for clarification: this isn't a friendship fic [:

Taehyung stood behind Jeongguk as he clutched the toilet bowl, body hunched over as he retched the contents of his empty stomach into the poor unsuspecting thing. It would be an understatement to say that this morning was one of the rough days because today absolutely sucked.

"Hey," Taehyung chuckled uneasily, handing him a wad of paper towels when Jeongguk let out a dry cough, "at least you didn't vomit on her tits this time!"

Jeongguk glared at him and took the paper towels, wiping his mouth. He watched through narrowed eyes as Taehyung flushed the toilet, whistling a little tune as he went about helping him like it was totally normal thing to oversee your friend vomitting their soul out.

"You don't think this is weird or anything?" He said, throat raw as he dumped the paper towels into the trash bin. Taehyung shook his head, helping him up to his feet.

"Nah," He said, following Jeongguk to the sink. "I expected something like this to happen some day."

"How considerate," Jeongguk sneered. He washed his hands in the sink, internally cringing at the fact he held a public toilet bowl with his bare hands. God, the things that you did when you were sick.

"Oh you know it," Taehyung patted his shoulder. "It's no biggie though. Sometimes you just gotta stand by and help as your friend slowly dies before your eyes."

Jeongguk met Taehyung's gaze in the mirror. He scowled at him, only to be given a crooked smirk in return and a shitty thumbs-up. He rolled his eyes, but before he could focus on scrubbing public toilet germs away, he caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror, and man— it did not look good.

There were good and bad days. There was no doubt that today was the latter, and it reflected in his face. His features were hollow and gaunt. The color of his skin was an ugly, sickly mix of white and gray that glistened with a thin sheen of sweat. The dark shadows cast beneath his eyes were more prominent in this state, and god, his lips were so badly chapped that no chapstick could save them.

"You good Jeon?" He hated how soft Taehyung's voice was. Part of him wanted to shout at him to shut up and leave, but he knew deep down that he couldn't do that.

Or at least, he didn't want to.

Jeongguk grimaced and dried his hands off on yet another paper towel. He could feel Taehyung's eyes on him, probably waiting for his reaction, the worry settling into the already dense atmosphere. Maybe he shouldn't stare at mirrors too long with Taehyung around. He would psychoanalyze him again.

"Can we forget this happened?" Jeongguk asked after the two of them walked out of the bathroom.

"Sure, if that's what you wanna do," Taehyung snaked his hands into his jacket pockets. He snapped his fingers. "Bam, I already forgot it."

"God, you're ridiculous," He snorted, nudging his arm. Taehyung smiled feebly at him.

"No I'm not. But just 'coz you said that, I'm sending good vibes your way, Jeon," Taehyung raised one of his hands out of his pocket and wiggled them at him. Jeongguk lifted an unimpressed eyebrow at the older boy.

"The vibes are coming," He teased, reaching over and ruffling Jeongguk's hair. He yelped, swatting at him to stop, only to provoke him more. "There's nothing you can do to stop them~!"

"Fuck you, man," Jeongguk pushed him away with one last shove, but there was no hiding the smile that unfurled over his lips.

"That's probably the most threatening way I've ever been cheered up."

"So you admit I'm cheering you up?" Taehyung chuckled, coming to a stop and leaned against the wall before the two could turn and head to the foyer.

Jeongguk scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest, "What? No? I'm just saying that that's the scariest way to cheer someone up. Threaten them with good vibes."

"But what if Eunhwa threatened you?" He raised a thick eyebrow at him, his voice lowering to an unfair octave. Jeongguk rolled his eyes, hating how his neck flushed with this gross warmth for absolutely no reason. It made his stomach churn. Again.

"I told you, it wasn't like that," Jeongguk elbowed Taehyung's side, earning a throaty chuckle from him.

"I know, you fucking prude. You just held her hand," Taehyung teased, pushing him back.

Jeongguk scowled, "I'm not a prude. I didn't think it was right to kiss her."

"You're a wimp."

"I didn't want to kiss her."

"Okay," Taehyung snorted lightly. "But you had fun."

"Yeah, in a friendly hang-out sense," He grumbled. Man he regretted ever telling him about the date in the first place. Maybe Eunhwa was wrong. In some way.

"And you wouldn't mind if she threatened you with a good time," He continued to tease him with that same stupid grin.

"Well maybe, but why would she threaten me?" He snorted softly. "I wouldn't be threatened anyway."

"But I threaten you?" Taehyung smirked. "And are you also implying that you don't have fun with me?"

"Woah, hold your horses. This isn't about you. I never said that," Jeongguk rolled his eyes yet again.

"You didn't answer my question," Taehyung mused.

"Because there's no question to be answered," He countered. Right before Jeongguk could turn away and ditch him, Taehyung reached out, his fingers wrapping around his wrist and gave him a tug.

"Hey!" Jeongguk yelped, almost bumping into him. He shoved his chest with the hand Taehyung wasn't holding, brows frowning along with his lips. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Trying to get an answer out of you," Taehyung said innocently, bringing him closer so that their chests were nearly touching with another effortless tug.

It was a mistake to look up.

Jeongguk gulped thickly, his breath stuttering from being this close. He never really liked peering into people's faces, mostly because when you saw someone in this proximity, you'd see it all. All their imperfections, their quirks— their vulnerabilities.

There was no protecting yourself, no warning. It was like free falling, and there was no way telling if there would be an end.

And when he did look at Taehyung, an end didn't seem possible when there was so much to see.

It was more evident that Taehyung was everything he wasn't, in the sense that he looked alive and full and warm— all things Jeongguk could never be even if he tried. And yet, he couldn't look away. He found himself studying how the sun freckled his honey features, the little cratered-scar nestled on the round apple of his cheek, and the tiny beauty mark that blemished the tip of his nose.

However, there was something else that caught his attention.

While Taehyung was everything, there was nothing in his dark, heavy gaze, even as he smiled at him like there was nothing wrong. If people were right about someone's eyes being the most vulnerable part of them, then why did it feel like Taehyung was... closed off?

And what made it worse was that Taehyung was staring right back at him, and he couldn't help but wonder: what was going through his mind?

What did he see? Too much? Too little? Was he repulsed?

But as much as it taunted him, Jeongguk's stomach sank as he came to the realization: he didn't want to know.

"B-By endangering my life? Jeez what's gotten into you?" Jeongguk stammered as he tried to move away and play it off, but the goddamn bastard was faster.

"Jeongguk," He was teasing him again.

"What do you want now, for christ's sake?" His voice came out more whiny than he expected.

"You're cold," Taehyung murmured. Jeongguk scoffed, struggling to properly breathe. That was it?

"And?" He relaxed when Taehyung dropped his wrist, though he couldn't ignore how his wrist felt like it was on fire. He watched as Taehyung held a finger up and shrugged off his jacket.

"You— what?" Jeongguk spat out, stunned. He didn't tussle with the older boy when Taehyung brought his jacket around his shoulders, leaving

him with no choice but to slide his arms into it.

"Don't get anymore sick than you already are, okay?" Taehyung's voice was awfully hushed, the gentleness in his tone an incredible contrast to him previously.

"You know that's impossible," Jeongguk said, albeit a little bitter.

"I know," He grinned sheepishly, scratching the side of his neck, "Maybe everything else is out of our control, but not that. Don't get a cold, my guy."

Taehyung adjusted the collar to his black carhartt jacket, and this time, his gaze refused to meet Jeongguk's confused one. The jacket was heavy on his frame but it was warm, warmer than the hoodie he was wearing. The scent screamed Taehyung, for he was met with a heady whiff of body wash, cheap coffee, and detergent all in one dizzying inhale.

Eunhwa's words came to mind as the two walked out toward the foyer without another word. If they're willing to stay with you until the horrible end, they're worth living with. Was Taehyung worth living with?

Jeongguk glanced at Taehyung's back, stomach prickling. They knew each other for how long now? Probably about a few weeks give or take. It's been a month since they met, and they were halfway through this one, so it wasn't too long ago.

But even so, he couldn't shake off Eunhwa's words just like that. Spending every day with someone was a whole different circumstance. He started his day with Taehyung, and sometimes he would end his day with him. It was all the same either way.

At first he was annoying, and Jeongguk wanted nothing more but to be alone. It was honestly funny how time worked, how being able to feel, to live changed things. He was used to him by now, and sometimes he'd laugh, smile even, because as stupid as Jeongguk felt, Taehyung made sure to make him feel like less of an idiot.

It meant something. The little things. It was always the little things that caught him off guard, that made him want to care, to consider him as a friend. It was the little things that people always forgot, that people tossed aside like it was nothing when they were something.

Taehyung was something, and god, Eunhwa made him realize that. Taehyung meant something, and that— that terrified him.

"Are you messing with me?" Jeongguk suddenly blurted out among the mess of his head, feeling himself become smaller in Taehyung's jacket when he turned around, his eyes wide with genuine shock.

"What?" Taehyung asked, now facing him. "Maybe earlier, but no, I wasn't."

"What do you mean by earlier?" He asked weakly, failing to swallow the lump in his throat.

"I meant in the bathroom." At that, he felt his lungs ease a little. "I'm not messing with you Jeon. I just didn't want you to get sick." But Taehyung didn't stop when the crease between his brows alleviated.

"Jeon, if I offended you with my jokes about you dying then I'm so sorr—," He started but Jeongguk shook his head.

"No— that's not what I meant."

"Then what? What did you mean?" Taehyung stared at him like he was something. Like he meant something. The worry in his eyes sent a pang in Jeongguk's chest.

"I—just. It's— you. Fuck. Why Kim, why?" It was a useless question to ask. It was stupid, incredibly stupid, but he asked nonetheless. Part of him thought Taehyung wouldn't understand but he did. He always did.

"Because I told you that I'm your friend," Taehyung stepped closer. Jeongguk's fingers curled into fists at his sides. "And I care."

"But why?" He looked over at him only to be met with that goddamn smile.

"Do I need to have a 'why' to care?" Jeongguk gave him a look. Taehyung shook his head and let out a gentle laugh. He grasped Jeongguk's shoulder.

"You're the 'why', Jeongguk," He declared. "Is that enough of an explanation for you?" At that, his entire face burned as if on cue.

When Jeongguk didn't answer, Taehyung chuckled and ruffled his hair. "What's going on in that little head of your's, Jeon?"

"Nothing," He grumbled, but Taehyung could see through his lie. Of course he could.

"Sure. Whatever it is, know that I'm not forcing myself to be with you. I'll tell you that over and over again. Sick or not, you're still a friend to me."

"I wasn't thinking about anything," He found his voice and spoke up, trying his best to get a grip of himself. Taehyung dropped his hand.

"Okay," He rolled his eyes. "But anyway, you wanna hear my plan for today?"

"What's your plan?" He felt the tension in his shoulders ease at the familiarity of Taehyung's tone. God, he was so worked up over nothing. He needed to get a fucking grip. Fast.

"Today is gonna be a day of running through hurdles!" Taehyung beamed. Jeongguk cleared his throat and lifted a brow at him.

"Aren't you supposed to jump over them?"

Taehyung scoffed lightly, "Please. Fear is only something to be afraid of if you let it scare you."

"What am I so afraid of?" Leaving. Jeongguk shoved the thought aside with a frown.

"Driving on the free way!" His jaw nearly dropped.

"I am not going on the fucking freeway," He shook his head frantically. Taehyung tossed his head forehead, laughing softly to himself.

"Yes you are," He urged. "You need practice."

"You only want me to get my license so you won't have to drive me around anymore," Jeongguk rolled his eyes.

"That's part of the reason. The other half is the freedom you get when you pass, y'know? Wouldn't you want that?" Taehyung nudged his side playfully. Jeongguk opened his mouth to argue back, but before he could, a familiar face caught his eye.

"What?" Taehyung asked when Jeongguk deflated in front of him. Jeongguk gulped, jutting his chin over to the person waiting for Taehyung behind him.

"Did you forget something?" Jeongguk shifted awkwardly. Taehyung whipped around, ready to shoot him down with a joke, but the moment he saw who it was, the joke dissolved on his tongue.

His girlfriend waved at them when Taehyung's gaze finally settled on her. She didn't look as angry as she was last time. In fact, she was smiling, beaming even, and it only made her even more pretty than she already was. Jeongguk ripped his gaze away from her and to the ground.

"Oh," Taehyung ran a hand down his face, a shaky sigh escaping past his lips. "Right. I forgot. After today's therapy session, I was taking Haewon out."

"—On a date?" Jeongguk finished dryly.

Taehyung nodded, "Yeah. A date. But I'll be back in a few hours if you still wanna try?"

"Nah, you should spend time with your girlfriend," He waved him off. Something unreadable flickered over Taehyung's features.

"You sure?"

"If you're down," Jeongguk said. At that, the older boy's expression lightened. He pushed him forward. "Go out with your girlfriend."

"Heard," Taehyung grinned, waving goodbye to him. "I'll see you soon then. Would it hurt your ego to call me tonight, okay? If not, call me. Please."

"Probably," He gave him a small smile, but it was too late. Taehyung was already jogging toward his girlfriend.

Jeongguk stood there alone, stomach churning as he watched Taehyung wrap his arm around her waist and draw her close. He hugged her before smiling down at her with this look in his eyes that he couldn't quite decipher.

But even so, there was no use in analyzing the way two people loved one another.

He couldn't watch anymore without feeling like a creep once the couple kissed. It was odd, staring, and probably really fucking weird not just for him but for everyone else in the foyer. Jeongguk simply coughed awkwardly into his fist and turned toward the elevators, guessing he'd kill time at Sae's office.

Taehyung might have meant something to him, but he wasn't everything. Or well, that was he told himself as he went back alone, trying to forget he was wearing his clothes.

How the fuck was Jeongguk supposed to call him?

Okay, he knew he had to use a goddamn phone, but when was the right time to call someone? It was already pretty late, and so Taehyung should be back at his dorm. There was also the fact that he said he would only be out for a couple hours, and since it had been a few hours, naturally he should call.

Or, well, maybe text. But Taehyung didn't tell him to text so wouldn't that be weird? No? Yes? Fuck, he didn't know. Jeongguk didn't do these type of things where you call someone just for the sake of calling him. The most he did with Eunwoo was get a dry ass text asking him to hang out and that was that.

But Taehyung wasn't like that. He specifically asked him to call. And like an idiot, Jeongguk told him he would.

"Go to bed soon, alright Gguks?" Sae stood at the entrance of his bedroom, leaning against the door frame. Jeongguk was sitting on the ledge of his window sill, staring at his phone in his palm. Luckily, Sae didn't question him.

"You got another test tomorrow. If you don't sleep, you're gonna be feeling like crap all day," Sae said.

"I'll sleep, don't worry," He grumbled.

"If you're expecting a call, that's fine," She gestured at his phone. "But sleep. Seriously. They're going to draw a lot of blood tomorrow, just a head's up."

"I know," Jeongguk waved her off. "You act like I don't know anything." He half-heartedly joked.

"Well that's 'cuz you're still a teenager that needs reminding," Sae rolled her eyes. "Fine. I'll stop bothering you. Night, kid."

"Night," His voice faded away as he looked over at the time on his phone. It was almost nine.

Maybe he should call him now. He squeezed his phone. It was now or never, and who knows, maybe Taehyung was expecting him to call. Taking in a deep breath, Jeongguk summoned the remaining bits of his will, knowing this was going to horribly dent his ego later but he would get back at him some day.

He hovered over Taehyung's contact, swallowing thickly. He could do this. It was just a call. And even if he were to start the call, Taehyung would probably spend the entire time talking anyway. All he had to do was start it— easy peasy.

But before he could give himself another pep talk, his thumb slipped and pressed the button.

Fuck. It rang. Jeongguk scrambled to end the call, nearly falling onto his bedroom floor in the process. He gulped, the lump in his throat ever so tight as the call ended. God, he hoped that didn't go through.