i promised part two, didn't i (;

The date was like any other date.

They went to the movies like every other couple their age. Jeongguk paid graciously with the black card Sae lent him (Eunhwa's eyes bulged out of her head seeing it). After that, the two of them took their seat in the theatre and watched some film about a zombie apocalypse that Jeongguk could honestly care less about, but Eunhwa was really interested so he guessed it gave him some will to get through it.

When the movie was done, they went over to the arcade, talked a bit, and Jeongguk watched himself get brutally destroyed at every game. Barely any muscle mass and his poor stamina did not do him any good, and as irritating as it was, he hid his frustration behind a forced smile.

As they went about, Eunhwa ended up telling him about herself. She was a college student working part time. She had a younger sister, and her parents were very supportive of her dream to own her own restaurant.

She had this dreamy look to her, and everytime she spoke of her passions, Jeongguk could feel the dedication oozing out of her little hand gestures. She stumbled over a few words out of nervousness and giggled it off, but damn, was she captivating.

However, Eunhwa chipped away at his ego when she won him something. It was a cute little bunny plushie, and she told him it reminded her of him. Pretty sweet, if you asked him. Maybe that tickled his heart just a little. Other than that, nothing else really excited him.

Oh, and yeah— they held hands. He guessed he had to do something romantic, seeing that people probably thought he was some charity case being guided around by his sweet big sister. Jeongguk might have been taller, but according to Sae, his sickness made him look younger than he really was.

It was a misunderstanding he wasn't really keen on keeping up. Besides the potential incest scare, holding her hand wasn't too bad. Although, he felt a bit ridiculous. Kind of like a puny preteen getting all flustered over minimal skin on skin contact.

Okay, maybe flustered wasn't a good word. It just felt odd. His hand was bigger than hers, and unlike his touch, her hand was warm. Very, very warm. It was a breeding ground for sweat, and Jeongguk wasn't sure whether to let go and wipe his palm on his jeans or endure through the pain.

He decided to proceed with the latter. He didn't want to hurt her feelings, seeing that he was already a pretty shitty date. So shitty it was obvious he hadn't felt the touch of a woman in a while.

It had been a while; that was for sure. The last time he felt a person this close was years ago. By now, he was as inexperienced as a middle schooler— talk about a dent in his ego. Darn. His stomach was like a messy stack of building blocks, and everytime her petite shoulder brushed against his or she gave their intertwined, damp hands a light squeeze, his little tower of dignity crumbled.

Jeongguk was dying inside. Every second that ticked away felt like ripping a bandage slowly but surely until the stinging drove you fucking mad. It wasn't her fault, oh no. Eunhwa was sweet.

Something was wrong with him.

Maybe she was too sweet. Yeah, probably. She never got mad, and she was rarely impatient. Even when Jeongguk would make a snarky remark, she'd smile at him like he performed some poetic love sonnet and hadn't just crudey insulted the claw machine for being a lousy, bitchface money stealer.

She treated him too nice. She laughed too sweetly. She spoke like a disney fucking princess. He was finding all of the reasons why she was too good for him as if they were goddamn easter eggs and he was the motherfucking easter bunny.

Everything was going so right. He was enjoying himself enough to genuinely smile and even laugh without sounding like he was strangling himself. She was perfect and kind and amazing the more he got to know her and yet...

He hated it. He hated every second of it because Jeongguk knew this wasn't right. None of this was right, and fuck— he just didn't deserve this.

She, of all people, didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve some dying guy like him when there were others who would live longer and appreciate her and give her what he couldn't. It was frustrating that all he could think about was how he was going to die, and that this girl would have her entire life, her dreams be put on hold when it was his time to go.

The second those thoughts filled his head, the light airiness in his chest faded into this dreadful heaviness; Jeongguk just wasn't feeling it anymore.

"You got something on your mind?" Eunhwa swung their hands between them as the duo strolled across the bustling streets. It was already dark, the night life of Seoul emerging from the shadows and filling into the streets like a steady stream.

He inhaled sharply, taking in the crisp evening air, gaze whizzing around the streets as he scrambled for some excuse. Eunhwa stopped walking, pulling him off the busy streets and to the side where the two of them wouldn't disrupt the crowd's flow.

He didn't know how to put it without sounding offensive. This girl wasn't deserving of his snark, but he couldn't just stand there like a complete fool.

"It's just," His voice trailed off as he glanced down at their intertwined hands. "It's something stupid." The breath he took in trapped itself inside his throat.

"I doubt that it is," Eunhwa said, squeezing his hand. "What's bothering you? I noticed it a bit ago. You just kinda checked out, y'know what I mean?"

"Yeah. Fuck, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I swear, you're like, not boring me," Jeongguk stammered, his other hand reaching to cup at the side of his neck. "I'm having fun."

"And so am I," She tilted her head a little to the side, trying to get him to meet her eyes. Gulping, he whipped his head the other way. "Jeongguk?"

God, he couldn't even look her in the eye.

"Can I ask you something?" She nodded. "Did you... Did you think I was lying when I said I was going to die?"

"What?" His stomach plummeted at her response. "Oh, wait, I remember you telling me that. No, not at all. You sounded very sincere, so I believed you."

Wait, what?

Jeongguk's splayed wide, "You know I'm gonna die soon?" She nodded again.

"Then why did you say yes?"

"Because I could see how desperate you were."

His lips crumpled into a frown. Eunhwa realized her words. Surprise flickered over her soft features, but following right after, she merely laughed and shook her head at him.

"Wait, I didn't mean it like that dummy. I meant I saw how desperate you were to make your friend happy, so I went along with it," Eunhwa explained. "You have a really good friend. I can tell he only wants the best for you, and I had a feeling he'd be disappointed if I said no."

"So you only said yes to make my friend happy?" His eyes narrowed. Eunhwa snorted.

"No! I said 'yes' because I wanted to," She assured him by squeezing his hand. "You're pretty cute, and you seemed nice compared to the dozens of other creeps who ask me out. I did this because I wanted to. Not because of your friend or because I pity you."

"Oh," Jeongguk whispered, blinking. She was too good to be true. "Oh."

"Yeah. Since I also knew you were gonna die, I saw this date as a friendly one, y'know? Like two single people just going out and having fun. People forget girls and boys can do that from time to time."

"My god, you're so fucking amazing," He said without realizing it, and when he did, her face flushed a pretty shade of pink. Eunhwa smiled at him, her eyes twinkling, and he swore her pupils were like tiny little stars.

"Thank you. I think you're amazing too. And even though you have a short time here, you can really make someone's feel less lonely," She said.

"You think so?"

"Yeah, I know so. You're very fun to be around. It's a privilege that I got to know you!" At that, his neck flooded with heat. "Like I've been so stressed out, spending time with you made me relax."

"Are you just pulling that out of your ass now?" He mumbled shyly, staring hard at the ground as he willed the heat in his neck to subdue. She let out another bubbly laugh.

"Nah, I'm not," Eunhwa chuckled sweetly, tucking her hair behind her ear. "But I mean it. And oh, I've been meaning to ask you this too. I know you make a lot of jokes, but are you really okay with dying?"

At that, he tensed, his hand going limp in hers.

Luckily, Eunhwa noticed. "Wait— you don't have to answer. I'm sorry, my question was probably super rude when all you've been was kind to—,"

"—It's fine," Jeongguk swallowed thickly, giving her a sheepish smile. Eunhwa frowned, and fuck, he really had to stop befriending people with people who smiled so much that anything other than a grin looked horribly out of place on them.

"It's not something I like to think about," He said cooly. It might have been part of the truth but at least it wasn't a complete lie. Hopefully it was enough of an answer for her.

Thankfully, it was. "I don't blame you. I had a friend that also died, except she— you know." She didn't have to say anything more. The silence was enough.

"She passed away a few months ago."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Jeongguk's mouth ran dry.

"Oh, it's fine," Eunhwa waved it off. "I'm fine now. But I just... I just can't help but wonder what people think when they know they're going to die. Like, so many people say stuff like, "Live life to the fullest! You only have so much time left, use it right!" But I honestly don't think that's what people should do."

"What do you mean by that?" He asked. Eunhwa shrugged, huddling closer to Jeongguk when a gust of wind rustled over them.

"I mean that society nowadays tell you that your life isn't well-lived unless you do something grand," She murmured softly. "I feel that people who are going to die don't think about it in that way all the time. Sure, maybe some go and do crazy things, but what about the rest? What about the people who can't leave their bed or their home? What about those who are thinking of killing themselves, and the idea of doing something, even breathing, was too painful for them?"

"By then, would you tell them, 'go skydiving' or 'go on a trip'?"

"You make a good point," Jeongguk murmured. "I never thought of it that way." He added, honesty softening his tone.

He glanced out ahead toward the street, observing the glimmering city lights and the steady trickle of bodies. Among the crowd are lovers, friends, and even lonesome individuals wandering throughout the night. Even though it was cold, there was this warmth he hadn't noticed until now— the lights, the simultaneous chatter, the presence of people.

"You never know what someone's going through," She continued on, hooking their arms together. "Like how I don't know your struggles, you don't know mine. Or that couple's. Or that vendor. I feel like everyone has their own unique definition of a meaningful life and an opinion on death."

"How would you feel if you only had five months?" Jeongguk asked her, feeling her head lean against his shoulder.

"I honestly don't know," Eunhwa said. "Maybe I'd be sad. I don't think I would go on a trip."

"Why's that?" She shrugged.

"I love my family, Jeongguk. I love my friends. If I was going to die, I wouldn't dwell on that. I know all my relationships would come to an end eventually, but why would I stop them now? I feel I'd regret not showing my parents I loved them over missing a trip to a foreign country," She looked up at him, her starry eyes fixed on him.

"As much as it hurts, this is a time where you can choose. If you want to be alone, that's fine, but if someone really wants to stay with you, let them stay, and love them," She stressed, staring right into his gaze.

"Because, Jeongguk, if they're willing to stay with you until the horrible end, they're worth living with."

Jeongguk didn't say anything, instead let the weight of her words settle over him. He couldn't quite say the same thing about his own life. He didn't have many friends. The ones he did have were absolute jackasses, and his parents were god knows where. He wasn't sure if he loved them, and them being gone was enough of an answer for him to know that it wasn't reciprocated.

All he had was Sae. Ever since he was dumped at her door with nothing but a suitcase of belongings that barely felt like his own, and a tear-stained face, breath trapped in his chest and his heart torn to shreds because it was then, for the first time in his life, that he was made to believe that nobody would ever want him.

Sae wasn't always there. A young, medical school student wasn't exactly an ideal mother figure. At first, it was rocky living with her, and multiple times he considered running away. She didn't understand, and words, god words, were hard. The people at school weren't very nice either, finding all kinds of ways to alienate him, to make him feel smaller than he already was.

He always had to force his way in, and when he thought he finally made it somewhere where he belonged, where he was wanted— they'd kick him out. And god, it would feel like a punch to the gut, or a slap to the face.

It would sting, and the ache that followed was permanent; a bitter reminder that he wouldn't have anything in the end. That nobody would care, and everything he wanted would forever be out of reach.

He got stuck in a loop. Bad habits. Bad friends. Bad people who didn't have room, and he tried to fit in but would eventually fall out. Then he got sick. Doctor appointments replaced school. Solitude was easier than having to face his peers. The effort he put was gone, dwindling day by day as he grew sicker and sicker.

If everyone had an opinion on their own death, Jeongguk was that he wanted it to happen. He wanted nothing more than to die.

He wanted to see the end and leave behind the fleeting fragments of his memories that were never really memories to begin with. They were just unfinished, unwanted scenes, discarded because they would never make it into the main movie. The people were nothing but blurry faces, ruined film.

There was no point to life if what you were doing didn't feel like living.

At least, that was what he originally clung to until Jeongguk finally got to experience what living could feel like.

For once, there was no sting or ache, and this time, he was wanted. He had something, though it was thrusted onto him without him ever wanting it in the first place, it was still something.

Was it possible to want again when you finally had something you could actually hold onto? Even if it wasn't for so long, was it still possible?

Yes, his mind answered. It was possible. He made it possible. Kim Taehyung made it possible.

"You're right," Jeongguk whispered, turning to look down at her. "I'd regret that too."

"Really?" He nodded. "Well, I mean I just believe it's better to appreciate the things you have. You don't need a life-changing trip to appreciate the people who genuinely care. Even if you don't have long, your time isn't over with them yet."

"That's also true," Jeongguk murmured. "Not only are you cute and amazing, you're smart too."

Eunhwa made a face, "Don't do that. D-Don't just compliment me out of nowhere." At that, he smiled bashfully at the ground, a gentle chuckle slipping past his lips.

"I'm just doing what you told me to," Jeongguk said in a matter of fact way. "I'm just appreciating the people who care."

"You're a smooth bastard, Jeon Jeongguk," She beamed.

"I try," He replied with a grin.

With that, the two ended up calling it a night and decided to walk to the bus stop. It was late, so there wasn't many people riding with them. When they returned to the hospital, albeit in silence, the air between them remained comfortable.

After all, he was merely doing what Eunhwa told him to do— enjoy the company of the people who truly care about you.

There was no need to force anything when someone welcomed you with open arms.

He walked her to her car in the hospital parking lot after sending a quick text to Sae telling her that he was there. They didn't hold hands, but they huddled close, letting the comfortable silence sit over them like a blanket. It was nice. This warmth that swelled in Jeongguk's chest.

"Thank you for tonight," Eunhwa said when they got to her car.

"No problem," Jeongguk responded. "Thank you."

"I hope you get to live out the next five months the way you want to," Eunhwa smiled up at him. "I'll see you around, yeah? Keep in touch?"

"Will do ma'am," He teased, giving her a salute. She chuckled, shaking her head as her eyes crinkled.

"Okay," She reached up, her small hands placed on either side of Jeongguk's face. She had to get onto her tip-toes, but it was alright. It was endearing.

"Be happy, alright?" She gently brought his head down so she could place her lips over his forehead.

"I'll try," Jeongguk whispered, feeling her smile tingle against his skin. "Take care, Eunhwa."

"Goodbye Jeongguk." She kissed his forehead, letting her lips linger for a second before pulling away. He stepped back, watching her get into the car.

She waved goodbye one more time, and as he watched her drive away, something inside of him felt different— lighter almost— and he couldn't help but smile at the ground like a fucking idiot.

crazy things! what are your thoughts?

i'd like to hear them since we got to know

a little more about jeongguk's past. how

do you guys feel about eunhwa & her

advice? do you like her, or not? let me know!

also thank you for tuning in! i appreciate

it, as you can probably tell i'm really impatient

when it comes to this story because i'm very

excited for the rest of the story to unfold.

love you guys lots as always!💛