"You're really not going to order anything?" Taehyung asked, gaze fixing right on Jeongguk as the duo handed their menus to the waitress after making their orders.

They were currently situated at some restaurant that served mostly American food. Taehyung mentioned something briefly about it being "burger time" or at least something along the lines of "a burger would really make our day". Whatever it was, it was still ridiculous and Jeongguk was brought here anyway even though a burger wasn't going to make his day any time soon.

"I ordered fries," Jeongguk said, a defensive tone edging his words. "You got a problem with that?"

"Uh, yeah. I haven't seen you eat anything since this morning," Taehyung commented, propping his elbow on the table and resting his chin on his palm.

"Because I'm not hungry," He shrugged sheepishly, hoping the topic would drop and go unnoticed because this wasn't something—

"—You're getting sicker, aren't you?"

"Do I really have to answer that?" Jeongguk deadpanned. Taehyung smiled.

"No, because I already know the answer," He said.

"Then why'd you even bring it up?" His nose scrunched. Taehyung merely shrugged, the gesture itself making him squirm in his seat.

Jeongguk didn't like how he couldn't really hide anything from him. Well, let him rephrase. Of course it would be impossible to completely hide a terminal illness from someone. Eventually he would be unable to control himself and have all these nasty symptoms he couldn't surpress— like nausea. And organ failure. And death.

But that wasn't the point. Most times he could hide the fact he was in pain from a lot of people, and sometimes even Sae. It was easy to go unnoticed when so many people forgot about you, even if it was only for a brief moment in time. So much could happen, and they would never know.

With Taehyung, it grew increasingly difficult to hide something. He was stupidly observant and knew exactly what to say. Though he could be a bit blunt in nature, Taehyung caught everything. Somehow.

And you see, Jeongguk didn't really know how to feel about that.

"I noticed you have hair," Taehyung blurted out, snapping him right out of his thoughts though it didn't occur to him what he actually said until a few seconds passed. Jeongguk backtracked.

"Wait, what? Of course I have fucking hair," He frowned immediately, hand subconsciously reaching out to run through his dark locks.

"Didn't you do chemo?" Taehyung asked, fingers drumming over his chin.

"Yeah, I just turned 17 when I found out I needed it. I took it for almost a year," Jeongguk scratched the nape of his neck. "Then I got off, and it grew back. I don't know why people like you would assume I'm fucking bald."

"It grew back fast. You're like what, 19 now?"

Jeongguk nodded, "Yeah, I am. I guess I was lucky."

"Was it cold?"

"Was it what now?"

"Your head," Taehyung jutted his chin toward him. "Was your head cold?"

He raised an eyebrow at him. "No? Why the fuck would I know? Who just asks that."

"Because you were bald, right. At the time, at least."

"Yes, I was bald. I wore a beanie the entire time though," Jeongguk said. "So no, it wasn't cold. Not all the time at least." Taehyung's lips crinkled.

"What? Why are you laughing at me?" He scowled, watching as Taehyung's eyes travel up to his scalp. He shrunk in the booth, scowl deepening as his stomach twisted.

"I like your haircut. I always thought it was a little too short, but it fits you. Strangely you pull it off," Taehyung beamed, a low chuckle following in suit.

"I don't know if that's an insult or a compliment. I hate you," Jeongguk grumbled. God, where was their food? He wanted this guy to shut up before he could lean over the table and show him what a bag of bones could achieve.

"No, I just— not at all, Jeon. I really think you look great," Taehyung mused. Jeongguk glared at him. He raised his hands up in defense, "I mean it!"

"Sure," He sighed, shaking his head. "Sure."

Now Taehyung was riled up, like a little child excited over a new toy. Great. "Wait! Jeon!" Taehyung gasped.

"What now?" Jeongguk glanced subtly over at the kitchen area, praying their food would come soon.

"You never told me how you discovered you had cancer!" Taehyung said. "Can I hear the story?"

"Why would— no. No, I'm not going to tell you," He said firmly, crossing his arms over his chest. "Why the fuck would I tell you?"

"Because we're friends."

"Who said we're friends."

"You did. 'Cuz I make you happy in a mutual way."

"No you don't," Jeongguk scowled. "I never said that."

"Yes you did. Anyway," Taehyung cut him off before he could argue with him. He leaned forward in his seat, all big smiles and bubbly laughter that it was suffocating.

"I wanna know. Tell me. Was it sad? Is it sad? Is that why you don't wanna tell me?"

Jeongguk's neck flushed with a wave of stinging heat, his lips fluttering into a grimace. He squeezed his nonexistent biceps, knowing damn well there was no way he was going to tell Taehyung the truth. One: he hated thinking about that moment with his entirety because it was seriously that bad. Two: since it was so embarrassing, he wanted to take that exact moment of his life to the grave.

But he knew for a fact Taehyung would annoy him unless he told him. Taehyung was an insistent guy. If he wanted something, Jeongguk knew he would do anything to force it out of him.

He wasn't sure how long of Taehyung's begging he could take, especially when they only had about five months left; that'd be a waste of time. Okay. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to tell him, seeing that he was going to die soon, and out of respect for the dead, Taehyung would probably keep his mouth shut.

If not, he'd haunt him. That would be the solution. Go full on Insidious on the guy.

"Come on," Taehyung pleaded, "Tell me." Jeongguk eyed him carefully, pressing his lips into a firm line.

"Fine," He decided, guessing it wouldn't hurt. "I found out because I puked all over my girlfriend's boobs at the time, and I felt like apeshit right after so Sae took me to the hospital for a checkup."

"You— excuse me? You puked on a girl's boobs?" Taehyung leaned back, jaw dropping.

Jeongguk covered his face with his hands, "Yes."

"Jeongguk." Taehyung didn't laugh like he expected him to. However, the disappointment in his tone was enough to make him regret ever telling him.

"Did she dump you after?"

"Yeah she did," He grumbled behind his palms. But ever so carefully he peered up from behind them to see Taehyung's face, only to be shocked himself to see he wasn't smiling. Instead, it was the opposite.

"What a bitch," Taehyung rolled his eyes. Jeongguk slowly removed his hands from his face, the skin between his brows scrunched in confusion.

"Why aren't you laughing at me? It was a whole boobagedy."

"A boobagedy?" Taehyung blinked at him.

"A tragedy, but for boobs. A boobagedy." At that, Taehyung snorted, his stoic expression softening.

"Of course you're joking about it," He hummed, shaking his head enough for his silver fringe to tumble right over his eyes. Right before Jeongguk can reply, the waitress came back with their food and set it between them.

"Well that's 'coz you're not making fun of me," He said after thanking the lady. He took a fry and pointed it at him accusingly. "Why aren't you making fun of me?"

"Do you want me to?" Taehyung chuckled.

"Not really but it's weird," Jeongguk said, munching on a fry. "I puked on a girl's boobs after making out with her."

"Oh god, you were making out?" Taehyung winced.

"Yep," He popped his 'p' much to Taehyung's own wishes that he didn't. "And I caused a boobagedy."

"Jesus," He whistled, reaching for his burger after pulling out the tomatoes. "I don't like that."

"Don't like what? The making out, or the boobagedy?"

"First, stop calling it that," Taehyung held his burger up to his mouth, "and second, I don't like how she dumped you. If my girlfriend threw up on my dick and got cancer the next day, I'd comfort her."

"Dude, we weren't even really dating," Jeongguk said, picking up another fry and breaking it in half. He wasn't really feeling it anymore. "I think it really spooked her out, and she didn't wanna commit to me if I would die. I don't blame her for breaking up with me."

"I hate it when you do that," Taehyung mumbled over the food in his mouth.

"Do what?"

After swallowing, he added, "You make it like leaving you is the best possible thing that could happen to someone."

"'Cuz it is," Jeongguk shot back. "I'm literally a bag of emotional trauma. I wouldn't pick me up when there's other options."

"Oh come on," Taehyung set his food down and wiped at his mouth with a napkin. "That's such a lie. There's good things about you. You're a bag with an additional fun toy in it!"

"Oh the surprise you mean?" Taehyung nodded. "Oh god no. The surprise you get is that your boyfriend will end up with total organ failure and an adult diaper."

"Jeon," He sighed, staring him down. He cocked an eyebrow at him.

"What? It's the truth," He popped another fry into his mouth. "I'm too much."

Taehyung scoffed, "You're not too much."

"You don't know that."

"I do know that." He didn't question the seriousness in his tone. "Okay, another question. Who was the last person you dated?"

"The girl I puked all over," He admitted. Taehyung's shoulders deflated.

"Backtrack on what I said earlier about the bucketlist," Taehyung scanned the room before he leaned forward, cupping his hand against the side of his own lips. "We're gonna do something. Right now."

"Do what?" Jeongguk asked, uninterested.

"You're gonna bag a woman."

"I'm gonna what now?" He blinked a few times.

"You heard me," Taehyung drummed his hands on the counter. Jeongguk blinked harder. "You said you wanted to go on a normal date on your list."

"I am not gonna ask someone out, Kim. I don't have what it takes," Jeongguk grumbled, gesturing at himself. Taehyung scoffed, rolling his eyes like he just said the most offensive thing ever.

"Dude, look at yourself," Taehyung waved at him. "You don't look bad. Maybe you're a bit pale and sickly, but it's okay! Nobody will notice a thing!"

"I think they will," He muttered quietly, not liking where this was going.

"You look great, Jeon. You got the humor. The charm. You're basic, but basic in a way girls like. You're clean and put together. You also have hair! A nice, nice head of dark hair," Taehyung exclaimed.

"You just said my hair was weird a bit ago," Jeongguk frowned, but Taehyung kicked his foot under the table. He gasped, not expecting that.

"No I didn't," He was smiling at him weirdly. "Go, go ask out the waitress. I noticed she was looking at you earlier. She probably thought you were cute!"

"I think she was looking at you," Jeongguk said. Taehyung rolled his eyes yet again.

"No she wasn't. Go ask her out, Jeon. You never know, maybe she'll like you. Radiation and all. Tell her it's like some bonus superpower. But like, don't mention the adult diaper stuff," He shrugged.

"No duh," He snapped. God, he didn't want to do this, but Taehyung wasn't going to give up.

The waitress was standing by the counter, busy with something at the register. She had long black hair tied into a loose pony tail and wore a full black uniform. When she smiled, he guessed it was a nice smile. A pretty, dimpled one at that.

"Go," Taehyung said, kicking his foot again. He snapped his attention back to him, kicking him back. Taehyung winced but he recovered with a mischievous smile. "Ask her out. On a date."

"You can't end your dating life with a boobagedy."

"Fine," Jeongguk sighed, running his palm over the side of his neck. He swallowed. "But, Kim. I have to tell her I'm gonna die eventually. I... I can't just lead her on."

"Oh, well, okay then. That's fair," Taehyung seemed to understand right away. "Just one date. It doesn't have to be a marriage proposal too, bro."

"Shut up," He said, getting out of the booth. His chest was already heavy as he got onto his feet. He glanced at Taehyung over his shoulder one last time, grimacing when he noticed he was giving him a shitty thumbs-up.

He didn't want to do this. With every drag of his feet, his ankles were most likely going to snap off by the way it felt like he was tugging along blocks of cement. God, his stomach was churning even though he barely ate anything. If the floor started to spin, he knew he would be screwed.

The waitress looked up when he approached her. He hoped his expression wasn't pained because he noticed how her bright smile faltered a little in his presence. Jeongguk stopped by the counter, hands flying to grip the edge just in case.

Yep. The floor was spinning.

"Hi. Are you alright?" She asked, tilting her head a little to the side, trying to study him closer.

"Not really," Jeongguk's eyes averted to her nametag in a final attempt to ground himself. Her name was Eunhwa. Noted. The ground was still blurry. Again, noted.

He winced, realizing he was already messing up for not talking fast enough. Jeongguk coughed out, "Um, I mean yes. Yes, I'm good."

God, he was rusty. So, so rusty. If only a terminal illnesses could kill him by sheer, desperate will.

"That's good then," Eunhwa nodded along, eyeing him carefully. "You need anything?"

"I-No, not really," Jeongguk mumbled, side-eyeing Taehyung, who seemed to be listening intently to their conversation. Eunhwa raised an eyebrow at him.

"I just wanted to—," He bit down on his lip before sucking in a huge breath— screw this.

"Okay, so I'm just gonna be straight up with you. I'm kinda dying, and my friend over there doesn't want me to die without having spent time with a girl. So he told me to ask you out and thinks I'm pretty fucking good at asking girls out, but I'm really not, and I'm sorry if I'm creeping you out. You don't even have to agree to date me, 'cuz honestly I wouldn't date myself," Jeongguk said in one breath, hating how his face was on fucking fire.

"And, yeah. That's it. I'm sorry for wasting your time, if I did, Eunhwa," He scratched the side of his neck awkwardly, staring hard at the ground as he felt a lump form in his throat.

He half expected her to slap him. She looked like the type to slap a guy harassing her. Wait, was he harassing her? Possibly? Maybe. Probably. Most likely. Jeongguk braced himself until a few seconds passed and he realized there wasn't going to be a slap. In fact, she wasn't going to slap him at all.

When he gathered the courage to finally look up and meet her gaze, his stomach plummeted.

She was... smiling?

"Oh I see," Eunhwa chuckled, her lips stretched in the prettiest smile. Not a single glimmer of pity sparkled in her big, dark eyes. "I see. That must be a really tough situation for you."

"Yeah, dying isn't fun," Jeongguk let out the breath he was holding, the awkwardness tumbling out in a forced-out chuckle.

"Right. I bet," Eunhwa chuckled right after, "Well, what's your name?"

"Jeongguk," He answered. Eunhwa hummed.

"If you want to hang out this weekend, we can," She said. "That is, if you haven't died on me yet."

At that, Jeongguk snorted, the tension in his shoulders easing, "Okay, well I have five months. I don't think I'll drop dead by this weekend. If I do, then that's unfortunate because then I can't hang out with you. That's be incredibly unfortunate."

"Incredibly," Eunhwa laughed softly. "Alright, then it's settled. A date this Saturday?"

"Yep, I'm down if you're down," Jeongguk grinned, giving her a thumbs-up. "If you want, I can give you my number."

"Sounds good," She said, and with that, the two of them exchanhed phone numbers. "It's nice to meet you Jeongguk! See you on Saturday!" She waved at him as he went back to Taehyung, unable to comprehend the entire situation at all.

"You did it! You scored a date!" Taehyung beamed when Jeongguk crashed back down in his seat, sinking into the booth.

"I scored a date," Jeongguk said, unable to hear himself over the mess of his heartbeat.

"I'm gonna go on a fucking date."

"Yes you are," Taehyung smiled warmly at him, "I knew you could do it."

"Shut up."

"Don't puke on her boobs this time, my guy."

"Shut up," Jeongguk grumbled. "I hate you."

"I'll take that as a thank you," He winked at him, continuing to eat his food.

Jeongguk rolled his eyes, but deep down, he was thankful. Oddly thankful. Because even though he really wished he could punch Taehyung in the face for making him have to go through that (peer pressure worked wonders), he knew he wouldn't have been able to do this again without him.

To think, of all people, Kim Taehyung was giving him the chance to feel normal again. It wasn't perfect, but was anything really perfect?

No, not exactly. But it was close. Close enough that it made Jeongguk's chest flood with this sudden influx of warmth not at all caused by the girl over at the register.

Close enough that it made the emptiness in his chest feel a little less empty.

this is just getting interesting (:

hope you guys enjoyed this chap!

love you all & thank you for 20k on

this book 💛 it really does mean a lot

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