren't smack dab in the middle of a dense metropolitan area.

Namjoon had good intentions, don't get the guy wrong. But Jeongguk would admit that he wasn't the brightest in some situations, and this happened to be one of those moments where Kim Namjoon wasn't exactly the shiniest tool in the shed.

Although, it was a well planned trip. Since there was a chill, they gave Yoongi a thicker blanket to wrap around his shoulders. Jimin was trying to convince him to wear the stupid wool cap he got for him because of the breeze, and in turn, Yoongi was doing his best to pretend he didn't exist.

Hoseok and Sooha were the only ones enthusiastic enough to look for birds. Besides the whole oxygen tank shebang and the struggle to tug it over the grass, Hoseok was leading their search, explaining to Sooha about all the types of birds that existed.

She seemed to be interested in the little spiel, and Namjoon himself joined them not too long ago, just as engaged as she was.

That left the two of them on their own. Jeongguk wasn't exactly the best at biology, and Taehyung was indifferent as always. Well, more indifferent than usual after their accident a week ago. There wasn't much he could really change, but at least he was here spending time with him even if it only lasted for the entire two hours of the meeting.

From time to time they switched who got to use the binoculars, but besides that, they were just standing by the garden, staring up at nothing in particular. At times, someone would excitedly yell about a bird only to be disappointed by an aircraft or some weirdly shaped cloud.

"You're in a sour mood," Jeongguk glanced over at him, noticing how a scowl recently found its new home over Taehyung's lips, completey replacing the smile Jeongguk was used to seeing on the daily.

"Seoul has no fucking birds," He ignored him like he usually did lately. He gave the binoculars to him.

"I want to leave." Taehyung said, scanning the area for Namjoon.

"Then leave," Jeongguk rolled his eyes. He brought the binoculars to his eyes but shortly gave up after.

"But then I'd get obliterated," Taehyung whined. "I want to sleep. I slept for twelve hours yesterday. I missed my lectures, but dude, that on-call room is heavenly."

"Well if that's the case, don't you think you slept enough? Or well, y'know. Go back to college?" He scoffed, snaking his hands into his coat pocket when a particular chilly breeze rustled past them.

"Nah. M'good. Might go for twenty hours next time."

"Bro, that's basically a coma."

"Sounds amazing," Taehyung yawned. "But anyway, Jeon, I missed all my classes and I have a shitton of work to do."

"Okay, and?" Jeongguk said, not seeing the point of this conversation.

"But there's a party tonight, and I think I wanna go." He whipped his attention to him, the skin between his brows creased.

Taehyung rarely talked about college. When he did, it was mostly about a shitty class or equally shitty homework, but even so, it was brief. Occasionally he would tell Jeongguk about these huge parties he would he invited to, but he never actually discussed the possibility of going. He just assumed Taehyung wanted nothing to do with it— until now.

"Why?" Jeongguk asked, following Taehyung as the two lazily followed the winding path around the sad excuse of a garden. Taehyung shrugged, his free hand tugging the beanie he was wearing down over his ears.

"I need to let out some steam or something," He explained vaguely. "I haven't been to a party in what? A couple weeks."

"Right," Jeongguk said. He didn't want to bring up the fact Taehyung never went because he was always spending time with him. But even so, that seemed like a dangerous thing to mention right now.

They were practically balancing on a tightrope; one wrong move and it was over. Not that it was fair, but who was Jeongguk to complain?

"When was the last time you went to a party?" Taehyung asked, the two of them now standing by a garden of multicolored flowers. The binoculars were now hanging, forgotten, from a thin lanyard around Taehyung's neck.

"My senior year of high school. I think I was either sixteen or seventeen," Jeongguk shrugged.

"You're nineteen right?"

"Yep," He replied. "I celebrated my last birthday a few months ago with Sae." He added lightly.

"Oh," Taehyung murmured. He glanced over at him to see that Taehyung was looking the other way.

Neither one of them said a word as they continued to loop around the garden. It was always like this now. Since then, all of their conversations hit a dead end, and no matter how hard Jeongguk tried, he couldn't seem to get them out of this awkward ditch.

Taehyung usually was the one who'd pick the topic back up with ease, but the more days pass and the longer Taehyung avoided his gaze, the harder it was to recover. If recovery was even possible at this point.

Saying that Jeongguk was annoyed was an understatement. He was pissed. This was a waste of time, and god, the longer he gave Taehyung his space, the more the gap in his chest split apart. It was frustrating, stupidly frustrating, and while it was okay that Taehyung was still beside him, it didn't feel complete.

It was like only part of Taehyung was there, and the rest of him, which Jeongguk found himself growing fond of, packed up and left. He was gone; out of reach, and no matter how hard Jeongguk tried to get him back, he'd take another step away.

He bit down the irritance bubbling in his throat and forced himself to ignore the prickle in his stomach. Just a little while longer, and there was a chance he could get things back to their definition of normal.

"Did you guys find any birds?" Jeongguk whipped his head around to see Jimin approaching them with Yoongi by his side.

"There's no fucking birds in Seoul," Taehyung answered before he could. Jimin snorted, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Who pissed in your cherry jubilee?" Jimin narrowed his eyes at him. Taehyung rolled his eyes. Jimin proceeded to turn his attention toward Jeongguk.

"Do you have any idea why he's in a twist?"

Jeongguk shook his head. Jimin sighed, "Well. If you used your imagination you could pretend."

"We're twenty, and I think nature doesn't work like that," Taehyung said dryly.

"Yeah, yeah," Jimin waved him off. He ignored him and completely turned his body toward Jeongguk, making a bright, eye-crinkling smile appear on his lips.

"Jimin, fuck off already." There had to be something else bothering Taehyung. Jeongguk noted that he really wasn't ever this bitter.

Jimin's eyes widened, just as shocked as Jeongguk was. He reached over, grabbed Jeongguk's wrist, and whispered loud enough for Taehyung to hear, "He's just pissed 'cuz his girl came back from her little vacation she took without him."

"Don't talk about Haewon like that in front of me please," Taehyung pressed his fingers to his temple. Jeongguk snuck at a glance over at him to see a familiar sight: his clenched jaw, a scowl, and that nasty, far-away look in his eyes.

"Why?" Jimin wrinkled his nose. "It's the elephant in the room, Tae. She took a vacation without you after promising she'd go with you."

Taehyung's expression hardened, "I said drop it."

Jeongguk averted his attention to see Jimin scowling, his hands now on his hips. "I think you should drop it. I saw how you've been treating Jeongguk this entire time. If you're so bothered about your girlfriend lying, deal with it with her and don't take it out on your friends!"

"Hey," Jeongguk muttered, but Jimin held a hand up, silencing him. He shrank a little. He wasn't going to lie— in the short time he knew him, it was given that Jimin could be scary.

"You know I'm right," He wagged a small, furious finger at him. "If you need some time alone, go be alone. Go destress. But don't take it out on Jeongguk whether you're aware of it or not."

"Jimin," It was Yoongi's turn to speak up. Honestly, it surprised Jeongguk to hear him speak since he rarely ever did. He watched a pale hand snake out from beneath his blanket to touch Jimin's shoulder.

"Give him a break," Yoongi said. Jimin's brows crumpled together. He opened his mouth to argue with him, but Yoongi simply shook his head, killing the fuse in Jimin before it could ignite.

"I- fine. Taehyung, I'm sorry. I just can't stand seeing you treat Jeongguk like shit anymore," Jimin said. Taehyung, on the otherhand, was glaring at the ground, silent.

"Taehyung?" Jimin repeated, tone softer.

"I'm heading out," Taehyung said abruptly, his voice void of any emotion. He dug into his pocket, whipped out his keys, and walked in the opposite direction toward the parking lot.

They all watched him disappear in silence, and when he was finally gone Jimin inhaled slow. He ran a hand down the side of his neck and lightly nudged Jeongguk's arm.

"Jeongguk, I'm sorry too," He said gently. "I know you can stand up for yourself but please, why are you letting him walk all over you like that?"

Jeongguk froze? What did he just say?

"That's not like you at all."

Jimin's words shifted something inside of him. He was right. Why was he letting Taehyung push him around? Since when did he beat around the bush and hoped for something? The Jeongguk in the past knew not to expect anything from anyone seeing that in the end, everyone would eventually disappoint you in some shape or form.

But even so, as much as this disappointed him, he knew he couldn't just leave it be. Taehyung simply wasn't like the others. Who was he to think he didn't have a say in this? Taehyung needed time, but so did he; this was unfair. He had to do something, and there was no way to possibly fix this unless he went to that damned party.

He had to talk to him, whether he liked it or not.

"It's alright," Jeongguk said, giving him a weak thumbs up, pushing those thoughts aside for later.

Before Jimin could speak, the trio gave some space for Namjoon, who jogged his way over to them.

"Where did Taehyung go?" He asked, a bit out of breath.

"He left," Jeongguk said, jabbing his thumb over toward the parking lot. He couldn't really read the expression that flickered over Namjoon's features, but eventually he nodded and hummed.

"You gonna chase after him, Dr. Kim?" Jimin asked as Namjoon steadily turned back to join Hoseok and Sooha.

"No," Namjoon shook his head. "I know he won't drive anywhere. He needs his space to think. But thanks for letting me know anyway. I'll talk to him later, so don't worry about it. Alright?" He patted Jimin's shoulder and went back to the other group. Yoongi, Jimin, and Jeongguk waved goodbye at him, only to exchange worried looks.

"I'm sorry," Jimin eventually whined when they were finally alone, deflating with a big, pouty frown. "Taehyung's just difficult sometimes. He gets into these moods whenever Haewon messed up."

"I'm assuming she messes up a lot then." Jeongguk said.

"Frequently," Jimin sighed. "I wish he'd just open his eyes and realize that he deserves something good. She's not the same girl, but he keeps telling himself that she's still the same person he loves."

In that moment, Jeongguk remembered his conversation with Taehyung that time on the bridge. He supposed Jimin was right. When he spoke of Haewon, he could visualize the nostalgia in his eyes and whenever he spoke about her, it was always in past tense— like he knew she was already far gone, but he cherished her memory anyway.

"You can't force him though, Chim," Yoongi spoke up again, gaining both of their attention. His words were gentle, calm, mimicking his demeanor.

"I know," He shook his head. "I'll apologize to him later, but I just— I just hate her for him."

"We all do." Yoongi's words were enough to summarize most of their feelings, and with that, the trio went on in silence, looking for birds that didn't exist.

"Where are you heading?" Sae crossed her arms as she stopped by Jeongguk's bedroom door while he was shrugging on a denim jacket over his hoodie.

"Out with Jin," Jeongguk said, staring at his reflection in the mirror and ruffled his hair.

"Out? You sure you're feeling okay?" She asked carefully.

"Yeah, I stayed at the hospital for a week like you said," He replied back. "I'm fine and stable. I just can't push myself anymore like that."

"Right. No more all-nighters," Sae said. "Those are taxing on you. And stay warm. It's cold out. But if you feel like you're overheating, ditch the jackets."

"I know," Jeongguk said, snatching his phone off his dresser and turned toward his door. He stopped in front of his aunt, having to look a little down on her now that she wasn't wearing her usual heels.

"You have to text me okay?" She reached up and cupped the side of his cheek, lovingly running her thumb over his cheek. He leaned into her touch, letting out a soft exhale.

"Will Taehyung be there?" She let go of him.

"I think so," Jeongguk said. She made a face. He frowned and lightly punched her arm. "Hey, you already made him feel like shit, Sae. Give him a break. Most of it was my fault."

"I know but still," Sae muttered, running her palms over her thighs. "I really expected better since he's Namjoon's brother, you know?"

"You know that's not fair," Jeongguk sighed. She rolled her eyes and shoved his chest back. "He deserves another chance. He's a good guy."

He didn't know why he was fighting so much to get Taehyung's approval from Sae. It was like that too, recently. Every little snide remark she made, or petty side comment, he would call her out over and over, begging her to just let it got.

It was mostly because he didn't deserve that. Sure, Taehyung was a jerk, but he wasn't an asshole. And out of all the people in Seoul, Taehyung was a genuinely good person in his eyes. The only person that Jeongguk would admittingly fight for, knowing he would fight for him too.

Sae would always mutter something back, but Jeongguk knew that one day, it would be his goal to get her to trust him again. It was the least he can do for Taehyung after everything he had done for him, right? And plus, part of him wanted Sae to see Taehyung the way he did. All imperfectly perfect and good. So, so good.

"I know, I know," Sae pushed Jeongguk out of the doorway and to their living room. "He makes you happy and all that. But even so, be careful. I don't want you to have a hard time, okay? I love you."

"I love you too," Jeongguk chuckled softly once they approached the door. At that, Sae placed her hand on the doorframe, smiling up at him fondly.

"Take care, alright? I want you back by eleven."

"Will do," He leaned down and kissed her forward, suddenly compeled to show her that he loved her.

With that, she waved to him as he left their house and ran down the driveway to where Seokjin's car was parked, waiting for him. He shaded his hands over his eyes as Seokjin flickered his lights at him, and in the driver's seat he was there, smirking at him.

When he got in, Jeongguk's lips already formed into its usual scowl, the good energy from before dying the second he was in Jin's car.

"Hi there grumpy," Seokjin said, pulling the car into reverse. "You ready?"

"Perish," Jeongguk flipped him off. Jin laughed, and soon enough they were on the road to the party. Good thing he wasn't a fan of small talk, or else he really would have ejected himself from this car.

Jeongguk was a little nervous; he would admit that. He hadn't been at a big party in so long, and he doubted that high school parties could level to what college parties could potentially be. Sure, there couldn't be that big of a difference, right?

"Chill," Jin noticed he was fidgeting in his seat. "You'll be fine. They're not really ragers, y'know."

"Ragers," Jeongguk said dryly. Jin hummed. When he looked out the window, he was surprised to see them pulling into a neighborhood.

"We just sit in the living room and drink," Seokjin said. "Play some drinking games. Shit like baskin robbins, y'know?"

"Oh damn. I haven't played that in a while," Jeongguk said in a matter of fact way. Part of him couldn't really remember how they went.

"I can tell. Time to break your party virginity again, I guess," Seokjin laughed as Jeongguk glared daggers at him. He set the car in park when they finally arrived at the place. Jeongguk followed him out with a bit of distance between them. Not that Jin cared anyway.

"Whose house is this?" Jeongguk asked as they trudged across the person's lawn.

He glanced ahead at the modern white house submerged in the darkness. The many windows in the house were illuminated with a hazy yellow, and inside he could spot the group of people lounging in the living room with bottles of alcohol and red solo cups cradled by their chests. As they approached, he could hear the faint vibrations of some popular R&B song being played from inside.

"They're hella rich. What in the world?" Jeongguk commented, eyebrows arching.

"It's Hyungshik's place. One of Taehyung's friends," Seokjin explained after he knocked on the door.

Jeongguk didn't say much, and instead, watched quietly as Jin greeted the guy who opened the door with a bro hug. He realized in that moment that Taehyung didn't speak much about his friends, but by the looks of it, it was safe to say that he really did know everyone— Jin was right.

As Jeongguk took off his shoes at the entrance, they were already asking for Taehyung. Every guy they passed inside continued to ask for him, and Jin would tell them the same thing: he wasn't here yet.

It was an eye-opener, really, to see how many people were so fond of Taehyung.