Jeongguk was ice-skating. Against his will.

You see, he thought Taehyung was going to bring him to that pancake place again and make him pay for the entire bill. Jeongguk was fine with anything that didn't involve any physical effort, and plus food was good!

Food was always comforting, even if he wasn't able to keep things down as much as he usually could lately. However, that wasn't the point. Jeongguk assumed the plan was to just grab food, spend a few hours with Taehyung, and go on with their lives.

But no— Taehyung brought him to an ice skating rink, and Jeongguk couldn't back out unless he wanted to be a bitch all over again. It wasn't worth the risk, and Taehyung looked so goddamn excited, he knew he would feel even more guilty than he originally was if he were to ditch him.

And so, that was how Jeongguk found himself with skates on, standing by the entrance to a freezing cold rink, gripping onto the side bars for dear life.

Jeongguk didn't have a good history with sports. He wasn't that talented at many things, and his subpar skills reflected in his unfortunate position as a bench-warmer on the high school basketball team. He wasn't the most athletically-inclined either, especially after he got diagnosed.

Taehyung was a different story. The guy was all lean muscles, stamina, and strength. Pair that with his unruly hair, irritating smirk, and his natural ability to glide over ice with ease, it was just another blatant reminder that Kim Taehyung was nothing and will never be anything like him.

"Oh fuck you. You're just showing off now," Jeongguk said over the chatter of his teeth. He regretted not wearing something thicker.

"Come on, Jeon, it's not too bad!" Taehyung called out to him. Jeongguk gave him a nasty glare.

"It's gonna be bad," He sneered, eyeing the ice like it murdered his cousin or something. "I'm fine here."

"Join me," He beamed, skidding to a graceful stop in front of him. Jeongguk whipped his attention back to where he stood, brows raising high.

"Are you trying to kill me?" He blinked slowly.

Taehyung's smile grew impossibly wider, "No, I'm asking you to come here and play a few games with me. If you suck ass, we can just hit a puck back and forth."

"This is your idea of comfort?" Jeongguk wanted so badly to judge, but if he were to upset Taehyung right now, he wasn't so sure if he could bear the weight of any more guilt. Taehyung already did so much for him; this was the least he could do.

But the thing was, he didn't want to do this. His legs were already pathetic, snappable twigs beneath him. The second he would get on the ice he knew damn well he was asking for a broken bone, or well, an early death wish. Plus Jeongguk wasn't in the mood to lug around a stupid cast for the last five months of his life.

Taehyung seemed confident, but his confidence wasn't as comforting as it was when he learned how to drive. At least then the floor didn't shake beneath his feet and they were alone, but here? They weren't the only ones at the rink. There were a few families, teens, and couples skating about, all who were perfectly capable of staring.

A chill rippled through Jeongguk's spine, but it wasn't because of the air conditioning.

"Yeah!" Taehyung's voice pulled him out from his head. God, if he were a fucking dog, his tail would be wagging a hundred miles per minute. "Come on, Jeon. You'd love it. And if you fall, you got a pro-skater to help you."

"A pro-skater," He repeated dryly, not really feeling it. He tried to inch closer and nearly stumbled, his hands flying to grip the bar even tighter.

"You owe me," Taehyung reminded him, reaching over and holding his hand out. Jeongguk sighed, knowing he was right. He glanced back and forth between Taehyung's crooked smile to his outstretched palm, scowling.

"Fine, j-just give me a second," Jeongguk eventually gave in. Taehyung nearly blinded him with his smile. The older boy skated closer and set the hockey sticks he was holding in his other hand against the wall, now holding his free hands out toward him.

"I hate you for this," Jeongguk grumbled. "If I die, that's on you."

"You're not going to die," Taehyung chuckled. "It's

all about balance, Jeon."

"I have no fucking balance," He deadpanned. "If I fall, my bones are literally gonna shatter on the ground, and that'll be your fault."

"Please, you're such a delicate baby. Just take my hand," He offered it yet again. Jeongguk's nose scrunched.

"No," Jeongguk swallowed. "I'm good."

"Then you're gonna die and shatter into pieces right before my very eyes. I'll be sad."

"Okay, but that's on you," He said in a snarky tone.

"Jeon, just hold my hand," Taehyung sighed. "I don't have cooties." Jeongguk squinted at him.

"Of all things, you're afraid I'm gonna catch your 'cooties'?" He scoffed lightly. "Thank you for the kind offer, but I don't want your cooties in my disease collection, sorry."

"Jeongguk. Don't be a pussy."

"You're a pussy," Jeongguk mimicked him in a high pitched voice. Taehyung let out another sigh and shook his head. "I'm fine right here. I'm just—!"

Taehyung yanked him forward, sending him flying into him, their bodies crashing into one another's with a loud thud. Taehyung grunted in pain, nearly losing his grip on the younger boy. Jeongguk's feet fumbled beneath him, his hands reaching out in a panic for anything he could grab. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck— he was going to die. Fuck. Fuck!

"Calm down," Taehyung's voice sounded strained as he caught Jeongguk's elbows. "The more you panic, the worse you'll be."

"My life just flashed before my eyes," Jeongguk nearly shouted, but he remembered they weren't alone so he kept his voice down. Somewhat.

"But now I got you," He said, grip firm as he helped Jeongguk stand up. "I got you, Jeon. Chill."

"You fucking chill!" Jeongguk whispered angrily, almost slipping again but Taehyung was quick and this time, actually kept him upright. "I hate you. I fucking hate you!" He cursed.

"No you don't," Taehyung rolled his eyes. "Now stop flailing around, you fuckin' twig. Stand up."

Jeongguk muttered a few more curses, but much to his own surprise, he was able to stand. "Holy shit, did you do some last minute witchcraft?" He asked, amazed at how steady he was.

"Sure. Let's say that," He snorted, easing his grip on Jeongguk's elbows. However, it was at that moment where Jeongguk made the wrong decision to snap his head up, and when he did, he bumped his head against Taehyung's chin, causing Taehyung to let go of him.

"Fuck!" He stumbled back, arms flapping wildly at his sides before he fell hard on his ass. God, if people weren't staring then, they were most likely staring right now.

"Jesus christ," Taehyung groaned quietly, clutching his jaw as he swore lowly. Jeongguk was breathing heavily on the ground, his ass aching beneath him and his chest incredibly tight.

"Are you okay?" Taehyung asked, still rubbing at his chin. Jeongguk, still dazed, blinked up at him. When their eyes did meet, Taehyung's worried expression eased. Instead, the corners of his mouth tugged upward and his lips pressed into an awkward line.

Soon enough, Taehyung's head hung forward, his shoulders now trembling as silent laughter rattled in his chest. He ran a hand down his face, snickering quietly to himself as he shook his head. Jeongguk, on the otherhand, scowled, not at all appreciating this ridiculous slander.

"Are you just gonna stand there and laugh, or are you gonna help me up?" He snapped, trying his best to ignore the knot in his throat, the burning all over his neck— oh and the fact a lot of heads were turning in their direction! Great!

"Goddamnit," Taehyung wheezed, grabbing his wrist and yanking him back up. He pulled him close, ignoring the way Jeongguk's features contort from disgust. "You're such an idiot."

"Me? An idiot? You're the one who dragged me," Jeongguk snapped, lightly shoving Taehyung's chest. He winced, but the smile he wore didn't budge.

"So? You're so light," Taehyung teased, shaking his skinny wrist in front of him. "I can flick you, and you'd fly away."

"God I— You. Ugh, you know what? Can we get to the hockey stuff already?" He tried to change the subject, tried to do anything to get them out of this- this position.

This whole oh-yo-our-chests-are-touching shindig wasn't really his cup of tea. Neither was looking up and having Taehyung's face incredibly close to his own, so close he could feel his heart stutter against his own and his hot breath fan across his cheek. Feeling incredibly hot in his jumper also wasn't fun.

"Sure thing." Thankfully, Taehyung got the message, and the two broke apart awkwardly. Well, at least Jeongguk could properly breathe now. There was that.

After giving him some brief pointers on how to skate and balance, Jeongguk somewhat got the hang of it but he wasn't a natural. It was whatever, since Taehyung eventually decided he was a lost cause and proceeded to give him a hockey stick. No extra help was going to help the poor guy.

Taehyung also didn't seem to be in the mood to play an actual game, so the two of them went ahead and just passed a puck back and forth. It was probably Jeongguk's fault for crashing into him so hard, seeing that the dude was struggling a bit every now and then.

"So," Jeongguk said as he tried his best to hit the puck to Taehyung without sending it far away. He might be a shit hockey player, but at least he could attempt to save a conversation from dying. "How do you find this comforting?"

"It's an adrenaline rush, and I've played for years," Taehyung answered smoothly, hitting it back with ease. "My dad was a big hockey fan. All of my brothers play it, too."

"You have more brothers?" Jeongguk's eyebrows raised. So there were more Kims out there?

"Yep," He nodded. "There's me, Namjoon, two older ones, and I have a few step-brothers."

"Step-brothers?" Jeongguk nearly missed the puck, Taehyung's words catching him off guard. "You have step-brothers?"

"Yeah," Taehyung said, face void of any emotion other than the focus nestled between his brows. "Not officially, though. My mom's dating this guy with triplet boys. He also got another son but he lives in the U.S with his birth mom."

"Jeez," Jeongguk whistled. "Your family's huge."

"Eh. Not really," He shrugged. "It's not official, and I don't see any of them. But anyway, my two older ones used to play all throughout their school years. Namjoon played for a little while in high school."

"Don't you play?" Jeongguk asked, almost missing the puck again, "'cuz you're pretty good."

"Sort of," Taehyung murmured, scratching the side of his neck. "I don't play for a league or a team. I just come here and scrimmage with close friends like Jin— the dude you met at the pancake place."

"Why don't you play for a team?" At that, Taehyung swallowed thickly and gave Jeongguk a tight smirk. He already recognized that expression from before.

"That's a story for another day," He settled with, sinking the puck right back at him, nearly making Jeongguk trip over his feet as he tried to save it in time.

"Now, how about you Jeon? Did you play sports before your diagnosis?" His tone became lighter, perkier. Jeongguk decided to drop it; it wasn't worth pushing for.

"I played for my high school's basketball team," He said, guessing he wouldn't mind sharing it. It wasn't like it was a top-secret, private thing anyway.

Taehyung snorted, "You? What position?"

"I... Well, I don't know. I never really played that much," He shrugged. For a second, Taehyung's expression fell, but before Jeongguk could feel a pang in his chest, he was smiling again. Of course he was.

"You know what, Jeon? I've been meaning to ask this." Jeongguk lifted an eyebrow at him.

"What kind of person were you before, you know. Your diagnosis?" He asked, waving his hand between them.

Jeongguk suddenly froze, barely managing to stop the hockey puck before it could slip away. Luckily, he was able to steady it, but he couldn't ignore how his heart began to pick up speed inside of his chest, thrashing about as the walls of his throat began to swell shut. As if on cue, all the noise around him faded into nothingness, the only thing he could hear being the incessant throb of his heartbeat.

He was never really asked that question. Not a lot of people cared to ask, and the people who knew him back then probably forgot all about that person as if that version of him never really... existed.

It wasn't like he cared anyway; don't get him wrong on that. Jeongguk himself didn't even know the answer, and perhaps that was why his chest ached at the thought of the before. Simply because there wasn't one.

Most of his life revolved around the after, and you see, he never questioned it. It was all he really knew.

He hit the puck back, weighing the words over his tongue in silence. Thinking about it stained his mouth with this particular bitterness for not exactly knowing or remembering enough to come up with an answer worth hearing. Nothing was coming to him, like that version of him was actually just gone.

"You don't have to answer," Taehyung skated a little closer, his head craning a certain way to get a better look at his face.

"No, it's not that," Jeongguk shrugged again, hating how the knot in his throat made his words come out softer. "It's fine... It's just." He waved him off.

"It's just— I don't know. I didn't really do much," He chuckled halfheartedly. "I had 'kinda friends'."

"'Kinda friends'?" Taehyung asked, curiosity sparking in his dark eyes. Jeongguk nodded.

"People who were kinda my friend but not really," He said sheepishly, hating how his neck felt like it was on fire. "I didn't know a lot of people that well. Maybe except for Eunwoo. I think the most I actually knew about those people were their favorite juul pod flavor."

At that, Taehyung snorted. Jeongguk's lips twitched but he bit the smile back with his teeth.

"You used to juul?" Taehyung asked. Jeongguk hummed, getting the hang of this hockey puck stuff.

"Yeah. And drink. I used to drink a lot too," He said. "I partied a whole bunch with my kinda friends, only 'cuz Eunwoo got invited and didn't wanna go alone. They also liked streetracing, but I don't think you could really call it that. I remembered it being pretty fucking boring. And stupid."

"Wow, so you were a wild guy, huh?" Taehyung winked at him. He rolled his eyes.

"Nah. I never did anything besides that. I just ended up tagging along," Jeongguk shrugged like it was nothing, like those memories weren't significant. Like they meant nothing, the same way he meant nothing to them.

"You must've dated around a lot too."

"Excuse me?" He glanced up at him, eyes narrowing. "What makes you think that?"

"Because you're good-looking." Jeongguk frowned, shoulders stiffening. "And you're every girl's type. They like brooding bad boys with angsty pasts."

"Wha— No? I was not a bad boy," His brows furrowed as Taehyung let out a laugh. He watched as the older boy skated toward him. He bent down to pick up the puck and tucked it in his pocket.

Before Jeongguk could ask, Taehyung grabbed him by the elbow and leaned down, whispering closely that he could feel his hot breath tingle against his ear, "Skate with me for a bit."

And without another word, he did.

"I didn't have an angsty past either," Jeongguk said, trying to force the thoughts of Taehyung's fingers gripping his sleeve out of his mind so he could properly skate and not eat shit. "It was decent."

"Define decent," Taehyung hummed. He scoffed.

"I don't have any siblings. I live with my aunt," He listed off the things he could remember, things that wouldn't matter if he said them out loud. "I didn't have many friends when I was younger. People didn't like my attitude. I had one, who used to put me in place, but he moved away. After that, I guess I just... moved along with life."

"You sounded like you were lonely," He said, leading Jeongguk along. At that, he rolled his eyes. As if he knew what being lonely felt like.

He couldn't imagine Taehyung having to deal with the fact that people, even his own friends, didn't genuinely like him. He didn't seem to be the type to be self-centered or selfish to the point where he ruined every chance at a connection, at keeping a real relationship, just so he could please more and more people who never cared in the first place.

One look at Taehyung and he just knew. He knew he had absolutely no idea what being lonely felt like.

"Sure," Jeongguk licked his own lips, pushing his thoughts aside, hating how they made his stomach churn. "You could say that."

"I see," Taehyung whistled. "Where are your parents?"

Jeongguk didn't quite know how to answer that, or well, it was more like he wasn't sure he wanted to tell him that. It was a sore topic, though the wounds had already closed and scarred over a long time ago. Even if there wasn't much resentment left, he couldn't ignore how his chest grew heavy, or how a knot seemed to lodge itself in his throat.

"They're just not around," Jeongguk settled with, his words brittle, voice nearly cracking. Taehyung didn't say a word and kept on skating.

"Hey, at least you have me now. I can be your friend," Taehyung said, thankfully keeping the conversation going instead of leaving it to crash and burn and ultimately become painfully awkward.

"You're really not gonna live that down, huh?" Jeongguk murmured, sneaking a glance at the older boy beside him, only just to realize he was staring at him the entire time.

"Nah," He gave him a crooked smile. "You don't have to be lonely anymore."

"What if I want to be lonely?" He said, unable to hear himself over the rhythmic pitter-patter of his heart.

"I won't let you be," Taehyung declared. "Nobody deserves to be lonely."

"You don't know that though. What if I murdered someone?" Taehyung made a face at him.

"Um, Jeon. Little reminder that you're a ziplock bag of bones and radiation. I don't think that's possible," He scowled. Jeongguk punched his shoulder, but unfortunately, it made no change. Damnit.

"But besides that, I'll be your friend. Not your 'kinda friend' but a friend. An actual friend." Taehyung added, smiling proudly. God, he wanted to wipe that stupid smile off his face.

"Sure. Keep telling yourself tha—," Suddenly Jeongguk's yanked forward once more, his eyes squeezing shut when a pair of strong arms envelop him and tug him close as a few angry yells echoed against the screech of blades against fine ice.