The car ride was silent for the most part, and luckily Jin didn't pester him anymore when they got to the college. Judging by the immense size of the place, it was a far walk from the parking lot to the boys' dorm. Jeongguk tried (and miserably failed) to hide the fact he was wheezing loudly behind Seokjin as they trekked through the wondrous student parking.

"You good bro?" Seokjin coughed awkwardly when they were in the elevator.

Jeongguk sucked in a sharp breath, "Yeah. Just terminal illness things, bro." Jin half grimaced, half smiled, and that was that.

"Alright," Seokjin clapped his hands together, signaling his attention when they finally stopped walking. "I'm gonna open the door, grab my shit, and dip. Tae's in his room, and if you wanna leave, make him drive you. Force him, if you have to. Or just steal his keys I don't care."

"Thanks," Jeongguk mumbled, following in after him when he finally unlocked the door. He gave him a nod when Jin found what he wanted. Thankfully, he pointed in the direction of a door, which presumably was Taehyung's.

Jeongguk didn't know what to really do when the door clicked shut, leaving him alone. In Taehyung's dorm. You see, he didn't have a plan, so he was most likely screwed. Thanks Sae. Although, he guessed it wouldn't hurt to take a look around.

Their room was pretty cozy, and it reeked of male testosterone. Jin's bed was pushed to one side of the room along with his desk. He didn't decorate it much, but he did notice the strange sheep pillow and hockey posters with sharpie bikinis doodled over them— yeah no, he wasn't going to ask. There was a beat up couch with a coffee table made out of textbooks and a gaming console rigged to a small tv.

There was some trash, beer cans, and a few dirty clothes scattered about, but that was it. It wasn't as dirty and gross as he expected from a college dorm shared between two dudes to be. Maybe he was right on the smell though. He shuddered.

Eventually Jeongguk made his way to Taehyung's door, guessing it was one of those joint room thingies— he didn't know. He wasn't even in college. But when he stopped in front of Taehyung's door, he froze and his thoughts come crashing to an abrupt stop.

Wait. Was this the right thing he should be doing?

Hell, he didn't even bother to give Taehyung a text to give him a heads up. He wasn't sure either if he would be okay with the fact Jeongguk basically got forced into a car ride with Jin, all just so he could see him. He couldn't imagine how that'd look from his perspective, much less imagine the amount of teasing Taehyung would torture him with later. If he would be teasing him after this.

Maybe this wasn't a good idea. But he meant what he told Jin. The only reason he was here was to make sure that Taehyung didn't die on him and figure out if he hated him now. It was partially a joke, though Jeongguk was genuinely curious as to why this shitbag wasn't coming back to him.

Whatever it was, there had to be a reason. Even so, he couldn't stand around anymore and waste time if there was some solution. If there was a chance to get him back, as stupid as it sounded.

So without a second thought, Jeongguk opened the door to Taehyung's room. He instantly squinted in the darkness, doing his best to see and not eat shit. He held his breath, swinging it open a little more to let the light in, and by the looks of it, Taehyung was still asleep.

He couldn't really tell what was in Taehyung's room, but he decided he wouldn't be very appreciative of the fact that Jeongguk tracked down where he lived and snooped around into his private life at the same time.

At least it wasn't too hard to make out his figure in the shadows. And hey! He wasn't dead!

Taehyung was sprawled over his bed sheets with an arm draped over his face. When he approached the side of the bed, Taehyung looked... disturbed. He was shirtless (that, Jeongguk found out against his will), and his usual messy hair was more untamed, his silver waves and loose curls strewn all over his tanned forehead.

Jeongguk's featured softened as he stared down at his sleeping state. There was a crease between his brows, and when the light from the door flickered over his face, Jeongguk could see the fine line of his scowl etched over his lips. There was no doubt he was tired.

"Jeez," He whispered almost inaudibly. "What happened to you?" Jeongguk decided it wouldn't hurt to sit down, and he did, trying his best to be careful not to wake him up.

He didn't know exactly what to say now that he was actually here. Taehyung wasn't gone, and the worry that relentlessly gnawed away at his conscience eased somewhat, knowing that all he was doing was sleeping his ass off. Maybe he was way too exhausted to consider Jeongguk was waiting for him.

Well fuck. Now what?

Maybe he could take a bus, or something, back to the hospital. Or steal Taehyung's keys. Although he wasn't sure if his driving ability was great enough to tackle the freeway alone just yet, so maybe that wouldn't be a good idea.

Man, he really should have planned this out more.

However, there really wasn't anything left for him to do. He might as well just go back to the hospital and leave some note for Taehyung to text him when he got up. There weren't a lot of options to sort through.

God; this wasn't worth the effort coming here, was it? Well, what was done was done, and he couldn't really take that back. The only hope he had was that Taehyung wouldn't notice him leave.

"See you later," Jeongguk breathed out softly that it was almost inaudible, his free hand coming to scratch at the side of his neck.

But right as he was about to stand up, from the corner of his eye, he caught Taehyung shiver.

Sighing, Jeongguk ran a hand down his face. He shook his head and leaned closer to Taehyung, guessing it would be an asshole move to let him freeze, even though Taehyung did this to himself. He adjusted his sheets as carefully as he could, doing his best not to disrupt him.

Once he was done, he gave Taehyung one last look over and urged himself to rise up and get—

Suddenly a strong grip wrapped around his wrist, yanking him forward. Jeongguk yelped, bracing himself over Taehyung as the older boy tugged him on top of him. He stared down in horror at the now- awake bastard, who was frowning at him with weary eyes, much to Jeongguk's own shock.

"What are you doing?" Taehyung drawled, tilting his head to the side. He tensed.

"You're awake," Jeongguk swallowed thickly, eyes still wide as saucers as he looked down at him. His head was nestled between both of his skinny arms, and the more Taehyung turned, he could feel his soft hair brush against his forearm.

"I am," He chuckled dryly, the sound rasping against his throat. The rougness of it on its own was enough to send a chill rippling down Jeongguk's spine.

"Now Jeon, were you trying to mess with me?"

"What?" He spat out, blinking slowly. "Mess with what? With you?"

"Yeah," Taehyung eyed him darkly, "I didn't see you as the type to hit on someone in their sleep."

"I wasn't— what the fuck. What the fuck is wrong with you?" Jeongguk scowled, lightly shoving him back into the pillows. At that, Taehyung let out a gentle laugh, his chets rumbling beneath him.

"Hey," Taehyung grinned, sifting his free hand through his hair. "You could at least start with a goodmorning since you decided to literally break and enter into my humble abode." He pretended to sniffle as he held his hand over his heart.

Jeongguk scoffed and rolled his eyes before begrudgingly muttering, "Fine. Goodmorning."

"Why thank yo—,"

"—What the fuck is wrong with you?" He snapped. "And I didn't 'break and enter'. Jin let me in. I ran into him at the hospital."

Taehyung tossed his head back into the pillow, staring up at him with a small smile, "Interesting. Well, goodmorning to you too—."

"—Where have you been?"

There was no use beating around the bush, and judging by the flicker of pain over Taehyung's eyes, he wasn't too keen on jumping right to it. Jeongguk swallowed thickly, eyes darting from the hand that was still wrapped loosely around his wrist and back to Taehyung's hooded gaze.

Taehyung noticed he was holding onto him, and right before Jeongguk could make a comment on it, he yanked away his hand as if he would break him. Jeongguk watched as Taehyung's hand fell back near the side of his hand, his fingers curling inward, digging into his palm.

His stomach squeezed when he noticed the guilt etched over Taehyung's features. Though it was dark, it was as if he could see how Taehyung was looking at him. Sure, he saw all of him, that didn't change. But it was in the way Taehyung viewed him as pieces, so fragile that if he were to touch him, he'd break; shatter all over again.

Jeongguk hated pity. Hated how people saw him as weak. But when Taehyung looked at him, pained and full of guilt, he couldn't bring himself to hate him. He couldn't when he was partially responsible for appearing so weak.

After all, he nearly died in his arms after pushing limits Taehyung was aware he couldn't exceed.

"I meant to text," Taehyung spoke up. Jeongguk forced himself to meet his eyes. "I really did."

"But you didn't," Jeongguk said in a matter of fact way.

"Right," He nodded. "I didn't know what to say."

"So you avoided me," Jeongguk blurted out without thinking— just feeling. Taehyung's eyes widened.

"I-I didn't mean for it to come across that way," He admitted sheepishly. "I really didn't mean to."

"But you did," His voice was brittle, unusually brittle. Jeongguk didn't like it, but no matter how hard he tried to form a single, stable word on his tongue, it broke apart before it could come to fruition. "You left."

"I'm sorry," Taehyung met his eyes. He titled his head to the side, unruly locks tickling over the ridges of Jeongguk's fingers. "I just didn't know what to do. I needed time."

"And you had your time," Jeongguk said. At that, Taehyung averted his gaze the other way. "So? Now what? Have you decided?"

"Decided what?" Taehyung propped himself onto his elbows. Jeongguk backed away, brows furrowing when their faces nearly bumped into one another's, causing a ripple in his chest.

"I-," Jeongguk bit down on his lip. He didn't think this far yet. What was he supposed to say without sounding cheesy? Melodramatic? "I don't know. I just— I'm sorry. For getting you in trouble."

"You don't need to apologize for it," Taehyung scoffed lightly. "It just happened, Jeon."

"And it's gonna happen again," His brows creased.

Taehyung swallowed, staring up at him, "Yeah, I know. And that's why I needed time to think."

"So," Jeongguk forced out, his fingers curling into fists on either side of Taehyung, "you're thinking of stepping back?"

"I don't know," Taehyung titled his head to the side. He glanced down at his chest and back up at him, eyes weighing down with exhaustion. "It's kept me up at night— seeing you limp and shit in my arms."

"It has?" His mouth ran dry. Taehyung nodded.

"Haven't slept since then," Taehyung laughed, though the sound that rumbled in his throat was void of humor. He scratched the side of his neck awkwardly as Jeongguk's head hung forward.

"It's hard seeing that," He added. "But it's not your fault." He reached forward, his calloused touch reaching over and slipping beneath his chin, lifting his head up to meet his gaze.

Jeongguk gulped, feeling the warm, gentle pressure of Taehyung's lengthy fingers against his cool skin. It was a weird feeling, being touched like this. It wasn't even a grand gesture, and yet, his stomach was still a fluttering mess.

God, how was he supposed to feel? Taehyung was saying one thing and doing another. He teased the idea of leaving but touched him as if he was going to stay— if that was even possible.

"Give me more time," Taehyung said. Jeongguk's stomach plummeted. "I can't— I just can't look at you without seeing you dead. Does that make sense?"

He should have been mad. He should have shoved him away, but instead, his entire chest squeezed unbearably tight and his heart incessantly throbbed. He understood what he meant all too well. Carefully, he pushed Taehyung's hand away, fingers trembling and his jaw set tight, throat dry and eyes staring blankly at his lap.

It was unfair, yet at the same time, it was. It made sense. Jeongguk pulled away, resting his shaking fists over his lap. He turned his back toward him, forcing him to stare down at the floor to avoid from seeing his face, from the image of Taehyung leaving him to be seared into his memories.

"Jeongguk," Taehyung sighed, the sheets shuffling behind him. "I didn't mean I was going to leave. I just meant that maybe it's best if we don't do the bucketlist for a while."

"So you just want to rot away inside the hospital?" He said sarcastically, voice full of nothing.

"Not exactly," Taehyung said. "We can still hang out in the hospital. Just, we can't do anything taxing."

That wouldn't be the same, Jeongguk wanted to argue back at him. He would be trapped again, coddled. The chances of him feeling normal again would revert to none, and all he would know is the familiar, four gray walls that he so desperately wanted to escape.

Taehyung made him realize that and gave him the opportunity to understand what living actually felt like.

And now they were back to the start as if they took one step forward and three steps back.

But this was all or nothing— Jeongguk knew if he rejected Taehyung right now, he'd never see him again. As selfish as he wanted to be, as selfish as Taehyung made him, he had to respect Taehyung's wishes. It made sense; he traumatized him. This was the consequence of going too far to the point going back would never be possible.

There was only so much time left, and even if it was spent in the hospital, at least he would have Taehyung.

"Okay," Jeongguk stood up, refusing to meet his eyes as he walked toward his bedroom door. "Sounds good to me," He said blankly.

"Jeongguk," Taehyung called after him, but he didn't hear him move off his bed. "Time—,"

"—Is all you need. I know," Jeongguk held the door open. "I'll see you at the hospital." He left the room and closed the door behind him before Taehyung could formulate a proper response.

He ran his hands over his face, exhaling unevenly. He wasn't so sure of this little trip was a success. It honestly didn't feel like any progress was made, and the knot in his throat only grew tighter. Sure, he found out Taehyung was fine, but there was so much more left unsaid— left unanswered.

Jeongguk's never felt this feeling before. This stupid, stomach-churning sensation that twisted his lungs and made his heart thrash vigorously in his chest. Was it disappointment? Anger? Frustration? He didn't know; he knew nothing.

"You look rough."

Jeongguk whipped his gaze up to see Seokjin was standing by the door. "You're back?"

"Yeah, it wasn't too bad," Jin placed his hands at his sides. "Did you talk to him?"

"Not really," Jeongguk shrugged, willing his legs to take him toward the door.

"Well, if you want another chance to talk to him, join us next weekend. My friend's hosting a college party, and usually Taehyung's easier to talk to there," Jin offered. "He's more relaxed, you can say."

Jeongguk looked over at him, raising an eyebrow at him. "A party?"

"Don't tell me you've never been to one," Jin scoffed.

"I've been to one," Jeongguk shot back, though his shoulders deflated a little. "In highschool."

Jin whistled, "Well, come to this one. It'll be fun, and again, Taehyung will be there for sure."

"I'll think about it," He muttered, but before he could turn to go, Seokjin grabbed him by the wrist.

"Let me take you home," Jin said. "You don't look too good."

"I don't?" Jeongguk asked, unable to hear his own voice over the roar of his heartbeat. Seokjin nodded, joining his side as he drapped Jeongguk's arm over his shoulders.

"You're sweating a lot and you look pale as fuck, bro. I'll take you back," He commented, helping him out the door. As if on cue, Jeongguk's legs grew weak from beneath him. If it wasn't for Seokjin, he would have stumbled.

God this was so embarrassing. Jeongguk wanted to scream, hit something even. He couldn't step out of the hospital, much less go somewhere a few miles away without his body failing on him. If he were to go to that damned party, there had to be some miracle if he wanted to talk to Taehyung again.

There was no way Sae was going to let him out if he was in this condition, either. But this party— it was key to convince Taehyung to stay. To feel normal one last time if Taehyung was really going to leave.

This was his only shot, and his body had to hold on just a little while longer.

"Is it the flu or something?" Seokjin asked as they made it to the elevator.

"I don't know," Jeongguk exhaled, leaning his head against the cool elevator wall. Seokjin stared at him with pure concern, but Jeongguk waved him off with a forced smile and said, "I wish it was."

a double update! hope you guys

enjoyed this one (: has your opinion

of jk changed since then? and what

about tae? any other thoughts? it's

fun reading through you guys' thoughts!

all of you are amazing!

anyway, love you guys lots as always 💛

see you at the next update!